Chapter 14
14
"Another slice? ... Yeah, you're right. We deserve it. Not like I'm gonna get much bigger... yeah, that's the right thinking. You know how to bargain with a mare."
"Daddy, Mommy is talking to the foal again." Taboo and Thunderhead watched Rainbow Dash, who reclined on the couch with a half-empty pie tin balanced up on her swollen stomach. The mare chatted casually with her unborn progeny, a sight that wasn't so foreign in the household in recent days. After all the excitement of the evening, Thunderhead figured that his wife would be in a melancholy mood. Even he felt a bit like curling up and just giving up for a while, but he had to get to work. "Is she going to be like this forever?"
"She'll probably go back to normal once she gives birth." Thunderhead, being one half of the whole child rearing operation, was on the same page as Rainbow Dash currently. He wasn't much for baseball, but he realized they'd somehow gotten three strikes against themselves. It wasn't like there was any real competition about, but Rainbow Dash still had her pride to think about. She was supposed to be the fastest, but here she was dejectedly eating pie in defeat before even crossing the finish line. Thunderhead didn't have to think very hard about when this all started.
"Say hello to your sister, Willow."
"Hewwo, Maple." Willow smiled down at her newborn sister, who was peering up at the ponies around her with wide, blue eyes. The little earth pony only very recently named Sweet Maple couldn't respond of course seeing as she'd just gone through the most trying (and only) event of her life. She hadn't the time to master the complexities of language yet, not that her older sister understood this. "She's not saying anyting."
"You couldn't talk when you were born either, sweetheart," Fluttershy said, giggling a bit to herself. Giving birth for a second time had actually been a bit easier for her, seeing as she knew what to expect for the most part. Everything had gone predictably, right down to Time Turner passing out. "She can't understand us either."
"Then why say hewwo?"
"Because that's the nice way to greet ponies, sweetheart. If you greet your sister nicely, she will grow up to be nice like you."
"Ohkay." Willow bobbed her head to show she understood. She turned her attention to Maple. "Hewwo!"
"Yeeeah, that's about all of that I can handle," Rainbow Dash said, getting up from her seat in the corner. "I'm sure you're four times as tired as I am Flutters, but I'm bushed."
"Oh, I didn't mean to keep you up," Fluttershy said, remembering her friend. In her defense, she'd been a little preoccupied since they'd arrived at the hospital. "We're all probably going to nod off pretty soon too. Timey should wake up soon and look after things, so I'll be alright."
"Ugh, that guy." Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes at the mention of the world's most faint of heart stallion. She wandered over to Fluttershy's bedside and took another good look at Maple. "This one kind of looks like him, with the eyes and the mane."
"I know! Isn't she adorable?" Fluttershy was clearly taken with her own offspring, but that was par for the course. "Oh, are you going to be okay getting home by yourself?"
"Please, you underestimate me," Rainbow Dash said. She opened up her wings and gave them a few good beats, as if to demonstrate that she could still fly. Sadly, she was under strict instructions not to do so even though she knew she was strong enough to get airborne. She may have cheated this rule a few times, but she made sure to keep it to just a few. It pained her, but she had another life on her mind. "Besides, I'm sure Scootaloo won't let me go back by myself anyway."
"Oh, please tell her that I'm sorry about all of this," Fluttershy said. "I kind of ruined everypony's plans tonight."
"Don't even apologize. It's not like you had any say in it," Rainbow Dash said. She leaned down and got close to Maple. "Somepony was ready a bit early."
"You're not upset about that, are you?" Fluttershy asked.
"Pfft, naaw." Rainbow Dash waved it off, genuinely unconcerned about the whole thing. "If anypony should be worried it's Rarity. She's behind while I'm still right on track. I got a feeling I'm gonna knock this one out before Hearthswarming."
"But that's next week," Fluttershy said as she raised an eyebrow. "You can't possibly know that it'll happen so soon."
"But it fits in with the plan." Rainbow Dash's mention of "the plan" once again caused Fluttershy to roll her eyes. There'd been enough talk about "the plan" for the past few months to last several years. "Delivering before winter wraps up will give me plenty of time to make sure I'm still fighting fit for Spring Training."
"You could probably do a lot better than most ponies even if you were still pregnant for Spring Training." Fluttershy rocked Maple and a little and tittered at her friend. "If I were you, I'd worry about-"
"There is no reason to worry about anything." Rainbow Dash was a little too easygoing for anypony's good. She was convinced she knew exactly how everything would play out, just as usual. Despite her confidence concerning the future, a yawn still managed to break free from her mouth. "Plus, it's bedtime. No time to worry when there's sleeping to do."
"Promise me you'll take it easy on the way back," Fluttershy said.
"Ha, promise me you'll take it easy yourself and you've got yourself a deal." Rainbow Dash turned and headed towards the door. "G'night all."
"Goodnight, Rainbow Dash. Thank you again! Willow, say goodbye to Mrs. Dash."
"Buh-bai!"
Rainbow Dash let the door close behind her before letting out the second yawn she'd been holding back. She hadn't been kidding when she said she was tired, but she wasn't at all surprised. The evening had suddenly become a lot more exciting than she anticipated. All she wanted to do was spend a little time outside of the house and visit Fluttershy. Both of them had been more or less cooped up at home, so Rainbow Dash summoned Scootaloo to help her get out an about. Taboo was left with a slumbering Thunderhead and those were supposed to be the plans for just a few hours.
When Fluttershy went into labor, plans drastically changed. Scootaloo went from helping Rainbow Dash be mobile to helping Fluttershy be mobile in order to get her to the hospital. Rainbow Dash watched over her from there while Scootaloo had to fly off to get Time Turner, who showed up just in time to pass out. In the end, neither Rainbow Dash nor Scootaloo knew exactly why they needed to get him. As time dragged on, Rainbow Dash had sent Scootaloo to her house to make sure Thunderhead knew what was going on and to make sure Taboo got to bed alright. Now it was Rainbow Dash's turn to go on home. When she reached the lobby of the hospital, she was not surprised to find Scootaloo there waiting for her.
"Didn't I tell you to stay with Taboo?" Rainbow Dash asked as she approached the young mare. Scootaloo was up and standing at attention within seconds, her wings flaring straight up.
"I couldn't just let you walk home on your own!" Scootaloo said. "I figured you'd need help going back up, just like you'd need help getting down seeing as you're still pregnant and everything."
"Do you have to say 'still?' Anyway, I can get around just fine," Rainbow Dash said, trotting past Scootaloo towards the door. Scootaloo followed her like an untrained puppy eager to please its master. "Besides, are you even good enough at flying to help me up?"
"Hey, I've gotten a lot better!" Scootaloo said, her pride a bit wounded. "I've been practicing a lot lately. I've got the logistics of flying down backwards and forwards. Heck, I could probably teach you a thing or two."
"Whoooa, I don't care how good you are. You'll never be in a position to teach me anything."
"Well, I could teach somepony something. I bet I could get Taboo airborne."
"She'll fly when she's ready," Rainbow Dash said. The pair of ponies walked out of the hospital and into the night. This would normally be where Rainbow Dash would take to her wings and zoom off, but current circumstances prevented such an escape. Instead she trotted across the snow covered streets like everypony else. It didn't feel quite right to her, but then again she didn't feel quite like she usually did anyway. She was at least grateful for the company, even if she didn't dare let on about it. "Aren't your folks gonna worry about you?"
