• Member Since 22nd Dec, 2012
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The Man. The Legend. The World's Strongest Writer

Comments ( 57 )

Let me be the first to say faved and upvoted.

If I had a brother, I'd totally fuck him!

Isn't she honorary family to Applejack from when she had her dumb fuck competition with whatever the fuck the names of those two were?

One week later...

"Ms. Dash?"


"You got my children to fuck. Prepare to die."

"Wait... why do you have an anchor?"


your profile pic just fits so well with this entire chapter

Probably only on cousin level or so. By far not close enough for her to be into it. :twilightoops:

Because some ponies just want to watch the world burn.

What does that have to do with the story?

9907812 Because Matchmaker.

Also, Dash is surely causing chaos from all this.

Well....I'll give her points for not beating around the Bush at least. :trollestia:

"I said 'prepare to die', what part of that was unclear?!"

"I know, right?" Twilight chuckled nervously.

I lost. Hard.

well that was an interesting ch. did dwk help you write some of it?

A lot of ponies are going to be mad at Rainbow when Barley ends up pregnant, but the twins are going to be especially furious when that pregnancy keeps her out of The Wonderbolts.

I love the idea of the girls comparing their brothers' dick sizes. Also you gotta know with a name like pickle barrel, that is is gonna have a fat one when he gets older.

Barley should enjoy getting stuffed by him on the regular.

I can has a sequel? Pretty please with a three-layer German Chocolate cake on top?

........, .........................., ......wut?

"Pickle Barrel cum quarts!" :pinkiehappy:

Sadly, ponies rarely get that joke.

She swallow more and more of his length.


Feels a lot better that your hoof or wings

That -> than

Well first you push your dick it,

Well should have a comma after it, and it -> in

Great work otherwise. 9/10

"Hey! Brothers and sisters have sex all the time!" Dash said, genuinely believing it despite being told to the contrary by her liar friends.

...Rainbow's dead, isn't she? When their parents, and her friends, find out.

"The only way to make it stop is for you to spill the beans!"
*Applejack knocks over a barrel of beans*
"...Seriously, AJ?"

in the next story, he gets his sister pregnant.

Well that escalated quickly.
There are certain areas where Dash really should've been better informed.

Sequel: Rainbow Dash goes to prison.

I'd read it, I wonder what Equestria all mare prisons are like.

Definitely one of the most fun and sexy fics I've read on this site in quite some time.

The humor between the Mane 6 was excellent. Just OOC enough to make it hilarious, without really losing the feeling that these are the characters from the show. Just perhaps the character during behind the scenes moments that don't make it to the cut that airs on TV.

The sex between the twins and Dash was great, including a smattering of my favorite kinks. And I loved having pervert Dash there as a reader-insert character. I almost expected her to hold the twins by their necks and command "Now kiss!"

I would really encourage more chapters if you felt so inclined, as Dash takes her new calling as incest-matchmaker and uses whatever tricks she can to get other family pairs to hook up (while she watches and clops nearby).

So in this fic, Dash is not only an encourager of incest and foalcon, but she's also a slut.

"The Big Bird Cage" only with pegasi instead of Pam Grier and Sid Haig.

Who needs eFukt when we've got all the funny porn on FiMFiction?

I'm too entertained by the proceedings to care about the characterization. :rainbowlaugh: That was some pure comedy I just mainlined.

Bizarre exposition but beautiful shower scene. Very well executed and hot as hell. Love it.

I don't drink and this story so far has me needing to find the biggest bottle of Vodquila, mix it with Everclear, and wipe the whole hard drive clean!

Hopefully the Cakes can keep Pumpkin and Pound away from Rainbow or else!


Hopefully the Cakes can keep Pumpkin and Pound away from Rainbow or else!

Fine! If you really want to twist my arm about it, I guess I'll have to write a damn sequel. :rainbowkiss:

Poor Dash, she wants the dick so bad, such a shame she's a lesbian though, lol.

Brain Drano. For when you absolutely, positively must forget the last 8 years.

The Flim Flam Brothers, and I think she wants a blood link not a formal link.

I don't think she's smart enough to actually put that much thought into caring.

And that was one the episodes that turned me off to the series. The Flim Flam brothers won that thing, and why the hell didn't the Apples work with them.

Meanwhile In Canterlot....


"Yes sister. No law here has been broken."


"I AM GO!"

One Parlaiment meeting later

"Well fuck, there goes our weekend."

