Chapter 10 - Hit Me Like a Ray of Sun, Burnin' Through My Darkest Night
Celestia looked down at the small filly, “Sunset…”
The unicorn’s ear twitched in her direction but otherwise didn’t seem to acknowledge the woman’s presence.
“Sunset…” she breathed as she knelt down next to her adopted daughter. The filly was barely the size of a large housecat, with the overly large head and extremities of juveniles of any species. Celestia reached down and stroked her daughter’s mane. “I’m here, sweetheart, and I’m not leaving you behind.”
The filly huffed a deep breath, slightly shuddering on the exhale.
“I…saw. I saw what you’ve been through…” Celestia offered, and without waiting for a response, she scooped up the pony and cuddled her daughter close. “You don’t have to carry those memories alone. Not anymore.”
Holding Sunset’s equine form to her chest like a particularly large house cat, Sunset’s hoofs poked cutely up into the air, her forehooves tucked slightly and hind-hooves sticking up awkwardly. The filly blinked her eyes open but didn’t look up at Celestia. “I…I was so stupid.”
“Oh, sweetie…” sighed Celestia, “What makes you think you could ever be stupid?”
Sunset snorted gently and shifted a bit, “I knew…I knew the Elements were…were powerful. I knew they were basically forces of nature given physical form…and I thought I could just…” a tear formed in the filly’s eye, “Just wave them around like a really big stick and get ponies…people to do what I wanted. I thought I could make Cele…” at this, she quickly glanced up and then back down to gaze at her hooves, “Princess Celestia make me her…” the tear slowly rolled down a furred cheek, “…daughter.”
Celestia raised an eyebrow, “You didn’t want to be a princess, too?”
“Ha!” Sunset barked a laugh, “Of course I did! Immortality, wings, massive mana pool? Who wouldn’t want that?” the filly deflated a bit, brief spurt of energy ebbing away, “But she…she didn’t want me. She didn’t want a daughter. I was just another duty to her.” A spark of anger seemed to flare, but then just as swiftly snuffed out, “And I guess…I guess she was right. I’m not worthy of being her daughter. I’m not worthy of being any…”
“You stop that line of thinking right there, young lady!” interrupted Celestia.
Surprised at the interruption, Sunset met Celestia’s eyes for the first time. Sunset’s eyes were full of tears, and Celestia couldn’t help but start to cry, too, though for a different reason. “You are a wonderful young…” her gaze flicked over the equine in her arms, and with a smirk, she continued, “...filly,” in response, Sunset’s lips quirked up just a little and she rolled her eyes, “And anyone, human, pony, or any other race on that crazy world you came from would have leaped at the chance to be your mother.” She looked up to where a horizon should be and was surprised to see what resembled the line of light that precedes the sunrise off in the distance. “Just because…she didn’t see that in you, or if she did she didn’t bother showing it, doesn’t mean anything about you.” She pulled her daughter closer and nuzzled her fuzzy nose, “I love you…I love you so much, I can’t even begin to tell you how much. And I know you love me, I felt it when I was reliving your life.”
Sunset flinched, her eyes widening in surprise, “You what?!”
Celestia smiled down at the filly, “Ah, didn’t realize that was what was happening, huh? Yeah, from…when you came through the portal the first time, I think?” she scrunched her nose up and her eyes flitted back and forth, trying to recall details that were fading. “It’s getting to be a bit fuzzy in my memory, I don’t think I’m meant to hold all those memories, they are yours, but I saw everything,” she sprouted a mischievous grin and locked eyes with her daughter, “Including when you were experimenting with ‘hands’ and the things you overheard in the girl’s locker room about how to use them.” She gave her daughter a matronly wink.
Hooves clapped over mortified eyes as a furious blush showed through the fur on Sunset’s face, “Oh, goddess!”
A laugh, a deep, bright laugh, the first Celestia could remember using in months escaped before she could clamp down on it for her daughter’s benefit. “It’s okay, silly filly,” she couldn’t stop herself from smiling and she just knew there would be a twinkle in her eyes, “I could hardly avoid the memory, though you might want to keep it quieter from now on, you’re not in the warehouse anymore, and I think your aunt might have a few awkward words with you if you got too loud in the house.”
“Mo~o~o~om!!!” groaned the pony.
Celestia glanced around, still smirking, noting that the light over the “horizon” only seemed to be coming from one direction and that it was growing no brighter. “Just think, this is my first time giving you a ‘mom-barassment attack.’”
