• Published 24th Aug 2012
  • 17,287 Views, 223 Comments

Sisters - Bad Horse



Stories about two sisters who are best friends, and rulers of Equestria

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Betting the Moon

"THERE thou art!"

Celestia and Twilight Sparkle broke off their conversation and looked up. The voice, word choice, and volume were all distinctive enough that they were not surprised to see Luna winging her way down towards the little vine-covered arbor behind the palace where they had been just about to enjoy their afternoon tea together.

Luna landed hard on the grass, sending up a little cloud of dust, and began to speak before it had settled. "See what thou hast done, Twilight Sparkle!" She strode angrily towards the purple unicorn, who shrank towards Celestia's side of the small round iron table.

"Me?" Twilight squeaked.

"Thou and thy Rule of Law!"

"Now, now, sister," Celestia said. "Please, join us. I am sorry I don't have a third cup, Luna, but..."

"TEA IS NOT THE ANSWER TO EVERYTHING!" Luna thundered. The birds and crickets fell silent. Luna sat down across from Celestia and Twilight, and hung her head despondently.

"Sorry," Celestia whispered to Twilight. "An old argument of ours." She waited for Luna to speak.

Luna finally raised her head. "I was in Canterlot Centre," she began. Celestia nodded. "Conversing with several of the nobility. Silver Lining was there." Celestia nodded again. "And her lawyer, Silver Tongue."

Celestia pursed her lips. "That devil."

"Silver Lining complimented me on my recent victory in the hundred-meter spider toss at the Royal Games."

Twilight looked inquiringly at Celestia. "Ponies compete at spider-tossing at the Royal Games?"

"Only Luna," Celestia said. She nodded for her sister to continue.

"She wondered that a pony could toss a spider a hundred meters. I assured her that we could toss one two hundred meters!"

Celestia sucked in her breath. "Oh, no."

"And she had the AUDACITY to DOUBT us!" Luna said, stomping the ground with one hoof.

"You can toss a spider two hundred meters?" Twilight asked, eyes wide.

"Certainly!" Luna asserted. "Almost without a doubt. If not for the wind."

Celestia already had one hoof over her face. "And there was a bet."

"I bet the moon," Luna said.

Celestia put her hoof down and looked back at her sister in horror.

Twilight pushed her nose reassuringly against Celestia's neck. "Don't worry! 'Bet the moon' is just an idiom. It means, to bet too much, to bet everything you've got."

"It does?" Luna asked.

"It has," Celestia said, "ever since the last time this happened."

"I did not bet everything!" Luna said. "Just the moon."

Twilight stared at Luna, then at Celestia, then back at Luna again, then, perhaps for variety, off into the empty space between them.

"And now," Luna went on, "this new Rule of Law hath emboldened Silver Lining to try to collect on this bet!" She glared at Twilight.

Twilight fell back from the table, sat on the grass and buried her face in her hooves. "Oh, no! I'm terribly sorry! I never thought this would happen!"

Celestia coughed politely. "It seems somepony is trying to evade their responsibility for this."

"I'm not!" Twilight pleaded. "I said I'm sorry!"

"Not you," Celestia said.

"Silver Lining bears some blame as well," Luna said.

"Not her, either."

"Well, there is no time to point hooves," Luna said. "She hath requested an audience today to press her claim. What wilt thou do about it?"

"Me?" Twilight squeaked again.

Celestia sat up very straight and cleared her throat. "We, meaning you and I both, sister, will hear her claim. And we will judge it fairly and impartially."

"My moon!" Luna cried.

"Twilight will apprise our court officers of the situation, accompany them to the royal library to direct a brief, coordinated legal research, and summarize their recommendations."

"Me?" Twilight said for the third time. "What about your legal counsel?"

"Why would I have legal counsel?" Celestia asked. "Until last week, the law was whatever I said it was."

Twilight leapt to her feet. "Ohmigosh! We only have a few hours and there are thousands of law books! I don't know where to begin!"

Celestia remained sitting at the table, and levitated Twilight's forgotten teacup back in front of her. She raised the teapot and filled the cup. Wisps of steam brought with them the scents of jasmine and chrysanthemum. "We will begin," she said calmly, "by finishing our tea."