Well.... That happend

"Hey Pinkie, does this smell like chloroform?" Rainbow Dash asked, .

I got a picture with the exact same thing happening to Fluttershy. It's hilarious every time.... And I bet you saw it too!

"Hehe, yeah it does that sometimes," Dash said. "That just means that a mare is in the mood for sex. Why don't you give it a lick like I showed you?"

... Look at my horse. My horse is amazing... Give it a lick...

You said this was your best Rainbow Dash ever. Time to find out!

The hot air balloon drifted on the prevailing air current. Rainbow Dash and her five Ponyville friends rode along in the basket. Spike wasn't there.

This story is already off to a great start. :ajsmug:

They would have invited him to come along but... they didn't want to.

Lizard lovers blown the fuck out. :rainbowlaugh: The rest of the opening paragraph was solid too. Great start!

"... Two bottles of pop on the wall! Two bottles of pop!

PInkie confirmed Midwestern Pony. Midwest represent!

"Hey Pinkie, does this smell like chloroform?" Rainbow Dash asked, covering her mouth with a rag. Pinkie Pie took a deep whiff to see if it smelled like chloroform. It did indeed smell like chloroform. Then Pinkie Pie decided that the floor looked exceptionally cozy and took a sudden nap. Rainbow Dash looked over at Twilight, expecting to get scolded.

"You know what," Twilight said, "I'm not even mad this time. Thank you, Rainbow."

Why do I get the feeling Fulfilling PInkie's Dream would have gotten three times as many upvotes if I'd simply chloroformed her in the first five minutes? Live and learn and don't write Pinkie in a clopfic.

You know, I've agonized over how to appropriately write the Mane Six in mature/sex fiction before but your angle of just saying "fuck the canon with a rusty shiv" has demonstrated utility here. I gotta say I'm pretty fucking impressed right now.

"I'm too worried about my schoolwork I left behind," Twilight said.

Schoolwork!? Heresy! As a pony, Twilight is at least 21 and I refuse to hear otherwise. I am editing this line in my head to say "day planner". Also, I'd change 'my' to 'the'.

"You drink to sleep?" Twilight asked.

"At this point, I drink just to feel normal," Applejack said.

Poor Applejack. Sending her my love and sobriety.

"Truth!" Rainbow Dash answered for them. "What was the first dick you guys ever saw?"

Rainbow Dash isn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed so I can excuse the weird phrasing somewhat but it should read 'whose was the first dick you ever saw'. I mean otherwise, any dick counts, including a random animal.

Yes, I really am that petty.

"Also, that's really inappropriate," Fluttershy said.

Fluttershy is playing the radio hole as usual, I see. Opie Hughes would be proud.

"Pfft," Applejack scoffed. "I work on a farm. What dick haven't I seen? All those animals, come breeding time, it's just dicks everywhere." She just sort of stared off into nothing as she was lost in her flash backs. "Just- like... a hurricane of dicks."

Applejack is so much smarter than she lets on. God bless you, tradhorse. :ajsmug:

"Fluttershy, you shouldn't blame yourself," Twilight tried to council her.

Did you mean 'console'?

"You can't tell me you've never been tempted to... you know..." Rainbow made an implying motion, thrusting her hips. Fluttershy balked.

Going off-topic for a second to just ask what in the name of Saint Futa Celestia do people see in this cursed-as-fuck Zephyrshy shipping? The idea of that lazy, unlikable, scraggly-ass bearded cunt fucking anything gives me PTSD. I would rather chug bleach and dive into a vat filled with ebola than read that, no matter how legendary the author is. Hard pass.

"Rainbow, would you want to have sex with Zephyr?" Fluttershy asked.

"Eww! No! He's gross and he smells like he never takes a shower!" Dash said.

Thank you backing me up on this, Dashie.

"Come on AJ! There's a reason they call him BIG Macintosh!" Dash said.

"I'm aware," Applejack deadpanned.

"Ain't that how they do it down on the ol' farm?" Dash said, mocking her accent.

"I don't appreciate the stereotype," Applejack said.


"Anyway, I told my dad that I wanted to do what my mom was doing with him, since it looked like it was so much fun. And they gave me the whole 'sex talk' and my dad told me that he wouldn't do it with me. And I realized that it must be because I'm a lesbian!"