"Let 'em worry. A little excitement does them good." Scootaloo always made them worry; she was just that kind of child.
"I've worried before, Scoots, and I wouldn't call it exciting."
"That's because your life is actually exciting," Scootaloo said, her point sounding somewhat logical for just a second.
"I wouldn't say chaotic, just... eventful."
"Same difference." Scootaloo got airborne and hovered next to Rainbow Dash, which served to tick her off somewhat. Scootaloo remained in the air without struggle, a sign she'd come a long way since she'd started. It was becoming second nature to fly, as was the case with many pegasi. "So, Taboo turns four in the spring, right?"
"Right."
"So that means she'll start school next spring, right?"
"... Yeah." Rainbow Dash knew this. She had talked to Thunderhead about it not two weeks ago. She'd spoken to her parents about it. She'd spoken to the in-laws about it. If somepony was bound to listen, she had bent their ear about it. Rainbow Dash thought about simply forgetting about school altogether, but that wouldn't be doing right by Taboo. She was growing up rather quickly all of a sudden. Even if it was more than a year away, the very thought of the whole event made Rainbow Dash suddenly feel as if she was in over her head. "Why do you ask?"
"It's just because I heard something interesting," Scootaloo said. She was strangely serious, or at least she was as serious as Scootaloo could get. "I heard they're going to start building a new schoolhouse once winter is cleared away. City Hall says the town is getting bigger and needs to make sure they can accommodate the youth or some political mumbo jumbo like that. The Mayor kept going on about being on par with education in big cities."
"Where'd you hear all of this?" Rainbow Dash never knew Scootaloo to be any kind of political activist, or even remotely politically aware.
"I actually went to a City Hall meeting," Scootaloo said, further shocking Rainbow Dash. The older mare awaited the reasoning behind this sudden inclination to participate in democracy. "There were a lot of ponies there debating that, but it sounded like they'd already decided to go ahead with it a while ago. As for me, I just wanted to petition to bring some kind of Flight Camp to Ponyville. A lot of pegasi around here can't or don't make the journey up to Cloudsdale or out to anywhere else for that kind of thing. Puts kids at a disadvantage flight-wise. We need that sort of thing, ya know? We can't just pretend there aren't pegasi living here."
"That's... wow. You've really thought this through."
"I get the feeling you think I'm stupid or something."
Rainbow Dash withheld any comment she had on the subject.
"But she didn't seem so upset by that," Taboo said, recalling the events of the days directly following. Taboo herself remembered having a lot of fun with Sweet Maple and Willow over at Fluttershy's cottage. Her mommy hadn't been able to go down each time, but that was only because leaving the house was difficult for her. "She was happy that auntie Fluttershy had her foal."
"It was the beginning of the end either way," Thunderhead replied. "It made what happened next that much more frustrating for her..."
"Who's mommy's little Hearthswarming Gift? Who is? Who is?"
The itty-bitty ivory unicorn smiled up at her mother, who nearly nopony else in the room recognized due to her entirely unkempt appearance. It had been a long, long, looooong day for her, so she had a valid excuse. Even without that excuse nopony would've dared cross her currently, and it just wasn't because Soarin' had crossed her and wound up with his head lodged quite snugly between the floorboards.
"That's right, you are!" Rarity shook a little rattle above her daughter's head, which further served to please the newborn.
"Midnight on the nose, huh?" Twilight asked, still astounded by the whole thing. Pierce nodded in acknowledgement, looking a little ragged himself from being awake for quite a long while now. He hadn't given birth, but he had survived the throttling of a lifetime today. "I'm sorry we couldn't all be there for it."
"No, it's really no problem," Pierce said, a little tired of hearing these apologies. "Rarity would've hated for everyone to see her like that anyway..."
"Well, congratulations pardner!" Applejack said, giving the new father a good pat on the back. He cringed and shook violently, his bruises still tender. "Finesse is such a darlin' little thang! She's got yer mane, I reckon."
"I think she mostly takes after her mother." Pierce strained to talk through the pain. He managed to ride it out, sighing as the stinging subsided. "I feel kinda bad for hijacking the party."
"You'd better get used to it," Twilight said. "You'll have to celebrate her birthday and Hearthswarming at the same time from now on."
"Twice the presents!" Pinkie Pie shouted as she bounced past.
"Literally a second earlier and that would not be the case," Pierce said, looking over at where Rarity was still fawning over Finesse. She'd been at it ever since the little filly had popped on out. The whole family had slept through the entire morning at the hospital, but they'd managed to summon up the energy to come on down to the library for the Hearthswarming party. There was no doubt in Pierce's mind that Rarity wanted to flaunt her daughter for all her friends to see, but thus far she'd only succeeded in monopolizing her own offspring while everypony else just watched.
"I reckon I never did picture Rarity as the motherly type, but boy is she outdoing herself," Applejack said, watching the same thing as Pierce. "Well, I guess that means there's two down..."
Applejack grinned and looked over at Rainbow Dash, who had been standing with them this whole time. She was letting her displeasure show outwardly, whether or not she realized it. The mare just glowered at Rarity and flicked her tail. There was no mystery surrounding who had stepped in her cornflakes.
"Aaan' one to go."
"Shut up." Rainbow Dash was far beyond being in the mood.
"You need to lighten up," Applejack said, putting a hoof around her grumpy and very pregnant friend. "Yer kid'll be next. Stop yer belly achin' and try to enjoy the party."
"She totally stole my idea!" Rainbow Dash wasn't about to listen to reason as she launched into her tirade. "I was supposed to be showing off my kid at this party, not her! She ruined my perfectly good plan!"
"Trust me, this wasn't our idea in the least," Pierce said. "Really, it was all an accident."
"And besides, wasn't it your plan to give birth before Hearthswarming?" Twilight asked, pointing out a clear contradiction. "Maybe Finesse knew that you failed your own plan and decided to take control of the situation."
"Far-fetched, but I'd believe it," Applejack said. She gave Rainbow Dash a few nudges and smirked to herself. "Ain't you glad that Finesse had your back like that? You should be thanking her."
Rainbow Dash ground her teeth and grunted, not daring to speak ill of the newborn. She was an adorable little ball, so there was no way she could win if that was what she was going up against. All she had was her occupied gut to back her up, but everypony, herself especially, was already tired of seeing that. The novelty of pregnancy was long gone now, and what remained was burden and painful anticipation. She wanted to be done with it already and get on to the next part. Her frustration was beginning to eclipse her excitement.
"... And then there was today." Thunderhead scratched his head, trying not to think too hard about it. "It even feels kind of unfair to me, but there's nothing we can do about it."
"I thought today was fun!" Taboo said, hopping up and down a little.
"It wasn't without its good points." Even Thunderhead had to admit he had enjoyed the event on some level. "But for you mother... well, I don't think I have to explain how she feels."
"Hungry?" Taboo asked, watching her mother put away more of the pie with a somber look on her face.
"She is eating her feelings." Thunderhead tried to explain, but Taboo only cocked her head. "You'll understand one day, and you'll understand why this is all so strange one day... hopefully far in the future..."
