• Member Since 11th Aug, 2018
  • offline last seen Mar 31st, 2020

Endernia


Comments ( 4 )

I have to say not half bad of a start for the first time, but I feel like the whole horde attacking should have had a bit more impact on both the main character but also the plot of chapter 1 than just 'they were the reason I got out after the door opened.'

An upside down cross..... Apparently the protagonist of this story is the anti-Christ
COOL!

I also forgot to say, that one thousand words are a bit short for the events that happened in the first chapter, which is why I felt like that the feral ghouls had little impact on character development, for almost anyone would have been heavily impacted when they see (ponies in this case) people they have basically grown up with being eaten alive. Yes, you did say that her vision was partly blocked by the number of ghouls at the doorway, you could have stated about the sounds of flesh being rend from her fellow stable dwellers as they screamed for help either for a loved one or for her to help them and you also comment on how it would haunt her as basically ran away without aiding them in any meaningful way. Oh well, that doesn't matter you write the story you want to.

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