The Prince

by Liquid Truth

Unlimited Crystal Berry Pudding

“This is your fault, George.”

“Me?” George Orwell swiveled his head to his right, where Niccolo Machiavelli was standing casually atop a snowy mountain just outside the Crystal Empire.

“You wrote that book.”

“It was not supposed to be an instruction manual!”

From the mountaintop they were standing on, Orwell can see the Crystal Empire in all its glory. Spires of crystals jutted out from the ground like a spearhead through a rotten wooden shield, supporting large telescreens that shows Prince Shining Armor’s smiling face and the words ‘Big Brother is Watching You’.

“Your idea worked, at least,” said Machiavelli.

Orwell facepalmed. “That’s not a good thing, Nick. What did the princess think about this?”

“She thought nothing of this.”

“What? How?”

“She hasn’t seen this yet. We have approximately five minutes to undo this all before she arrives.”

“Alright, that’s doable. Let’s—”

A voice from behind them called out, “Nick! Princess! Early Arrival!”

Machiavelli turned around to find Ray Bradbury, running and panting heavily toward them. “Well, we’re doomed.”

“We can still run away,” suggested Orwell.

“No, can’t do,” said Bradbury between his breaths. “Saw princess come. Ran away. A clip-clop of hooves. Guards shouting. Princess kicked out from her own kingdom. Whoosh, bam! Cart nearly got me. Ran faster, found you two here.”

“Indeed, I did.”

Three heads snapped toward a pink alicorn princess, her face not so subtly showing the owners of said heads how their shoulders should consider a divorce with their necks.

“I can explain,” said Machiavelli calmly.

“No need to,” came another voice from behind. Swiveling their heads again, the three humans and one alicorn were greeted by Big Brother himself, along with his army of Thought Polices.

“Shining! What happened?”

“I fixed the government! Now, nopony will see me as your husband anymore. I am Big Brother, absolute ruler of the Crystal Empire!”

Princess Cadance landed softly to the snowy ground, her face of concern. She walked slowly toward his husband. “B-but, Shining! What about our people? Should they always live in fear that you will kill them just because of a mere thought? What happened to friendship? What happened to our goal to be loved by our people, and have them live in love, tolerance, and harmony? What happened to the Shining that babbles about Freedom of Love?”

“That was a delusional Shining Armor,” he answered. “For it is far better for a prince to be feared than to be loved.”

“You forgot about the second part, Your Highness.”

Every head swiveled about to whatever fourth direction you readers picture that hadn’t been the direction of arrival of the three previous characters, sans three that was tired from swiveling and simply turned around on their feet.

“It is better to be feared than to be loved if you cannot be both,” said Anton Chekhov. “You’re the captain of the guard; it is your duty to keep the ponies to have fear for the throne. But you shouldn’t be only feared, for you have your wife—The Princess of Love—to keep the ponies to love the throne. You two belong together like peanut butter and jelly, or me and your unlimited crystal berry pudding policy.”

“Yes,” called Machiavelli. “If you can be feared and loved, you are indestructible.”

And so the Crystal Empire thrives in love, tolerance, and an unlimited supply of Flurry Heart’s trademarked crystal berry pudding, which solved their previously mentioned food shortage and would later become their greatest exported goods aside from magical crystals.

And that, dear Twilight, is how Niccolo Machiavelli fixed the Crystal Empire’s governmental mess.

Also, that’s the 8-ball.

Dammit, Chekhov! You distracted me!

Author's Note:

And that's how Anton Chekhov became a two-worlds-wide Billiards Champion.

Comments

[RainbowDoubleDash]

I have no idea what I expected going into this, and have no idea what I just read. But it made me smile and laugh, so that’s good.

Properly speaking if I’m recalling my Machiavelli correctly his biggest point vis-a-vis The Prince’s most infamous line is that fear is better than love because it’s easier for the Prince to control fear. But in either case the biggest thing to avoid is contempt. You don’t want to be loved but seen as soft or ineffectual; or feared so much that any alternative is seen as a better one.

[FanOfMostEverything]

Well, at least Chekov doesn't shoot the other billiards players.

Also, ponies are dangerously impressionable.

[Lord Dominator]

Loool

[PersonWhoExists50306]

The real Niccolo Machiavelli shares a birthday with Pinkie Pie (May 3)