"Moooommy, Ah'm hungwy," Applerose whined, but her mother shushed her again. "Why is it dark?"
"I told you, sweetie, it's a surprise party," Roseluck said, trying to calm the filly down. "We're going to surprise Soarin', okay?"
"I don't like it." Applerose had tears in the corner of her eyes. Roseluck had her work cut out for her trying to keep the filly calm, but she managed to keep their corner of Sugarcube Corner silent.
"Maybe if we had a surprise party for me, the surprise would cause me to go into labor," Rainbow Dash said, but Thunderhead just shushed her. He didn't even want to acknowledge that desperate scheme. "C'mon, work with me here."
"I want to evict our foal from your body as soon as possible too," Thunderhead said in a whisper, keeping his eyes trained on the door. "But you're due any day now. Just let nature take its course." He let out a yawn. It was seven at night, which was pretty early for him to be up and about on a workday. Rainbow Dash had insisted on going to this party, and she only insisted because Pinkie Pie had insisted. Nopony was particularly keen on the stallion of the hour, but their love of Pinkie Pie was enough for them to at least show up and enjoy the party.
"It's spring now..."
"Since three days ago." Thunderhead was anxious too, but it was currently his responsibility to keep his girl happy. Whatever he needed to say to calm her down was going to get said. "You've still got over a month before Spring Training begins. You'll make it, both of you."
"But what if-"
"He's coming!"
The room fell absolutely silent. Sure enough, the sound of Soarin' chatting loudly about something got louder and louder behind Sugarcube Corner's door. Everypony took a moment to pity Applejack, who had been tasked with retrieving the stallion and bringing him to the bakery. The knob rattled just before the door swung open.
"-so it turns out you really can fry anything."
"Surpri-!"
"Aaaaaaaaaaugh!" Soarin' jumped, not even beating his wings even once as he rapidly ascended. He conked his head on the roof of the building and then latched onto the rafters. Applejack turned the lights back on so everypony could see the shuddering stallion suspended from the ceiling. "... Oh... uh... sorry... not a big fan of surprises."
"No kiddin'," Applejack said.
"Eeyup."
"Sorry... sorry." Soarin' came down from the rafters and mustered a smile, even though he was still visibly shaking. "So... uh... what's with surprising me today? Is it some kind of holiday?"
Everypony took turns looking at one another. For a moment, they thought that Soarin' must be joking. He couldn't have forgotten his own birthday, seeing as the guy seems to remember every stupid little thing that happens.
"It's not your birthday?" Twilight asked. Soarin' shook his head, which prompted everybody to look up at the banner hung from the rafters.
"Happy Birthday Surprise," Soarin' said, reading aloud. "Weird. Did Pinkie forget my birthday... again?"
"Of course not, silly!" Pinkie Pie said, suddenly making herself known from behind the counter. "But we're not celebrating your birthday!"
"Then whose?"
"Surprise's birthday, duh!" Pinkie Pie was met with a chorus of crickets. Nopony knew what in the world she was talking about, but this time they were even more confused than usual. Everypony had a very bad feeling about what was going to happen next. "Maaaude! Bring her out!"
Maude Pie, who nopony realized was even around today, emerged from the kitchen accompanied by a cloud of confetti. The stoic mare marched into the room and took up her post next to her little sister. The whole time, everypony's eyes stayed fixed on what was strapped to her chest.
"Maude... what is that?" Twilight was the first to speak up for the crowd. They waited patiently for an answer while Maude looked down as if to confirm what she already knew.
"This is my niece." The blonde filly secured to Maude's chest shouted some excited gibberish, as way of some form of introduction.
"Your niece." Twilight blinked once. A profound silence hung over the room. "So... the daughter of your sister?"
"Yes." Maude gestured to Pinkie Pie, who was grinning ear to ear while bouncing up and down. "This sister." That was when the general uproar began. Different ponies shouted different things at one another while some of them shouted stuff at Pinkie Pie, who appeared entirely unimpressed with the entire hubub. Even in the dense confusion and roar of the gathered crowd, one voice of concern managed to rise above all of them.
"WAIT A SECOND HOLD ON." Soarin' zoomed across the room and got nose to nose with Pinkie. Despite the panic on his face, Pinkie remained simply ecstatic. "That's-this is-you're-huh-what-howwhenididn'tevenisit-I mean-whatwhatwhatWHATWHATWHAAAAA-"
"Please calm down," Maude said. "You will get Surprise all worked up and then we will never get her down for a nap."
"I think there are some more important things to talk about right now!" Soarin's concerns were everypony's concerns currently. "I mean... Pinkie, you were pregnant?"
"Well, yeah, totally," Pinkie Pie said like it was no big deal. She gave Soarin' a peck on the nose. "I mean, that's what you do to have a foal, duh. You're so funny!" Surprise giggled and clapped her front hooves. Pinkie Pie removed her from the carrier so she could be the one to hold her.
"But somepony had to have noticed!" Twilight said, joining Soarin' on the front lines. "I mean... you weren't... I didn't see you... you didn't look pregnant!"
"Oh, that's because I kept it a secret," Pinkie Pie said, rocking Surprise back and forth. "I used the art of perception to hide my belly, and sometimes I hid it in this hat!" Pinkie Pie took out a large felt hat, which she placed on Maude's head.
"So that's why you were wearing that hat like that!" Soarin' smacked himself in the face. "I didn't ask because I thought you were doing it just to see if I would ask..."
"It was the perfect crime!" Pinkie Pie and Surprise giggled in unison.
"But why did you keep it a secret?" Applejack asked.
"Eh, for fun."
"... That's it?" Fluttershy asked after a sizable pause.
"Thaaaat's it." Pinkie was as enigmatic as ever. Surprise yelled something else in gibberish. "Well, that and the whole being pregnant thing was getting pretty mainstream. I didn't want everypony to think I was doing it just to be cool."
"A-and... it's... mine?" Soarin's question was met with an immediate answer as Surprise spread open her little wings. "Ho... hooooo boy."
"Needless to say, our family is not entirely pleased with our unwed mother and bastard child," Maude said. "I am supposed to get you to marry her under threat of violence."
"Well, it wouldn't be the most disagreeable thing I've been forced to do."
"Yay!" Pinkie Pie shouted. She shoved Surprise into Soarin's hooves and then gave him a hug. "I've already got it aaaaaall figured out! There are like three houses that are right in our price range that I think will work great for us and they're all two bedroom so Surprise can have a room of her own! The yards aren't huge, but I figured we wouldn't need a hard since our family is two-thirds pegasi and you can just fly around in the air for exercise, oh, but one of the houses has a breakfast nook! It's suuuper quaint and it just feels like that upscale country living that everyone is always looking for. I knooow you're not big on the burbs, but just hear me out on this one because we'll be super close to pretty much everypony I know, which is everypony, and I won't be so far away that I'll have to give up my job here or anything like that and let's face it your commute is gonna be a long one either way and I'd like you to get back to me on this house thing as soon as possible because I really think we should knock it out before the wedding which speaking of I think we should just run with the whole accidental-wedding theme because it is just so us. It might've been a bit preemptive, but I already booked that band that played at Dashie's reception, you know the guys with the horrible burns? Anyway, let's talk about the details later because I am bushed! You'll look after her while I crash, won't you?"
