The nightmare before the Drake

by spike the lone wanderer

2.He did a mash.2

'' I don't want to set the world on fire! I just want to start a flame in your heart!'' Spike sung while furiously admiring his torch, '' Your time will come, little one! They will burn for their blasphemies!''

Spike walked along the dark and tortuous road leading to the castle, which was usually so luminous and well-kept, '' I'm looking forward to seeing how she decorated her barbie cas- WHAT THE ACTUAL TARTARUS!''

Spike was shocked to see Celestia's castle had sunk into darkness, the towers so upright were now twisted, the once-so-white walls were now as dark as Sombra himself, and the water so blue of the waterfalls was now so green that it looked like the Smooze was in it.

Spike seemed speechless in front of the castle, '' The castle may be pretty, but the giant spider on the other side of the mountain looks so plastic! Anyway, as The Trammps once said '' Burn baby burn!'' Spike took a step towards the castle when suddenly he felt the earth shaking, '' What's going on now? '' Spike looked at the castle which torn off from the crust lands to fly in the divine sky.

'' OH NOW SHIT GOT REAL!!!'' The castle flew away from Spike as if it did not want to breathe the same air as Spike, which enraged him even more, '' Oh no you don't! At first, I wanted to burn you but now I want to crash you!'' Spike ran to the edge of the ravine and in a mad rush, jumped off to the castle and by one sick chance, managed to cling to the drawbridge that closed just after Spike entered the castle.

---

Inside the castle, in a desert corridor, a small glow appeared on a wall, the shadow seemed to chase a will o wisp,'' Hi hi hi hi I'mma catch ya!'' Said a childish yet ghostly voice.

The glows continued to run down the hallway when it inadvertently fell, revealing its true form, '' Come back little flame!'' The glow was actually the ghost of a little boy disguised as a pirate unless it was his real clothes. The Will o wisp went away from the boy but was immediately locked in a jar by an enormous shadow. The boy looked silently at the shadow's step towards him, when arrived in front of him, the shadow stretched the jar towards the boy, revealing pale hands with black, hooked nails. Those hands were scary yet elegant as if they belonged to a queen.

The boy shook the jar that caused the-wisp to divide into several copies of himself, '''' Thank you!'' The boy turned his head to thank the shadow but the shadow one was no longer there. The boy tried to look after the shadow but he heard some music, '' Yeaaaahhh music!'' Passed through the wall and disappeared like a shadow in the night.

---

Spike was now walking in a dark hallway without any light to lighten up his path, the only way for him to move was by listening to the sound of the party, '' I swear to myself when I see Vinyl, I'm gonna bash her skull open with her fucking turntables!''

Spike continued strolling in the darkness like a purposeless carcass when he saw a faint stream of light through a breach in the wall, '' I don't want light! I want revenge!'' In a rage for not being able to take revenge on those whom deceived him, he swept his vengeance on this mocking wall, '' Take this!''

Spike hit the wall with all his dragon strength except that the wall was old so it collapsed like a castle of toothpicks. The dust flew in all directions, making Spike cough, '' Cough-cough! I fucking hate dust! '' Spike stopped coughing, looked up and discovered all the party guests.

In front of so many glances, Spike had the most natural reaction in the world, according to him, "EH EH EH!" Nobody reacted to his presence, they were all looking at him with their lifeless eyes. So Spike did the same, but he realized one horrible thing, none of them were in costumes.

'' You gotta be kidding?! None of you are wearing costumes! What is wrong with you? I mean shit! I despise Ponyween and All the things that come along, but not you! You're supposed to love it, so you're supposed to wear make up And costumes to ''honor'' the tradition of who's the scariest of all, but instead of doing so, you're wearing casual clothes! You disgust me! All of you!'' Spike, who noticed the buffet, stepped toward it while insulting the others, '' For Discord's sake I mean...Do you really know what the true meaning of Ponyween is? Back in the day, the first ponies were celebrating it by offering stuff to dead people, not asking for diabetes!'' Spike put several canapes in his mouth, chewed them grossly, took a glass of pink ponche and poured everything in his throat, '' Shit even the ponche taste like shit! You should be ashamed of yourself! You do not respect the rules of Ponyween, you have no costumes, no decoration, and the food taste like nothing! Where is the sugar, the chocolate, the sweet palm oil, the chemical sweeteners! All the things that make us go to the hospital because it is bad for our health! Where is the children's happiness when they open their bag filled with candy ?! Where is your humanity ?!