* * * * *

"What hast thou to report?" Luna asked, looking down at Twilight.

Twilight took a few more breaths before formulating a reply. She had run all the way from the library in the southeast wing on receiving the summons. The throne room also served as audience chamber, advisory council, and law court, although usually not all at the same time. The great wooden doors opposite the thrones were closed; the court bailiff, a stocky brown earth pony stallion, stood in front of them. A clerk sat at a desk to Luna's far left, ready to cast the recording spell. Luna and Celestia sat with their backs to the room's only straight wall, on tall, narrow wooden thrones of equal height, lined with red velvet. They were elevated above the rest of the semi-circular room on a marble dais high enough that Twilight had to raise her voice for them to hear her.

"The first question we tackled was whether Luna owned the moon in oculis legis. The majority opinion was that the phrase 'Luna's moon', which occurs in many official documents of great antiquity, simply refers to a bond or connection, in much the same way that any pony might say 'my husband' or 'my wife,' or call Luna 'my princess'."

"But it's my moon!" Luna insisted.

"Luna," Celestia said, "you're not helping."

"I'm afraid she is correct," Twilight said. "Whether the moon was hers or not originally, under the Rule of Law, it is now."

"What?" Celestia said, leaning forward. "Why?"

"Squatter's rights," Twilight said. "After Luna, um, established her residence on the moon, nopony gave her notice that she was trespassing on their property. At least, it's not in the record. So after ten years, it legally became hers."

"No one notified her because no one owns the moon!" Celestia said.

"That's sort of what the squatter's rights law is for," Twilight said. "Everything has to be owned by somepony, or there's no legal framework for dealing with it."

"YES! MY MOON! Mine, mine to claim, mine to raise and lower–"

"Yours to throw away in a bet," Celestia concluded for her. Luna fell silent.

"Well," Twilight continued, "I have some better news for you. The next issue we took up was delivery obligations. Luna is not held accountable for delivery expenses, and is not obligated to stop, erm, using the moon, until Silver Lining takes possession of it. Since that is of course impossible, she should be able to just go on raising and lowering it."

"You mean I don't have to give it to her?"

"Well, you would have to if you could, but as I said, that's clearly impossible."

The royal sisters looked at each other, then Luna looked back at Twilight. "What if she has a very large field?"

Twilight laughed nervously. "Well, since, as we all know, the moon is larger than all Equestria, you can't just set it down in somepony's field!"

"Don't be silly, Twilight. How could I raise and lower a rock larger than Equestria? How powerful do you think I am, anyway?"

Twilight gaped at the two princesses. "But... but... it's been proven, you can compute its mass from observations and Neighton's equations..."

Celestia shook her head ruefully and sighed. "Don't remind me. It wasn't easy, making everything work with those equations! I had to re-learn how to move the Sun almost from scratch." Luna nodded sympathetically.

"Wait," Twilight said. "You... you changed the movements of the celestial bodies to fit his theory?"

"He worked so hard on it," Celestia said. "I didn't want to hurt his feelings, the poor dear."

Twilight sat down heavily, just as she would have if a goddess had deliberately reached out and magically pulled her rump towards the ground with an acceleration of 9.8 meters per second per second. "So," she asked. "Just curious. Did you just make up any of the other cornerstones of my reality?"

The two sisters looked at each other guiltily.

"Right," Twilight said, and got slowly to her feet. "Remind me never to ask that again."

"Oh!" Celestia said, suddenly remembering something. "This is awkward, Twilight, but... what you said about the moon, that's part of the Clopernican heresy."

Twilight gulped. "Heresy? Nopony's called it that for centuries!"

"Of course not," Celestia said. "Ordinarily, I wouldn't bring it up at all. But under the Rule of Law, I think we're supposed to burn you at the stake now."

Twilight's eyes widened in terror. "That... that's horrible! How could you let anypony make a law like that?"

"Oh, you know. Everypony gets upset about something, so some ponies pass a harsh law against it. They become more popular, the other ponies are happy that something's being done, and I pardon anypony who runs afoul of the new law. Everypony is happy and nopony gets hurt. Why, what did you think laws were for?"