"S-Surprise?"
"No, Maude," Pinkie said. "She gets lonely real easy."
"I have social needs."
Rainbow Dash watched the scene unfold while Thunderhead watched her. He saw her eye twitch a couple of times, which confirmed his worst fears. She had the expression of somepony who'd just watched the tail of the second-to-last racer disappear over the horizon.
"Dash..."
"... It's fine... I'm fine." Rainbow Dash turned around and started heading towards the door. "I think I'm going to go home."
"Dash, we can't just leave right now," Thunderhead said, trying to get her to reconsider. Rainbow Dash did stop for a moment and turn back around. "One of your friends just had a foal... apparently. Look, I know you're probably disappointed, but at least stick around to congratulate her."
"... Fine." Rainbow Dash picked up a pie from the refreshments table. "But I'm eating this whole thing."
"I'm going to go with Venom to the orchard!" Taboo shouted into the house before closing the door behind her. Rainbow Dash wasn't quick enough to stop her these days. She made a note to crack down a bit once she wasn't pregnant anymore.
"Okay... bye," she said to the closed door. She put down her book for a second and looked at her stomach. "Just you and me again, I guess. No, your father doesn't count because he's asleep. If you want him to wake up, you could alwaaays... eh, it was worth a shot. You hungry? I'm hungry. It's snack time." Rainbow Dash got herself and her passenger up and wandered into the kitchen. After five or so minutes of raiding her own fridge, she wandered back out into the den with her so called "snack."
Rainbow Dash had become uncomfortably complacent with this sedentary kind of life she'd found herself living. She ate an alarming number of meals on her couch and by default spent the entire day inside. She hardly had any company during the middle of the day aside from Tank and her belly. Until she was tied down, she didn't realize how much of her day depended on her ability to just move from place to place. On some level, she felt it was almost sacrilegious that she had handicapped perhaps the fastest pony ever. She at least had the comfort of knowing that things were only going to get better.
"So... when are you going to come on out?" Rainbow Dash asked before biting into a carrot. "I mean, the pressure is on now. Spring Training is one month away as of today. You're not going to make me miss it, are you? I know I've told you a million times how important it is to me. I want to get back in shape and get back to being awesome. Trust me, you'll be impressed at how awesome your mom is."
Rainbow Dash got no response from inside herself.
"Yeah, well, the inside story doesn't do me justice." Rainbow Dash stared at her stomach as if she expected a response. None ever came, which served to upset her for all the wrong reasons. "Well, if you like it so much in there maybe you can just stay forever!"
"Dash?"
Rainbow Dash jumped a bit at Thunderhead's voice. She looked up to see him on the stairs. He looked groggy, which was appropriate seeing how high the sun was in the sky. It was uncommon for anything to wake him up, but the thought that his wife could go into labor at any second made it hard to sleep sometimes.
"... Was I yelling again?" Rainbow Dash asked, trying to hide a bit behind her belly. Thunderhead scratched his chin and nodded. "Sorry."
"Need some company?"
"You should sleep." Rainbow Dash protested, but Thunderhead continued on down the stairs anyway. "I don't want to keep you up."
"You will whether you want to or not," Thunderhead said, taking a seat on the floor beside the couch. If he sat anywhere comfortable, there was a high probability that he would just fall asleep. "Besides, we're going to have to adjust to not sleeping in the near future."
"Don't stop at near future. Why not tomorrow?"
"If tomorrow works, why not today?"
"I tried talking him into today," Rainbow Dash said, patting her belly. "I don't think it's happening."
"Maybe your diplomacy needs a little work," Thunderhead said. He put his ear against his wife's stomach and spoke to its resident. "You want to come on out, kiddo? Your mother and father are anxious to meet you. It's a lot of fun out here."
"Trust me, he knows all about what's out here," Rainbow Dash said, reclining back into the couch. "I've already given him the lowdown on what his life is going to be like."
"Really?"
"Really." Rainbow Dash knew Thunderhead had heard this speech before, but she also knew he was humoring her in order to keep her entertained. "He's going to be a legacy Wonderbolt, following in the hoofsteps of his mother. He'll be the second youngest pony ever to be named captain."
"Because the first younger will be you, right?"
"Perfection will be a hard act to follow." She waited for Thunderhead to retort, but he just smirked and shook his head. "He'll get married to a nice mare and they'll have kids that will be Wonderbolts too. It'll be the start of the Rainbow Dash Dynasty."
"Knowing you, I bet you've already got the wife picked out."
"I didn't really have any in mind... but..."
"I'm not sure I want to know."
"You brought it up," she said, poking him on the nose. "But I think Surprise would be a good match for him."
"For real?"
"Just think about it," Rainbow Dash said. Thunderhead refrained from asking why he would want to think about it or why Rainbow Dash had been thinking about it. He realized she really had spent too much time alone. "She's already a friend of the family, she's got a Wonderbolt for a father, and if she's Pinkie's kid she's gonna have a lot of energy. Their kids are gonna be the fastest ever."
"Well, I'm glad you've got dreams for the kid," Thunderhead said, rubbing her belly.
"It's my job."
"But you do know it's up to the kid what he, or she, wants to do and be, right?" Thunderhead decided to give his wife a bit of a reality check seeing as she'd been cooped up in her little world for so long. "Your parents probably didn't think you'd be a Wonderbolt since before you were in the womb."
"Dad thought I'd be a civil engineer," she said. "I'm still not sure what that is exactly."
"But that's the point." Thunderhead smiled, despite how tired he felt. "I know you're not stupid or entirely selfish-"
"Oh, 'entirely?'"
"But I just need to know you're ready for whatever happens, and I mean whatever whatever. Not just whatever, but whatever. You know?"
"Y-yeah... whatever." There was a clear expression of sorrow on Rainbow Dash's face. Thunderhead couldn't place why, but he wasn't left in the dark for long. "I'm just tired of waiting. I've run through this kid's life from beginning to end like a thousand times in my head, but only because it isn't happening right in front of me yet. I'm impatient, so sue me... but..."
"But you're done with the pregnancy thing."
"I don't care who they turn out to be," Rainbow Dash said. She turned to her belly and addressed it directly. "Well, I do care, but that's because I'm your mom. I want you to turn out okay and not be a criminal or anything, that'd be nice. Look, the point is that I don't care if you want to be a Wonderbolt or a civil engineer. It'd be nice if you turned out just like I wanted, but as a mother of one already I know you can't predict how any of this crazy crap will turn out. I just want to make sure you come out happy and healthy. Heck, you don't even have to be a colt."
Rainbow Dash tensed up as a wave of pain rocked her all of a sudden. Her eyes got wide as she felt what she could only describe as her body going into overdrive or something. The sensation was new, but there wasn't even an inkling of a doubt what was going on.
"H-H-Honey?!" she grabbed Thunderhead's hoof, an action whose meaning was not lost on him.
"What? Now? Actually?"
"What're you smiling for? Oooof!" Rainbow Dash remembered wondering exactly what giving birth was going to feel like. At the moment, she felt like she had been incredibly stupid for wondering. It was gonna hurt, that much was clear. "Hospital! Now! Please?"
