A New Family

by hannahs98

Independent

A New Family: Independent
By hannahs98

Rainbow Dash has always been an independent sort of mare. She never really needed anyone to be happy; all she needed were her wings and the endless stretch of blue sky. Rainbow loved the feeling of the wind gently rushing over her ruffled feathers, the breeze blowing her mane and the exhilarating feeling of adrenaline pumping in her heart as she made several loop-di-loops on her way back down to Ponyville. Her thoughts shifted to friends as she angled the tips of her wings slightly to adjust her balance before landing.

She loved her friends just as much though. Ever since they took on the Elements of Harmony to defeat Nightmare Moon, the bond with her friends remained unbreakable. True, there had been ups and downs, she thought as she landed and looked around at the shops of Ponyville. But nothing could compare to the swelling feeling I could ever have while with my friends. Well... maybe except flying. She gave a half smirk as she thought to herself before trotting, stretching her wings with a soft whoosh and taking to the air again.

She angled her head upwards and closed her eyes while taking a deep whiff of the cold air just below the clouds. It had rained a few hours ago; leaving the air smelling fresh with moisture. She spiraled upwards and rose above the clouds... they were pure white; almost angelic. Rainbow Dash stuck her tongue out in a mischievous grin. One. Two. Three. FOUR! She flew upwards a few more yards before pointing her nose downwards in a steep dive. The cold air whipped past her face as her speed increased steadily; her eyes involuntarily watering.

"Awwh yeah!"

Rainbow smiled devilishly and glanced to her right and left. She dropped below the clouds and plummeted towards the edges of Ponyville quickly. At the last moment, she flew up in a sharp U-turn.Whoo! she hollered as she flew upwards in a corkscrew. She had outdone herself again! Although it was practice, Rainbow desperately wanted to impress the Wonderbolts the next time there was a chance to meet them.

Slowly, she glided down again towards the center of Ponyville. She landed and trotted towards Sugarcube corner to say hi to the other five. They had agreed to meet at the bakery and grab some snacks that morning. On her way there, she happened to come across Scootaloo.

"Hi, Rainbow Dash! I saw you flying just now! You were amazing!"

Rainbow Dash shuffled her hooves in an embarrassed but pleased manner.

"Thanks, squirt! Someday, I bet you'll grow to be amazing too!" Dash winked before galloping off; while Scootaloo gazed at her idol in awe at the encouragement.

An hour went by. After grabbing a snack with her friends at Sugarcube Corner, Dash quickly finished up her weather duties by clearing the sky of the clouds. All except for one. She landed neatly on the cloud before ruffling her mane and plopping down on the cloud. The morning had been full of activities and she desperately needed her morning nap. She was unaware that her eyelids were becoming heavier and heavier...

=====

It felt good. Adrenaline is good. Rainbow Dash huffed as she willed her body to go faster as she raced through the sky with her hooves outstretched in front. The tips of Rainbow's wings curled to maintain balance as she raised her right wing. Fwooosh. She peeked over her shoulder as she rounded the final corner of the race and noticed that Gilda wasn't far behind her. Rainbow playfully stuck her tongue out as she sped up and crossed the finish line. Cheers erupted from the crowd as she slowed down and took a moment to absorb the number of ponies hollering out her name.

However, one chant stood out particularly from the crowd.

"Rainbow Dash! Wak-!" She couldn't make out the source of the chant as it faded to a mumble.

=====

"RAINBOW DASH!! WAKE UP! RAINBOW!" came the familiar squeak.

Rainbow Dash slowly opened her eyes and rolled over. She never realized that she had accidentally fallen asleep on the plush cloud.

"Oh, hey tiger," Rainbow Dash grinned and winked. There, standing below her with twinkling eyes, was her number one fan Scootaloo.

"What's up, sport?" Rainbow Dash called.

"I was just wondering if you could help me with something!" Scootaloo said happily.

