From HRH Hottest Pocket, RE: Letter 81
Dear Trixie Lulamoon,
Due to your recent near-death experience caused by a teleportation incident and use of a known unstable spell, as well as requiring a public space to be closed for cleaning related to the aforementioned difficulties, you are hereby required to submit to psychiatric evaluation to ensure your mental well-being, as well as no less than twelve hours of community service, as that was the estimation for cleaning the area to health and safety standards.
In the future, please understand that magic marked 'advanced' does not merely denote difficulty, but also risk to yourself or others. Please ensure you are able to reliably cast such spells under observation of somepony able to help you, should a complication arise in the future, and ensure that you are able to do so regularly.
From the desk of,
HRH CelestiaPS. Her majesty suggests the illusory subtypes of spells if you intend to use magic during your shows in the future, as they tend to be safer.
To Agent A. Lamps,
Thank you for being prompt and efficacious as always. For successful lifesaving measures without exposing your role, your usual bonus will be included in your paycheck. Anon has expressed interest in meeting you and 'exchanging stories' however. You do have tentative authorization to allow for such meetings at your discretion, but be warned that Anon does not technically possess a security clearance. If in doubt, deflect.
I apologize again for stationing you within Ponyville but given the usual... standard of... things... in Ponyville, I believe you can see why it is justified by now.
Good work,
HRH Celestia
To my most faithful student, Twilight Sparkle,
You are hereby required to attend a once-weekly tutoring lesson - that is, a lesson on how to correctly tutor another pony - run by a miss Cheerilee until you are able to pass the relevant certification.
I applaud your initiative and willingness to help Twilight, but Trixie could have died as a result of your... manner of instruction. At the very least you should have prepared safety measures and been honest with her about her mastery of the spell.
Your loving mentor,
Princess Celestia
Dear Anon,
I'm not certain how long I spent staring at the last letter, but it was long enough for my sister to have been fetched out of concern.
What the everloving Tartarus is wrong with my little ponies?!
Celestia
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You're the one who made their education system , Sunbutt . Don't be surprised that they are completely crazy ...
Absolutely golden
I sustain the belief magic drives ponies (and others) insane. The more powerful, the crazier.
How that insanity manifests or how much socially functioning is the subjet, may depends in each case.
This letter, along with #81 itself, have been some of my favorites of the whole series. I was laughing so hard my sides hurt.
Yeah, I'm not quite sure to help you there Celestia. I'm still asking that question myself
Celestia , it's called natural selection
also
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Actually, that falls on the hooves of the Equestrian Education Administration, headed by Chancellor Neighsay.
She says that, but we all know she was secretly hoping Duel at Twi Noon would perform the exact same act of supreme stupidity, and clear two idiots out of her lands.
Lets be honest if humans had magic we would do stuff just as stupid.
9910731
The first magical accident would be them chopping a limb off while playing magic sword fighting, or microwaving/freezing themselves while trying to keep themselves warmer/cooler.
9910731
Half the population would just turn themselves into various species of mammals... on purpose. They would be the survivors.
Trixie? Mental well-being?
Riiiiiight.
9910679
And thus, the root of the problem has a name. Behold, ponies! The subject of your ire is the insufferable prick known as 'the answer is no because I say so'!
...What? Naysay? That's what I said! 'No because I say so'! Seriously, just accept that I'm right about the inherent stupidity that runs through even the most core values of this insufferable world! Who flat out calls their son a naysayer right out of the gate?
I forgot about clean up costs.
Celestia. You don't know the half of what is wrong with your little ponies.
Celestia has purple ptsd which is like regular ptsd but purple which increases the severity of the symptons by 25%
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Natural Selection is doing a shite job then, cause Twilight has effectively killed herself at least half a dozen times and is still kicking. Fire Darwin and get someone more qualified to thin the herd.
Or don’t, watching him fail at taking out the purple menace is rather amusing after all.
I’m sorry Celestia, but I have no answer to your question. All I can offer is sympathy, and copious amounts of alcohol.
9910731
yep. We don't have magic at all and we already do whacky things like this.
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And it is also giving murfy a migraine with things going wrong somehow doing a complete 360 before going nope and doing a 180 to going right
The funny thing is, she didn't mess up the spell. Despite all the talk about twilight's teaching, this was mainly just Trixie having incredibly shitty judgment. (So maybe Purple did teach something she shouldnt have.)
She successfully teleported out her own spleen as she intended, she just couldn't put it back. And then successfully cast the cloning spell that keeps coming up to.
You know it's bad when Luna needed to be called.
I'm amazed Celestia continues to reply instead of drop the letter, throw her hooves in the air in defeat, and go drinking.
All my respect.
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she replies after doing all that