"It's alright, it's alright." Thunderhead felt the adrenaline entering into his system. He was up and about, grabbing the overnight bag from next to the door and putting it on his back. He tried not to smile as per his wife's request, but found himself grinning nonetheless. He was somewhere between excited and extremely nervous to the point of cracking, hence the smile. "Just breath, Dash. This is what you trained for!"
"I trained to be a Wonderbolt, not this!"
"Relax."
"Relax is hard." Rainbow Dash was doing an admirable job of not panicking, although she found herself wishing she didn't need to try so hard. She could help but be scared. She wasn't a huge fan of pain, but there was a pretty big silver lining to all of this. "It's happening! It's actually happening!"
"This is ridiculous! Where did she go?" Venom ran the circumference of another tree, which once again yielded no results. Pumpkin and Pound watched her, very much used to this song and dance. "Can she turn invisible or something?"
"Not as far as we know," Pound said, not totally sold on the idea that she couldn't.
"You weren't kidding when you said she's good," Venom said, dashing off towards the orchard's fence. Pumpkin and Pound accompanied her as she scanned the perimeter. They went past the large oak outside the farm, but Taboo wasn't around there. They passed the part of the fence smashed by a runaway wagon, but there was still no Taboo. They passed stony bend in the creek, but they were no closer to finding Taboo there either. They didn't see her anywhere. "She's a little too good at this. My mom is always saying that hiding is what changelings do best, but Taboo is a lot better than any of the changelings I know..."
"You should just give up," Pound said, but Venom just sneered at him.
"I'm not a quitter like you!" she said, bounding off back the way they came for another pass.
"Better a quitter than stupid..."
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
"Hey, you guys!" The three little ponies were graced with an unexpected visitor as Scootaloo came soaring down from the sky and landed among them. She looked about, clearly in some kind of panic. "Where's Taboo?"
"We don't know," Pumpkin said.
"What?! You lost her?" Scootaloo picked up Pumpkin and began shaking her. "How could you lose her? And at a time like this? Why don't you know where she is?"
"Because we're playing hide-and-seek!" Pumpkin managed to say right before Scootaloo dropped her on her rear.
"Oh, that explains it," the older mare said, much calmer now. She put her hooves to her mouth and started shouting into the air. "Hey, Taboo! We gotta go to the hospital! Your mom went into labor!"
"Into labor?"
The whole group swung around to see Taboo rise up from what had been a previously empty spot on the shore of the creek. The three children were dumbstruck, but Scootaloo didn't have time to sit around and puzzle over it. She jumped the fence and approached Taboo, who was in turn scampering over the smooth river stones to get to her.
"My mom is giving birth? Right now?" Taboo asked with a grin spreading from ear to ear. Her mother had been talking up the role of being a big sister for a long while now. She was ready to assume her station of responsibility. "How do you know?"
"Please, how could I not know? Your mother is like my hobby," Scootaloo said with a sly grin. She shook it off and remembered that there were more important things to attend to. "I caught your parents in transit and they asked me to come get you. I'm gonna give you a ride to the hospital, alright?"
"They couldn't send somepony else?"
"Just get on."
With only a slight bit of reluctance, which was mostly just following protocol on Taboo's part, Taboo hopped onto Scootaloo's back. Without wasting another second, Scootaloo lifted both ponies off the ground and took off for the hospital as fast as her wings would allow. The other three were left on the ground to wave off their friend.
"Tell your mom good luck!" Pumpkin shouted, waving ecstatically with both hooves.
"Why did she pick now to give birth?" Venom was very confused by the whole exchanged she'd just witnessed. "Is it because the weather is warmer? Or did that guard that lives in Taboo's house finish building a nest for the eggs? Why are they going to the hospital and what is a hospital?"
"There aren't hospitals where you're from?" Pound asked out of sheer curiosity. "What do you do when you get sick?"
"I don't get sick," Venom said as if it were really that simple. "But some of my sisters have gotten sick."
"Where did they go?"
Venom didn't give a verbal response; she just shrugged.
"Maybe we can go to the hospital ourselves and see Taboo's new brother for ourselves," Pumpkin said as she bounded up and down. "Then we can show Venom what a hospital is too!"
"Is a hospital public?" Venom asked. "Because my mom says I can't go into public unless I'm somepony else."
"Well, there are lot of ponies there, so I guess it is public," Pound said. "But do we really have to go? The hospital is far away and I don't wanna walk all the way there."
"Then we can just go to Sugarcube Corner and ask Pinkie what the hospital was like! She must've went there when she gave birth to Surprise." Pumpkin had a valid point, but Pound still had many a doubt on the subject. His parents had been a bit tight-lipped on all the technicalities. They had promised to tell him when he was older, which he learned meant they were probably never going to tell him.
"Sugarcube Corner? That's the bakery thing you were talking about, right?" Venom had other things on her mind, namely figuring out what these "pastry" things were and why Pumpkin was always raving about them. This seemed like a good opportunity to do some spy work. "Yes, let's go there."
"Then let's not waste time around here!" Pumpkin lead the pack away from the orchard and into town, followed by her silent but complacent brother. Bringing up the rear was a young unicorn filly that neither of the Cake twins had ever seen before, but they'd become used to such things happening.
"We giving birth in here?" A large unicorn dressed in a white coat and levitating a clipboard entered into the room where Rainbow Dash and Thunderhead were waiting. The nurse had already informed them that their usual doctor wasn't in today, to which Rainbow Dash responded that she was willing to let anyone qualified help her evacuate her child at this point. As far as they could tell things were progressing normally, but they were relieved to finally have a professional in the room. He was joined by other nurses that appeared to be gearing up to get the deed done.
"Yes, that's us," Thunderhead said as if the question actually merited a sincere answer. "I mean, thanks for coming doctor..."
"Dr. Salt. I'm sorry that Dr. P couldn't make it today, but I've delivered my fair share of foals in my career," Dr. Salt said, reassuring the couple. "We've got the lowdown on how you're doing, Mrs. Dash, so the only thing left to do is finally deliver a healthy foal with no drama."
"Yeah, sure, no drama, let's do it." Rainbow Dash was sweating from every pore from both nerves and strain. She didn't have to be a professional to tell that the big moment was almost upon them. "Thanks Doc."
"Don't mention it," Dr. Salt said, putting on some gloves and a mask. "And again, sorry your normal doctor couldn't be here. He ran into, a bit of trouble."
"We're just glad you're here, doctor," Thunderhead said, reassuring Dr. Salt that his presence was greatly appreciated; however, the doctor suddenly got a very distant look in his eyes and began gazing at some fixed point on the wall.
"Yes... he ran into... a bit of trouble..."
"Doctor?" Thunderhead looked up at the wall. There was nothing notable on it for the doctor to be staring at, unless there was some reason he got particularly misty eyed over illustrations of the musculature of the haunches. Thunderhead glanced at Rainbow Dash, but he was glad to see she was a bit too preoccupied to have picked up on the doctor's odd behavior. Still, the vacant stare merited looking into. "You okay there?"
"I'm sorry... it's just-"
"Doctor!" Some mare, who was notably not dressed like a doctor at all, burst into the room. "I cannot hide it any longer. I love you!"
