Scars in the Sky

by Toriandthehorse

8 - Saw Scars

And as silly as I know it is, I make a wish.

I wish I can be happy again.

---

“Hey, Dash?” I hear a hushed voice at my door. I jump, tensing down further into the bed instinctively. When in doubt, stay down. I inhale and hold it. My ears are straining to the door, trying to pick up any sort of reassurance that everything’s okay, that everything’s fine. The only thing I can hear is my heart, pounding into my chest.

“It’s… Soarin.” Oh… he wants an answer. I grunt. Have to breathe. Breathe. Breathe. “Can I come in?” I don’t reply. Breathe. Soarin eases the door open, stepping in slowly. I can see his large silhouette form a faint shadow outside the door. The whites of his eyes, glowing, move as he undoubtedly takes in the closed curtains, and the turned-off bedside lamp. I bet he’s thinking how unlike ‘me’ that is. ‘I’ would have had the curtains flung open wide, to try and see all the stars at the same time. To stay up as long as possible, reading foalish books that kept the real world at bay.

“What time is it?” I mutter. It can’t be much past midnight yet.

“Early.” He pauses. “Late. Whatever.” Something inside me remembers. Remembers what it feels like to want to laugh. But unlike years ago, when it was sweet, it’s a bitter feeling. I don’t deserve to laugh. I don’t want to laugh. I can’t laugh.

“What do you want?” I don’t necessarily want it to sound rude. I guess it does.

“Heard you earlier.” He whispers, coming up beside me. It feels… somewhat awkward to be laying down while he’s still standing. I turn onto my stomach and straighten into a sitting position. My wings and legs are trembling. Am I afraid? Or just tense? I’m just tense.

“And…” If he wants to drill into me, he doesn’t have to feel good doing it.

“And… I wanted to see if you were alright.” I hear his hooves shuffling. Is he uncomfortable? Nervous? Upset?

“I’m okay.” I sigh. It escapes before I can stop it – and immediately, the shrill warning whistles blow in my head. I just showed him my weakness! I just showed him I’m weak! I revealed something he could use against me! That’s exactly what the Captain had trained us not to do. “I’m okay.” I repeat, forcing the panic out. Can’t show him even more. Have to stay hidden. Can’t let the Captain down.

“Are you, though?” Soarin’s tone is sharp. With concern? Or is he annoyed? I look down, tracing my eyes methodically over the swirling patterns of cloud in my blanket. I was trained to be a good judge of character, or emotion… but I can’t figure this stallion out! I want to, no, need to know what he’s going to do next.

“Yeah.” I mutter, mostly to myself. That’s right. I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay.

“I don’t think so.” He says softly. I hear his hoofsteps walk closer, hesitantly. Then he’s sitting next to me, not two feet away. “You tried to attack Pinkie.” He states. I can feel his eyes on me, that crystal green that could reflect absolutely everything and absolutely nothing at the same time. I say nothing. “Dash… talk to me. You haven’t been yourself.” I look up, sharply.

“Myself. Myself? Soarin, would you be ‘yourself’ after going to war for years straight?” I hiss. He opens his mouth, about to say something. Probably something sweet, something kind to make me remember the good old days. I don’t want to hear it. I cut him off with my hoof. “You can yell at me for, yes, trying to attack Pinkie, one of my absolute best friends. You can grind into me for not appreciating that awesome party they threw. Hay, you can insult me all you like, but you do not get to act as though you know who I’m supposed to be. You do not get to act as though you know what happened out there.” I think I should be screaming. I think I shouldn’t be this angry. He’s just trying to help. But I’m not screaming; I’m spitting the words out. I am angry; he has no right to try and ‘help.’

“How can I help you?!” I flinch hard at the yell. He’s loud, so loud… and his voice is so harsh. He doesn’t sound like Soarin. He sounds like enemy ponies, screaming out battle cries. He sounds like the dying ponies, gasping out words never said in those sharp, failing voices. He sounds like war.

It sounds like war. It’s something that shouldn’t be something I’m thinking, because I’m supposed to be thinking about what’s coming. But I can’t think straight anymore.

“Think we’re gonna live?” The mare next to me mutters. She’s not talking to me, she’s not talking to herself. She’s talking to all the ponies in the military wagon.

“I hope so.” A stallion to her right answers. He’s obviously nervous – sweat is glistening down his heaving chest. I can hear something of a Trottingham accent lacing his words.

Suddenly, I hear the most horrifying screams I’ve ever heard. They chill my blood, making little tremors rush through my bones. The rag-covered wood wagon goes deathly still.

“Welcome to war!” A mare’s voice cackles. Terror floods my senses. I’m not prepared. I’m not ready. I shouldn’t be here. I’m a coward.

And then, I have less than a second to see the shadow. See the shadow before I feel it’s heavy weight crush down on us. I can’t even wonder what it is, why its here, what’s going to happen.

I only know I have to fight. Fight or die.

“Oh, Dash… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean- Dash? Are you okay?” I feel something soft brush against my back. It’s too much. I cry out, letting loose a sound that almost sounds like… one of Fluttershy’s hurt animals. I’m trembling – the bed is vibrating from the shivers rippling out of me.

“S-Soarin…” I whisper. I feel sick; I can’t do this anymore. My stomach is turning over, and my head is spinning.

“I’m right here,” He whispers back. The bed shifts as he moves closer. His wing drops down onto my back, so gently it hurts.

I don’t want such a gentle touch to hurt; I don’t want a firm touch to hurt. I don’t want to have all these memories, the memories that keep filling my mind no matter what I do. I don’t want to hear the screams and silences of ponies dying over and over again.

I just want this to be over.

Comments

[THERDSTORYWHISPERER]

Hang in there Rainbow Dash!

[Toriandthehorse]

9926219

[Tael_Spinner]

Definitely in this story for the long haul.

[Toriandthehorse]

9926490
Yay! I hope the next chapters can continue to make it worth your time!