Half-confession
I got to the Royal Castle in Canterlot one day later. I almost didn't arrive, but like my sister, I didn't let a few dead ponies get in the way of my goal.
I guess.
I was waiting for my turn at the Castle's medical center.
“Spur? Nurse Nightingale will see you now.”
Nurse Nightingale reminds me of Ma, except she doesn’t try to feed you the moment you lay eyes upon her. Ma, she’ll give you hugs and kisses, wipe the blood off yer hooves and give you a plate of your favorite food and then tell you everything is all right. At least that’s what it was like with me and my sister.
But the reason I’m tellin’ you this is cause I started having cravings for onion grass.
Raw onion grass and cattail salad. There wasn’t anything on the side of the road I could pick—if I remember what Biscuit said two nights before then, what I saw was garlic, not onion grass. When I got to Canterlot that morning, I found a restaurant that served something like it. That is, after I scraped off the sugar from the leaves and took away the ketchup.
It tasted like the bayou. Bitter. Muddy. A hint of…animal. Swamp pony, maybe. I can see why my sister liked it. I swear, if I had eaten three or four plates, I could’ve felt like I was in the bayou forever.
Before this all happened.
I was Nurse Nightingale’s 1:30 appointment. Fifth appointment of the day. There were a few other ponies in the waiting room, but I was the last one to get called, so I was alone in the waiting room.
Biscuit couldn’t be there.
I remember I flew outta my chair and towards the door that goes to the exam rooms, but Nurse Nightingale didn’t move yet. And I was so damn tired, so I just sat there on the floor, my wings hanging down, and I looked up. And I remember the Nurse looked down at me, then she looked at my name on the clipboard—“Spur”—she scribbled a few things on the form that I couldn’t read, and she just said, “Well, how you doin’ today, hun?”
“I’m fine,” I lied.
“Well, don’t you worry, we’ll take good care of you.” I wonder if that was a lie as well.
She took me into the exam room at the end of the hall. “So, what brings you to Canterlot Castle today?”
“I have an appointment with Princess Twilight.”
I scheduled an appointment with the guard at the front gate. At first, he half-looked at me and rattled off on how Her Majesty was real busy and how it could take up to 14 days before I could see her. Then he went into the back room to talk with his supervisor.
He came back out, a totally different look on his face, and he said I could see the Princess “as soon as she gets out from her meeting, this afternoon at 2:15 sharp.” Then he wiped some sweat off his brow and told me I had to complete an exam at the Castle’s medical center.
Nurse Nightingale sat me down on the exam table, and began pushing my legs and wings around. “How old are you, sweetie? Sixteen?”
“Fourteen.” My birthday was actually a day ago, but I forgot.
“Aw, you’re still young, sweetie!” She chuckled. “I remember when I was fourteen. Sittin’ in class, half the time thinkin’ ‘bout clothes, the other half thinkin’ about boys.” Then she went on about this long story about meeting her high school sweetheart, and how he became her husband comin’ on ten years.
I couldn’t listen to it without thinkin’ about that little shop on the side of the road. Two nights before.
Finally the Nurse stopped talking, while she listened to my heart. I’m pretty sure I’d fail the test—I thought I was gonna pass out—but she said, “Hmm. Beautiful. Lemme just check your wings…oh where did I put that pegasus examination form…?”
She opened up a drawer and used her unicorn magic to look through the papers. She clipped the extra two pages onto her clipboard. “My daughter’s turns nine, this year, y’know? I think you’ll like her. She’s kinda quiet, like you.”
Quiet? Since when did I ever become quiet? My mind’s noisy as hell. If hell is noisy—I a’int too sure myself.
Golly!
A friend, sis!
A friend! Go to her, and ask her! It’s easy!
What, you already forgot? But you were the one who taught me!
Repeat after me!
Wanna be fwiends?
Wanna be fwiends?
I never asked that question to Biscuit, you know. Never seemed to be an appropriate moment to ask. I guess that means Biscuit and I were never friends to begin with. But maybe I should ask him. “Wanna be friends?”