"Whoah!" When Thunderhead looked over at Rainbow Dash this time, he saw her staring at the intruder. She looked confused, in addition to strained and in a deal of physical pain. Thunderhead was right there with her for the former emotion.
"Not now Delilah! Can't you see I have a life in my hooves!" Dr. Salt yelled at her. "Why don't you go back to Javier and his mansion?"
"But I don't love Javier! I love you!" Delilah ran up and embrace Dr. Salt, which alarmed Thunderhead and Rainbow Dash because there was no way she was sterile. "Don't push me away!"
"Get away from me you lying harpy!" Dr. Salt pushed Delilah to the ground, which caused several of the nurses to startle. "Don't think I don't know what you did. I know you were the one who murdered my brother." There was an appropriate amount of gasping after the doctor's accusation.
"Is this happening?" Rainbow Dash asked, probably the most anxious pony in the room right now. "Is this actually happening?"
"I would never have hurt your brother! I loved him!" Delilah said, getting back onto her hooves. "I was even carrying his child! I didn't kill him!"
"She's right."
"Oh, super, another one!" Rainbow Dash was far beyond in the mood for more antics as yet another pony, dressed in a pinstripe suit, sauntered into the room.
"That's because I killed your brother," the newcomer said, garnering even more gasps.
"Tony Calzone!"
"Yes, Tony Calzone!" said Tony Calzone. "I control all the money in this hospital, so I'd just like to see you do something about it!"
"You killed my brother?" Dr. Salt asked, his eyes red with tears.
"Yes! And I'd do it again!"
"Then you just might have to!" Dr. Salt reached into his coat and pulled out a little mustache, which he applied to his face. There was another round of gasping, except for Thunderhead and Rainbow Dash. They couldn't find the precedence for gasping. "I'm not Dr. Salt at all! I'm his brother, Dr. Cinnamon."
"You! But I killed you!" Tony Calzone said, taking a few steps back.
"Oh, my precious Cinnamon!" Delilah said, embracing the doctor again. Once more, he instantly knocked her to the ground. "Oh, but why?"
"Because I know it wasn't my child you were carrying," Dr. Cinnamon and not Salt said. "You say you love me, but all this time I know who you were really in love with."
"Yes, it's true," said yet another stranger as he entered the room in a shirt he hadn't completely committed to buttoning all the way up. Even though there was no breeze, his hair seemed to sway defiantly in a wind that only effected him. "But you have to understand, Dr. Cinnamon, that she only loved my money. I could never have her heart, even if she was carrying my child."
"But you took her away from me anyway!"
"Yes... because I love her. And I still do!" The fourth stranger, who had forgone an introduction, embraced Delilah. "Please, come back to me my sweet flower! I can give you the world."
"I can't let you do that," said a fifth stranger, who sauntered into the room in a full tuxedo.
"Javier!"
"Javier!" one of the nurses instantly glommed onto the stallion, who payed her no mind.
"Delilah is mine," said Javier. "And I cannot let you have her."
"But I don't belong to you," said Delilah. She threw off the fourth stranger and grabbed onto Dr. Cinnamon. "I'm in love with Dr. Cinnamon."
"Yes, we've established that," Rainbow Dash said, butting into the middle. "Can we please get back to the part where I'm giving birth?!"
"She's right," said Javier, staring right at Dr. Cinnamon. "You have other concerns right now... brother."
"What did you say?" Dr. Cinnamon threw Delilah to the floor again. Thunderhead was starting to feel sorry for the poor mare; however, the fourth stranger had still to stand up since he'd been knocked down. At least Delilah got back up like a champ.
"That's right: I am Dr. Salt," said Javier, who was actually Dr. Salt.
"But I killed you!" Tony Calzone, who apparently was just the worst at killing ponies, said.
"Javier!"
"You can't be my brother!" Dr. Cinnamon said. "My brother died in a tragic boating accident!"
"I'm starting to think Tony Calzone doesn't belong here," Thunderhead said.
"None of these ponies belong here!" Rainbow Dash winced and braced herself as a contraction rocked her body. There wasn't much time left. "Could somepony-*hoooo*-please deliver-*hoooo*-my foal now?!"
"This mare is right," Dr. Cinnamon said. "Anypony who isn't a doctor had better get out of here."
"Thank-*hoooo*-you."
"But that means you have to go too," said the fourth stranger, making a very sudden and miraculous recovery from his position on the floor. "You're no real doctor, Cinnamon."
"Is that true?" Delilah said, embracing Cinnamon who is not a doctor again. "You lied about being a doctor? Why? Why?!"
"Because it was the only way we could be together!" Cinnamon said, bringing Delilah closer. "It was the only way our love could endure!"
"Oh, Cinnamon!" Delilah and Cinnamon began to furiously make out, much to Rainbow Dash and Thunderhead's great displeasure.
"Get your hooves off of her!" Dr. Salt said, breaking up the completely unfounded display of affection. "You belong with me, a real doctor!"
"But you're not a real doctor either, brother," Cinnamon said. "I know you dropped out of medical school due to a tragic boating accident."
"Damn you Cinnamon... damn you!"
"Javier!"
"Come Delilah, let us escape!" Cinnamon said, galloping out of the room with Delilah by his side.
"No! My sweet Delilah!" the fourth stranger said, as he pursued him. He was followed closely by Salt, who continued cursing his brother's name with one of the nurses hanging off of him. The only pony who remained with Rainbow Dash and Thunderhead was Tony Calzone. He stared at Rainbow Dash, who glared back at him. She had a horrible feeling in her gut, and it wasn't the quick contractions she was experiencing.
"... Well, let's get that foal delivered," Tony Calzone, or apparently Dr. Tony Calzone, said as one of the nurses helped him into his white coat. Another nurse handed him a clipboard which he looked over before handing back. He took a good look at what Rainbow Dash had going on and then nodded. "Alright, Mrs. Dash, it's time for the big show. Your foal has begun to crown, so are you ready to push it on out?"
"Did you really murder someone?" Thunderhead asked out of what he could only describe as morbid curiosity.
"Push!"
Rainbow Dash couldn't care less about who's brother he had or hadn't killed at the moment. Every fiber of her being and every last instinct inside her just wanted the pony inside her on the outside of her. Painful inch by painful inch, she pushed. It was hard work, but she could hear Thunderhead cheering her on. She held on tight to his hoof and he held on just as tightly. As scared as she felt, she soldiered on. She shouldered the pain, all the while wondering exactly how much was left to do.
Then, she heard the sound of crying.
"I'm just saying I think I deserve a heads up next time, you know? I mean, we're besties, aren't we? You wouldn't leave your bestie in the dark, would you?"
"... Well, I guess not," Fluttershy said. She rocked Maple back and forth while the filly sucked away at her bottle. "I'm sorry, Discord. It's just that you're so busy that I forgot you didn't know."
"No, no, it's fine, water under the bridge," he said, setting down his teacup and saucer on the coffee table. "Anypony could've forgotten. I understand completely!" He smiled from ear to ear to ear, and he did so earnestly. He was glad to just be up to date now.
"Thanks for being so understanding." Fluttershy smiled back at him, glad to see he was taking all of this so well.
