Introduction
Waking Up
Her eyes blearily opened to meet a sky painted orange with a slight purple.
"Uuhh..." she groaned, blinking several times.
Suddenly, her head throbbed and veins pulsed through her cranium.
"Yah!" she cried.
Instinctively, she reached up to grab her temple, but her joints ached that caused her to wince. However, she pushed past the pain and grasped her head to ease her headache.
What is going on?! she thought, dread and uneasiness building up in her chest.
She heaved and her heart thudded.
"What the hay?" she whispered. Tears welled up in her eyes before she closed them. A few whimpers escaped her throat.
Seconds seemed to stretch into minutes as she waited for the pain to subside.
Cracking open her eyes, she saw snow blanketing around her in the middle of a worn-down brick road with worn down, poorly kept buildings. It looked eerie and unwelcoming and as cold as the atmosphere around her.
In the midst of her murky, scared mind, she let out another groan and managed to sit up. The terrain ahead was bumpy and uneven as the street stretched further into the unwelcoming town. Ragged filthy ponies trudged through the brown muck while a setting sun covered them in red. The filly wanted to cover her nose, the stench was so bad. Unfortunately, her hooves were in the same morass, and the idea of putting that dirt near her nose made her empty stomach churn...
As her migraine subsided, her mind began to wander.
A shudder snaked up her spine as cold sweat trickled down her forehead. Her mind wandered again. How did she get here? And who is...
Her eyes widened in horror. Wait, who is she?! Where had she come from? How did she get here?! She let out a panicked yelp and stood up on her wobbly legs.
“Where the heck am I?!” she cried. Her heart pounded and her breath shortened. Was anypony looking for her?! Did they know where she is?!
Why is she, a ten-year-old filly all alone in the middle of nowhere?!
She paused.
Wait. Ten years old? She held a hoof to her temple and stroked it. Where had that come from? Is it something she remembers?
Was she trying to do something and she had failed? Or did she appear out of thin air? Did somepony try to save her and end up here by accident? Or did she not exist until now? Where is she now?
Darn murky mind!
Forget about the questions. What does she need to do?!
Feeling the migraine beginning to return, the filly reached up and rubbed her temple again.
"Think, think, think," she whispered. How is she going to get a way out of this? She can't go at it alone!
Suddenly it clicked. She needs to find help!
With her objective in mind, she walked forward.
Her stomach churned again. Her steps were as if she were making a huge effort to keep moving. Her eyes landed on the ponies working their way through the street. Her mouth opened to call out to them but held back as she shivered. They look mean.
Rounding a corner, she came upon where the street split into a crossroad. Her gaze landed on more ponies. However, they were either wrapped in dirty clothing sitting out or lying on the cold ground. She shuddered at the sight of them. This place looks awful.
Not willing to back down, the filly continued onwards. It’s time to figure out how she’d gotten here.
“Come on, Mystic!” her voice slightly panicked. “As scary as this is you can figure it out!”
Suddenly she paused.
Mystic.
She shook her head vigorously. Mystic? What about it? Is it something mystical? What is it? Another thought that came to her mind.
Like a bolt of lightning, it suddenly made sense.
It’s her name.
“Seriously?” she asked herself. “Who names their child ‘Mystic’?”
Mystic thought through this undaunting situation some more and realized something else.
Maybe if she thinks about what she’s forgotten she’ll be able to remember! Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.
She closed her eyes, thinking back on anything she might’ve seen, done, or if she had anypony she knew.
Her mind felt murky and all she could remember was darkness.
Her eyes snapped open as her blood turned to ice. Was she born at ten years old?! Her legs began to feel wobbly.
“That can’t be true!” she whispered, she began shivering, not from the cold but because of the epiphany.
As much as it was scary, it was strange. She’s able to recognize a street, ponies, curbs, roads. The smell of smoke in the air. Even make her own choices that seem applicable to her. Even the feelings of dread and horror. They came almost out of nowhere.
But why can’t she remember anything about herself?! Where did she come from? How did she get here? And who is she? Why does she have to be in the dark? All alone in this neighborhood?
Her legs quivered as she wobbled forward. Her heart throbbed against her ribcage.