Holy shit! Now, this is some fucking good comedy! I am favoriting this story as hard as I can! :heart::rainbowwild::heart::rainbowwild::yay:

That's not even how that works!" Twilight said. "That's not how any of this works!


Dash, are you... are you actually retarded?"

I've suspected it for some time. I think she is. She's certified re-re.

Fluttershy threw up in her mouth a little bit.

This line of cringe could only work in a story like this one.

"You guys all suck!" Dash said. "I'm an only child and you all have brothers! You guys owe it to me to fuck your brothers! If I had a brother, I'd totally fuck him!"

Unironically this if I had a sister.

Wew, that was some good shit, Shakes. This is the most enjoyable thing I have ever read from you and you're right about Rainbow Dash; you flat-out aced her character.


Schoolwork!? Heresy! As a pony, Twilight is at least 21 and I refuse to hear otherwise. I am editing this line in my head to say "day planner".

I meant as the administration for the School of Friendship.

I tend to forget everything to do with season 8 and especially the School of Friendship. I acknowledge my error.

The way you had the Mane Six arrive at the town is somehow less contrived and stupid than the actual episode. Props.

"Wait," Rainbow Dash said. "Wait... wait! She's your sister? And he's your brother? You're siblings!?" Her wings sprang open.

Oh, dear.

"This way, Pickle," Dash said, waving him to follow them.

"Into the fillies' room?" he asked. "Isn't that against the rules?"

"Nope. Oh, sure, the Wonderbolts have lots of rules. But never forget rule number one."

"What's that?"

"I rule!" Dash said.


You shower as a team!"

This is a minor nitpick but it should say 'we'.

Pickle couldn't believe his luck or his eyes. He shuffled closer and reached out with his hoof, just barely touching her blue outer lips. He moved it aside slightly, revealing her wet, pink interior.

She has the same vag as Phoebe. Hawt! :rainbowwild:

general butt-hole region of a pony

General Kenobi, you are a bold one!

She didn't exactly taste like Dash. She was a bit more tart, but also a little less bitter or watery.

Nice continuity between this story and The Grand Part. You did mention the older and more sexually experienced a mare was, the more watery and bitter her cum is.

"Why don't you come take a seat over here


It was actually quite easy for her, since he was still colt and she had taken bigger dicks before.

Missing 'a' between 'still' and 'colt'.

"Hey! Brothers and sisters have sex all the time!" Dash said, genuinely believing it despite being told to the contrary by her liar friends.

It's all true, even the parts that are false. :eeyup:

Dash said like it was the most obvious thing in thew world.


"Why not? I thought you said all siblings do it," Pickle said.

"Because sex is fun!" Dash said. "Especially with your sibling! And you know how much parents hate it when you guys have fun, right?"

"Oh, they so do!" Barley said.

You are so going to Hell, Dash.

"Wait! don't we need a condom? I remember that being an important thing," Pickle said.

You get the fuck out of here with that shit, PIckle. :twilightangry2:

"That's not-" Dash couldn't even get the words out between fits of laughter. "That's not- how you have- sex!" Dash clutched her sides. Her ribs hurt from laughing so hard. Pickle didn't understand what was so damn funny. "You don't pee inside her! You're supposed to cum!"

There should be laws against peeing inside your sister's pussy, I swear to god. :pinkiesick:

"Come on guys, both of you walk together. Teamwork, remember?" Dash coached. Barley shuffled carefully, taking small steps over to Dash while Pickle held onto her waist and followed in step, keeping himself inside her.

HIlarious visual!

She felt her hoof bump into Dash's cervix

Man, that is one tiny leg!

"That's why you need to do this as often as possible," Dash said. "And only with each other! And you need to make sure that you always cum inside your sister, because that's where a brother's cum belongs. Okay Pickle?"

This tome can't contain all this truth. You're missing a comma between 'okay' and 'Pickle'.

Barley moved her hoof down to her pussy to try to keep her brother's precious cum from leaking out of where it belonged. Dash rummaged through a few of the lockers to find something suitable. She came back with a small, rubber racket-ball. She rubbed it against her pussy and then moved Barley's hoof out of the way and pushed it inside her, plugging the leak.

Using advanced G5 tactics to get her pregnant. Quite innovative, our little Dashie!

"Now this is something I'm proud to be a guest of honor for!" Dash said.

They even got a cutie mark out of it. Good way to finish off the story. Not much else to add to my previous comment. This is just a really nice story with some good laughs.

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