Oh, now I wanna ask him. Now, when his body’s floated 200 miles down the river with a big gash in his belly, along with the dead shopkeeper. That…that’s just great.
I won’t ask.
I won’t ask him.
So then we’ll never be friends.
“I a’int that quiet,” I told Nurse Nightingale. “Feelin’ lonesome, is all.”
Lonesome? But I thought I was your fwiend!
The Nurse patted me on the back. To check my spinal cord. “Well, maybe it a’int my place to say this, but you oughta get yourself a coltfriend, sweetie. That’ll keep you from bein’ lonesome.”
“I…I had a coltfriend. We…we broke up.” Well, it was half true.
I had a coltfriend.
Biscuit lost a lot of blood, you know. Slowly. The last time I made love with him, before I hit him too hard, and he…there was that look on his face, you know…his eyes rolled back. At first I thought it was cause he liked it—my eyes roll back when I like it.
It’s true! They’re all correct! You’re Cozy Glow! You’ve become just as evil and sadistic as her!
I guess those were his dying words. Cause after I fainted and I woke up, I saw him there, his blood all over the shop floor, covering the shopkeeper’s dried blood. Then next thing I know, I was dragging his body out, with that sharp pain still in my head. He was real heavy. Heavier than the shopkeeper, since it was just me dragging him. And all I was thinking was, “Are we at the river yet?”
Cause you can’t think about what you did. You can't cry about it. You don’t have the time. You just gotta keep dragging him. And cleaning. Cleaning. I had so much to clean, I wasn’t even thinking about Biscuit.
I felt very little. I still feel very little. I hate myself for that.
That’s good though, right? It’s good I feel that way, right?
I kept listening to my brain playin’ that last hit, over and over again.
Smack.
Smack.
Smack.
Listening. I’ve had enough of listening.
Nurse Nightingale stuck something in my ear, and that’s when I snapped out of it.
“I’M SORRY!”
One of the lights in the exam room had gone out while I was “away.”
“Sorry for what?” Nurse Nightingale asked.
I paused. “I…erm…I’m sorry for…bein’ quiet.”
“Oh. No need to apologize hun. I’m just doin’ my exam here.” She chuckled. “Well, everything looks normal there.”
“Where?”
“Up here.” She pointed. It took me a while to figure out she was pointing to my ears.
Then, she told me to tilt my head back. “What’s…what’s this bruise here? On your neck?”
Ma always said, you can be anything you want to be in the afterlife. She was trying to encourage me and my sister to do our chores and take over the farm after she and Pa died. “Now, you work. And if you work hard now, later you’ll be taken away and duly rewarded.”
I wonder what Biscuit decided to be. Maybe a rodeo pony. I think he’d like that.
I wanted to be a fashion designer. I liked those dresses that I tried on in Bitsburgh. I guess it’d be nice if I could make some of my own. I had a note written out and everything. With all the reasons why I did it, and why I thought it’d be the best thing for Equestria.
I’m a responsible pony, you know. And I wanted to do the responsible thing.
And then I got to the part of the note, where I apologize to Biscuit, and say “Goodbye” to all the important ones in my life. Goodbye, Ma. Goodbye, Pa. Goodbye, Bloofy. Goodbye…and then I didn’t know what name to put.
So I couldn’t finish the note.
I decided to tell Nurse Nightingale about the hanging. Just not everything that happened before that. Sort of like a half-confession, I guess. “I almost kicked the stool, but then I thought about my unborn child…an’ I couldn’t do that to her. Or him. I don’t even know which one yet.”
Nurse Nightingale stopped adjusting her scope. “You…you’re pregnant?”
“I…I am.”
She shook her head and sighed. “So young, honey. You sure?”
“I’m positive. I’ve been gettin’ cravings, and queasy feelings—oh please don’t tell Ma!” I grabbed at the nurse’s hoof. “She’s going to kill me!”
She reread the notes on her clipboard. “Look honey, I don’t know what to tell you, but from the examination I just did, you’ve only just started puberty. It’s highly unlikely that you could get pregnant. But we can check easily enough.”