"Well, what are besties for?" Discord cleared his throat and leaned in a little closer. "So... did you decided on, uhm well, godparents for this wee little thing yet?" He chuckled a bit and leaned in even closer.
"Oh, yes we have!"
"... What?!" That was not the answer Discord had been hoping for. "W-who? Who?!"
"Well, Timey and I tho-"
"You know what, nevermind. I don't wanna know." Discord slumped back and melted onto the floor. "It's whatever... I don't care." The puddle of Discord began to soak into the carpet, not leaving much of his body to be seen. Fluttershy had to wonder if he would leave a stain.
"Is... something the matter?"
"... Can I be perfectly honest?" Discord asked, rising out from the carpet just a little. Fluttershy nodded, even though she was unsure where this was going. "It's just that... I wanted to be the godparent."
"Really?" Fluttershy smiled brightly. "Oh my, I had no idea you would be interested!"
"You didn't think I would be interested?" Discord rose all the way back up and sat on the couch without leaving a stain. "Of course I would be! I'm all about marginally pointless accolades!"
"Then I'll have to talk to Timey about letting you be the godparent for the next foal!"
"The next one?" Discord asked. "You're going for the triple-play?"
"Oh, yes, we are," Fluttershy said with a little giggle. "We always talked about having a big family, and we don't see the point in waiting. Willow and Maple have been so good that we're eager to continue!"
"Oh my gawd, I have to be the first to know when you know you're expecting!" Discord said, flipping onto his belly on the couch. "Wait, am I the first to know that you're expecting to expect? Oh. Mah. Gawd."
"Well, it wasn't really a secret." Fluttershy put Maple's bottle down and lifted the filly up onto her shoulder. She rocked back and forth gently while patting the filly's back. "But, if you like meaningless titles so much..."
"I'll take it!" Discord reached out and pulled a slip of paper out from behind Fluttershy's ear. He tucked it away behind his own and hummed merrily. "Now where is that spineless husband of yours? He needs to get on with producing my godchild!"
"Discord!"
"Right, right... not in front of the foal, but I'm holding you to this godchild thing!"
"-And then another doctor comes in and she says that she's the other doctor's evil twin! And I'm all 'What, no way! That means Don Gazpacho knew where the money was all along!' Then Surprise came out and the gangster told me she was a girl!" Pinkie said, the foal in question seated up on her back. "Any questions?"
"Yes," Venom said. "What is a doctor?"
"The hospital sure sounds like a lot of fun!" Pumpkin said. "We should've gone with Taboo! Then we could've seen all that exciting stuff!"
"I'm glad we stayed here." Pound felt like he might be scarred for life after hearing that story. He shook it off, sure that Pinkie had elaborated most of it if not all of it. He just couldn't believe that Maude would've had to diffuse a bomb while her sister was in labor. He decided to change the subject. "Mom and dad said you're moving out to live with Mr. Soarin'. Is that true?"
"Thaaaaat's right!" Pinkie set Surprise down on the floor next to the three young ponies. Surprise attached herself to Pumpkin instantly and began gurgling and babbling happily at the filly. "I'll be shackin' up with my baby daddy, but I'll still be working here at the bakery."
"It'll be... quiet without you around," Pound said just as Surprise yelled something in gibberish. "And without Surprise."
"You can all totally come and visit me!" Pinkie gathered all four of the young ponies together for a big hug. "Come anytime! I'll leave the door unlocked!"
"That doesn't sound safe." Pound was the sole voice of reason in the hug. The others weren't listening to him, as Pinkie was going on about the house she was planning to buy and Pumpkin and Venom peppered her with different questions on the subject. Surprise only added to the din by babbling animatedly along with the others. Pound couldn't help but notice how much it seemed like she knew exactly what was going on, but he knew that just couldn't be the case. Surprise wasn't old enough to know, so it didn't make any sense.
"What do you think? Canterlot University or the University of Canterlot? Canterlot University? University of Canterlot? CU or UC?"
"I think it's about eighteen or so years too early to be thinking about that," Pierce said, trying to focus on his book while his wife levitated brochures around his head. "But if you want my honest opinion: University of Canterlot."
"Oh, and why's that?"
"They've got a good hoofball team," Pierce said with a shrug. One of the brochures conked him on the head. "What if she wants to be a doctor?"
"Oh, you're right!" Rarity shuffled through the brochures once again, realizing she had completely forgotten the possibility of med school. "Oh, this is just terrible! How am I supposed to get any planning done now?"
"You could always wait for Finesse to grow up and begin formulating her own opinions."
"She already has opinions," Rarity said, quite certain of the fact. "She is a very intelligent young filly! I just know she is. She'll be able to do anything she puts her mind to."
"What if she wants to conduct the train?"
"Then I'll buy her a train!"
Pierce put his book down and looked over at his wife. "Aaand... what if she wants to be a soccer player?"
"She'll have her own little team with cute little uniforms!"
"A lawyer?"
"She will be the sharpest dressed prosecutor on the stand."
"A school janitor?"
"Jumpsuits are going to be back in vogue very soon, trust me."
"A coal miner?"
"Oooh! Coal is where diamonds come from!"
"A fashion designer?"
Rarity paused. She stared at the far wall of the room for a while. "It'd be wise to manage my expectations. Children will want to do what they will want to do. I just want to be supportive so she can give it her all."
"You know what I think?" Pierce leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. "I think she's going to be just fine."
"Moooooooommy! Daaaaaaaaaaddy!" Applerose trotted as fast as her little legs would go. She kept going until she was headlong into Roseluck's embrace where she began to bawl openly. Big Macintosh was in the kitchen right after her, heeding the call of his offspring.
"Shh, shh, oh sweetie, what's the matter?" Roseluck comforted the little filly, petting her back as is rose and fell between sobs. "It's okay, sweetie. Tell mommy what's the matter."
"T-there's a s-spider!" Applerose managed to say before redoubling her tears.
"Oh, you saw a spider? Where was it? Was it in your room?" Roseluck asked. The little filly nodded, too choked up to say anything. Roseluck looked up at Big Macintosh, who already had a rolled up newspaper in his mouth. "Daddy is gonna take care of it, alright?"
"Eeyup." The assurance didn't do anything to calm the filly down, but Big Macintosh marched on to vanquish the offending arachnid anyway.
"It's alright, you'll be okay." Roseluck continued to comfort her while Applejack entered into the kitchen, also drawn in by her niece's lament. When she saw Roseluck down on the floor comforting Applerose, she couldn't help but roll her eyes. As typical as the scene was, she was growing tired of seeing it.
"Y'all spoil her too much," Applejack said over the sobbing. "A filly her age can stomp her own spiders."
"Applejack..."
"No!" Applerose shouted, burying her face further into Roseluck's chest. "It's icky!"
"It's just a spider! Toughen up!"
"Noooo!" Applerose broke free of Roseluck and charged towards her aunt. Before Applejack could consider getting out of the way, the tiny pony rammed her at full speed right in the shin. Applejack winced and jumped up, the headbutt smarting a lot more than she anticipated.
"Why you!" Applejack tried to capture Applerose, but the mess of tears was already scampering out of the kitchen. She turned to pursue, but putting down the rammed hoof caused another twinge of pain. "Consarn it! That's gonna leave a bruise! What's with that filly?"