"Ow!" Twilight exclaimed. Her rear legs had given way a bit more quickly this time.

Celestia looked down at her with some concern. "You mean, you didn't have a plan for dealing with bad laws?"

Twilight pushed herself to her feet a little more slowly under the combined weight of the questioning gazes of two goddesses. She lowered her head and ears, then said defiantly, "Well of COURSE it's not going to work if the laws are made by IDIOTS!"

Luna and Celestia exchanged worried glances. "Oh, dear," Celestia said.

There was a thump as Twilight's rear end hit the marble floor for the third time.

"Are you going to keep doing that?" Luna asked. "I find it most distracting."

"Sorry," Twilight answered. "I'll just stay down here if that's all right with you."

"Any more good news?" Celestia inquired.

"No, that was all of it," Twilight said. "Legally, other than that, we're..."

"I see," Celestia said. "We may as well hear what she has to say and find out what she intends. Hopefully she will not ask too high a price for its return. Bailiff, please ask the chamberlain to send in the petitioner."

The bailiff left the room through one of the great doors, then reappeared a minute later, leading two unicorns who walked with the distinctive, high-stepping, shin-splint-inducing gait of the Canterlot upper class. The first was a fat white mare with a silver mane, and the second was a tall, lean, silver stallion with a white mane. Together they reminded Twilight of a certain nursery rhyme.

"Lady Silver Lining, and her counsel, Mr. Silver Tongue," the chamberlain announced. The recording clerk's horn glowed as she cast her spell, and faintly-glowing white streaks began zipping from it, around the room, and back onto her desk, gathering up words and sounds and writing them out on the scroll unrolled in front of her.

The two Silvers trotted toward the dais, Tongue behind Lining, then stopped in front of it and bowed graciously to the two sisters. Silver Lining turned to Twilight, who was just a few steps to her right, facing the two sisters across what was normally the desk for defendants and their counsel.

"This is Miss Sparkle, our legal counsel," Celestia said.

"Your counsellor is sitting on the floor," Silver Lining observed.

Celestia raised one eyebrow at her, as one does when somepony states the blindingly obvious.

"I'm less distracting down here," Twilight said. "Because of the reality-shattering."

Silver Lining and Silver Tongue took their places behind the plaintiff's table. The stallion placed a thick manila folder on the table in front of him. Then everypony fell silent and looked around to see who knew what was supposed to happen next. Twilight had two books open on the table before her, and the pages of both were rapidly flipping back and forth. She looked up at Celestia. "I have the protocols for royal audiences here, and the protocols for civil cases. Which is this?"

"Pick one," Celestia suggested.

The cover of one of the books slammed shut. "All right, civil case, then. Princess Luna, it's customary at this point for you as defendant to bow to yourself as judge."

"I've got an idea," Celestia said, and the other book slammed shut. "Let's just talk this over like grown ponies."

Silver Tongue spoke up. "Your honor. I certainly appreciate your sensible and well-intentioned suggestion. However, under the Rule of Law, no judgement is binding unless arrived at by following the proper legal procedures. For my client's protection, I request we observe all of the necessary formalities. I have here a folder of affidavits from witnesses, photographs of the event and its aftermath annotated with circles and arrows, and relevant case histories, each of which must be entered in the record and attested to regarding their authenticity, relevancy, content, and completeness."

Celestia smiled back at him. "How very professional of you, counsel. However, owing to the unusual nature of this case, for your client's protection, you may wish to discuss its outcome with us on an informal basis before we make a binding decision on whether her claim constitutes an assertion of property rights, or an act of treason." She enunciated each consonant of "binding" clearly, like a pair of shackles snapping shut.

Silver Tongue smiled and nodded acknowledgement, and opened his mouth to respond. It was promptly plugged by the hoof of the pony next to him. "Talking informally is acceptable," Silver Lining said.

Once they were able to get Silver Tongue, who was presumably paid by the hour, to stop talking, everypony agreed on the basics: Luna had bet the moon on her spider-throwing and lost. It looked as if they would be able to come to some sort of agreement without anypony being bound to anything–at least literally–until they came to the matter of delivery.