After trudging through the filthy streets for a few minutes the sound of laughter pierced her ears. Perking up, she gazed to her right and spotted a few unkempt earth pony fillies dressed in rags and kicking a dirty ball.
“Fillies! Supper is almost ready!” an older voice cried.
The fillies groaned.
“Mom, why can’t we have more than scraps of bean buns for dinner?” one complained.
“We’re starving!” another complained.
“We’re not the higher ponies,” the voice replied. “We have to deal with it.”
“Listen to your mother!” a voice from across the street taunted. Mystic tensed and her heart skipped a beat as she gazed to her left and spotted a laughing silhouette retreating down an alley.
The fillies gasped and scrambled closer to their worn-down home, mumbling and whispering to each other. They tightly hugged each other. Mystic felt sorry for them. She can identify with the poor little ponies and being trapped in a place with no way out.
As much as they seemed on edge, Mystic knew she needed help. These ponies look friendly enough and they could be welcoming. Right?
“Hey,” she called out.
They didn’t hear her.
“Hey!”
The fillies gasped and locked eyes with Mystic. The older filly did her best to smile and look friendly.
“Mom!” one of the fillies cried.
Mystic kept walking.
An earth pony mare dressed in tattered clothing stepped out. When she saw Mystic, her eyes widened and her face turned into a scowl.
“Get out of here!” she shouted, causing Mystic to stop abruptly. “We don’t accept rogues in our home!”
“But I’m lost!” Mystic cried, her heart hammering. “I need help!”
“Yeah right, unicorn!” the mare hissed. “I know a con when I see one! Get back to your parents!”
“I woke up and I don’t know where I am!” Mystic insisted, her eyes welling up. “Please! I need help!”
“Go!” the mare screeched. “Fillies! Get inside now!”
The fillies scurried into the house. The mare reached behind the door and pulled out a rod.
“Leave now!” she cried. “This is private property!”
“But I’m starving, and I have no idea who I am and where I came from!” Mystic insisted. She didn’t understand what’s going on. Mystic outstretched her clutched hooves and pleadingly dropped to her stomach.
“I don’t care who you are!” The mare began stomping forward. “In this holy-forsaken town, filly, colt, or adult, you’re with family or on your own!”
Mystic stood up as a whimper escaped her tightening throat amidst her teary vision. Her mouth opened to explain.
“Get out of here!” the mare roared.
Mystic screamed when the mare charged.
She bolted down the street focusing on the path ahead of her. She galloped further into the night, not daring to look back.
It felt like hours as her legs carried her as fast as they could. Whimpers and sobs poured from her throat. Her legs gave out and suddenly she was flat on her face.
She screamed, pain shooting up her left foreleg.
Immediately, Mystic sat up and examined her limb. Just above the knee, blood oozed out of a scrape.
She gulped. It needed to be treated, and soon! Deciding to examine herself for additional injuries, she ran a hoof along her orange coat.
Suddenly, she felt something metal wrapped around her neck. She looked down at her chest to see she was wearing a golden necklace with a medallion. Where did this come from?
So many questions about herself and the society she was in. Putting her discovery aside, she decided to think positively, maybe those ponies were the wrong ponies and she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Yeah. That could be it.
Right?
“I need help,” she croaked, “and I won’t give up...”
Desperate and frightened, she decided to go around the neighborhood to ask for help.
The neighborhood wasn’t as friendly as Mystic hoped. She saw ponies fighting over scraps. Several laid in heaps to keep themselves warm.
She turned into a part of the neighborhood that had fewer ponies. It looked safer despite the houses looking as if they were made of rusty sheets of metal. While she passed, she looked in a window of one of the houses to see a stallion with his two kids. They looked on edge but content with their conditions.
Some ponies are more fortunate than others, she thought disdainfully.
She shifted her attention back onto the street. Then something caught her eye.
On a laundry line, a couple of yards over were some shirts and pieces of cloth draped over it.
Without thinking, she ran over and snatched one of them to help with her wound.
“Thief!” she heard an elder voice shout.
Oh snap! Mystic thought.
Her legs carried her as fast as she could go. As she rounded a corner, she swore she heard barking that came from the house.
