To: Anon, From HRH Sunbutt.

by Snow

From HIM Applesworth I, to HRH Celestia (non-canon)

Author's Note:

This is not in reference to anything and may in fact not be canon, as much as anything is canon in this setting. I wrote it after trudging home in a 90 degree, humid day and I might be a liiiiittle tired so this seems funnier than it is. May keep, may not.

EDIT: This was inspired largely by the idea that not only did Twilight manage to make an apple realize its own existence, but the first crushed apple founded an empire and is a bit sore about being 'taken care of'. Equestria has an odd history of hammy overlords crawling out of the woodwork. It may be a little too far out of the mood of the rest of the letters, so consider this Non-Canon to any dubious continuity building up.

ABHORRENT FLESHY APPLE DEVOURING BEAST KNOWN AS CELESTIA,

Know that you may have vanquished the burgeoning empire of I, Johnny Seedington Applesworth, FIRST OF HIS NAME, for now... BUT BEWARE! For we shall have our REVENGE... Just as soon as we can find another patch of warm soil and dedicated servant ponies over whom WE MAY RULE!

And to force us to sign our surrender on pulped remains of our kingdom YOU ARE A MOST SEEDLESS, STEMLESS ABOMINATION, may your roots wither!

We shall have our REVENGE!

From the desk of,
His Imperial Majesty J. S. Applesworth I, conquerer of Kit-Zen, Grand High Macintosh, Great Ancestor Smith, etc. etc.

PS. We thank you for the mandatory therapy after our traumatic realization of consciousness and reality. We shall remember both this kindness and your service to our empire by bringing forth the day WHEN WE ARE FORCING YOUR SUBJECTS TO TEND ENTIRE ORCHARDS OF OUR EMPIRES!

---

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that not all apple trees need an Apple to defend them, and sometimes it's best left well enough alone. Especially if your student's involved.

Yours,
Applejack

PS. We owed you the very land that grew our family to what it is today, and we are forever thankful. That said after today, I think we're gettin' closer to being even.

Comments

[TheDino27]

I ...

WHAT ?!

[Snow]

9862665
Too much?

[TheDino27]

9862666
Honestly , I have no idea , I laughed a little but let's just say that I , has someone who has read all the letters has problems completely understanding it so someone who starts of by reading this one just to look at the story will understand N.O.T.H.I.N.G .

So I would say it's not too much but it's too "crazy" if that's the right word ?

[Snow]

9862671
I'll write a longer author's note and mark it non-canon.

[TheDino27]

9862672
Has you wish ! Well , literally since you are the only one who can do it...

[Vindicar]

okay, what did Twilight do this time?

[OrchestraOfRuin]

Is this just a one of thing or is Johnny Appleseed going to be a regular occurence?

[Snow]

9862677
I marked it as non-canon, so consider it a one-off unless 2Merr runs with it. It was kind of a joke I wrote after getting home and thought it was funnier than it really is.

[ClosetBrony]

That was absurdly funny to the point that Discord would be proud. I'm reminded of that early IDW arc where the Apples were battling sapient apples.

[Black Hailstorm]

This is beautiful. Makes it even better someone wrote it under dictation

[Eroraf86]

Anyone else getting flashbacks to the “Night of the Living Apples” comics with Flutterbat?

[FanOfMostEverything]

The thing is?

This is basically comics-canon. The only difference is that it's Twilight's fault instead of an alicorn-irradiated meteor.

[2Merr]

9862846
Today I learned there are pony comics

[anonymous browser]

Pretty sure there was an IDW comic story based on sapient, expansionist apples.

[PonyDragon]

ABHORRENT FLESHY APPLE DEVOURING BEAST KNOWN AS CELESTIA

Just wait until the bananas become sapient.
Their armies might even be too much for Celestia herself.
: "Try me..." *licks lips*

[Honey Lavender]

9864468
Them bananas can be sapient and amass armIES ON THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON BEEE-YUUTCH!

[nameundetermined]

big francis e dec vibes from that tree