Silver Lining, it developed, was not interested in any sort of buyback plan. She did not want more bits; she wanted something nopony else had, and not one of the other Canterlot nobility had a moon. She already had, as Luna had feared, a large, empty field next to her country manor that she thought would be perfect for the moon, and she wanted it brought there.

"But you can already see the moon in the sky now!" Twilight said.

Silver Lining looked down her nose at Twilight, which was admittedly difficult not to do while she was still sitting on the floor. "My dear, that isn't how collecting works. It isn't just a matter of my having a thing. It's a matter of other ponies not having it."

"HA!" Twilight said. Silver Lining drew back in alarm. "Already sitting down," Twilight explained.

Both princesses had managed to maintain their decorum, but Twilight could tell that Luna was hovering on the edge between distraught and furious, while Celestia had already opted for the latter. "My dear Silver Lining," Celestia said slowly, carefully, and calmly, "are you quite certain that you desire to take the moon, which has heretofore been a gift of beauty to all ponies, and reserve it for yourself alone?"

Silver Lining stared back incredulously at Celestia as if she had begun babbling incoherently. "Well, that's really the whole point, isn't it?"

"And you expect us to permit this?"

"I'm just asking for what's mine. Under the Rule of Law."

Luna cast her eyes about the courtroom unbelievingly. She pinched herself, twice. "But Equestria has always had a moon! Equestria needs its moon!"

"I don't see why," Silver Lining sniffed. "It doesn't do anything. It's not like I was asking for the sun."

Luna froze, her eyes fixed on Silver Lining. Celestia opened both eyes very wide. Silver Tongue and the bailiff jumped away from the noblemare in opposite directions. Silver Lining, now standing very much alone in front of the two royal sisters, looked slowly to her left, and to her right.

"Allow me to restate that," she began.

But a strange humming sound had already begun in the background, which rose in intensity and in volume until it became apparent that it was coming from Princess Luna, who rose from her throne, still staring at the white-and-silver mare. Then she opened her mouth, and Twilight realized why Luna had never considered the Royal Canterlot Voice to be especially loud. This was loud. The sound knocked Silver Lining over and pushed her back into the row of benches behind her.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAA-HAAAAAAAAAAA-HAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Then Luna leapt into the air and flew straight out between the great wooden doors, knocking one of them off its row of seven iron hinges, and into the hall beyond, crying like a filly.

"Leave now," Celestia said without looking at Silver Lining, in that same calm, quiet voice. Out of the corner of her eye, Twilight noticed one of the ancient marble statues lining the chamber's curved rear wall crumble to dust and then drift away in a cloud of ash.

Silver Tongue helped his employer to her feet, and the two Silvers galloped out of the room, not even pausing to pick up the thick manila folder full of affidavits, photographs of the event and its aftermath annotated with circles and arrows, and relevant case histories. Silver Tongue nicked the broken door as he passed, which still hung by one hinge at the top of the entranceway. The last hinge pulled away from the wall, and the door, as tall as three ponies, fell outward into the hall beyond with a tremendous crash.

"Miss Blue," Celestia called to the clerk, "you may stop recording now."

Twilight looked around the suddenly-quiet throne room. The guards stood stock-still where they had been, Celestia sat just as silently on her throne, and she could hear the chamberlain cough now and then from the settling dust as he waited in the hall beyond. Twilight felt it would be a lot less nerve-wracking if somepony would just panic. She turned to Celestia. "What do we do now? Is she going to go all Nightmare Moon? Should we follow her? WHAT ABOUT THE MOON?"

Yes, that felt much better.

Celestia shook her head and smiled reassuringly, and her flowing mane rippled behind like a streamer. "I wouldn't worry about Nightmare Moon. Not for at least another day. And I don't know what to do, but I do know how to begin. Bailiff," Celestia called to the brown earth pony, who was just then crawling out from under Twilight's table, "please tell the chamberlain to send for some unusually-strong herbal tea."

When enough tea and cups had been sent for everypony (even the guards, whom Celestia had to reassure that it was all right to drink on duty just this once), and the room was filled with the calming scent of chamomile, Celestia turned to Twilight.

"Twilight. I know this Rule of Law means a great deal to you. But you'll have to come up with some legal way of taking back the moon, or I will declare this little experiment over."