A few minutes passed before she stopped in a secluded spot. Mystic splashed some water onto her wound. It slightly stung but she gritted her teeth to take it. She lightly scrubbed it and wrapped the cloth around it. She tightened it slightly, the wound still stung but felt better.
The door slammed in her face. Mystic let out a whimper as she sulked and walked back onto the cold street. She felt tears well up in her eyes again. Nopony bothered to help her. Not even help heal her wound.
Her gaze landed on some abandoned and burnt down buildings close by. A hunch told her that she won't find help there. She sighed. Time to turn around.
A few minutes passed and she found one house that seemed sturdier than most of the slums she had seen. It looked somewhat worn down and with paint partly chipped away from the walls.
Desperate, out of a moment of bravery or stupidity, she entered the house.
The den is fairly put together, but it still looked worn down and a bit unkempt. Several cobwebs decorated the corners and a dresser nearby. Just a couple of chairs and a table in front of a fireplace. Wait, a fireplace?! Fire is burned in it, too!
Her heart soared.
Without a second thought, the filly made her way over and--
She froze.
A cup and a book on a table. Her blood turned to ice as she gazed to her right.
A sleeping earth pony in a chair.
Uh oh.
The thought of asking for help came to mind. However, she recalled the mare saying that without family she’s on her own. If that was true, then this pony wouldn’t be willing to help.
An instinct began to ignite within her. One she never thought she had. It felt bold. Determined.
A glare took form on her features. She needed to get warm. She will not freeze to death.
The unicorn gazed around the somewhat empty den and spotted a ragged green jacket hanging on a door hook.
Jackpot.
She made her way over, not caring how loud she was, grabbed it and pulled it off the handle, causing it to tumble off the door it was connected to.
The pony stirred in his sleep.
Mystic put on the jacket. She nestled into it and felt warmer than before.
“Hey!” a voice shouted.
Mystic froze.
“Give that back!”
Staying by the fire didn’t matter anymore. Mystic turned and glared at him.
“No! You’re on your own!” she stated boldly, but inwardly couldn’t believe her words. “Just like I am!”
Mystic ran through the den as the stallion let out a cry of anger. She didn’t care, she needed this more than he did! The unicorn ran down a short hall and leaped out a window as the stallion called out to her. Never looking back, she bolted down the street.
As she sat behind some rubble, she had been relishing in her received jacket. She opened it up, put it on her cold body and hugged herself to keep it on.
She felt proud, but she also wondered to herself if that really happened. The fact that she not only broke into a home but did tell that pony he was on his own. She shuddered at the thought of becoming just like him. Cold. Alone.
A scream pierced through the air.
Her heart nearly jumped out of its chest. Immediately, she looked to her left, and in the dwindling light, she saw silhouettes moving in the shadows. She pulled off the jacket and shot to her hooves. Several ponies came into view and Mystic saw that they were carrying jewelry, cash, and sacks over their shoulders.
Mystic got down on her belly to keep an eye on them. She watched them as they tried to stay close to the shadows. The one in front seemed to be the leader.
“Looters…” she said in a dire tone.
She watched them slink into the shadows and make their way to an alley.
When they disappeared, Mystic breathed a sigh of relief.
She cannot stay here. It’s far too dangerous. Maybe if she were in more populated areas she would be safer. Or at least feel safer. She stood up and began walking west, following the sunlight.
The slums were larger than she had expected. The streets were mostly empty. The only ponies she saw had been scavenging for whatever little scraps they could find. Some were gnarled and had twisted smirks when they laid their eyes on her like a predator that stalks its prey.
Mystic shuddered as she recalled the vivid image.
Her legs slightly ached so she plopped by some barrels to get a moment’s rest. She gazed down the street and noticed something just above the horizon.
Against the fading sunlight, Mystic spotted some taller buildings. They looked pristine with their wide eaves that marked a new floor. Her eyes widened. The spark of hope returned.
“A city?” she asked herself, her breath carried out like a ghost. “How did I not see this before?”
The filly figured that she couldn’t have seen the skyscrapers way back from where she had woken up.
“Maybe it actually has decent ponies,” she said to nopony in particular.
Great. Now she’s talking to herself. Or has she always?
She shook her head. Did she just notice this? It took her only fifteen minutes to notice.
