Oh, you found me of all fans huh? Are you lost? XD
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Edited by the lovely EverfreePony!! 
Awoken at ten years old, Mystic remembers nothing about herself other than her name. Alone and confused, she will personally experience how the world, her choices, and the ponies in her life, could make her the pony she will become.
*Mild violence and gore, nothing explicit*
Cover art by Sirzi! An amazing artist! Please go check him out and like all of his artwork! 
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Why does this story have the same cover art as Nightfall Over Equestria?
9950820
Because it's the same story just redone. I'm going to delete it. And as for Mystic, she does punch kick and the like. She just has a machete as an additional weapon.
First and foremost, the story and the world you created is truly gripping!
It flows rather nicely, creating an enjoyable atmosphere where the reader feels like he is on the same page with Mystic in this cold, cruel world.
Now, what you should watch out for are the occasional shifts from past to present tense, as well as unnecessary repetition of words (see how many times cranium appears in the story’s beginning). Furthermore, a lot of your sentences are worded a little roughly, and many of them can be considered run-on. Last thing, avoid time stamping (e.g. the Later bit at the start of a new scene)—they are not necessary as you are conveying the same fact through narrating what’s going on and where Mystic is.
10004753
My main weakness is going back and forth between present and past tense as well as some of the sentences being rough. Everything can make sense to me but I fail to notice those.
Okay thanks for the feedback and I'm glad you're interested in the story so far.
But thanks for the feedback and I hope you continue to enjoy.
10004915
You’re welcome, glad I could help a little
Well, have you considered finding a second pair of unbiased eyes to look the story over for you?
10004918
I did consider that. I just don't know who to find that'll constructively help me.
10004919
Can also provide some of my references and a few examples of stories I have edited in the past, so that you can judge my skill objectively before letting me touch your story.
Well, my schedule is overflowing already, but if you would be willing to wait... I think I could offer my help
10004924
Sure. I'd like some advice. :) I do want to get better and tell this the best I can. Thanks for the volunteer. :D I'll try to check out some of your stories sometime, too. :)
I finally caught up to the latest chapter of your story. The beginning was kinda slow and a downer (which I guess that was kinda the point for Mystic's character) but the story was getting better in later chapters, especially after she met Sunshine and then rescued by the Liberators. You had me hooked on this story and I'm still curious about Mystic's mysterious past. Hope we learn more about her later and I especially looking forward of her meeting with the Mane Six.
I can't wait for the next chapter!
I felt nothing but dread in this chapter. The Liberators are getting more divided, Mystic's magic is getting more out if control due to dark magic, Cierra's leadership is getting more questionable, Mystic's and Sunshine's relationship is getting more strained and now they're planning to start a mission which would end in a disaster.
I have a bad feeling about this!
The part where Cierra trained Mystic to move and crush the bolder with her magic, was that inspired from that scene in Stranger Things when someone trained Eleven by moving the train car with her powers by any chance?
10152294
An answer to your last question.
Yes.
Oh snap!
Meng is dead!?
Great action chapter, but Cierra is beginning to change. And something tells me that it it's gonna get worse!
If the main OCs in this story had voice actors, what would they sound like?
10174700
Well, I'm not sure exactly how they'd sound if a voice actress or actor was speaking them. But here's what I know they usually sound like in tones.
I know Sunshine is a filly with a sweet voice.
Juan has a bit of a deeper voice than the other mares.
Song has a bit of an accent and has a middle-aged mare's voice.
Meng has a strong tone when she's speaking in her usual hard tone, but can be laid back.
Hong has a strong, spiteful and sometimes rude tone.
Cierra's voice is strong and determined.
Mystic's voice varies from when she was 10, 11, 12, or 13.
When she's ten, she sounds young, scared and lost.
At age 11, she is troubled and hopeless but it begins to get more confident after Sunshine enters her life.
At age 12, Mystic has grown more confident but can still waver.
At age 13, she has hardened some but still maintains some from when she was twelve.
Finally, at age 17 when we see her in the present day, she is hardened and has little fear present in her tone.
I hope that helps some.
If I'm gonna get voice actors/actresses for them, I would want them to be just right. 
...well shoot!
I don't even know where to begin! There was so much going on that I can't even fully process.
Mystic's reason fell deaf ears, Cierra's psyche was spiraling out of control and used dark magic of her own, ponies dying, the city was almost destroyed from a magical device equivalent of a nuclear bomb, Cierra "dies", and now Mystic is all alone (although we don't know what happened with Sunshine yet but I hope she's okay). I... was lost for words, but in a good way!
That chapter was overall an epic chapter, but I'm just anxious to know what's going to happen next!
Sunshine!
Noooooooo! 
Mystic is all alone and now has a long journey ahead of her!
Well. So far, this is very good. I'll get back to it tomorrow.
10366827
Great to know you're enjoying it so far.