Twilight raised one hoof to her chin. "Well... You could appraise it at a very high value, then tax it until she can't afford it anymore."

"Today, Twilight."

The purple unicorn turned her head this way and that as she sat on the floor, lost in thought. Finally she said, "I've got the start of an idea." She looked up at Celestia out from under her brows. "But it's not very nice."

"Not very nice?" Celestia laughed. "My dearest Twilight. You really don't know me as well as you think you do."

"HA!" Twilight said, followed immediately by, "Sorry!"

* * * * *

The two unicorns found nothing to impede their mad dash into the throne room. Its remaining door had been left open. Within, Celestia sat on her throne, surrounded again by Twilight, the bailiff, her guards, and a suspicious absence of petitioners.

"Lady Lining. Mister Tongue. What a surprise to see you here again."

The silver stallion stopped quite a ways short of the throne, whereupon the white mare prodded him from behind with her horn.

He jumped, and skidded nervously to a halt in front of Celestia. "Your most gracious majesty," he said, bowing. Then he shut his eyes tensely, and shuddered.

She waved a hoof modestly. "You're too kind, counsellor."

He opened his eyes and glanced down at each foreleg. Finding them still intact, he looked up at her out of the corner of one eye and said, "The, the act of vengeance you have undert-taken is not in ac-c-cordance with the Rule of Law. If it please your majesty."

Behind him, Silver Lining blurted out, "I'm sorry! Please forgive me! Don't bring this poor pony to ruination!"

"Pardon me?" Celestia said. "Act of vengeance? Ruination? Really, counsellor, Lady Lining. I don't know what you're talking about."

The lawyer took a deep breath. "Your sun, your m-majesty, rather than setting along its usual trajectory, is currently descending on my client's house."

"Oh, that!" Celestia said. "Merely making good on our obligation. My sister was so distressed at the prospect of losing her moon, that I decided to give you the sun instead."

"The sun?" Silver Lining bawled. "I don't want the sun! It'll burn my house down! The grass is already completely brown!"

"That is unfortunate if you're unsatisfied. But under the law, a pony may fulfill a debt with any item of equal or greater value."

"It isn't of equal value to me," Silver Lining complained. "I don't want a sun in my backyard! I'm light-sensitive! Just look at this complexion!"

"Well, then," Celestia said cheerfully, "all you have to do is attest under oath that you believe the sun is of lesser value than the moon."

"Certainly!" Silver Lining said gratefully. "Where do I sign?"

"You don't sign, you swear," Celestia said. "By me. It's simple. Repeat after me. I, Silver Lining..."

"I, Silver Lining..."

But her lawyer turned back and raised one hoof to stop her. "Madam! Please! Always consult with your legal counsel before taking an oath!"

"Oh, nonsense, Tongue, it's a simple little oath."

The lawyer peered back at Celestia suspiciously. "I do not believe in simple oaths, simple laws, or simple rulers."

"Tongue, I am warning you..."

The princess cleared her throat. "Now that your counsel mentions it, I do seem to recall a law relevant to this matter."

"Yes?" Silver Tongue asked.

Celestia chuckled shyly. "It's a little embarrassing. It's one of those old laws that somehow never got taken off the books. It says that it's an act of treason against Equestria to speak ill of the sun in comparison to the moon. The language is archaic, but that's the gist of it."

"I... I have never heard of this law," Silver Tongue stuttered.

"That's understandable. Unfortunately, the law library has room only for the legal records of the last thousand years. This law was passed shortly after the tumultuous events surrounding my sister's banishment. One thousand years, seven months, and twelve days ago. But it's available on request."

"How do you remember its date so exactly?" Silver Tongue asked.

"The council passed it as a birthday present for me. In poor taste, but they meant well."

"And... the penalty?" Silver Lining asked.

Celestia leaned back on her throne and looked up, putting one hoof to her chin. "Death, I think. Well, I'm sure it ended with death. But I can't recall for certain all the steps leading up to it. There were so many of them. Ponies were very creative with punishments back then."

Silver Lining was rapidly losing what little color she had. "Surely you wouldn't..."

"Oh, I wouldn't. Of course I wouldn't! If I had any choice. But, you know. Rule of Law."

