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Do not be fooled. I am a dude.


When Pinkie Pie discovers she doesn't know Sunset's birthday, and none of her other friends know either, she sets out to get some answers. Those answers are very confusing.

Featured on 10/9/2019. Thanks!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 62 )

I think your idea/headcanon for Equestria's calender is okay.
Genius, even.
Well done.

“BUT!” Pinkie whirled around, causing Fluttershy to quickly remover her hand from under her skirt. “Before that, we need to find out Sunset's birthday!”

Torn between "go on...." and "oh myyyyy" :rainbowderp:

Fluttershy giggled. “'Everypony.' Still so cute.”

Yeah :derpytongue2:

Sunset took the proffered plate and a fork. “Can't argue with that logic!”

No one argues with cake! Or strippers! :pinkiecrazy:

The next morning, Sunset awoke to find herself in a warm, happy (and naked) pile of three of the strippers. She peered around at the mass of male, female, and non-binary flesh surrounding her and noted the not-unpleasant ache in her thighs.

Best birthday ever! she thought, before rolling over and going back to sleep.

Damn. I hope Flutters got out some pent up feelings that night too. She seemed kinda thirsty earlier :rainbowlaugh:

I want to focus more on the analytical time difference bits, but you short circuited my brain with cute zany plot and sexy shenanigans.

The next morning, Sunset awoke to find herself in a warm, happy (and naked) pile of three of the strippers. She peered around at the mass of male, female, and non-binary flesh surrounding her and noted the not-unpleasant ache in her thighs.

what!! gross:raritydespair:

Flutters is kinky!

I caught that near-triple "WHAT?!".

I knew the moment I saw the title that this was based around/inspired by your mathematically proven headcanon.

Also, Sunset's 32?! That's almost as old as I am.

This was great :pinkiehappy: I really liked the headcanon displayed here!

Comment posted by PiMan deleted Oct 9th, 2019

And that's why Sunset Shimmer swings both ways.

I've noticed crazier theories. Probably come up with one of my own. In any case, I applaud the thought that you put into this.

Comment posted by shallow15 deleted Oct 9th, 2019

The calendar difference was interesting. Very nice. I was laughing a lot when Pinkie brought up strippers. XD That ending was hilarious. Great work.

Comment posted by PiMan deleted Oct 9th, 2019
Comment posted by shallow15 deleted Oct 9th, 2019

Absolutely brilliant headcanon.

AWWW! :fluttercry: And here I was wanting a punch line of her birthday ending up on February 31

Our fandom? Nerdy? Oh say it aint so... I love it.

Which is why when we go through the portal, we come out as adults on that side, but are teenagers on this side.

That and different maturation rates between ponies and humans, presumably. As Sunset noted, the same amount of time still passes.

I have several other comments on this proposed calendar, but this is clearly not a story where one should dig too deeply. Silly fun, even if it broke Pinkie a little.

Where the hell is Calendar Man?

Okay, this brightened my day. :rainbowlaugh:

I like the math on your equestrian calendar. At least it's a logical progression.

Strippers don’t really do that kind of thing. In fact unless they are in Nevada there are a staggering number of laws against it.

The only problem is that one would never be able to adjust to that large a difference. A 20 hour day would be horrid.

Don’t hate on a good time!

I she knows how long an equestrian day and year are and she (presumably) knows the date she was born in equestria, she just needs to check with princess Twilight what date it is now in equestria and she should be able to calculate her birthday pretty easily.

9874565 Yeah, I'm not sure why they didn't got with 12 hours/12 hours.

9874551 True, but on the other hand Sunset Shimmer.

I’m not saying it might not happen, I’d just say a responsible party planner would hire people in the right profession for desired result.

Wow. Your explanation for Sunset's age is actually pretty creative.

Plus, a love the silly/sexy stuff you threw into the batch as well.

Math Nerd Powers, Activate!

