• Member Since 5th Feb, 2019
  • offline last seen 15 minutes ago

Silent Wing


A Pony that loves to read, to write and is obsessed with video games

T

After an acident at a Concert, I wake up in Equestria with all my memories intact. Trying to create a new life will be a challange I have to face, but it proves to be difficult in a society that is the complete opposite to what I am used to. Will I manage to find my place here in my new home or will it just end in another failure?

This story is named after the song that gave me the courage to finally start posting here.

Edit 02.06.2020: Changed rating from E to T for the fool language and what I plan to do.

Cover by the amazing Mix-up, check out his DA here.

Big thanks go to rikithemonk for his help with editing this story

Chapters (32)
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Comments ( 271 )

The word I is always capitalized. Please respond to this comment.

9926891
Thanks, I will keep that in mind for the futer.:twilightblush:

9926891
Finally took the time to do a lot of fixes to chapter one, mostly correcting those spelling errors you mentioned.

I love it so far!
Keep it up

Okay finally got around to read the story. Aside from the occupational misspelling your sentence structure are fine, I take it you might have some reading difficulties for missing little innocuous mistakes; I would suggest that you used a text to speech program like Balabolka to proofread your writing to kick up those mistakes yourself instead of relying on just the spell to do the job for you. For the story itself I was a bit confused at first I though she was a guy from the start and that she go TG, you might want to take a note on being clean. You would need go more into detailed in describing area and ponies, and putting a clear subjective view on what's happening around her to get a better sense on what she thinks or her impressions of the ponies around her because at the moment I don't get a clear sense of her character other then she isn't the type to venture beyond her comfort zone or isn't the time to go out and explore from before she arrived in Equestria. One common mistakes beguines writers do is to presume that the readers know who are the Mane 6 and everything seen in the show, which is likely true, but it skips how YOU interpret them in your story and how you demonstrate how they behave around the MC and communicate what they are thinking in the sub text of the narration and finally helps to give them more depth as characters in the story. I would suggested that go more into detail in describing how the characters look like and and the MC's impressions of her more along with providing more of an overview on what the MC already know about them just to show that she knows facts about this world so that the readers knows what to expect from them at first glance. Good luck on your string

9950107
Thanks for critic, it is verry apriciate and I try to do my best to improve.

I think my mistakes are partlly because english isn┬┤t my natural language,
I must admit describing Ponies itself, facial reactions and expresions is something I had always difficulties with, I am still in the process of learninng, but I am sure that I can and will improve..
About the M6, I only plan to bring them in as background ponies since I try to focus more on Wingy, Flitter and there herd. There is a chance that this will change during the writing process, but not a large one.

Again Thanks for your advice and I will take it to heart.

9950107

You made me think about a few things and I am already rewritting what I had prepared for Chapter 5. There will also be some serious storie changes, but not in a bad way. I will includ one of the M6 as a more active part in the story and am certain that everything goes well.

9950439
Happy to hear I have helped inspire you in your writing in getting clearer image on what you want to do. At the moment she seems to be llosing signt of what she had originally planed to do that is meeting Twilight to help her out in going back home or something. and if Litter is going to take care of her and you want her to be adopted by he, then it would mean that their is bureaucracy to deal with along with going though the process of getting am identity in for the crown to identify her as a citizen of Equestria.

9951816

I hope that I can clear some facts in the next two Chapters, where she tries to get some help. The difficult part will be to avoid Twillight (at least for a while) and Princess Celestia, but luckily there are two othere Princesses. Maybe I will publish those two Chapters in one go, to maake things easier.

Man merkt das du Deutsche wurzeln hast. Viele kleine Fehler und es h├Ârt sich nicht richtig an. Wenn mein Pc repariert ist sende ich dir mal ne PM mit verbesserungen. Guter Anfang abgesehen davon.

Despite minor problems its actualy not bad :twilightsmile:

9958380

Danke, Ich gebe mein bestes aber Ich tu mich eben schwer.
Hab vor allem Probleme mit Emotionen und Gesichtsausdr├╝cke. :twilightsheepish:

Die Geschichte braucht starke ├╝berarbeitung. Ich leihe mir nen Laptop n├Ąchstes Wochenende weil mein Pc gerade Schrott ist. Soll ich dir Pms schicken oder hast du ne E-Mail wo ich die korrekturen hin schicken kann ?

Needs work. Well done anyway :twilightsmile:

Was w├╝rdest du den ├╝berarbeiten, abgesehen von den offensichtlichen Rechtschreibfehlern?

9941947
You missed quite a bit but i help ou correct em next weekend. Good job anyway

9958428
Till then I want to have Chapter 6 already online, but as it goes now at the moment I am not sure about that

Benutzt du google translation? H├Ârt sich danach an :facehoof: ├ťberraschend gut wenn du es so ├╝bersetzt.

Wow... The end just make me tear up for a moment... Well done.:pinkiesad2:

Braucht ├╝berarbeitung aber es scheint immer noch verst├Ąndlich zu sein. Gute Geschichte :twilightsmile:

Nice story. I wonder what her existance will change in the storyline :rainbowderp:

9958416
Die fehlerhaften Worte farblich markiert damit du sie auf richtigkeit ├╝berpr├╝fen kannst. Eventuell minimal der Satzbau. Ich schaue mal schnell in meiner Favoritenliste nach welche Geschichten gut beispiele liefern. Sollte mit Beschreibungen von Ponys und anderen sachen helfen.

