• Member Since 17th Jun, 2013
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Hopeful_Ink_Hoof


[He/Him] Just a writer who likes MLP and hopes to make a living off it: https://ko-fi.com/ink_hoof

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Of all the things that Gallus the Griffon has been and thought he would be, lost royalty was never really one of them, but according to Princess Twilight Sparkle, an ancient griffon book indicates otherwise. With that, Gallus returns to the Griffon Empire capital of Griffonstone to try and become their king. However, before he can claim the throne, he must face The Trial of the Throne, an ancient challenge that no one has accomplished in generations.

(If you like this and my other work, please feel free to buy me a ko-fi)

(Written for the 2019 Imposing Sovereigns contest being held by FanOfMostEverything, details of which can be found here.)

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 24 )

REALLY good start to this story. The exchange and characterizations were really well done. I can definitely see Twi's frustrations about not finding as many books on other cultures as she would like and the reasons WHY she hasn't been able to find those books.

Anyway, on to the next chapter.

Excellent job on this latest chapter. Again, the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are all well done in all the right places. I adored how Silverstream and Gallus played off each other as the former accompanied the latter and Twilight. And, Gallus's reflections on how much this seems like something out of a storybook was superb in addition to the interactions with Gilda and her daughter.

Once more, on to the next chapter.

So, we have a bunch of griffons gambling on the outcome and trying to sell merchandise off this mess. Yeah, that figures. At least Twilight, Silverstream and Gilda are providing moral support. And, yeah, that claustrophobic moment makes sense.

And, on to the next chapter.

And here I thought Leo was just going to be part of the test, not an actual lost little griff. :derpytongue2:

I wonder, how does one go about resetting the test? You know, just in case?

So Gallus stopped to help a kid. That is great stuff. And I loved the chat Gallus had with Galileo as the former was working to help the latter.

And, now, we're on to the next chapter.

Again, this is a really good chapter. The continued chat between Gallus and Galileo was wonderful stuff, especially the part about Gallus knowing Leo snagged a few bits and trying to use that to get out, only to most likely trigger something bad.

Again, I'm heading for the next chapter.

And now, Gallus and Leo completed their journey through the mountain. I absolutely loved the bit with Gallus having that mental flash about a possible family life before thinking about his REAL family (i.e. the rest of the Young Six, Gilda and Gabby). Leo's mother's gratitude was beautiful stuff as was the other griffons' reaction to the fact he recovered the scepter.

Very definitely heading for the epilogue

This is an excellent epilogue. The characterizations and overall tone of the story was downright superb throughout. I LOVED the detail of the work that went into getting the castle fixed up as well as all of those individuals coming out of the woodwork to try to cash in on Gallus's success. Most of all, I adored how the rest of the Young Six, Twilight and Gilda attending the coronation.

All in all, I could EASILY see this being an actual episode of a sequel series. :-D

A great read but it feels somewhat lacking. bit more detail here and there could help with the overall feel.
other than that its great. I wanna see more of the concept, of gallus secretly being royalty. i cannot find any other fics with the same plot. so i do hope for a sequel

Specifically, glue and gold.

blue.

I'm honestly kind of sad Tempest never reclaimed her old identity in this timeline. Still ,secondary to the main plot.

Also, I find myself wondering the Wonderbolt uniform was inspired by the colors of griffon royalty.

"And how's the other shirt selling?" asked Gallus.
Silverstream shifted, looking up and away from Gallus.
"What other shirt?" she asked in a rather subdued tone.
"The one they're selling that commemorates my failing."

"Well, uh..." Silverstream flipped the bottom of the shirt, revealing another design with a somehow even less flattering portrait. "They said it was cheaper to print a single double-sided shirt."

He had a job to do, and by... Grampa's Fez! (that seemed as good a thing to swear by as anything else)... he was going to do it.

If you can't have something to swear by, at least have something to swear at.

And a wonderful moment to cap off the chapter. Just because the trial makes enter alone physically doesn't mean you're alone emotionally.

Made him wish that there was a griffon like the Equestrian Princesses that he could pray to for help.

The old ones. Princess Twilight always gave you funny looks and theology textbooks when she caught you praying to her.

A part of Gallus wished there was some sort of test or spell that could find out if any were telling the truth.

:twilightsheepish: "The good news is that I know people with access to gene sequencing technology. The bad news is that I have no idea what the mirror portal does to griffons."

In any case, a fantastic example of the local boy made good. A little tightly compressed in parts and you never really resolve the disconnect between the squalor and apathy of Griffonstone versus the implications of an empire, but still some excellent character moments. The etching of the fez in the crown was especially nice. Thank you for this, and best of luck in the judging.

Ri2

Ah, so Twilight wants to install a puppet king on the Griffonian throne to make fixing their books a priority! Truly a master of statecraft.

Ri2

Awww, Gilda's got a kid! Adorable!

And Gruff gave Gallus his fez. He really did care!

Ri2

Wait, Leo was real? I assumed he was part of the trial.

This could've badly done with a proodread, but darn it, this was just so charming. You made me like Gallus, and I'm not sure much else can claim to have managed that.

Comment posted by Great White Prime deleted Nov 8th, 2019

Well, the winners have been announced, so time for some replies.

9881531
No plans to at this time, although I do have a small portion of an idea for it. It would basically about Gallus needing to get married and having an heir. I also want to go back and write a longer, more fleshed out version of the story.

9881823
I considered it. Having him be like an illusion or something. But... the idea of having Gallus and Leo build a rapport, only to have him be fake, or still stuck there... seemed a bit mean to me.

As for resetting the test, it's automatic. When the griffon attempting it either exits the cave or fails, the test resets, and rearranges itself so that the new challenger doesn't know what to expect.

9882607
That is one of the potential issues when working on a story with a word limit. You can either risk a lack of proper detail, but end up in the limit, or you can have it well fleshed, but risk going over.

9886237
They have shirts they are selling about his failing, which happens to be selling much better than the ones cheering him on. Silverstream was just trying to avoid telling Gallus anything about it, not wanting to undermine his confidence.

9998167

I considered it. Having him be like an illusion or something. But... the idea of having Gallus and Leo build a rapport, only to have him be fake, or still stuck there... seemed a bit mean to me.

I'll buy that. Though it does leave Leo feeling like he needs a bit more fleshing out for his role in the story, if only to better explain and justify the hows and whys and so on. Obviously word limits played a role in that, so I hope you go back and do a more fleshed out version now that's no longer a restriction, as it can only help but improve this little tale. :twilightsmile:

I'm intrigued. Definitely an interesting start.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Gallus had gotten the old griffon's fez, and everyone assembled got one last whack with his walking stick for "driving me to my grave."

So in the end, the old buzzard actually learned the meaning of generosity. Magical.

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