• Published 20th Nov 2019
  • 517 Views, 56 Comments

Unpleasant Correspondence 2 - StormLuna

Everything has come full circle and now it is Twilight who sends her protege to Ponyville. Needless to say, Luster isn't one bit happy about it.

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Spike Runs Away

Dear Twibitch,

I am not one bit happy right now. In his less than infinite wisdom, Spike decided to go take a trip to the dragon lands to hang out with Ember to discuss some "important issues" I am not one bit happy because of this, I had to actually cook one of my own meals. Do you realize how beneath me that is? I have Spike around to do menial chores that are beneath me, not to have him run off like a disobedient little bastard.

You know something, I think this warrants him being replaced. His job is to be my slave and do what I say, not run off and hang out with inferiors. I ultimately went out to the dragon lands so I could drag his ass home and punish him for bailing on me when it was time for supper. Now when I got out there I discovered something truly pathetic.

Get this, the little bastard was out there not only hanging out with Ember but was also out there with this orange dragon from the school and then this red dragon who was writing poetry. From what I understand that dragon used to bully him but now they are friends and the former bad ass was writing poetry? I swear, he must be gayer than a three bit coin. I thought dragons were better than that but apparently not, it is no wonder his friends kicked him to the curb. I'd do the same too if I were a dragon.

Now I didn't completely waste my time while he was away. I did decide to go and try to seduce Bunny Girl. I lowered myself to helping her give her animals a bath but when I swatted her flank and asked her if she would be my friend but she slugged me and called me a rapist! Can you believe that? I help her out with a very demeaning task but she won't pay me what I feel she owed me. Mark my words though, that little bitch will put out for me some day, I'll see to that.

Mad at Bunny Girl,

Luster Dawn


Look, Spike does have friends in the dragon lands and he is very well respected there. Hell he is our ambassador to the dragon lands so I would advise that you just let him go. Also, there were times when I had to fix my own meals and I had absolutely no issues with it. Obviously you though aren't intelligent enough to do it. I can only hope one day that you will undercook something and you will wind up dying because of it. That would be a truly wonderful event but there would be two drawbacks to that.

The first drawback would be that you could no longer be miserable if you were dead and the second drawback would be that Bright Beam wouldn't have you around to be infinitely better than. Now when it comes to Bunny Girl, you're way too much like I was when it came to PETA Girl with the exception that I know for a fact that you will never seduce her, ever. Hell you may just have to horn rape her and if you were to do that, I'd saw that damn thing off!

Laughing You Can't Get Bunny Girl,

Goddess-Queen Twilight Sparkle

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