6 - Fills My Heart With Sunshine
The next day at CHS began with a long talk. A bleary-eyed Principal Celestia made her concerns painfully clear: Cozy Glow had become a threat to the other students.
It was only a fiery speech from Sunset and Celestia's tiredness that saved Cozy from a trip back through the portal - a narrow escape, and another chance that Celestia made clear would be the only additional one.
The Crusaders would still have detention for the rest of the week, unfortunately. Even if Cozy had tricked them into it and they hadn't been after test answers, they still damaged the Drivers Ed car and had tried to break into a teacher's desk. But it was two more days rather than thirty, and the talk of a possible suspension was off the table.
For her part, Cozy would have detention as well - though Sunset had talked Celestia into starting it the following week. Putting Cozy in the same room as the Crusaders with the betrayal so fresh would have just caused more problems.
It was a small concession, but it would hopefully allow enough time for apologies to be made.
After a tense school day, Sunset met Cozy outside her last class. Her first act? To touch Cozy's arm and memory-flash through her day.
"Don't trust me to be a good little filly, warden?" Cozy batted her eyelashes.
"Don't trust you in general," countered Sunset. "And we both know that's the right call."
Cozy pouted, but didn't prod further because it was true. The pair marched from the school - but not far. Two blocks, and they came to a stop outside an almost pointedly nondescript storefront in a plaza. "Um. This isn't Sugarcube Corner."
Sunset pushed the door open. "Nope." Her other hand motioned to the business' placard: Accordions & Spatulas. It matched well with the one next door for Quills & Sofas, which perhaps made it weirder. A lanky boy with frizzy brown hair flashed a smile from behind the counter before returning to his work, and Sunset gave him one back. But it wasn't him they were there to see.
Inside was a plethora of knickknacks that ranged from rubber chickens to novelty sombreros. Cozy briefly tried to investigate the goods, but Sunset hustled them past quickly.
No, it was the rear area where a small stage was perpetually set up that they were bound. And waiting there was one of Cozy Glow's least favorite ponies-who-were-people: Pinkie Pie.
And while Cozy cringed, Sunset rushed the stage with urgency. "Pinkie!" The two hugged - mostly because if Sunset didn't initiate it, Pinkie was coming for her. "Thanks for helping out on short notice."
"Pffffft." The Pink One waved it off. "You know I'm always glad to help, Sunset! Plus it had to be today because Zipporwhill's birthday is this weekend and I gotta be at the center on Fridays."
That earned an extra squeeze from Sunset. "I know. And you know I'd never get in the way of you helping Dr. Resolve*."
The two separated, with Sunset fading back to one of the handful of audience chairs. Cozy tried to sit there as well, but Pinkie pulled her up to a special chair the stage. "No escaping now, Cozy Glow!"
Cozy recoiled.
"Noooooooo escaaaaaaaaaape," Pinkie echoed, leaning in closer.
Cozy tried to back away further and almost tipped the chair backwards off the stage.
"Oopsie." In the blink of an eye, Pinkie pulled her charge back onto the stage and righted her. "Okay! Sooooo Cozy! It's really great to be able to teach you again and--"
Sunset cut off Cozy before she could question that. "Pinkie Pie has a bad habit of switching places with Pinkie Pie and pretends the rest of us don't know about it even after we've asked her several times to stop doing it."
Pinkie simply smiled wider. "I haven't lately!"
"And if I ask you to define 'lately'?," asked Sunset, unamused.
"I would continue on with my script heedless of the question." And Pinkie did so. "Besides, that's how I knew to come to this store!"
Sunset paused. She glanced back towards the counter where the frizzy-haired young man was. Then back to Pinkie. Something Princess Twilight had written pinged in Sunset's memory. "Have you been using your alternate self to try and scout your dating options? That's painfully Rarity of you."
The smile said it all. "I totally would have given Cheesey a chance before, this just made it easier to find him in the first place!" Pinkie bounced a little - and waved wildly at the guy at the register. He waved back with equal enthusiasm.
Sunset groaned in resignation to the madness that was her life.
"Anyhoo! Cozy, Sunset asked me to help you with friendship in my way. Which means having fun!" Pinkie's eyes darted side to side, wild and on the edge of madness. "You do know what fun is, right?"