Spike recognized Rumble thanks to his cop sunglasses so he approached him, '' You do not deserve the right to wear them, you who is not wearing a costume!'' Spike violently removed the glasses from Rumble's nose, except that the gesture was so violent that it tore his nose away. Seeing that his friend's nose was still hooked on the glasses, Spike took it delicately and put it back in place, but it was useless because the nose fell right after.

Spike looked at the nose and then vomited all he had just eaten. His vomit was pink and slimy, but the worst part was when he saw his vomit take the shape of a mouth, '' Girls...He vomited me!''

Spike raised his head from the talking vomit and saw the stage where Vinyl played music, he walked to her, searched his special Ponyween record box, found the coveted CD with only mash written on it, removed it from its box, placed it in turntable and played it.

... Mash

I was working in my office, late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
For my boss from his desk, began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise

He did the mash, he did the human mash
The human mash, it was a salary smash
He did the mash, it caught on in a flash
He did the mash, he did the human mash

Spike stopped the music and headed for the hole in the wall. He stomped toward the hole when suddenly a phantom pirate passed through him without even paying attention to him, '' Look what the mistresse just gave me!'' Nobody reacted to the ghost's call, ''What's wrong?'' The tiny ghost turned to see Spike who was whiter than white, '' Eh! It's mister Spike!''

Spike observed the ghost silently then a gust of wind opened a window, extinguishing the candles, leaving only the light of the moon that revealed the true nature of the party animals. Skeletons, Vampires, Slime, Weretimberwolf and other indescribable horrors, This the true face of the inhabitants of Ponyville.

'' Uh,'' Spike jumped out of the window to escape the monster-infested castle.

''GO CATCH HIM RAINBOW!'' Witch Twilight ordered.

''ON IT!'' Skeleton Wonderbolt Rainbow unfolded her bony wings and jumped through the window to catch him.

'' SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTT!!!''

Spike thought the fall was going to be painful ... and it was painful as he passed through the roof of a church. He lies down for several seconds before getting up thanks to a board, '' Faust must hate me!''

''I bet she does!'' Rainbow said, standing in front of the door.

You cannot enter Faust's house, you puny bitch!''

'' I'm a zombie, not a vampire! That kind of shit doesn't work on me!'' Rainbow replied as she walked into the church.

''FAUST DAMNIT!'' Spike blasphemed.

''TIME TO DIE!'' Rainbow made a gigantic leap at Spike who smirked.

''Dodge technic number 5: barrel roll!''

''What?!'' Spike made a barrel roll, passing below Rainbow's bony body, which crashed at the foot of the wooden cross, disrupting its balance, ''Oh Faust no!'' Rainbow tried to flee but the cross fell on her, shattering her entire body, sparing only her head which rolled to Spike's feet.

''To be or not to be? That is the question?'' Spike said, mocking her.

''I'll kill you for this!'' Rainbow threatened.

''HOLY SHIT YOU'RE STILL ALIVE!'' Spike shouted in surprise

''Yeah! But you, you're not supposed to! We killed you a year ago!'' Rainbow added.

''Dead?'' Spike touched his torso repeatitly, ''Well, I'm not dead so sorry for the false hope!''

''The queen will have your head on a silver plate, meat boy!"

''Yeah, yeah, don't give a fork! Now it's time to play some good old soccer!'' Spike said as he put her head down.

''What?! Oh no you don't!'' Rainbow tried to move away from him but when we are just a head without a body, we can't do shit.