Handy Akku ist fast leer x(

Geb mir m├╝he und genau das ist das wichtigste, dass es eben noch verst├Ąndlich ist

I try, you will have to wait, because I won┬┤t spoil anything :twilightsheepish:

Hum, you still miss a few words but you are certainly getting better in your writing, you might want to consider using using a text to speech program like Balabolka to see your mistakes better yourself. The characters behaviors seems mostly on point for the most part and I can see that you are putting in the efforts on the small details and have taken my pointers to heart and went further then what I expected from you keep it up. I thought the adoption or guardianship buy Scrip was a nice touch for a more personable bureaucrat, who is more caring and understanding, to be lenient enough to let fitter take care of her. I hope to see more of him in the future both as an antagonist and protagonist, depending where the bureaucracy flows. I wonder who will be sent to look over her to make sure she is well taken care of.

I am not to sure about the idea of the girl just wanting to stay in Equestria or stay as Flitter's foal, even if her mind was somehow I would have though that it would be more out of pony instinct then and actual desire to say near her. I wonder if that will come and go in the story goes along, maybe she has lapses in her memories.

I would wonder why she bothered interrupting Trixies show like this it might least to unwanted suspicions toward her in a bad way? So this is happening in season one I wonder how it will turn out?

Thanks for your advice. This Chapter was surprisingly easy to writ and I am glad that you gave me those advices earlier. I keep them in mind and try to use them as good as I can.

I am not sure if Written Script will show of anymore yet, since this wasn┬┤t planned, but I see what I can do about this.

The decision from her to stay in Equestria is a mix of multiple factors. I hope that I can give a better insight in this, in another Chapter, that isn┬┤t to far away and that should also explain, why there is a lack of Twilight Sparkle in this story. Since I plan to have all 6 Element bearers take part in this story a few times, you can be sure that she will show up, more often in the future and not only that short part in Chapter one.

Yes it starts in Season one and I used espaccialy the Boast Busters Episode to made this point clear.
I think I can admit, without spoiling anything, that this story won┬┤t happen only in Season One.

By the way, what do you think about the idea of shipping Flitter and Rainbow? I am really curios about this.

love your story, please continue the good work :)

9962683

Thanks :twilightsmile:

I give my best and after a day of rest I start later this day with Chapter 07

Love the story. I noticed a few spelling and grammatical errors. Now I know I'm not perfect and missed some but, I did notice them while casually reading.

1st apostrophes go like this -> "don't" not like this ->"don ' t".

There were other errors but that one was just killing me.

9969062

Thanks for pointing that out, I will change this tomorrow, when I am a bit better rested.

9961082
Sorry didn't replying sooner, I didn't get any notice about it. I was more talking about why she was acting more like a child like for no apparent reason all the while changing perspective and switching from 1st to 3rd person from one chapter to another is confusing especially sense the story has barely been establish in the goals; I would strongly suggest that you stick everything to her perspective for as much as possible and limit the alternation of perspective to short snippets for the time being, you need to make it clear what are her once thoughts and conclusions on what is happening around her though the narration, being a HiE story context is very important for the readers to understand the differences in the show and reality of it, needs to be pointed out by her for the sake of the readers.

As for the shipping I am rather lukewarm on the idea, not against it, as I worry that the focus on the scene story which is the girl and her situation and the romance feels really out of place especially sense she isn't there to really witness it and the with your switching of perspective made it sound like it was a different story entirely. If you want to have Romance between RP and Flitter then keep it at the POV of the girl as much as possible for now so that she can have a part in the dynamic of this relationship, which raising a child would certainly throw as wrench in the relationship between the two, especially sense RD wasn't really consulted on the affair.

I am more of a fan of F/M or M/M stuff personally, including R63 stuff, so F/F really needs to have a good plot or story behind it to make it work for me.

I will update you on the latest chapter soon.

9969104
Just for your information, the Romance tag isn┬┤t just for her parents.:twilightsheepish:

They may be intresting and would make a good story of there own, but i have different plans.

now i try to imagine rumble in one of the CMC's gala dresses xD

and yes rarity would totally faint, i expected that xD

i have a feeling luna ordered mango to watch that place ^^

9977049

That┬┤s actually a verry intressting idea, but I didn┬┤t want to be that mean to him, yet:pinkiecrazy:

9977069
Well she will definitly be a part of this story, I am just a unsure how to write her the best

nice background cover and this authors note at the end was funny :D

9989757

Thanks, I really apreciat that. :twilightsheepish:

lovely chapter, perfect timing to read near Christmas. heartwarming to read ^^

10000335
I can see why you held off writing this after listening to Crushed by Parkway Drive It's a pretty depressing song.

10006240

Well, I was in a verry bad mode at this day, so I think it was justified. :twilightsheepish:

Not sure yet, but maybe I will add a comedy tag. how do you think about this idea?

10009734
i don't think this story is for comedy, doesn't stop you from writing funny parts into it tho.

oh and very nice chapter again btw, the little part with rumble was cute ^^

creating wingy a crush hm ;D

"I asked her if she wants to spend the rest of her life in magical Kindergarten."
priceless xD the only thing she would be more scared about, would be nightmares of "cassadia's" ^^

also i am not surprised wingy noticed so fast, the names where pretty obvious

10020436
So you want to take a vaccation? The room on the moon is available again you know?

This was the second option running thrugh my mind, but I thought makeing jokes like this with Luna wouldn't be verry nice to her.

"oh for fucks sake, rainbow dash" *facepalm*

that will have consequences

10024080

Yeah thats my bad.
I am not happy anymore with this Chapter and am currently thinking, if I should rewrite it.

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