“Augh!” groaned Sunset without removing her forehooves from her face, “What have I gotten myself into?”
Celestia looked down as she started walking, noting with amusement that even though Sunset was still very embarrassed, a tiny uptick of the corners of her mouth was visible. After a few strides, Sunset lowered her hooves and looked around curiously, “Where are we going?”
“I don’t know,” the woman replied, “But it’s the only other light visible, and there’s nothing else around, so it seemed like the logical choice.”
What seemed like moments but could have been any length of time, the darkness around them started to form shapes. The first defined shape of a wall caused Celestia to stop short, the architectural feature simply being there with no recollection of approaching it or seeing any sign of it before. They examined it curiously, but nothing new happened after several minutes. It was simply a space of wall that seemed to fade into the blackness behind them.
Shrugging slightly, Celestia walked on, the wall seeming to somehow keep pace, and as she moved more features seemed to form around them. Celestia didn’t take her eyes off the horizon, and she thought she detected a slight increase in brightness as time passed.
A gasp brought her up short, and she looked down at Sunset, who hadn’t stopped looking around as physical features seemed to appear out of nothing. “What is it sweetie?” she asked.
“It’s…it’s my old room at the orphanage!” she replied. At this, Celestia turned in place, realizing that they were, indeed, in a small (for her) room, with two bunk beds against opposite sides of the room, small filly-sized toys scattered around the room. When Celestia turned back to face forward again, she found herself facing a wall. There was no movement, not even through the outside windows, where snow could be seen stilled in mid-air.
With nothing happening, the pair simply looked around, then at each other, then Celestia shrugged her shoulders for the both of them and she started toward the door, only to have Sunset burst through the door. Startled, she stopped moving, and the Sunset that came through the door stopped as well, suspended in mid-air as she bounded into the room, a huge smile on her face. She looked down at Sunset, still in her arms, who was just as confusedly looking back at her. Celestia resumed her walk, and the Sunset not in her arms resumed her bounding through the room. Celestia stopped, as did the other Sunset, and she realized she was no closer to the door than when the room first formed around them.
“Mom,” said Sunset, “I have a theory…keep walking, even if it seems like you’re not making progress.”
Befuddled, Celestia resumed walking, and just as Sunset implied, she didn’t seem to be moving forward at all. She could feel her feet propelling her forward, nothing was holding her back, but she also was getting no closer to the door. At her feet, an eager (and slightly panting) filly Sunset dropped a pair of saddlebags on the floor and darted around the room, grabbing small things with her mouth and dropping them into the bags. They seemed to be small keepsakes, a notebook, a pencil…it wasn’t much, but it clearly meant something to the filly.
“I remember this…it’s one of my earliest memories I can recall clearly. It was right after I’d gotten my cutiemark. Youngest in my age group…” as she narrated, the memory version of herself finished packing, took a second look around to ensure nothing had been left behind, then nodded to herself in satisfaction. “Celes…Princess Celestia is downstairs, she had somehow heard how I got my cutiemark and came to see me, asked me to perform some magic for her, I think she was doing some tests…” Memory-Sunset slid her muzzle under the straps of her bags and flipped them up and onto her back. The Sunset in Celestia’s arms blushed, “I wasn’t used to using magic for things yet. I…got teased about that when we got to the capital.”
Suddenly, they were moving, not in time with Celestia’s steps but with Memory-Sunset’s gallop. Celestia experienced quite a bit of vertigo as they practically rocketed through the door, down the short hallway, and then down the stairs. Memory-Sunset ran up to the memory of Princess Celestia, standing next to a slightly portly unicorn with a bright brown coat and yellow mane and smile lines around her eyes.
“Well, your highness, this certainly isn’t a traditional adoption, but then I don’t think we could ask for a better home for this little filly than what you could offer!” said the matron with a grin.
A bright, warm smile split Princess Celestia’s face as she watched Sunset approach. “Would that I could do an actual adoption, but we don’t actually have a legal process in place for an immortal princess to adopt a filly into the royal family. The average pony in Manehattan has more freedom to adopt than I do.”
Filly Sunset’s giant smile faded some, but then returned full force. “But I’m practically adopted, right? I’m gonna live at the castle with you and we’re gonna have dinner and exchange dolls for Hearth’s Warming, and go get candy for Nightmare Moon on Nightmare Night, right?”