Cheerfully and sarcastically, Cozy nodded. "Yup yup! It's when you crush someone under your hoof and they cry!"
Without even the slightest pause, Pinkie nodded emphatically. "Exactly!"
"Wait, what?" "Huh?"
Both members of the audience were thrown off the rails, but Pinkie remained absolutely certain. "Of course! As long as you're enjoying yourself and they're enjoying themselves, it's fine! It's like playing pranks on each other! Friends having fun together is the important part, so why worry about the details?"
Cozy rather pointedly didn't get it. "If I'm crushing someone underhoof and they're crying, why would they be having fun?"
"Pft, I dunno, people are weird." Pinkie rolled her eyes.
Very quietly, Sunset facepalmed.
"Well I don't care if they're having fun!," Cozy declared with rising frustration.
Taking a few steps away, Pinkie hopped up to sit atop a nearby table. This, critically (to her), let her kick her feet back and forth freely, because that was fun. "Why?"
"Because then I'm not crushing them, duh!" Cozy was up out of her seat now, pacing around the edges of the stage. "And if I'm not, then I'm not having fun!"
Pinkie's swinging legs sped up, lashing back and forth. "So you're saying you can't have fun without someone else being hurt?"
"Yes! It's funny when they get hurt." Cozy's eyes stayed on Pinkie, even as she circled back and forth. "Let me guess, you're gonna ask me why can't I find fun in something they like too? Well I don't care! It doesn't matter, and I don't care what someone else feels!"
"If you don't care how they feel, then why's it important that they feel bad?" From anyone else it would have been an accusation. But Pinkie Pie's cheerful lilt made it a simple factual inquiry without judgment.
Sunset knew that tone - she was prepared for it. Cozy wasn't. The question hit her hard enough to miss a step, one foot slipping off the side of the stage and making her wobble. "Well I-- it's that-- What I mean is that I don't need anypony!" Cozy stomped her foot as punctuation. "I'm just fine all on my own!"
Gormlessly, Pinkie continued to smile. "Then why didn't you stay in the stone? You wouldn't have to deal with anybody else and you'd live forever." Her kicking feet sped up more, becoming a blur. There was an undercurrent to the conversation of shwiff-shwiff-shwiff as her leggings rubbed against themselves. "'Cuz right now you're kinda getting the worst of both ways. You don't get anybody, and you don't get the whole immortality thing. Because nobody's gonna be your friend if the only thing you do is be mean."
There was a desperation in Cozy's voice as she retorted. "Okay, well, maybe I do need others but not friends. Not like you mean! Friendship is just a way to get things easier."
"And then never again after," Pinkie pointed out. "If you use a friend like that, they'll stop being your friend. And they'll tell others, and they won't be your friends either. You'll run out of people." Her legs stopped - Pinkie leaned forward. "Unless you learn how to keep a friend, at least for a little while. So far you keep hurting everybody preeeetty much the first chance you get."
It was a punch to the gut, and Cozy didn't have a response. She tried - Sunset could see the gears turning in her head - but no counter-attack came. Instead, Cozy simply plopped back into her chair with arms crossed. "Let me guess. You think the way to do that is laughing."
Somehow Pinkie Pie's smile got wider. "Well duh! If you can laugh together, you can do anything together!" She jumped off the table and immediately started bouncing on the balls of her feet. "Alright, we'll start simple! I'll tell a few jokes, and you see how you like them. That way, we can find what kind of humor you like!"
For a moment, it looked like Cozy was going to try and flee. She certainly considered it - but without wings, she'd never make it to to the door. So she waited, stony-faced and ready to resist the party girl's best attempts.
The floor lights dimmed and a spotlight snapped on to Pinkie holding a microphone that hadn't been there a moment before. "Thank you, thank you, you're a wonderful audience! It's always good to be out here in Canterlot - and I'm not just saying that because I can't drive to reach another town and have to do every show here." She paused for a laugh track that didn't exist. "But seriously, I had a crazy day yesterday. Two of my friends - Rainbow Dash and Applejack - were arguing. They couldn't agree on what kind of music to have at the party. Applejack said that she wanted country, and she was in charge since she was hosting and we were in her barn. Dashie wanted some rock, because she really likes guitars. They went back and forth for a while, until Applejack had enough. And she said that she'd put on the music she wanted, and if Rainbow Dash didn't like it, Applejack would throw her out of the barn!"