"If I may," Silver Lining asked, "have a word with my counsel." She was already leaning on said pony with one outstretched hoof to keep from falling over.

"Certainly," Celestia said. "Take your time. Although it is nearly sunset."

* * * * *

One hour later, Twilight and the two princesses stood on the palace's spacious front balcony. They sometimes used it for royal announcements, but it now looked out on a courtyard empty save for a lone guard on his rounds. The guard, Twilight, and the princesses all shone dimly in the pale light of the rising new moon.

"Look at that," Twilight said. "It's so easy to take for granted. I never thought it might disappear one day." The two princesses smiled lovingly at each other, and embraced briefly.

"I begin to see some of the advantage of this Rule of Law," Celestia said some time later. "I couldn't have made a credible threat without it."

"That's not – argh!"

"And I, too, have learned something important!" Luna said.

"That's wonderful, Luna!" Celestia said. "And what, exactly, might that be?"

She raised herself onto her hind legs and threw her forehooves out towards the moon, which shone peacefully in the sky above as if none of this had ever happened. "The moon is MINE!"

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Comments ( 169 )

I wrote "Betting the Moon" because of a comment on another story, from an Equestria Daily pre-reader, who said: "Ownership phrases of the sun or moon should be taken out and shot." I was writing a snarky reply, saying, "When I say 'Luna's Moon' it doesn't mean she can use it as collateral for a bank loan," and then I thought: What if it did mean that?

If you liked these, the next logical story to read is In Celestia We Trust, All Others Pay Cash by Georg.

Thanks to bookplayer for telling me it was funny when I couldn't tell anymore. I wrote much of this while streaming an E Nomine playlist off YouTube. You probably didn't want to know that.

Easily one of the most hilarious stories I have ever read. Bad horse, I insist you write more.

I think I love you.

Liked. Fave'd. Your welcome.

I am glad that Celestia understands the great importance of good tea, though I prefer jasmine over chamomile. Many people and ponies forget how soothing a nice cup of tea can be.

Ah abuse of power. How very godlike. :pinkiehappy:

Twilight certainly learns from her mistakes. Can't shake her up if she's already on the floor!

Calvin and Hobbes + Celestia and Luna. my mind has been blown into a whole new dimension of Yay :yay:

1145832 Gotta agree, came for the cover image, stayed for the story. Lots of LULZ had by all!

Yeah, I've always kinda had a problem with the fact that Celestia and Luna are tyrants. Good tyrants, but tyrants nonetheless. I only endorse the idea of a benevolent dictator if I am going to become said dictator.

Secondly, YOU DID NOT JUST MAKE LUNA CRY! YOU WILL SUFFER FOR THAT, SILVER WHATEVER!:flutterrage:

you truly are the thoroughbred of sin you magnificent bastard!

Have any other great ideas for this?

The ownership of other celestial body's is really going to be a pain in the ass when we humans finally take off.

Ponified Calvin and Hobbes?

Someone make it happen right fucking now.

I loled at the cover.

"All right, civil case, then. Princess Luna, it's customary at this point for you as defendant to bow to yourself as judge."

As always in every reality, the legal system is stupid.

"It doesn't do anything. It's not like I was asking for the sun."

INSTANT DEATH

"Take your time. Although it is nearly sunset.":trollestia:

Calvin and Hobbes style cover art?

Insta-faved. Will read later.

This is silly and wonderful and I wish to see more.

That cover art...I LOVE CALVIN AND HOBBES! Now uh I'm gonna be reading this story now.

This is incredibly silly. Especially Luna.

Sometimes I hate my brain,:twilightangry2: I can't see chamomile tea without thinking about the main villain from The Saga of Seven Suns.:facehoof:
Other than that I liked this story!:twilightsmile:

Sees story on front page...sees cover pic...realizes pic is a pony version of Calvin and Hobbes...likes story immediately :pinkiehappy:

>Sees calvin and hobbes pic
>insta fav, track and read

:twilightblush: So I guess implementing my ideas from those human fiction books is not a good thing?

:trollestia: The possibilities.

