• Member Since 7th Oct, 2019
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Kelxir


Comments ( 12 )

9885693
Thanks! Now I just need to make sure my work stays good.

Good story, but it could use some improvement.

1. How could Celestia know that Luna had pulled out a human? More likely, she'd mistake it for some kind of bug at first.

2. Describe Ben: What's he look like? What's he wearing? How does he smell after spending time in between Luna's cheeks? Sweaty? Musky?

3. It's never explained if humans are naturally that small compared to ponies, or if Ben was shrunk somehow.

9886783
Thanks for the feedback. I can definitely add in clarification for the second and third point. As for the first point, check the bit in the story where Luna mentions that Ben and his kind are almost magically dead. Celestia mentions that the humans on the other side of the mirror portal do have innate magic, just no way to channel it like ponies do, so she does know about humans in general. Still, I think I can add something else to the story to emphasize the physical differences beyond just Ben's size.

Can't give an exact date, but I am working on it. A combination of a stupidly crazy last couple of months at work along with some extensive rework to the draft of Chapter 3 that my editor suggested has slowed down my throughput considerably, but I think the story will be better overall with the changes I'm implementing.

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