• Published 27th Sep 2019
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Home Again - Ninjadeadbeard



Sunset just wanted to fix the portal to Equestria, not cause the apocalypse. Again.

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Chapter 5 - It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

As the sun rose above Canterlot City, its crisp, clear light chased away the unseasonably cold morning chill, leaving behind the pleasant sort of late spring heat that enticed almost everyone to lie in the grass and watch the clouds drift by. Unfortunately, it was Monday, so despite the lovely weather, the teens of Canterlot High School were just a bit too jaded and bitter about the whole thing to go rolling on the track and field this morning.

Many students were out and about the school grounds, but entirely uninterested in the newly reconstructed Wondercolt statue, which had taken quite the effort to replace since the Friendship Games, and which seemed to be the epicenter of all the magical weirdness the student body had accepted as simply part of their lives.

This might have been a good thing, actually. It was presently in use.

The portal between this world and that of Equestria was situated on the face of the statue’s plinth that faced the school’s front doors, and at the moment it shimmered and glowed with a deceptively subtle light. After a few moments, it finally spat out the human, red-and-gold haired form of Sunset Shimmer, leather jacket and all. Despite the speed at which she flew, the teen had prepared herself for the jump, and managed to come to a stop on one leg after only a few hops.

Sunset beamed to herself. Finally got a handle on the portal’s habit of launching…

Twilight Sparkle, bespectacled, and once again in her blouse, sweater-vest, and skirt ensemble, hurtled from the portal and into the open air. Sunset, however, was quicker than that. She caught her airborne friend, and with a single, inertia-draining spin, brought themselves to a complete and safe stop.

Not having to pick themselves up out of a tangled pile, both teens smiled happily at one another.

And then Trixie slammed into both of them. All three were completely tangled together, and now quite sore as they picked themselves apart and tried to stand under their own power.

“Eugh,” Trixie was having a bit of a time of it. “Did anyone else notice Sparkle was hugging me a lot at breakfa- Whoa!” she cried, falling right back down. Twilight caught her, but on rebound she nearly toppled into Sunset. Finally, she seemed to balance herself and remain upright. Sunset took in the new Trixie, noting the smart purple top hat and short cape, as well as the light blue suit that just screamed ‘stage magician’.

“Not bad, but take it easy, Trixie,” Sunset cautioned, “Getting used to two legs isn’t…”

Trixie immediately launched into a quick tap routine with her… feet, she thought they were called, satisfied with the loud clicks her shoes made on the ground. She finished with a spin and a high kick, like she’d seen the dance-ponies do.

And then she allowed herself a deservedly smug grin.

Sunset’s mouth hung loose somewhere around her collarbone, however. “Wha-? How…? But…”

“Oh ye of little faith,” Trixie smirked, “Did you think that the Great and Powerful Trixie would have trouble adjusting to merely two legs? More than a few of my acts require extended hind-legged feats of strength and Trix-terity! Hahahaha!” she covered her mouth with a delicate hoof… and then stopped.

She stared wide-eyed at the tiny appendages that were attached to the end of her ‘hoof’. Normally, she’d scream to see such a sight back in Equestria. But here, something felt very different about this body. Like it was natural.

“Why, hello there,” she said to her new limb-pieces. She wondered if she could still do sleight-of-hoof with these ungainly things in her way…

Twilight adjusted her glasses and began to examine the new-human. “Huh, if Rarity were here, she’d say your outfit is very similar to late century stage magician costumes, but the fabric is entirely modern. The hat is a bit early modern, while the cape seems more noir-magick… the genre, not the style. I think you might be a few inches taller than our Trixie, but I’d have to measure you both.”

Trixie looked herself over. Then, blushing, “Does… does Trixie… Do I look alright?”

With raised eyebrows and a small smile, Twilight nodded, “You look Great and Powerful.”

Trixie’s moment was interrupted by a resumed flash of white light from the portal. All three braced for another violent entrance…

Only to watch a tall, lanky form walk calmly out of the light and onto the grass, holding a small, purple dog in his arms. The dog yawned, stretched, and then hopped carefree out of the man’s arms.

“Thanks, Mr. Discord!” Spike cheerily called back as he trotted over to Twilight. “That was a lot nicer than the first time through.”

Discord, Lord of Chaos, chuckled to himself before taking in a deep, deep breath through his nose. Then, with a hugely exaggerated exhalation, he cried, “Would you look at this place!”

He glanced down to see three bipedal creatures staring at him, jaws almost completely unhinged by the look of them. The one on the left was definitely Bacon, and the one in the middle was certainly little Nerd-Twi.