She dismounted her scooter and bounced up and down giddily. Rainbow Dash sighed as she opened her wings, leaped off the cloud, and landed effortlessly next to Scootaloo; whose eyes opened in awe as she watched Rainbow.

"Whoa!!! How'd you do that?" Scootaloo exclaimed.

"Practice," Rainbow Dash responded lightly; taking the time to flip her mane haughtily over her shoulder. They walked quietly together towards the edges of Ponyville to get some privacy.

Once they got there, Rainbow Dash eyed Scootaloo quizically. She loved having adoring fans, but she couldn't understand why Scootaloo was always amazed by her flying tricks.

Scootaloo paused and blushed.

"I want you to teach me how to fly!"

Rainbow Dash was shocked. How could she of all ponies teach Scootaloo to fly? She thought to herself, Her wings are underdeveloped! In order to teach her the basics of flying, I'll have to help her strengthen her wings, teach her how to maintain balance and control, and so much more.... No! This is just too much work! There's no way that I'll be able to achieve this! Not anytime soon, at least... While Rainbow was struggling with her innermost thoughts, Scootaloo looked up in her face for any detection of saying yes.

Rainbow Dash sighed heavily and Scootaloo felt a lump in her throat. She desperately batted her lashes in efforts to stop herself from displaying any "mushy" emotions in front of her idol but she just couldn't do it. Scootaloo wiped her eyes and sniffled softly. She knew the answer before Rainbow even had to say it.

Rainbow Dash hated herself for saying this, but she couldn't do it. "I'm sorry Scootaloo... I guess I just have to think about it for a while." She averted her eyes and took off slowly towards the skies; leaving Scootaloo behind.

=====

Once in the safe boundaries of her luxurious cloud home, Rainbow Dash cannonballed into her favorite chair. She sighed in content as she closed her eyes... only to remember the incident that happened earlier today. She tried to come up with a list of pros and cons about helping Scootaloo. Well, first... I guess it would be nice to help a friend out. After all, she is my absolute number one fan! She's so loyal to me... just as I am to my friends... Hm... I would be doing a good deed for a friend in need! ...But what about the cons? It's so tedious! Starting from scratch and teaching Scootaloo just like my Junior Speedster camp instructor did with me so many years ago!

Rainbow groaned inwardly and bit her lip. While she struggled with a decision, her eyes slowly drifted lower and lower... until her consciousness was locked away in a deep, fretful sleep.

=====

The flapping of pegasi wings could be heard from outside. Rainbow Dash slowly opened her eyes and stretched her neck after noticing how sore it was from falling sleeping in her chair, before adjusting her eyes to the bright morning light that entered through her window. She must've forgotten to close it the night before. Hm... the night before...Her thoughts yet again traveled to her battle with her conscience on what she said to Scootaloo yesterday; declining to help her.

Rainbow suddenly felt a pang of guilt in her gut. She knew she made the wrong choices and that her loyalty was in the wrong place. She had been incredibly selfish. She had turned down the opportunity to make her number one fan smile! No. This wasn't right. Rainbow Dash suddenly knew what she had to do. With a determined look on her face, she took off out the window; streaking through the clouds quickly. Her wings flapped frantically as her eyes searched all over Ponyville.

Rainbow looked everywhere, but she just couldn't find the tangerine colored filly that she needed to see. Suddenly, she had an idea and dove down; skimming low on the ground while making the morning dew droplets on the grass quiver as she sped off towards the CMC clubhouse.

When she got there, Scootaloo was sitting in the corner; with an inconsolable look in her eyes. Scoot didn't even pay attention when Rainbow tapped quietly on the door and asked to come in. She walked over next to Scootaloo and sat down. Even though she never showed feelings of love because of her tough status; this was her only chance. She patted Scootaloo's head in an effort to stop her sniffling. Scoot lifted her head in a depressed manner. Rainbow Dash quickly stood up and offered her hoof to Scootaloo; who took it.

"Hey... Sorry I abandoned you yesterday. I dropped by to apologize... and to tell you that I'll help ya! By the time I'm done with you, you'll be cooler than the rest of the ponies in Cloudsdale!"

