• Member Since 20th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Emo Rainbow


☐Single ☐Taken 🗹Gamer 🗹🗹Mental health issues

T

One pony, and one human, their hearts and souls linked in a way that they could have never predicted, and pulled from worlds universes apart. With immense power bestowed unto them by alien means, they must fight not only for their wish, but for their own survival. Out of the hundreds linked, which two will prove that they are worthy? How many will be left to perish? Only time will tell, so let The Tourney begin.

(Big Mcthankies from Mcspankies to NixWorld for the absolutely beautiful artwork! Check out his stuff!)

Chapters (11)
Comments ( 10 )

Well this was something to come across :pinkiegasp:
Honestly just saw the art and was like, what? But great intro. Maybe a little, Eh, with some of the, hows the weather, opening trope i usually hate, but seeing as it was used to set up a main character and whats to like about him, I’m okay with thay

Hmmm, well this seems like it could have potential! both characters had enough detail to give them more than generic images, and I can see how the two of them could make for an interesting dynamic. The little hints about the setting also seem interesting. Keep up the good work!

10178464
Thank you very much, I hope I can continue to maintain my ideas.

Hope they kid can find some escape clause to this game :/

10179537
Sadly, other than winning, there is only one way out. If you catch my drift...

I likes it. Great way to use up the quarantine, so you better keep updating. I get the sensation that the characters are a little stiff. Maybe try and relax the dialogue, I get that you are trying to tell the readers something but the characters end up with the same voice: your voice. I think playing with the dialogue would help each character find their voice. It's really good tho keep it up.

Don't you mean Tournament?

10275329
They both mean the same thing, this one is just officially called "The Tourney". Not only that, but the active version of the word literally means, "taking part in a tournament" which is what the characters are doing. :twilightsmile:

I like the story so far, but I can see one or two flaws in your writing style. For instance, I notice that you always try to write dialogue at the start of paragraphs, even intentionally word or structure things so that the dialogue can work at the beginning of the paragraph. In fact, if you didn't already know of course and this isn't just me being a little presumptuous, you can have dialogue almost anywhere in the sentence like the middle or the end. Narration can better accent it sometimes if you place the dialogue in more places than just the beginning. Other than that, solid stuff. I'm curious as to where all of this is heading.

Comment posted by Queuefka Palazzo deleted Nov 29th, 2020
Login or register to comment