Mystic let out a groan, snapping out of her thoughts. Maybe she could find help there! Surely there were--
“Run! Run, you fools!” she heard a male voice cry.
Her blood turned to ice.
The clip-clops of hoofsteps began approaching her.
Without a second to lose, Mystic ducked behind a barrel and lightly peeked out.
She almost hid again when she saw another group of homeless ponies running from the city. Her hair stood on end as she spotted well-groomed unicorns chasing them.
Time seemed to slow down a bit before one of the well-groomed ponies shot out a burst of magic, knocking the homeless ponies to the street.
“Please don’t!” one pleaded as he turned over onto his back. “We’re just hungry!”
“Give us back our food!” one of the unicorns demanded. “You worms should go back in the dirt where you belong and leave us alone!”
“We’re all ponies here!” a second homeless pony, only to receive a punch in the face.
“No, you’re not!” the second unicorn shouted. “We hated chasing you worms from our fine establishments! You should know you have no purpose in life and know who truly matters! Now, get lost before we decide to end the lot of you!”
The three homeless ponies cried out and gave the food back to the unicorns. Mystic couldn’t help but watch in horror as the homeless ponies received more beating and distaste from the other ponies before they scurried off into the cold neighborhood.
“Good riddance,” said the first unicorn.
“Scavengers,” said the second.
Mystic watched them go. When they were gone, she realized she had been holding her breath this whole time. She snapped out of her state and began hyperventilating.
“My gosh, my gosh, my gosh,” she wheezed and gasped for air.
For the umpteenth time, Mystic bolted off. The worn-down buildings passed by her in a blur, the smell of urine hit her nostrils as her surroundings never seemed to change. A little later, she stopped to catch her breath.
“Why fate?!” she cried. “Why do I have to be in this place?!” Her eyes welled up and she shivered again. Harder this time but not from the cold. She slammed her hoof onto the ground.
She felt her hope continue to fall as she picked herself up and examined her surroundings. The buildings weren’t as worn down, but they still looked daunting and gave her an eerie vibe.
Even if everything happened for a reason, why did she, a pony with no memory of herself, have to be here in this place?! Was it a mistake?! Was fate really this cruel to little fillies?!
Looking down at the cloth around her leg, she noticed it came a little loose. She sat down. Her jacket slightly loosened, but still shielded her from the cold. Relief washed over her as she tightened her bandage
“I need to get some shelter,” she said, shifting back into the jacket. “It’s getting dark.”
She stood up again and examined her surroundings. There was no place where she could take cover. Deciding to walk, she took to the streets one more time.
The sun has been gone for a while. The last streams of its golden light were barely hanging on as the night crept closer.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be truly safe, she thought with a whimper. Who knows what else could be out there?
The filly knew she couldn’t stay here. She looked to her right and she spotted a burnt-down building. It was the first she’d seen in a while. With one final look around, there wasn’t anywhere else that could serve as shelter.
She made her way over and saw it used to be a residence. There was a piece of wall still standing. Perfect. Just enough to keep her shielded and hidden. When she arrived, the filly laid down on the floor. The musty jacket gave her some cushioning. She turned to face what was in front of her. She could see the skyscrapers in the distance and what looked to be suburbs. Their lights glowed as the sun’s light continued to fade.
Maybe she could head into the city and find some decent ponies. Yeah, that sounded like a good idea. First, she must figure out how to equip herself to survive. In addition, she must find food and water. She’d already taken a jacket, who’s to say she can’t take more?
“I will make it,” she vowed, “I won’t die in this place!”
Settling further into the jacket, a thought came to her.
She tried again to remember where she’d come from. Her mind felt as if it were a bunch of murky sludge that churned. But it all it churned was darkness, waking up, what she’s seen through the whole time she’s been awake, and her own accursed name. Mystic. What kind of name is that? Then there’s the necklace and--
She paused.
Looking down at the necklace again, she brought the golden medallion closer. A sun is engraved on the front. Mystic squinted her eyes, sharpening her focus on the peculiar object. Where had this come from? Curious, she turned it over to reveal a six-pointed star engraved, too.
She scoffed.
“Does this necklace mean ‘starry sun?” It was a joke. How ridiculous! However, looking at the necklace--
It felt as if it belonged to her. She was unable to determine why that is, but her heart warmed a little despite the coldness around her. She smiled a bit for the first time.