Well... where to begin...
So, I could tell early on that Mystic was visiting the grave of Sunshine and that Sunshine died because of the war between the general and the Liberators. I just didn't know how. You showed their friendship very well. It was... depressing when her death was revealed.
I also liked the whole moral deterioration and the questioning. "Beware ye who hunt monsters, lest you become a monster yourself." Not exact, but close enough. Cierra was just too determined to destroy the general that she couldn't see that she had become just as bad. Others were too blinded by loyalty and Mystic being torn between her friend and her "duty". It was an incredible story.
But, every story has its down sides. So, first off, there were typos and grammatical errors. Then, there were times of too much tell, not enough show.
Overall, a great story and I'm excited for the next installments.
10368603
Well, I'm really glad you enjoyed it. :) I'm proud with how it came out and I look forward to showing what'll happen in future installments. :) Yeah, I'm not the most experienced writer when it comes to showing and telling but I try.
The sequel is already written I just need to get it smoothed out.
What happened to Chapter 2?
10478312
Oh, it's there. I didn't realize I had skipped over it. Chapter 3 is chapter 2. I'll fix that.
10478312
It's fixed. I can't believe I labeled the second chapter as chapter 3 and every chapter after that a number ahead of what it actually was. Thanks for asking me that. I'm a little embarrassed but grateful.
10478808
It's alright. After all, we all make mistakes, and sometimes we need a little help to fix them.
10478869
Eeyup. Thanks again. :)
Quote Undertale :) (don't reply cuz I just started reading)
The pits, huh? They seem quite an unpleasant place.
10564074
Eeyup.
10564083
Am I right in guessing what they might be full of?
10564501
Yep. I believe you are.
10564511
Rather messed up city to just have that in the street - but I suppose that was obvious already.
10564514
Not really in the streets, more of in the outskirts of the city and in ditches.
Whoah - from bad to worse, huh?
And the plot thickens! (The canon character parts seem a bit token, but I'm sure they'll work out in the end...)
Well, things seem to be going better... but that first part is forboding.
10564581
They're building up to something for something later.
Hmm...the melodrama is thick here. Perhaps too thick - it seems kind of off for Sunshine's roke to end like this.
10565319
Well, your opinion. Sorry you felt that way.
One hell of a headache there
.
Oh jeez... a town of poverty at its finest
.
Not a good way to start your day, huh little filly
?
Ugh, amnesia is the worst
.
You had the word, "Away" spaced out between the 'a' and the 'w'; fixed it up for you here
.
Be wary of those you don't know...
.
Well, she at leas remembers her name
!
I for one think it's pretty
!
You can remember the town, but...
...not much about yourself...
.
Again, poverty at its finest
.
Oh boy, I sense danger looming
!
Rouges
?! She ain't a nomadic male lion
!
Oh crap...
.
Mystic, I suggest you leave if you don't wanna get your head bludgeoned
! And have even more anmesia!
Best not go near them ever again
.
You do not wanna get it infected
.
That's right little Mystic, don't give up hope
!!!
Looks like it
.
Careful Mystic...
.
RUN!!!
By the skin of your teeth
.
Dammit... not even for her wound at least
.
I just know this is gonna end badly
.
Shit... I was right
.
Careful Mystic... careful
!!!
Aaaaaand now is time to BOOK IT
!!!
Damn, just like from before
!
What the-
?!
And they have successfully looted
.
Go somewhere that is not here
.
Scary...
.
After what happened, I wouldn't get my hopes up
.
Dammit, not again
!!!
Oh boy... one of these situaitons
.
Yep, they're in troubel now
!!!
Harsh
.
Fate has a really cruel way of doing things doesn't she
?
You don't wanna know
.
Just one last time... and hopefully there will be some shelter
!
In this town, it looks like you're never really safe
.
Time's running out
.
You won't die like this
!
Six-pointed... star
?!
This will definitely be important later one
.
Get as much rest as you can, 'cause the fight's not over yet. Not by a long shot
.
10583830
Thank you for the long comment. :) I'm glad to see you're enjoying the story and I hope you enjoy the whole thing. :)
Fight's not over by a long shot.
10584512
!
I'm pretty sure I will
Hmm, save for a lot of grammatical errors throughout, this was a good story.
It did get a bit long at points, but the overall story was well thought out.
There wasn't a need for anypony from equestria being in this story, unless you're gonna reveal Glim Glam messed around with time and space again.
The end was delightfully unexpected and I hope the secrets will be resolved and the sequel will be just as entertaining.
10610508
Well, the point of the pieces with Twilight and Starlight were to set up something/foreshadow things to come sometime in the sequel. I'm glad you enjoyed regardless of the errors.
Щещъ
mary do ?
Is that red dead two reference? Because Dutch says that in the prologue
10688360
Yep. XD
You had my curiosity, but now you have my attention!