Pinkie gasped, both in mock horror of the situation and because even she needed to breathe occasionally. "Dash didn't think she'd do it and dared her to. So Applejack grabbed Rainbow Dash by the belt, dragged her to the barn door and threw her like a hundred yards! And do you know what Applejack said when she threw her, hmmmmm?"
There was silence as the audience of two waited for the punchline.
"Yeet Haw!" Pinkie paused again for laughter.
There was silence as the audience of two processed it.
With some hesitation, Sunset raised her hand. "Um, Pinkie? I don't think that one's going to work." She pointed at Cozy Glow. "From Equestria. Only been here about two and a half days. I don't think she knows that word yet."
"Oh. Yeah." Pinkie Pie pouted for approximately seventeen seconds before rolling on with her set. "So Sunset's gotten better at singing lately. She claims that she was a lot worse when she was young and back in Equestria. She used to get a sore throat every time she did, because she was a little hoarse."
Sunset groaned in pain.
Cozy didn't react at all.
Pinkie frowned deeper. "Okay, let's try absurdism instead!" She shook her head vigorously, causing her hair to fall into the same style as her sister Maud's. "How do you get down from a tree?" She paused for a beat. "You don't, you get down from a duck." Another pause. "So how do you get down from a duck?" And another. "It's easy. A duck isn't as tall as a tree." She stopped for laughter again.
It was quiet enough to hear a pin drop. One did, and it was deafening.
"Wow. Tough crowd." Pinkie rolled up her sleeves as her hair poofed back into place. "Hey, Cozy Glow!" Silence followed. "I said HEY COZY GLOW."
Cozy sighed with the resignation of the condemned. "What is it, Pinkie Pie."
"What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter in it?"
Caution warned Cozy that this was a trap. But there was no way out. "E?"
Pinkie shook her head wildly. "No, silly! Envelope!"
There was no laughter. Crickets chirped.
Pinkie Pie loudly whistled. "HEY CHEESE! Thanks for the sound effects but I think I got this with the next one!"
At the front of the store, Cheese Sandwich flashed Pinkie a thumbs up, cleaned up his pins and turned off the cricket recording.
One more try. Pinkie cracked her knuckles - then her neck. "So a monocle walks into a bar. He's been having a really bad day - he got laid off from work, his wife was leaving him and his favorite cereal had been discontinued. So he sits down at the bar and orders a drink. He chats with the bartender here and there, but it's a busy night so he spends most of it sitting there, drinking and stewing in his own thoughts."
"As the night goes on," Pinkie continued, "The poor monocle just gets sadder and angrier. Finally, the bartender cuts him off because it's getting late. So the monocle hops down off the stool and tries to get to the door - except he isn't looking where he's going and he walks into another, equally drunk monocle. The two start fighting with each other, shouting and taking awkward swings. Neither one's very good at it, so they end up tangled on the floor. The bartender has enough, jumps the bar and grabs both of the monocles."
"He's furious and shouts, 'Stop it, both of you! You're making spectacles of yourselves!'"
Silence. Tension. Anticipation.
And then - a snicker. Just a quiet slip of noise that cut through it all. It turned into a little laugh that leaked out of Cozy's closed mouth.
Instantly, Pinkie Pie was up in her face without crossing the space between. Cozy's chair rocked back, threatening to tip before Pinkie grabbed the arms.
"There it is."
Cozy's flight reaction was screaming to run from the massive pink face that was nearly pressed against hers. The scent of blueberry-lavender cupcakes wafted with each word that assaulted her. "W--what?"
"Your laugh." Pinkie's smile grew three sizes. "I knew it was in there somewhere." With a gentle nudge, she pushed back away from Cozy and let the chair settle again. "Sunset had the same problem when we made friends with her. She thought she had to be strong. In charge. In control - all the time!"