Sunset began scribbling numbers on the napkin. “Okay, so, 20 hours in an Equestrian day, 200 days per Equestrian year. Multiply 20 by 200 and you get 4000 hours in an Equestrian year.”
She pulled out her phone and opened the calculator app. “Since we know hours are the same length on both sides of the portal, we can divide 4000 hours by 24 and that makes an Equestrian year correspond tooooo... 166.6666 repeating days over here. So just under six months on this side. Now, I was 22 when I came through the portal. Multiply 22 by 200, you get 4400 days. Divide that by 365, and you get just a skosh over 12 years here. Which is why when we go through the portal, we come out as adults on that side, but are teenagers on this side.”

The Bold sentence is where the calculation goes awry; the Equestrian number of days is used instead of the Canterlot High equivalent. It's just been established that an Equestrian year corresponds to 166.6 repeating Canterlot High days, so the correct calculation is 22*166.6 repeating = 3666.6 repeating; divided by 365 gives just over 10 years. Similarly, if Sunset is 39 in Equestrian years, that puts her at a little under 18 years old, which I'm guessing is not your intended age for her in this story; if your intent was to put her at a bit over 21, her Equestrian age would be a little over 46.

17-18 is Sunset's intended age in this story.

PiMan already pointed this out, and I, in a fit of ego bruised pique, deleted our interactions over it. After I calmed down, I apologized to him and made the correction noted in the author's note.

A stripper party at 17? Curious. The first part was the important bit, though. Mathematically speaking.

...But it's still not mathematically correct. If she's 12 on the Canterlot High side when she first crosses over, then she was initially a little over 26 on the Equestrian side.

I had fun reading this. From Pinkie nearly breaking to the ending punchline. Good work all around! :yay:

9874922 Sounds like that is exactly what happened! :pinkiehappy:

Yeah. From a unicorn's perspective, if you're reduced rutting clothes-fetishist ape monsters to get off, the question of what they are hiding under their clothes is sort of a minor issue!


Hmm. So...at what age would a human have to be to become a horribly decrepit old pony on the other side? Then again, since time passes at the same rate on either side of the portal, but the year length is different...but Sunset's an adult on the other side and a teenager in human world...uh...

What no pony rides?

“... maybe chocolate syrup?”

This is in no way, shape, or form out of character.

I believe the implication is that whatever magic the portal uses works off is a bit wonkers on the calendar date conversion due to the difference in the length of the days.
30 y/o in pony years -> 30 y/o human target
30*200 days -> 6000 pony days
30*365(roughly) -> 10950 human days

The magic maybe goes something like:
30 y/o pony -> 30 y/o human but instead of using 10950 human days it used 6000 human days (the pony day number value) thus 16.438356164 years old human body.
I think that's what the author is going for.

The only way this actually kind of works (i think) is that ponies must age faster biologically than humans do to keep 1 pony day = 1 human day as far as body development goes, that is if the magic was "correct" the 1 pony day to 1 human day would work out. i.e. a 10 year old pony (aged 2000 days) would be as developed as a 10 year old human (aged 3650 days) if the magic didn't mess up during the conversion factor.

I based my equestrian calendar on the numbers 10 for smaller increments, 100 for larger.

Only if the money is exchanged for the sex.

For all we know, Fluttershy was talking about pancakes.

The ache between Sunset’s thighs indicates it doesn’t really matter what Shy is talking about.

Ah, but it does.

Strippers can have sex like any other consenting adult, as long as they aren't paid *for the sex*.


This is really complicated, huh?

While true it would be a remarkably bad idea to try to do so in this manner, the police would likely not take excuses that it was spontaneous and had nothing to do with the payment received given that they were hired to come to the party. Otherwise this would just be the defense given to the police in literally any case of being arrested for prostitution or solicitation of prostitution. Also in this case they would need to convince the police that Sunset managed to seduce people into an unplanned orgy.

You assume that anyone would find out about the act. I can guarantee this happens way more than you think despite the law saying they can’t.

Majin Syeekoh

I mean yeah, but shit happens and as long as everyone's cool they roll with it.

The sad thing is all of this conversation started when I posted saying that Pinkie should have hired prostitutes as opposed to strippers. Responding to comments has lead to this point where it makes it sound like I am protesting the concept or something.

I think they're just saying that you're overthinking things, and you should just enjoy the story for what it is.

Overthinking is regrettably my nature.

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