Celestia caught it, even if the memory of Sunset didn’t, the flash of pained recollection on the princess’ face as the filly inadvertently touched on a nerve. Then it was gone, “Of course, my little pony,” replied the alicorn, “What kind of princess would I be if I let one of my subjects go without those things if I could have a hoof in it?” she said with a wink and a smile.
The memory faded as the memory of Sunset began gamboling around the princess’ hooves as the two adults in the scene discussed the logistics of the transfer of custody.
Celestia continued on through the darkness, holding her daughter close and feeling the steady rhythm of the pony’s pulse against her chest, taking comfort in the feeling of her daughter breathing. Why are we even breathing? the pondered, This is…a memory, a mindscape, we shouldn’t even have autonomic functions here…but then I guess it would be weird to not experience them.
The room that would later be filled with Sunset’s papers and books and scrolls and even a few posters of the occasional pony pop celebrity faded into view. Celestia didn’t stop walking this time, and time proceeded as expected for this particular memory. The little filly in the room was seemingly oblivious to the ray of light that was creeping down her wall about to wake her up, but before it could get all the way down to the level of her head, Sunset practically leapt out of bed with an enthusiastic, “Hah!” pointing an accusing hoof at the line that divided the day from night on her wall. Apparently satisfied that she had won whatever silly game she had concocted, she trotted over to the window, dragged the stool from the nearby desk over with her magic, and stood to watch the sunrise. She lifted a hoof to block the bright light from damaging her vision and squinted into the morning with a smile, “Good morning, Princess!” she chirped, before darting over to the suite’s attached bathroom and closing the door.
Celestia giggled at the brief memory, then looked down to the filly in her arms to gauge her daughter’s reaction. Is it just me, she thought, or is Sunset larger now than she was a moment ago…?
Sunset stared into the space the window had been in with a melancholy expression. “I had this silly notion…I thought that if I said something to the sun, that somehow Princess Celestia would hear it.” The filly sighed heavily, a light misting of tears reflecting the scene around them. “I asked her once when I was just hitting puberty if she ever heard any of my morning greetings. She…hadn’t. I guess…I guess that was when I realized she wasn’t as all-knowing as she seemed to pre-cutie mark Sunset.”
Celestia gently stroked Sunset’s mane, letting the cadence of her steps set the pace for her (for lack of a better term) petting of the small equine in her arms.
They kept going, passing through memories of school, time with the princess, studies, and the occasional interaction with other ponies not in the context of school or the royal court. As they went, Sunset’s pony form grew bigger, as though the passage through memories was also the passage through Sunset’s maturity as a pony.
She was a pre-teen, obsessively listening to the same records on the phonograph for hours at a time as she studied, she was in her early teens, crushing on another filly but not even thinking of saying or doing anything about it, just keeping it to herself. “Sun and moon, I don’t know what I was thinking,” said Sunset from her next in Celestia’s arms, “She was…I guess she was a lot like Celestia.” They watched as Sunset’s memory of herself tried to split her attention between the book on the library desk in front of her and the physical attributes of a statuesque mare a few tables away, who was blissfully ignorant of being observed by the Princess’ star pupil. “Tall, white coat, aloof as Tartarus. What even was her name? Fleur…something?” She shook her head as the scene faded to the featureless landscape.
Sunset was older, isolating herself more and more until she only ever interacted with the staff and the princess. Even other heads of state were ignored in favor of her self-imposed isolation. Soon, the princess showed her the mirror. Celestia frowned as she watched the vision of Sunset as an alicorn princess manifest in the glass. The memory was a long one, culminating in Sunset’s final moments as a pony before knocking out the guards and escaping through the open portal.
Once the memory drew to a close, the scene faded but left the mirror behind. There was no more light on the horizon, which was no longer visible. They had arrived at their apparent destination. The reflection showed Celestia holding a very young human Sunset shimmer. She looked down to meet her daughter’s eyes, still on an equine face, who looked just as confused. After looking around for a clue as to what to do next, they returned their gazes to the mirror, looked each other in their reflected eyes, and Sunset nodded to her mother. “I guess no way out but through…”
Celestia smiled and stepped forward, the mirror actually staying in place this time as she approached it. Taking her cue from the memory they had just watched, she stepped through without hesitation…and found herself outside Canterlot High, still holding Sunset, though now the girl was young, looking as though she was only 13 years old.