Rainbow Dash winked at Scootaloo, who sniffled and smiled.

"Really? You would do this for me?" exclaimed Scootaloo ecstatically.

"Of course, squirt! You know I couldn't leave ya hangin'!" Rainbow Dash said. For the first time, Rainbow Dash felt a glowing sensation in her heart. Could she be feeling...love? Not the kind of crush love, but a... sisterly love. It felt... surprisingly...nice! She tenderly looked at Scootaloo, who embraced her warmly as she burried her snout into Rainbow's fur. Rainbow hugged Scootaloo back before giving her a noogie on the top of her magenta mane. Then they both fell down in a heap of hysterical laughter after sharing a tender moment.

"Come on, Scoot," Rainbow Dash smiled. "There's a lot to learn about flying and it'll take a while. Are you ready for the adventure of your life?"

"You bet I am!" Scootaloo squeaked. They walked together towards the center of Ponyville; in search of one building: Twilight's library.

Knock, knock, knock.

"Come in!" Twilight's voice called from the loft. She peered over the top and grinned.

"Hey, Dash! I see you've brought one of the cutie mark crusaders with you! Hello Scootaloo!"

Rainbow chucked and embraced Scootaloo. "That's right. I'm going to train Scootaloo how to fly like a pro!" Scootaloo nodded enthusiastically.

Twilight nodded and said, "That's great!" She finished her thought and continued, "Right. Spiiiike? Would you please get as many books that teach young pegasi how to fly?"

"Sure thing, Twi!" Spike called from the hallway. In less than a minute, Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo had their hooves full with loads of books on the art of flying.

"Ready, Scoot?" Rainbow said. "Ready!" said Scootaloo as they made their way back to the CMC clubhouse to start her training.

============================================
END OF CHAPTER 1. To be continued... c:

Comments

[fluttershywriter]

Needs a bit of editing, but otherwise it's pretty good.

[ZeroxBrony]

Looks great.
good start. Cant wait to see the rest. ;)

[Scopetime]

Great story looks to be going places! Only thing I can really criticise is the block caps are not needed as they don't look as professional, but otherwise when can I expect chapter 2?

[Continue]

Please, do continue.

[Scopetime]

Sorry I didn't mean to like criticise maliciously Hopefully it helped and hasn't put you off?

[Edragon]

Not bad, just seemed too fast paced. Dash may be a speed demon, but the story doesn't need to be.
I mean, was Scootaloo asking Dash for flight lessons the only thing that Dash did that day? Some development could have been done to lead up to the next day's realization that Dash should train Scootaloo, perhaps talking with her friends about it and getting their reactions or flying around Cloudsdale and seeing other foals learning to fly. Let us see a bit more of the change in thought that Dash goes through over time instead of just: "day 1 no I won't help you, day 2 I was wrong I'll help you.

also an error I spotted: teacher her how to maintain
and this is a bit nitpicky but, I rather doubt Twilight would refer to Scootaloo as "one of the cutie mark crusaders" instead of just saying her name.

Now for some positives to offset the hopefully not too harsh criticism...
I like the premise and look forward to seeing where you take it.
You're not abusing Scootaloo or making her a grounded pegasus (at least it doesn't look that way) which automatically gets you a point in my book.
Soarin is tagged, there is a romance tag, the title is A New Family...seems like SoarinDash...my favoritedl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png which is another point from me (if that is the case...which I hope it is.)
Keep going, stories can only get better with time and effort, and you're off to a pretty good start.

[fluttershywriter]

1099291 The only thing I can see that needs help is that you need to start a new paragraph when somepony new beings speaking. I notice this a lot in the last few paragraphs. Otherwise, it's a great story idea, and I don't see any issues with grammar or punctuation!