"She's very sensitive," Roseluck said, now trying to get Applejack to calm down.
"Sensitive nothin'!" Applejack grunted and tried her hoof again, easing it down through the pain. "Honestly, if she wasn't so gosh darn adorable Ah'd have half a mind to whup her!"
"She'll grow out of it." Roseluck glanced down at the floor for a moment, avoiding Applejack's skeptical gaze. Without reestablishing eye contact, she trotted along after her daughter. "Eventually..."
"Nonpony working here is very helpful," Scootaloo said, leading Taboo around the bustling halls of the hospital. Taboo was right by her side, since the filly wasn't particularly fond of this place. Even if she wasn't totally amicable with Scootaloo, concessions were to be made in times of trouble. "C'mon Taboo, they've got to be around here somewhere."
"Okay..."
They continued wandering through the hospital, Scootaloo leading the way as she tried to follow the posted maps to the maternity ward. It didn't take to long to get there, but there was plenty of ponies running around between them and their destination. Compared to the rest of the hospital, the maternity ward was much quieter. They trotted along the virtually empty hall, passing empty room after empty room. It apparently wasn't a very busy day birth-wise in Ponyville.
Taboo's ears perked up. She trotted along ahead of Scootaloo, honing in towards a voice. She could hear her father talking, and her mother too. As they got closer and closer to a closed door in the middle of the hallway, their voices were even clearer. She could hear what they were saying.
"The pony who delivered you might've been a murderer. We don't know. That's right, we don't know."
"We're never speaking of that again."
"Shouldn't we speak of it to the police or something?"
"I'm revoking your holding privileges again. It's mommy's turn again."
"It's only been ten minutes."
"I'm the one who just gave birth. Don't you have to sleep?"
"Don't you?"
Taboo could hear a third pony, but only faintly. They weren't talking, just making noise; however, Taboo had a pretty good idea who it was. When she reached the door, she slid it right open. Her mother and father were right inside, both of them looking like an absolute mess. Rainbow Dash lay in the bed while Thunderhead stood next to her. Taboo's ears twitched to another faint sound. Her mother was holding something.
"Hey squirt," Rainbow Dash said, gesturing for Taboo to enter in. "It's about time."
"Sorry! I'm not all that fast and this place is some kind of crazy maze a-" Scootaloo's apology was cut short by Thunderhead shushing her. He put a hoof to his mouth and jerked his head towards his wife. "Oh... sorry." Everypony talked in hushed tones.
"Well, you're here now." Rainbow Dash shifted a little in the bed and smiled over at Taboo. The young filly didn't say anything, but just continued staring at what her mother was holding. Even if it didn't show, her curiosity was killing her. "There's somepony I'd like you to meet..."
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Wow, been awhile since I read this fic, how did I forget to fav it. There fav, keep up the good work.
I loved the impromptu soap opera in the middle of labour.
Well, that went batshit crazy quick.
That is pretty dark.
All that crazy, and we don't get the tykes name?
reading that second line in Maud's voice made me fall out of my chair laughing
Fluttershys daughter is not a batpony? But... but all the hints that indicate and stuff and comments and now all for nothing?
So the Ponyville hospital has more crazy drama than most tv hospital dramas...
...What the fuck just happened?
So, is Taboo able to turn completely invisible, and she just knows how to do it?
i1.wp.com/qais.rocks/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/Neat-spiderman.gif?fit=810%2C9999
Cliff Hanger!
Hanging from a cliff!
And that's why he's called Cliff Hanger!
My favorite part is the Surprise Surprise Party and each one of Maud's lines.
Wow that doctor scene was ... interesting. Id love to see dash try and be an engineer, I give her a week into college at most
6118565 Maybe it just hasn't been revealed that Maple's a batpony yet...the little foal could morph into one suddenly & it'd explain why Taboo was abandoned--late transformation...
...or I could just be going off of pure speculation...
Why leave us with so much suspense? It just makes me want more
curse you for having a plan!
6119610 I'll finish it up for you!
"Meet... Lauren!" and Rainbow showed Taboo the little alicorn filly with a magenta mane and tail, who grinned and said, "When I grow up, imma create Equestria!"
And so the impossible time loop, with all its continuity and initiation paradoxes, began anew... to Discord's great amusement.
Alas, she doesn't get her license due to a tragic boating accident... caused by Tony Riggatoni, cousin of the Calzone's!
Seriously, that's the best hospital ever. General Hospital's got nuthin' on it!
6120051 And then because she didn't get her license, she ends up working for some mafioso named Gorgonzola, who is secretly stalking some mare named Ruby who reported one of his henchies to the fuzz, and the henchie was arrested by Gorgonzola's estranged cousin True Blood, who was a PI that had a bad case and lost his badge, and is slowly working his way back up from a beat cop.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
6119576
6118565
My theory is that that giant storm that Thunderhead and Rainbow saw on their honeymoon is hiding a secret haven for batponies. I found, like, a bunch of hints to that, too, or at least I think so. The special poison flower things are only ever found in the wake of tropical storms, and I figure the author wouldn't include that big ol' storm thing for no reason.
At least, that's what I thought before reading the soap opera for this chapter.
Well....that hospital sounds like....fun?
The soap opera scene was hilarious, and Pinkie's follow up was just perfect. Also Maud. Just...Maud.
Well played, good sir. Well played.
6120047
haha very funny
Oh I hated the soap opera scene.
But that's cause I hate soap operas.
To each their own though.
This was a long and great chapter. Does venom get her own story?
This may well be my favorite story on this site, possible of all stories that I've ever read. I frequently find myself worried about Taboo, and now I have Venom to worry about as well. They are both adorable little fillies who deserve the world, and I can only hope that they will have a happy future.
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I was hearing a harpsichord in the background whole time
6120220 But True Blood finds out he's been a vampire the whole time and didn't know it!
6126370 EXACTLY!
And all the while, because he didn't know of his vampire side, his vampirism was taking control of him every so often when he sleeps and hunts. He later finds out that he accidentally killed seven ponies that are in the unsolved murders file at the PD office, at which point he gets all paranoid and crazy trying to hide is guilt from the world. It all eventually leads to a climax where he is on top of the tallest building in Manehattan threatening to jump, taking the hostage Weepy Broad with him.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
6126373 But when he jumps he falls in a vat of magical radioactive waste and mutates into...
The Smooze! *what a twist!*
6126406 iambrony.dget.cc/mlp/gif/WHATATWIST.gif
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
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I feel like I should be writing all this down.
6127096 Do it, make a side-fic in the same universe as this.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
NO!!!! I COUGHT UP!!!!! Please continue!!!! I am very interested!!!
Applerose needs a good ass whipping.
...And that's how the Mane Six drove Ponyville's preschool teacher stark raving insane.
Should be "Nopony".
Mhhh , I don't usually comment . But I'm just dying to find out what taboo thinks of her new brother/ sister . What's with the random soap opera in the hospital ? Also .... surprise didn't really surprise me X3 .
Why must this cliffhanger be here. I start and catch up only to stop a major spot in the story. I must know what happens next.
... This story is one of the few that could actually do with more than three genre tags. I've had more laughs reading the past few chapters than I almost ever get out of anything with a Comedy tag.