Moonshot was one of the winners of the last speedwriting contest, and for his prize, he asked for a 1000 word commission.
Your prompt is: Roast someone in the chat but don't say who
Could be yourself, could be me, could be {NAME} lmao; anyone goes
Blame him, not me. It's his fault.
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Oh damn. That hurt the feels.
i.imgur.com/JLGI4j9.png
*glances at story* *glances at meaningless Discord role* *sweats*
I gladly accept this responsibility. F in the chat
I can't really blame Twilight at all for not remembering. There is a thing called the Dunbar number. I'm not saying that it is right however you can easily notice what it is basically trying to get at. It is pretty normal not to be able to really remember some people that you were around quite a bit earlier in your life. Forgetting classmates and coworkers isn't too usual a thing if you haven't even had to recall a memory of them for a time. I enjoyed the story. Well done.
Oof
"her hands"
Er.
I mean, it is Pinkie Pie, but still. :D
Oh. That's terrible. :D
Ow. Poor Moon Petal.
I was compelled to read the story due more to the cute Anon filly than the summary, but I’m glad I read it.
Ouch. I feel guilty.
Yikes.
Just... yikes.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Goddamn that was brutal. Twiggles has no chill
I, uh... now I feel bad for laughing...
But it's tagged [comedy] !
Pinkie Pie snorted, snapped her file shut, and raised her head. “Canterlot changed you, Twilight.”
What a bitch.
I can honestly empathize with Twilight here. I've had complete strangers—as far as I knew—warmly greet me dozens of times. And I didn't even have the excuse of decades spent in a different town or a Pinkie to review what I missed. At her core, Twilight is still someone who had to learn the most fundamental aspects of socialization. This whole thing makes a great deal of sense. It's awkward as all hell, but it makes sense.
Hopefully next year's wish turns out better.
Can we give the name Moon Petal to an unnamed background pony?
pain man
Reminds me of a story I read years ago, in Playboy: "Poppa Superdude."
Yes, I actually did read the articles. You got a problem?
Wait, hands? I thought they have hooves.
Why is this clickbait? I'm honestly confused.
9912937
It's... not?
9912931
Are you questioning Pinkie?
9912688
Ponk or Twiggles?
I can't stop thinking it was going to be about The Riddler from the picture.
I challenge any and all to roast me
Roast me like how Wendy's roasts McDonalds.
So true
My only disappointment is that you didn’t use an actual BG pony who’s been in a lot of episodes.
Like Applejack.
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Can't be expected to remember someone who didn't play a big role in your life. Especially decades later. I mean, a whole ass damn generation later. Going to Pinkie was the wrong idea - sure, she'd remember. Problem is, she remembers literally everyone.
Actually... she needed the file folder to recall the events she felt Twilight should recall. Which means she didn't remember them in any kind of detail, either. Who's Pinkie judging?
9913877
I get the joke, and Im not actually responding to that anymore, but in writing this I, out of curiosity, looked it up: did you know AJ has more screen time than twiggles in season one and two? And by S7 she’s in fourth place, but still ahead of Pinkie and Shy? Crazy stuff. But then as a background pony they can put her wherever and no one notices.
9914335
She probably wasn’t part of the book club, but she was able to name all those other events off-hoof.
9914413
Yeah, but she's Pinkie. You can't compare an introverted god-king figure to Pinkie Pie.
They're leagues apart.
9913316
Nowhere in the story did that happen.
Huh, to think Princess What's-Her-Name doesn't get roasted at all.
She's a character from Earthworm Jim and her name is literally 'What's-Her-Name'.
Princess 'What's-Her-Name' has a sister whose name is even worse.
9914461
Like, her name is Even Worse?
9914464
No, 'What's-Her-Name' has a sister whose name is 'Pulsating-Bloated-Festering-Sweaty-Pusfilled-Malformed-Slug For A Butt'. They call her 'Slug For A Butt' for short.
Imagine a changeling with that name, they'd be more evil than Chrysalis.
> 1,000-word commission
> 1,500-word count
i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/facebook/000/019/649/OK_thumb.jpg
9913877
Ouch!
Why you dis my fav pony?
I had to laugh, though. Don't tell her.
9912922
They do have terrific articles.
No, really. I've read them.
Sometimes their better than the pictures!
Damn, that really made me laugh and feel bad at the same time! I've been on both sides of that conversation and it's always awkward and stings!
But sometimes, all you can do is smile and go on.
9914413
Exactly! Such a sensible pony.
9915535
You know I love AJ. She’s so hardworking, and pretties up real nice.
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9915718
Oh, yes she does!
9914413
Where'd you find that probably really interesting information?
9915987
I just googled “mlp characters total screen time” and it was one of the first links. They had a whole spreadsheet and everything.
9913334
Yes
OOF.
Twilight thought to herself, "All these dang regular ponies look the same!" She gasped, "I'M AN ELITE RACIST NOW!!" But then she smiled evily, "And I enjoy it..."
So, then one of those evil dark Future Twilight fanfics happened... I dunno which one... they all kinda suck, really.
As an introvert who can barely remember family members' names, this hit a little too close to home.
Hilarious unintentional roast
Nice one!
9944735
This is fantastic! Thank you.
HA HA HA... ha ha ha... aha...
A-dear A-GaPJaxie,
Now that you've roasted What's-Her-Face, are you gonna write sequels for Cheerleader, So-and-So, and Da Ugly One?
Crapfully yours...