The night was still, that unnatural stillness that met them whenever they stopped during Sunset’s pony memories. Celestia adjusted her hold on her daughter and resumed her forward walk. As she expected by now, the scene seemed to jump them to Sunset’s first night in the P.E. storage shed.
Sunset, still curled in a princess carry and examining her hands, said, “I…I can walk now, mom. You don’t have to carry me.”
Celestia continued walking, smiling as she watched the now familiar memories of Sunset’s time between being under the care of a Celestia flit past her. “I…want to carry you, sweetheart. It just feels right to do so…and it’s probably silly, but I feel like…I feel,” she looked down at her daughter’s human face, “I feel like you’ve had to walk on your own far too long.” A tear started sliding down the older woman’s cheek, “And you need your mother to carry you now more than ever.”
As the memories of the factory warehouse formed around them, at first hostile and barren, then just as hostile but marked with the first signs of someone inhabiting it, Sunset began silently crying, just curling up tighter in her mother’s arms.
The motorcycle appeared, then the workbenches were arrayed around it with tools that were purchased second-hand or otherwise acquired. Then they were in the school, darting through the hallways as the memories followed Sunset’s initial triumphs, followed by her campaign to dominate the school in her misguided attempts to seize her destiny. As the events of the current school year began, Sunset started tensing up. “Mom…” she breathed shakily, squeezing her eyes shut.
“I know,” replied Celestia, clutching her daughter, now the same size and apparent age as when Celestia retrieved her from the Apple farm, tighter to her chest.
The trip through the portal to retrieve the crown came and went almost in an eyeblink. Sunset began shivering, “Mom…I don’t want to…I can’t…” she now had tears streaming down her face, eyes still closed tightly.
Celestia, remembering the pain but willing herself to keep moving, “I know, Little Sun. It will hurt.” Her reply was choked off by the fear climbing her own throat. She swallowed thickly and continued, “It will hurt…but I’ll be here with you this time.”
The fight at the base of the statue began, and Sunset was practically clawing at Celestia’s suit coat, clasping and releasing spasmodically, muttering, “No…no…no…” over and over.
The Principal paused for a moment, the memory of Sunset holding the crown over her head in triumph, Princess Twilight reaching out from a distance, as though to stop the other girl, the other students scattered around, the talking dog paused mid-leap in the air.
She took a deep breath and stepped forward.
The memory landscape was blasted away in fire and pain. A liquid rain of anger flooded their awareness as Celestia set a foot down. On what, she had no idea, but she didn’t stop. She lifted her other foot and pushed forward against the storm of blasting fury.
She had no idea how long she walked, how long the memory burned for, but when she finally felt the cessation of pain, the lack of sensation was so acute it took her a moment to realize she had her eyes crushed closed and she could hear Sunset’s pained sobs. Determinedly putting one foot in front of the other, she looked down at her daughter.
Sunset was practically limp in her arms, still crying out, “No…not again, please…”
The memory landscape was shadow and nightmare, echos of the pain of others like a torturous choir. The harsh lights of the Elements left behind in Sunset’s psyche lit the way but never showed the destination. Even so, as they moved forward, the factory warehouse loomed ahead, at first hidden in shadows, but the motorcycle almost faded into existence right before them.
Sunset was still, no longer speaking but sobbing, her head buried in her mother’s chest. Celestia frowned at the bike, and took a determined breath, “It’s going to be fine, Sunset. This will hurt, but I’ll be with you, and I’ll be there with you until the end of time.”
So saying, she began walking faster.
The world exploded in pain once again, this time a wet and sickly feeling that seemed to soak into their very being. It was only Celestia’s dogged determination to hold her child close that kept her from instinctively dropping her, as her right arm flared in pain…then went numb. Blood began to seep through her sleeve and stain Sunset’s clothes, and in her arms, Sunset’s wrist and hand began pouring blood onto her torso.
The memory landscape became a rainbow prison, bars of light appearing all around. At first completely random and chaotic, the fractals of multicolored light began forming corridors, then the corridors were cut off and only the path forward remained. Soon the gaps between the rainbow bars grew so small that the bars became walls. Then the colors began to blend until she was pushing herself through a blindingly bright white expanse, the air itself seeming to push back.