''Don't lose you head!'' Spike was about to strike Rainbow when the church floor opened beneath him, knocking him into is bowels.

''SHIIIIIIIIIITTTTTT!''

---

Witch Twilight accompanied by her friends, The nightmare 5 composed of Slime Pinkie, WereTimberwolf Applejack, Rarity Succubus and Vampire Rabbit Fluttershy (she's a vampire but with rabbit ears) were marching towards the throne room, where their queen of evil dominated the kingdom.

''Are you really sure this is a good idea?'' Vampire Rabbit Fluttershy asked in a fearful tone.

''You got a better idea, my dear rabbit!'' Succubus Rarity added while scratching the chin of a gargoyle guard.

'' Calm down, Sugar cube! Spike's a little lamb and we are big bad Timberwolves!'' WereTimberwolf Applejack calmed her rabbit friend.

''Talk for yourself! It's not you who went to his stomach! Vodka and chocolate liquor are not made to be together!'' Slime Pinkie said, taking the shape of a bottle of vodka.

''SILENCE!'' Witch Twilight yelled using her voice, '' Our queen must be made aware of the situation if she finds out by herself, we are dead! It's the only for us to get out of this mess alive!'' All her friends were silent, so Twilight turned and hesitated before knocking on the door of the throne room, ''OH, for the love of Faust!'' Twilight was about to knock on the door when a pale hand with hooked black nails grabbed her by the wrist.

Twilight recognized the hand and froze with fear, ''What's wrong, my dear student? Did some wrong happened during the party? Is everything okay?

''O-of course, m-my queen! Everything is doing just fine!'' Witch Twilight lied.

'' Oh really? Then so why do all my subjects talk about a human in my realm? " Twilight realized she fucked up.

''A human? AHAHAHAH you silly-SPLASH!'' Slime Pinkie exploded because of the spell cast by the black queen, her pink remains melted away, leaving nothing of her behind.

'' SO I am a liar?!'' The queen asked while her subjects trembles with fear.

'' Why did you do this?!'' Succubus Rarity asked, shocked by her friend's death.

'' So now you question my actions, my choices! I thought you were faithful to me! After all, it was you who exterminated the last hunter, including your friend Spike!''

'' Indeed but,''

'' THERE IS NO BUT!!! THIS MAN IS DEAD SO WHY ARE YOU SCARE OF A GHOST FROM THE PAST?'' The queen shouted using her royal voice.

'' This ghost, as you said ma queen, was alive because Pipsqueak passed through him like a hot knife through butter. He even confused Pinkie with ponche! Even the lamest Hunter would know the difference between slime and ponche! This is not our Spike!'' WereTimberwolf Applejack answered.

''Alive?'' The queen was confused, she opened the door of the throne room, advancing towards her throne and sat down without saying anything.

Witch Twilight knelt before her and spoke to her, ''Do not worry my queen, Rainbow Dash is now probably devouring his body!''

'' You've sent this empty skull to kill him? I thought you were smarter than this! It needs a hunter to take down a hunter!'' The dark queen insulted.

'' What do you mean, my queen?'' Celestia pointed her finger at the ceiling, all stared and saw a skeleton attached with chains. This skeleton was the one of the last hunter, Spike Hellsing Drake.

'' Impossible!'' Succubus Rarity said.

''Watch and learn!'' With a swept of her wand, she untied the chains, and the skeleton crashed to the ground, breaking it into pieces.

''Great! Now we're boned!'' WereTimberwolf Applejack joked.

''Bruadar, tha an sealg a ’feitheamh riut!'' She cast a spell on the remains of the skeleton that reformed completely, giving life back to the one who was called the hunter. Once again alive but under the control of the Black Queen, he was nothing more than a puppet without a soul, '' Now your outfit and your weapons! ''

With a snap of a finger, a servant brought her the hunter's outfit and his weapons, a blunderbuss and a simple silver sword, ideal against monsters, '' Now hunt my dear, hunt for your queen!''

Spike picked up his weapons and set out to hunt down the most difficult target of all, himself.