CALVIN AND HOBBES REFERENCE IN THE PICTURE!!!!
SHITTTTTT!!!!!
Too cute :raritycry:

I tried writing this comment about five times, each time having to start over, because I could not think of a way to properly praise how doubleplusgood I found this story to be.

Well played, sir. Well played. :moustache:

1125938
I... I assassinated Dolan... Are you...are you proud of me? Bad Horse?

She cried. Wailed, really. I should have seen it coming. I really should have. But I did not. Good job.

This is simply Brilliant. :moustache:
I demand humbly request more!

this wins the universe. Calvin&Hobbes forever.:twilightsmile:

1145905
Georg is thinking about having Celestia and Luna compete in the Sisterhooves Social. That story will end up on his user page, but I'll probably add it to the Equestria Daily links for "Sisters".

1146758
Proud of you? Dolan was one of our most evil members!

Now you have to replace him. I hope you know how to use MSPaint.

1146968
Well, I'm absolutely terrible at it, so I should be fully qualified!

1146348
It is by Junglepony. I expect the Rule 34 version came first.

Wow. I am loving this.

In all honesty though, with as much as we make fun of the legal system, it's still a great deal better than the alternative.

Reading a nice little story called Njal's Saga, set in the time when human laws were first being made (the name is Norse, like Thor, in case anyone was wondering), put it into a great deal of perspective for me.

Supreme executive power is derived from the masses, not through some aquatic ceremony.

Oho! Also, congratulations on the feature, sir. :moustache:

:lyra:

I thoroughly enjoyed this.

So now Celestia has to take a 10 year sabbatical on the sun to claim it as her possession?
I wonder if Luna is troll enough to do it first.
Luna:
Good morning sister, I just spend 10 years and one day on the sun. Therefor it is mine. Say "please"!

For "The Rule of Law" to be a completely effective system, it must be fair. Despite fair being a pretty abstract concept.
For "The Rule of Law" to be fair, the laws within "The Rule of Law" must be fair.
If something is not fair, it is unfair.
Sentient beings create the laws within "The Rule of Law".
Sentient beings are not always fair.
Sentient beings do not always make fair laws within "The Rule of Law".
If a sentient being makes an unfair law within "The Rule of Law", "The Rule of Law" becomes unfair.
If "The Rule of Law" is unfair, "The Rule of Law" is not a completely effective system.

All that's left is to solve for "fair". With fairness being subjective based on point of view, there is an exceedingly high chance that someone will see a law as "unfair". The above statements don't even take into account whether the absence of a law is viewed as fair either. Fairness, it seems, is almost completely dependent, if not totally dependent, on the variable of perception by the beings enforcing it. The only way to prevent these variations from having varied values, one must give them a set value. One must prevent sentient beings from having a varied perspective on fairness.

Note: edited for further deductivness. Good fic by the way.

1147843
:trollestia: Actually it belonged to silver lining but she defaulted on the tax payments and I foreclosed it on her. Also, you've missed several court dates and ignored several summons to hearings for trespassing and now have a warrant out for your arrest. I'm sure you can make bail though!

1147478
"If I went around claiming to be an emperor simply because some watery twat threw a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!"
Oh, the graceless, blunt, yet hysterical humor of Monty python! How I do miss it!

I'm going to read this for two reasons. First, because I see Bill Watterson. And good God do I love me some Calvin and Hobbes.

Second...

deathsheaddesigns.com/drhorrible/images/theletter.jpg

-sees calvin and hobbes adaptaion coverart-
instant like and fave

"Featured on Equestria Daily!"

> Be me
> Be bitter with EQD for stern submission requirements
> Be bitter with the feature box as well
> Be even MORE Bitter at authors who flaunt EQD features
You know what? Gonna give this one a try. For funsies. It'll make it better when I thumb it down and never look back.
*read*

Aah, shit... It's ACTUALLY good >.<

Well done.

I'm pretty sure that, at least under British law, a verbal contract is non-binding except in pretty extreme circumstances but, given the difficulty Earth Ponies must necessarily have with writing, that might not be the case in Equestria.

Given the size of the Moon, I think just lowering it down to a hover about 1 mile above the Lining Estate would make her want to sell at any price. Imagine a 5000mi-diameter rock hanging over your head 24/7. :derpytongue2:

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