[Edragon]

Then consider your story tracked, I'll do my best to help with constructive criticism so long as you want me to.
s.deviantart.com/th/fs70/150/i/2011/167/6/0/rainbow_dash_salute_by_atomicgreymon-d3bo0dx.png

Oh and I'll enjoy reading it too

[Edragon]

1099733
Awesome, I'll check it out later, right now Dinner and Criminal Minds is calling my name.

[PinkPearl]

but i thought Lauren said Scoots was disabled and unable to fly? not t..to be mean...i was asking

[hannahs98]

1099791

She is... for now. But not for long! Well, at least, not in this Fimfiction.
However, in season 3 of MLP, she may start flying. But season 3 doesn't come out until this fall.

[PinkPearl]

1100010 acctually. it airs in september like last year so proberably another 2 or 3 weeks. it will be fall

[PinkPearl]

1100034 lol i hate waiting 2 or 3 weeks but atleast it's better than a month. my new wonderbolt jacket will be in along with the beginning of the cold weather down here louisiana. anyways, i love the story. continue?

[leopard345]

Awesome! Write more soon?

[Edragon]

Ok! This is definitely better.

I don't think you really needed a the time transition between Dash saying no, and arriving at her house, just doesn't seem like enough time to warrant it. Perhaps just show her flying towards her home with Scootaloos sad reaction to her saying no popping into her head, which would make for a bit of setup for Dash's thinking when she did get home. If you do want to show that some time has passed, a better way to do it would be to work it into the narrative rather than just a ==(time skip) for instance: In the example I used about dash flying home, you could mention how the sun was nearing the horizon which would tell the reader it was getting close to dusk, when she gets home, you could mention how the 'last rays of the sun' slowly disappeared out her window to show that night has come. These sorts of things when done right can help draw a reader into the story and feel it pass instead of just seeing it pass.

Also the dialogue with Twilight, maybe add a bit to it, right now it's seems a little too brief, Hi>I'm gonna teach scoots to fly>spike get books!
Now while I agree Twilight would more than likely just jump straight to wanting to give her friends study material, just jumping straight to actually giving them books just seems off to me. A simple line like "Oh! I have several books that could help you learn about it! Spike! go get <book titles x, y, and z>..." I think would make it sound a bit more fluid. Then you could even put a little joke in like having Dash say "good, yeah that's why I came here" then Twilight could feign shock at Dash actually wanting study materials.
Also this is still nitpicky but...It still irks me when Twilight says "I see you brought one of the Cutie Mark Crusaders with you"...I dunno it just bugs me but that's just my opinion, heck most of what I said is, so do what you will

How could she of all ponies teacher Scootaloo to fly? (it's teach, teacher is a noun )
made the wrong choices (she only made one mistake, so singular choice)

Now on to ch.2 and congratulations on being featured!

[Featherprop]

Hey, I like the premise here, with RD being selfish and then realizing it and going back to do the right thing. A good start for a story! I like the entire concept of gratuitous amounts of Scootalove, it's something I wish we'd see more of.

Overall the writing is good. The pacing may be a little fast, but I enjoyed reading it- you put in a fair bit of description for actions and to give flavor to dialogue. RD and Scootaloo seem in character.

I do see a lot of places where words aren't used properly... I mean, I can get a sense of what you intended to say, but the word doesn't quite make sense. For example, "...Scootaloo looked up in her face for any detection of saying yes." 'Detection' is a verb, an action, and it's out of place there.

I see some misused punctuation as well. I think the general usse of semicolons is good, but there are a lot of places where you've used them when a comma would be more appropriate.

I don't know if you have anyone to proofread or edit for you, but a second set of eyes helps TREMENDOUSLY. When I get my wife to read what I write, she comes up with an astounding number of errors that I overlook- I see them so often while revising and changing stuff around, they just don't stick out to me anymore.

Anyway, I like the story so far. It's sweet, has an uplifting concept and it's got me rooting for everything to come out happy in the end. Well done!

[Chaotic Note]

I'm loving this story so much right now.
If I was your worst enemy before, than this story has made me wanting to be your best friend.
Not that we were enemies before.
I'll read the second chapter tomorrow though.
Kinda late over here.