I lay on my back on the exam table. She fired up her horn into a light pink glow. She started from my head, and moved down by body. Then she stopped when she reached my belly. Probably for less than minute. But from the number beads of sweat that fell, I’d say it must’ve been a month or two.
Hello, sis.
One bead of sweat fell.
Remember me?
Four beads of sweat.
Golly, of course you do!
Seven beads of sweat.
I’m here, right inside of you!
C’mon sis, don’t you miss me?
Come out!
Come out!
The light! The light!
I squinted. I moved my flank a little, and the paper liner on the exam table made a loud noise.
“Nope.”
“What?”
“You’re not pregnant,” the Nurse said.
Then I got the queasy feeling again. “But, but, the cravings, and the—”
“Look I don’t know what to tell ya sweetheart. I’ve done this test a million times. Whatever cravings or queasy feelings you’re having, it’s not because you’re pregnant.”
“Then…who is it?”
“Who’s what?”
“In my head.”
Then Nurse Nightingale gave me a look. And she picked up her pencil and clipboard again. Like she was maybe gonna stab me with it, but she didn’t actually. She put the pencil back down.
HA!
HAHAHAAA!
Golly, sis, I had you fooled for so long, didn’t I?
Sure, it was a little drastic of me. But how else would I have stopped you from kicking the bucket?
That’s no way to increase the body count. Don’t you agree?
I’ll bet that my sister became an alicorn in the afterlife. You know, I realized something. She never wanted to kill anypony with her bare hooves. Sure, she killed a few swamp ponies with arrows when she was young, but she never really wanted that. She wanted to be an alicorn. She wanted to sit up in a high and mighty throne in a castle, and just kill ponies with a few soft strokes of her quill pen.
And now, there she is. Sitting up there in my head, on her throne. Looking down at me.
But why hasn’t she written my name with her quill pen yet?
Golly, sis! Why the long face? Aren’t you glad I saved your life?
How many so far…two? Only two dead? Golly, what an embarrassment to the family name! Look when I summoned those Windigoes. I mean, at least a thousand ponies must have died from hypothermia alone! How humiliating it must be for you to be so sorely beat by your younger sister!
But now you have the homefield advantage, sis, so you’ve got no excuse.
Do you, now?
“Spur? You okay? Wake up!”
I screamed. I thought I was lying on the exam table, but I guess I was on the floor because it was cold. I stayed curled up in a ball while Nurse Nightingale checked my pulse and shined a light in my eyes. “Phew. Good. Thank heavens, it’s nothing serious. Come on. Gitup. Breathe, hun. It’s okay.”
“I…I’m sorry,” I heard myself mumble.
“Sorry for what dear? Everything is just fine.” Nurse Nightingale helped me up, and that’s when I remembered I was still in the exam room. She gave me a popsicle—I guess she does like to feed everypony. “Well, it’s 2:10—when’s your appointment? 2:15? Where’s the Princess meeting you again?”
“The…the guard said the Reading Room.”
“Oh, that’s not too far. I’ll walk ya there. Come on. Just one more thing…” she took an opaque plastic hair cap and slipped over my head. “You never know with these royal guards sometimes. They’ll shoot arrows at ya first, then ask questions later.”
“You…you know?”
The nurse smiled. “Of course I do. You don’t think I read the news? But you give me one good reason why I should be worried that you’re Cozy Glow’s big sister.”
I saw Biscuit and the shopkeeper’s bodies when I blinked.
“I…I can’t.” I faked a smile.
I left the other half of my confession for Princess Twilight.
aaaaaa help im drowning in red tags
The timeline is pretty nonlinear in this chapter. I hope everything was clear.
Hang in there. Things will look up for Spur in the next chapter, I promise. 
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O... kay... I think she's starting to lose her mind.
Did Spur piss off the god of misery or something? Because at this point her life is arguably worse that Guts'.
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Things will look up I promise
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Or maybe I am
At this point I don't see how, unless Biscuit and the shopkeeper were both complete hallucinations and she didn't really kill them.
