• Member Since 29th Jul, 2019
  • offline last seen Yesterday

BlankBrony


Hi, I'm someone lazy and I have the tendency to write OP charactcers in my stories. Also I'm a normie because Fluttershy is seriously best pony.

T
Source

[Displaced] A high school boy named Jhon went to a comic con as the freakin' Vaal Hazak, got awkward with the merchant and get transported to equestria because of it. First time fic.

After getting sent to Equestria [Timeline : Before Discord's rule], in a place unknown but familiar to him in one of the most isolated place in the Everfree Forest. A Vale, a Rotting Vale and instantly become it's master by controlling the miasma and dead corpses laying around. After some chapters the Main timeline will kick in.

Rated Teen because it may contain "details" (In a gore sense of course, no clop because with a rotting dragon? No, i don't think it's posible unless very very specific fetish) but overall not too gore.

Contain some gramar fails because I'm bad and may get cancelled after one month because i maybe won't have the energy to finish it (I'm too lazy to do whatever there is in a good fic that makes it a good fic, also because I'm doing it just for fun).

Image Source. I do not own the cover image.

Edit : All the chapters after 'The Lair of the Beast (part 2)' will be edited by Crimson Arrow.

Monster Hunter World is owned by CapCom. (Please don't end me)

Chapters (17)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 50 )

Not even 2 hours and I already get rated and viewed.
Man I don't know if I can really pull off this story.

9891957
You really shouldn't think negatively like that with doubt, otherwise you'll never be able to write a story, let alone complete it.

9893400
Thanks, I'm doing chapters in a daily basis right now because I have so much ideas coming right up.
Thanks again, might as well live up to the public expectations.

Writings a bit weird but at least the grammar is good. Also I love the idea so keep up the good work. And if you think it's bad author I could show you some other stories that would change your mind really quick.

9894291
Yea I know why my writings weird because I'm not even english to begin with, also because when I write my stories, I kind of improvise on the spot, that's why It's a little bit weird to read.
And don't worry, I said my fic's gonna be bad because I had no idea what to write when I did the descriptions. Just the general idea of 'Displaced Vaal Hazak' and because I'm lazy, I won't delete the part I said my fic's gonna be bad. And I saw fics that had weird and grammars fails, I remember I cringed every time I saw a paragraph.
Anyways, thanks again for the support.

As we went over our castle, I noticed an intoxicating smell and air, just like a rotting corpse, almost choking me.

I don’t think you the definition of intoxicating.

Oh shit, I tought I said I wasn't english.

9898455
Aye aye boi, or girl, or whatever you are.
I only do 1 per days ;)
Even if I can do 2 or even 3 per days, i still need to chill soooooo till tomorrow x)

"Oh my... What am I gonna say to Twillight and the others?" She said in her natural angelic voice that could render the most heartless being (I think is a DevilJho for monster hunter) harmless.

'Just say you were saved by a zombie monster quadruped thingy' Angel said with his stare at Fluttershy, wich understood immediatly.

"Oh I'm not sure Angel, I don't think they'd trust me..." She said very shyly, something even a changeling couldn't resists. Speaking of changelings, one of them just died outside of her cottage inside the forest because of a heart attack.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! ABOUT TIME SOMEONE USED THAT JOKE!


IGN: 10/10 such cuteness should be illegal XD

R.I.P unamed changeling. We already forgot you...

Also the late chapter might not be a thing, because well, I can't wait a whole day of nothing sooo maybe next chapter will be out tomorrow.

seeing Ana actually make me think of this

I've said this before and I'll say this again.
There needs to be more MonsterHunter/MLP.
I'm loving this.

thanks and yea, Ana totally will be the greatest jagras

thought I don't think I would make her a Kulve taroth, i don't even think I would make character growth on her and just let her stay a little succubi attitude thing

I'd be worried I'd if I somehow beasted out on that form.

On the one hand, this story at times seems a bit all over the place and cliched.

On the other hand, those cliches are still fun and handled well enough overall while not seeming truly random or out of place so there isn't a real problem in and of itself.

So my final verdict is that this is a pretty entertaining story so far and one that I hope you will keep working on.

9896660
I mean, kind of? It's diminishing physical/mental ability via any kind of substance and I know damn well that scents can effect your thoughts and body. We typically use it in a 'positive' way with alcohol and such but you could theoretically use it in a negative way as well so it kind of fits.

9918622
I checked the definitions and it effectively means something that can make someone ‘lose control of their faculties or behavior ‘ or something exciting. In this case the only definition that really seems to work is an extremely old definition of intoxicate that means to poison. It feels less like the author is using it creatively and more like it thought it meant something more along the lines of to make ill.

Dude, he's got a walking volcano, I have to hand it to yah, that's pretty OP.

9939704
Monster Hunter, one of the only times human-ish races are as strong as demi-gods.

I loved the Zorah fight, because it WASN'T a fight in the slightest. We were fleas chipping of little bits of it's shell to make better shells for ourselves, and utilizing everything we could to try and stop it. We literally had to use a hydrolic spike the size of a red-wood tree just to make go in a different direction, AFTER our failed attempt to CAPTURE A VOLCANO. Ya know, like smart people.

Great story by the way. :moustache:

"Alright, you go over pony-land with these. That's the price and because you seem so entouthiastic about getting those while making me and you awkward and almost in an ever ending loop of timeless stares. It's free and considered paid so Bye!"