Step by step, her progress slowed, but never quite stopping, until she seemed to be pressing against a wall. She was oblivious to everything around her, unable to see, an angry, pained scream escaped her as she leaned harder, feeling something before her give and tear, clutching Sunset tighter, only barely able to feel the girl and desperate to not lose her…
Celestia gasped awake, a light sheet draped over her naked body, sweat plastering her hair to her forehead and soaking the thin covering. She coughed and shook, feeling like she had just run a marathon with no training beforehand. Dimly, she was aware of Zecora moving around her and Sunset, whipping the equally sweat-soaked sheet off the teenager’s body before putting the girl’s head gently on a pillow and covering the girl’s body with a dry towel.
Sunset’s eyes were opened, but unfocused. Her gaze darted around the room, arms reaching almost blindly, “M…mom…!” gasped the girl.
Celestia took a steadying breath and yanked the soaked fabric off her own body, then reached over to clasp Sunset’s hand, “I’m here, Little Sun, I’m here…”
Sunset’s eyes briefly focused on the principal before fluttering closed. In moments, she was breathing deeply and steadily.
Zecora smiled at the sight and finished patting the girl dry before drying Celestia’s body as well. “Your spirit walk is now complete, and the sound from her lips is quite the treat. Now you must rest awhile and recover, I’ll go to the farm and tell the others.”
Celestia nodded, clearly exhausted, dragged herself over to hug her daughter close.
Zecora smiled down at the exhausted principal and spread a blanket over her, making sure to cover Sunset’s form as well. The girl was out cold, sleeping peacefully for the first time since the principal brought her into her home, and snuggled against Celestia. The nudity would be an issue later, to be sure, but for now, they were too wiped out to care. “A bit unusual, perhaps, to birth a child this way,” murmured the shamaness, “But the results speak for themselves, I would say.”
Far too tired to respond with words, Celestia smiled at the woman, eyes fluttering closed, and slipped off to sleep.
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Sweet, albeit admittedly a little hard on the cheese, but that's fine.
me fighting my personal opinions on princess celestia to not ruin my feelings on the ficThe princess was selfish. She walked to the edge of what sunset wanted most and then refused to go all the way because she really only cared about her power and although she tries to care when it requires effort she fails each time.
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And what feelings would that be? 'cause if those are positive feelings, you will want to pay attention to the eventual sequel You Need Never Feel Broken Again and Lost Little Wolf once I get to writing that one again. Admittedly, I am a bit hard on Princess Pancake-flank in Empire and (the as yet unpublished) Voice of Rage and Ruin. It will make sense soon, promise.
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Do not remove this fic from your notifications list until at least the first epilogue. 😈
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I don't plan on getting rid of it unless it's bad by end and so far it's a really good story. Hopefully it will keep being great.
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Well that helps assuage my fears a little. I've always felt when reading fics like these that people make what I interpret as a gray situation as very black and white. I sort of get it since we're seeing it through the perspective of Sunset but it's just a little frustrating as a big Princess Celestia fan. I'll stomach and I trust you know what you're doing. It's not an easy thing to get right so I wish you the best of luck.
Yay, Sunset's speaking again. And the feels were real, there was a tear or two for awesome mother/daughter bonding (damn onion ninjas). And mental image of human Celestia carrying filly Sunset was just perfect and adorable. Another great chapter
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Oh, yes! My story lives in the grey areas. Every
onepony is the hero of their own story, after all.I cannot WAIT to see the comments section when I publish Epilogue 1, I keep saying it'll hit y'all like a ton of bricks.
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i.postimg.cc/LsQdRKs0/wonder-woman-giggle.gif
my heart 🥺 I'm so scared for the epilogue 😩
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I also have a feeling Sunset is going to break Principal Celestia’s heart and return to Equestria to be with Princess Celestia😭
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I'll give you a hint, you're missing someone... 😈
Right characters, wrong idea.
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Luna?!?! Twilight?!?! Man, you're killing me 😩😩
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Oooooohh, wait... Daybreaker has something to do with this right??
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Oooh, you stumbled on one of 'em. The other isn't directly involved with the scene.
The teasing clues will continue until the scene is posted. 😈
Daybreaker shows up later, as in "in the sequels," but yes, I'm teasing the hell out of her appearance.
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I feel like Twilight is going to be involved in something big and I'm scared that it's going to separate Sunset from her mom 🥺 I hope I'm wrong tho. I mean, their bond seemed pretty strong in the end there
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Wrong on both counts, so...good?
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On no 😩 I guess I have to wait for the epilogue is it going to be a long wait?
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Considering I've had the bulk of it written since 2019, the big wait at this point will be for Chapter 11 to be completed.