Starry Sun…
It didn’t seem to imply anything else. Her brows furrowed. Could it truly mean that? The more she thought about it…
“It seems to stick,” she said, almost automatically. It sounded right.
Despite fate seeming so cruel, whatever has led her here must’ve happened for a reason. Surely, there must be a reason why she knows herself as Mystic and wears this necklace that feels special to her.
“I’ll take whatever comfort I can get,” she said, letting the necklace hang loose again.
Tucking in with what little cover she had, she made herself as comfortable as she could within the burnt wood. As the wind blew through like a ghost, her eyes met the skyscrapers' silhouettes as the last bits of the sun faded away.
Wherever the Light Shines
Hey everypony! Here's the first chapter of my first Pony fanfic! Only this time, it's rewritten to make the story more interesting and I say it is!
Please leave a like and a review! I hope you enjoy this story and I hope it's a good, worthwhile tale! 
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Why does this story have the same cover art as Nightfall Over Equestria?
9950820
Because it's the same story just redone. I'm going to delete it. And as for Mystic, she does punch kick and the like. She just has a machete as an additional weapon.
First and foremost, the story and the world you created is truly gripping!
It flows rather nicely, creating an enjoyable atmosphere where the reader feels like he is on the same page with Mystic in this cold, cruel world.
Now, what you should watch out for are the occasional shifts from past to present tense, as well as unnecessary repetition of words (see how many times cranium appears in the story’s beginning). Furthermore, a lot of your sentences are worded a little roughly, and many of them can be considered run-on. Last thing, avoid time stamping (e.g. the Later bit at the start of a new scene)—they are not necessary as you are conveying the same fact through narrating what’s going on and where Mystic is.
10004753
My main weakness is going back and forth between present and past tense as well as some of the sentences being rough. Everything can make sense to me but I fail to notice those.
Okay thanks for the feedback and I'm glad you're interested in the story so far.
But thanks for the feedback and I hope you continue to enjoy.
One hell of a headache there
.
Oh jeez... a town of poverty at its finest
.
Not a good way to start your day, huh little filly
?
Ugh, amnesia is the worst
.
You had the word, "Away" spaced out between the 'a' and the 'w'; fixed it up for you here
.
Be wary of those you don't know...
.
Well, she at leas remembers her name
!
I for one think it's pretty
!
You can remember the town, but...
...not much about yourself...
.
Again, poverty at its finest
.
Oh boy, I sense danger looming
!
Rouges
?! She ain't a nomadic male lion
!
Oh crap...
.
Mystic, I suggest you leave if you don't wanna get your head bludgeoned
! And have even more anmesia!
Best not go near them ever again
.
You do not wanna get it infected
.
That's right little Mystic, don't give up hope
!!!
Looks like it
.
Careful Mystic...
.
RUN!!!
By the skin of your teeth
.
Dammit... not even for her wound at least
.
I just know this is gonna end badly
.
Shit... I was right
.
Careful Mystic... careful
!!!
Aaaaaand now is time to BOOK IT
!!!
Damn, just like from before
!
What the-
?!
And they have successfully looted
.
Go somewhere that is not here
.
Scary...
.
After what happened, I wouldn't get my hopes up
.
Dammit, not again
!!!
Oh boy... one of these situaitons
.
Yep, they're in troubel now
!!!
Harsh
.
Fate has a really cruel way of doing things doesn't she
?
You don't wanna know
.
Just one last time... and hopefully there will be some shelter
!
In this town, it looks like you're never really safe
.
Time's running out
.
You won't die like this
!
Six-pointed... star
?!
This will definitely be important later one
.
Get as much rest as you can, 'cause the fight's not over yet. Not by a long shot
.
10583830
Thank you for the long comment. :) I'm glad to see you're enjoying the story and I hope you enjoy the whole thing. :)
Fight's not over by a long shot.
You had my curiosity, but now you have my attention!
This seems like an interesting start. I hope Mystic will be able to recover more of her memories soon.
11174922
I hope you enjoy. :) Regarding Mystic's memories... you'll see what may or may not happen.
First time reading this let’s see how it goes