Pinkie walked backwards before hopping up on the table again. Her eyes never left Cozy Glow's. "And after the Sirens and the, um." Pinkie faltered for a moment. Her expression - all of her - went dark. "Something really bad happened at the holidays when the rest of us made a big mistake, and we took away her laugh. So she tried even harder to be strong and in control and... and she wasn't our Sunset anymore. She was so busy trying to be all those things, she forgot how to be her. She didn't want to be herself."
"But after a really really long time, Sunset remembered!" The brief tone of sadness in Pinkie's voice vanished again in a burst of sunlight. "And part of it is that she finally let her guard down and smiled again."
"That's your first step, Cozy. You have to give yourself permission to laugh. You need to let yourself relax and have fun. Start being Cozy Glow instead of a pricky, icky mess that uses her name."
Slowly, Cozy Glow blinked. "I don't get it. Why would me having fun have anything to do with making friends?"
And under the spotlight, Pinkie Pie crossed her legs in a double lotus pose and smiled. "Because you need to be friends with yourself, first. You're hurting everybody the first chance you get, and that includes you."
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That bit about "if you don't care how they feel, why is it important they feel bad" is defintely an interesting direction to come at her statement from. It might not work so well as an opening with someone older, but I can see it cracking the door open as it were with someone Cozy's age. And that closing statement is very important as well, and something a lot of people need to be better at.
Pinkie breaking out real Pinkie wisdom here.
I can see Cozy enjoying wordplay. Also rude bar jokes but she’s like twelve and so probably those couldn’t be told here and wouldn’t be up Pinkie’s alley anyway.
9987048
There were a lot of potential jokes I had to discard because they were just too filthy for someone Cozy's age.
Yeah, that is the perfect place for Cheese Sandwich's part-time job.
Brilliant The Choices We Make reference. One of the best serious Pinkie stories out there.
Heh. Good point; given the Pinkies' habits, odds are the human's subbed for the pony at the School of Friendship at least once. I'm sure that was a class to remember...
There's some fantastic Pinkie dialogue in this chapter, but I feel this deserves special attention.
I admit, I laughed at the envelope joke.
Again, excellent Pinkie work all around. It's always nice to see one with a brain beneath all the fluff, especially a terrifyingly intelligent one. My only concern is telling Cozy about Anon-a-Miss, even tangentially. That might give her ideas...
Looking forward to more.
Peak Pinkie Pie portrayal!
Your author's note reminds me of A Beautiful Night by MrNumbers, in which Applejack and Pinkie have a discussion about the differences in being smart, clever, or wise. Pinkie ends up feeling "clever and maybe a little wise", which seems spot on—if selling herself short a bit!
Fun Fact: YEET is the sound a Chiuahua makes when it is kicked over a fence
Edit: No dogs were harmed in the making of this NSFF joke
The things Pinkie said about just staying in stone of you don't need anyone just rubs me the wrong way.
You're allowed to live and be by your self, while still enjoying life. There is a big difference between waking up everyday and just being encased in stone. Also I don't remember Cozy ever saying she wanted immortality.
Everything else Pinkie said was spot on, shut Cozy down and gave her something to think about, although maybe these thoughts will only serve to strengthen Cozy's will.
I am sad to say that the "little hoarse" joke got me. The monocle one was close.
Yay! Cozy smiled, and it was real!
9992769
It's alright.
Huh. Ah learned somethin. Neat-o!
Why didn’t the banana have anything for dinner? Because nothing looked appealing
Hah! This, I like!
Hahah! That's a good one, too!
...Ouch, no wonder I have so much trouble...
I thought I spied a reference in there! :)
9987045
Yes, this was excellent.
I love the spectacles joke.
That’s funny for a pun
okay i quite liked both the yeet haw and spectacle jokes, made me laugh
When Pinkie got to Sunset's hoarse singing, I started laughing at how flat it landed with Sunset, to the point where I legitimately snorted, then started laughing that I had snorted and that the whole joking stand up exercise had succeeded in identifying my terrible sense of pun humor.
9987068
"I heard Chrysalis's kids still miss her!
... but their aim's getting better."
Yup just Pinkie being Pinkie.
Pinkie Pie exists in six dimensions every day, naturally, she's really good at six dimensional chess.
This characterization of Pinkie is amazing, 10/10.
I love pinkie here calmly and factually disarming cozy
11713816
Ikr I read that and immediately commented similar