The tragic story of young filly Scootallo, as told by her father. [first fanfic so bear with me]
Chapters (1)
Shadow_Absol
Joined 6th Aug, 2012 ·
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Now that that's taken care of, let's read it.
This is an interesting concept: Scoot's father, a bounty hunter? It's all kinds of awesome, though it brings the question of what kind of criminals Equestria could have. Short, punchy, and to the point.
Feedback:
Well, my first impression is "Holy wall of text, Batman!" A little space between paragraphs would alleviate this.
You slip between present tense and past tense fairly often. It's better to pick one tense and stick with it throughout the story.
There are several times where autocorrect seems to have gotten the better of you. For example, in the sentence, "HER MOM AND ALCHOHOLIC, I DON’T WANT A CHILD RAISED IN THAT CONDITION," it should probably be made to say, "Her mom's an alcoholic. I don't want a child raised in that condition." Don't forget proper use of punctuation. Or, "The white mate turned around." I'm fairly certain you meant "mare."
If you want, I could reread this again with an eye towards proofreading and give you a google doc of it.
I like the story, but it needs grammar work. Good luck!
1094338
Thanks for the feedback.
yeahy computers been being a jerk lately so i was expecting that but merci for the like.
I liked the concept and the plot, but it just needs a little bit of cleaning up. You might want to consider finding an editor or just have someone proofread before you publish.
I really did enjoy it though. Just needs a little polish and you're set!
I think you did a great job with your first fanfic, congrats! But it has a lot of errors and the usual common typos in there, just some minor mishaps is all... I give it 2.5 stars. I don't usually comment on stories, only first timers, and the most I have read are only 3 stars worth. But great job BTW!
Please, could you be kind enough and return the favor by reading, favouriting and liking my stories? Thank you so much...
And be sure to watch me and check out my userpage.
THANKS SOOOO MUCH
A good, pretty original story (well, for a scootaloo story)
Despite a couple small typos, I really liked it
4/5
I read alot of scootaloo stories, and I can definitely say this was interesting.
Fav'd and thumbs up.