Feyn Do Fin Dovah; Their Rise And Fall, Our Mistake

by mrheadhopper

Prologue - Vahriin Naal Vokul

Aojun was a somewhat young dragon. He had only lived for 40 years, more than enough to have heard of the first hunt and to live through the second. He was one of those ice dragons, the ones born high in the mountains that flaked the north with below zero temperatures. He was still a standard dragon in most senses; he carried wings for arms and fierce breaths of frost to attack and defend himself with. He stood taller than other dragons and he had two pairs of black horns, one bigger than the other. His skin was a deep white and gray along the edges, mostly where his spinal column laid. He had enough of this wait.

On the other hand, the hunting season had begun. He particularly loved those moments where all dragons stepped out into the wilds, proving themselves and overcoming challenges from the magical unicorns that often tried to defend the villages the dovah attacked. His hunger was always unsatiable, even the other dragons commented that he would get himself killed should he keep on being so reckless in battle. Taking up large sums of air, he turned his head around and analyzed his surroundings one final time before diving in to the hunt.

His home was a snowy cliff, and behind laid a large dark hole; the cave that he slept in. Most of the ground around him was covered in snow and there were bones of various creatures scattered about, mostly goat and wolf. There was a particular clear patch of rock, free of snow near the edges of a cliff; that's where he usually casted the Clear Skies shout; loh vah koor. Other dovah tended to shout with him so that the skies of the Reaches were clear and that way the dovah wouldn't suffer much from the hardships of the blizzards. He shouted onto the airs just once and he felt a wave of relief sink into him as others followed in his start, effectively giving him a very good view of the great circle of mountains he poised himself on.

Letting out a deep breath that steamed in the chilly winds of the highest of mountains he was currently on, he finally unfolded his wings and used his hind legs to walk forwards and do a diving fall. Most of the clouds had been long cleared by his shout and those that weren't were torn away by the force proppeling him. He dove... and dove...

~~~

Today was one of the many days where the weather ponies got to clean up the highest clouds. As it was summer, not much but a good pair of googles was required to be up there. Two were sent to do clean up duty after the main team of ten weather pegasi did the main job. Only two dark silhouettes could be seen up above; Fleetwing and Shayna.

"Did you hear that?" whispered Fleetwing to Shayna. He was a brown pegasus of a rough 20 years and he donned a pair of googles to help his eyes against the dust that sometimes stirred in the medium spots of the high mountaints; where the clouds usually gathered up.

Shayna's ear twitched before she nodded. Shayna was also a pegasus, 19 years old with a cheery green mane. Her spiky hair was green with streaks of blue, giving her a rather colorful tone useful to the weather pegasi of this area.

"I think we should get out of here, I.. I hear something coming." Her usually confident tone was spiked with fear, and, were it not deep layers of clouds obscuring her face, she would be sure that Fleetwing would see through her eyes and past her courageous guise.

Fleetwing opened his mouth to speak, but he was cut off by his right ear twitching. He looked up to the skies and let out a loud scream before once again being cut off, this time by a massive ice colored dragon with rows of massive blackened teeth and fierce yellow eyes. Lyva shrieked as the dragon blitzed past her and dove into the grounds near Ponyville. Her wings went stiff and she could only force a small shriek as she ripped through the air...

~~~~

Author's note:

Cheers to Thundra ( I think I got it right? ) for prereading and helping me fix some mistakes. Next chapter comes up tomorrow. Deploy criticism.

Comments

[RoastCabose]

Well, Good start. can't really say much more as there isn't much to talk about other than it's original. I'll see the next chapter.

[EpicBG]

I'm familiar with Skyrim enough even though I've never played it. This has some awesome potential but this first chapter feels like just the tip of the iceberg. Tracking.

Relatively minor thing, but when introducing original characters, don't give so many details about them all at once. Try to spread out the details as the character keeps talking; it tends to make the text flow better.
Besides that and a few grammar and spelling mistakes, I like it.

[Medivh]

"the cave that he slept on"
Most creatures sleep in a cave, not on it.

"weren't it for the googles"
Should be "Were it not for the goggles"

Also, the "thru" one that was mentioned above.

All in all, a decent start. I'll keep an eye on it, but make sure you keep up on the proper grammar.

[Ocata Flah]

This kid has a bad mouth.
If his fan fictions come out anything like his comments, I want no part of them.

[mrheadhopper]

69599

Woah, tough guy! Calling me kid and all. Very refined of you.

no, seriously, fuck off if you're going to be an ass about my somewhat cynicist comments.

Next chapter should be up in a hour or so...

[ancientblood]

the clear skies shout is spelled, lok vah koor