Dannnnm son best way to be desplaiced yet😅

blankbrony i would recommend you copy and paste your story onto google docs and do some spell and grammar checks. if you would like i can also proof read after you have completed that.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ac9qp78m12QMwmtC69lcbSqMmL7K0sIIe8Sr9NlP0sA/edit?usp=sharing


(thats just a start)

To be a monster or a human? That is a question in and of itself. To be a monster is like bearing all of you out to the world and not caring. Monsters do not hide their intent but rather explicitly show it without no remorse. Humans will don a disguise and mask themselves. They will hide among your numbers and when you trust them, they strike. While both are capable of such cruelty, it is ultimately what you choose to be. Do you become a monster with no remorse over anything you do or do you remain human using betrayal and deceit on yourself and others? That is what pops into my head whenever I hear the word "monster" being used.

I love this now this makes me want to play the monster Hunter games

9958365
dude that's some high psychologist s**t, not even my logic can compare to that x)
I think I might use your view of things in some chapters, maybe

9958665
I'm a person who often ask the reason for why things are labeled as they are and spend a lot of time trying to put myself in the "shoes" of whatever I am seeking to understand. Stories like this always makes me happy to read because it helps me question what others might do in this type of situation.

oh and also, if people are triggered by the name "Jhon" then just keep up with it, the fail grammar is intentional, it's a little joke because the name was actually used in my english class and I misspelled "John" to "Jhon".
It's useless information but a little fun fact.

9957407
Thanks, Ill consider it

Youd think they would be more horrified about undead abomination no matter how nice it acts.

Now that I said it I got flasback to another displaced monster story that vent that route. No matter how much protagonist tried to show her good side the ponies were almost obsessed in trying to put her down out of sheer fear and misunderstandings.

If you are curious and have time (and haven't read already) here is link. Hollow Shades

In my opinion, it seemed interesting, but got waaaaaayyy too overpowered. I do wish you luck, but this story is not for me.

Best introduction ever 🤣 legit didn't expected that but with only that, the story already got me (besides the fact that I love MH too)

“Hey thanks for making that conversation so awkward you ass your gunna’ get sent straight to magic-pony-land for that!” Is essentially what he said if any one was wondering

It's a walking corpse of some unknown creature, it's whole body leaking the intoxicating-

You did this in the other chapters but the word you're looking for is Noxious. Also I would recommend slowing down a bit. Let some buildup happen suspense over multiple chapters, good job so far tho

Hey so I know I just commented but this will help. If possible go back to that 1000 year gap and develop the other monsters personalities do 2-3 chapters for them. Reason being that they are at least important side characters and some may not have watched Overlord to equate Little girl (Little Miss I think would work better btw) with Albedo. Good twist kinda foreshadowed in previous chapters but still felt a bit out of left field.

Fluttershy was good. Little outgoing for s1 shy but au can explain that. Thought remember Val is a rotting Dragon, shys biggest fear. Smallish thing can be fixed by makeing flutters less flustered and more scared and cautious of Val. Also maybe include angle a bit more thumping Flutters for staying making him and the wolves react to Val by presence like other animals, overall still good.

most heartless being (I think is a DevilJho for monster hunter)

nakarkos actually if we count elder Dragons.

Poor changeling..... who was I talking about......... oh right Dave the chipmunk.

Woh!?! Too many characters to little time! I understand Ranbow if Twi was screaming but it's late AJ lives at the farm and Rarity on the other side of town. And Rainbow knows too much if she is just barging in. Pinks is pinks. And Tia could just teleport in to the room. Try a bit more realism before random Deus ex Humor. Also chance at world BUILDING maby make twi know of Val before asking the princess as she is the super nerd but make it so she thinks he is evil due to appearance? Just plz fix the massive train wreck of main six intros. Keep to rainbow and pinks maybe or have them all together after RD gets them because of the screaming. It was great until that point then it felt realy rushed. Solid chapter but could use tweaks for that part.

"Good morning Princess" Everypony said then bowed, except Rainbow Dash and AppleJack who were sleeping on the couch.

AJ is farm pone she gets up Befor the sun to work.

Why am I acting this way towards him? He is not even a pony, and even less alive... I think? Is he alive? Or dead?

Very much alive Tia just I an intricate symbiotic relationship with a fungus and a sentient microbe swarm.

9978769
Yep, thanks for the advice for the chapters before but I already noticed the huge problems in the story, so much so that I cringed everytime. But because I'm lazy and that I want to keep my mistakes so that I can remember not to do them in the future, I will keep it as it is. Also, I intend to make the 'incident' moment as a traumatism for the main cast and well, I'll try rebulding the story with the ongoing chapters.
Thanks again for the little 'reports' from the earlier chapters as I was pretty hasty and new to the writing (even if it struck my poor little heart from the numbers of things you pointed out, which hurted more because it was so true.)

9979097
Nice I wait in anticipation to see where this story goes!

I don't play MH, but when my brother showed me this guy, my first thought was "Carl, did you build a meat dragon?".

From my depression, I find boredom. From my boredom, I fine intrigue. From my intrigue, I find discovery. From my discovery, I find greatness. What this means is that in our lowest moments, we have the potential to create or do something truly grand. In this instance, Jhon felt boredom from his depression. This caused him to wander and survey his surroundings to escape it. Then this gave way to noticing the remains of the elder dragons. After bringing them to life, he had realized that he not only gained strong military force from his journey out of depression but that it was one of (if not) the most powerful military force in the world. While such things are usually seen as unfair to others, this truly fits the old saying "From rock bottom, my only path is towards the sky beyond".

"I'm so gonna make you my bodyguard and this little guy here-" pointing at the little flying wyvern hovering around "-my assassin or observation unit" I said with a wicked and almost royal face, metaphorically because it's a shame to have a muzzle bounded to be forever bones and flesh.

I thought for a second he was going to say that the little wyvern thing was going to be his personal parrot. I chuckled a little from that thought.

Also, keep up the good work!.👍

If you defeated other villiaan is more likely to accept than doing nothing and just appear espeally somithing akin necromancy

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!