So the nurse notices the noose mark from some time ago, and can even scan for pregnancy. But she hasn’t noticed any signs of the concussion Spur got a few nights ago? Not in terms of behavior, or the giant bruise that must be on her head? I’m not sure why Mica bothered writing that, for how often the rest of the story seems to pretend it didn’t happen. Is the concussion supposed to be exclamation for why she had creepy sex with Biscuit, killed him with a blunt force trauma, and then hide the bodies? And then manage to find her way to Twilight’s Castle anyway? I REALLY do not think that’s how a concussion works.
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I'm sorry
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For what? About the Spur’s behavior, or Nightingale not catching any marks or symptoms?
Actually, Spur DID just pass out in the checkup room, after talking about hearing voices. Is it going to turn out that Nightingale is actually taking her somewhere to stay while someone from the hospital comes to pick her up?
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I'm sorry that so many people actually care about the drivel I write. You deserve better.
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I thinks it's been a long time since she lost his mind.
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That's really not the vibes I'm trying to send your way. I don't have any regret for finding this story. Or you.
This continues to be very intense and high-quality. I gasped aloud when I saw the bit about Biscuit dead.
Thank you for continuing this story, and I look forward to its next installment.
This story gives off some Doki Doki Literature Club vibes. Either that or Donnie Darko.
This is so dark and strange and I love it.
Well... that was... dark.
This is actually the first story that’s really spoken to me in the past... 3 years? I stopped reading fan fiction sometime around there, probably even earlier. But this? This is good. This hits the feels perfectly. I cant wait to keep up to date with this story and it really warms my heart to see such great stuff coming out of the fandom that helped me through some really tough years.
Keep it coming, my friend. This is wonderful.
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Thank you. I'm glad you enjoy it.
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For some reason, Battle Royale was in our middle school library. I read the first few chapters as an 8th grader and...wow. Scary stuff. Maybe it's part of the reason why I started doing fan fiction.
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I apologize for my strange conduct last night. I was going through a little "episode." Kind of like Spur, I guess, but less extreme.
...
I have nothing to say. I... wow... um... Biscuit... dead... crazy... concussion...
Thanks so much for continuing this story. I'm just... like...
I cannot wait to read more. I'm just. AH. I CANT SPEAK.
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The only way I can see it is that Twilight gets her therapy. A lot of it. I mean, she is very clearly insane, at least as far as a court would be concerned. She likely couldn't be held accountable for her crimes as she was not and is not sound of mind.
It would raise the question of why Cozy didn't receive the same treatment, though. Perhaps Cozy wasn't insane. She was just a sadist who wanted others to suffer. That doesn't excuse crimes and it can't always be treated. Then, of course, maybe Cozy is getting treated for it.
Throughout this story, we have had an extreme lack of reliable information. This is likely intentional as our only narrator is suffering from delusions, psychotic breaks, bouts of insanity, and head injuries. Everything we are told about the outside world is from ponies hearing news from other ponies, filtered through Spur's broken perception of reality.
As far as we know, Cozy was never shattered. She was never scattered to the winds. She may never have even been frozen in stone, unless this story follows the show exactly. For all the information we don't have, Cozy Glow might be receiving therapy as we speak and healing. It seems unlikely for this to be public knowledge, though, considering how much hatred we saw from the crowd towards Cozy.
I'm hoping Spur hallucinated killing Biscuit. Her previous night said she didn't, after all.
Oof. This chapter was a trip. And not the fun kind of trip. I feel kinda bad for spur, but at the same time...
From the end of the previous chapter:
Somehow, I don't think she fainted...
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Spur is the princess of unreliable narration
Spur's skizofrenic.
This is not a good story to read with low blood sugar.
I love it tho
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Thank you but please don't get sick
i.imgflip.com/3m7c58.jpg
Also, you scared the exorcist away, dammit.
I don't think she's exactly starting to lose her mind. It's long gone. I'm glad I'm taking the time to catch up, because this story always leaves me on a cliffhanger. Something is clearly wrong with Spur if she is still having unusual symptoms but isn't pregnant. Either she's got a false pregnancy or something more magical may be happening.