“Well-well, Trixie my girl!” he laughed and elbowed the blue one in the ribs, “We clean up good I see!”

Huh… that felt a little different. Like his limbs were the wrong length. But since he was always the wrong length, that couldn’t be it. Discord looked down at himself. Clothes?

“Anyone have a mirror? Oh, nevermind,” he said, fingers about to snap, “I’ll do it myself!”

Sunset grinned and shook her head. “You’ll be disappointed Discord. Without a geode or an artifact, Equestrian magic…”

With a snap, and a flash of light, an entire vanity appeared directly next to the former Draconequus. This left Sunset in the unenviable position of being surprised by Discord. Again.

What!?” Although the dream of becoming a Princess had long since left Sunset’s mind, she always had a natural aptitude for the Royal Canterlot Voice.

While Sunny Shim had her little meltdown, Discord took stock. He’d been to plenty of other universes, and had some idea of what humans were typically like. This was one of the more colorful models out there, but he’d seen worse.

He appeared to be… somewhere in the early-to-mid-twenties, as far as humans went. College-age for certain though that knowledge was from watching soaps from these sorts of universes in his spare time. Discord’s skin was a light gray similar to his normal face back home, and hair was black and slicked with a touch of grease, while his eyebrows and beard retained their white color and wild… well, slightly less wild than normal style. His eyes were exactly the same, just resized for his head, which was long, thin, and had a certain cut to it.

“Quite rakish, I think,” he laughed quietly, “Almost debonair.”

“You sort of look like a teacher,” Twilight had gone into analytical mode again, “with that jacket and those elbow pads, anyway…”

Discord did note his clothing, something he’d usually never bothered with, except as a gag. He seemed to be wearing a brown tweed jacket with patches on the elbows; one white, the other blue. It reminded him of his horns… which he did indeed miss right now. Opening the jacket, he could see a red tie at the top of a buttoned shirt cut into two patterns, one cream like his old paw, the other yellow and striped like his claw. His pants were similarly split into a green-with-white-polka-dots leg and one somewhat normal brown one.

To top it all off, one shoe appeared to be a sneaker, the other a dress shoe. And they were in the colors of his former wings.

He looked… positively marvelous!

“How?!” Sunset was still balking.

Discord raised one eyebrow, but before he could say anything, a scratchy, familiar voice cut in, “Uhhhhh… who’s this character?”

He turned around to see two eerily familiar girls standing by the statue, having walked over from across the street. The one who’d spoken was cyan, with a messy crop of rainbow hair atop her head, while the other was pale white and radiated ‘fashionista’ with her wardrobe and luscious purple hair.

Discord laughed, “You think I’m a character, Dashie? I’ll not argue, but I’m already spoken for.” He winked.

The two newcomers gave each other worried glances, then Rarity decided to push past it. “Sunset, dear? Do… do we know this person?”

“Please tell me this isn’t a memory stone situation,” Rainbow sighed.

Twilight stepped past her still-sputtering friend to stand beside Discord. “Rarity, Rainbow Dash? Meet Discord, the Lord of Chaos. He’s from Equestria, so he sort of knows us… indirectly.”

“I don’t just know you,” Discord couldn’t help a little sneer appear on his lips, “I happen to be one of your best friends. And sometimes mascot.” To demonstrate, he waved a tiny sports flag dominated with his current face, and surrounded by the tiny pony faces of the seven friends.

Rarity’s eyes grew a little bit, seeming to take in the information, “Oh… but if we’re such good friends, did my other self ever talk to you about your… ensemble choices?”

“Yeah dude,” said Rainbow, bluntly, “You’re kinda horrifying to look at. And I don’t even do fashion.”

Rarity snapped, “Rainbow Dash! There is no need to be rude to our pony friend!”

Discord choked, “Pony!? Madam! I will have you know I am a Draconequus.” He struck as imposing and daring a pose as he could muster.

Twilight frowned. “Wait, that’s what that was supposed to be?”

The Lord of Chaos snapped his fingers, and a helpful model was instantly constructed. Said model being a little wooden puppet that looked just like his former self. He held it up by a set of strings (with magic, not his hands) so the others could see it.

“I know, I took a downgrade to fit in here,” he smiled, “But I didn’t want to make the rest of my human-friends jealous.”

Rainbow Dash’s eyes narrowed onto the puppet as it, against all expectations, began to cut a rug in mid-air. “Dude… you used to look cool.”

Used to!?”

Twilight had turned to Rarity, asking, “So, where’s everyone else? Shouldn’t school be starting soon?”

“In a half hour or so,” Rarity checked her phone’s clock, “Applejack is probably taking her horses out for their morning run. You do know how she dotes on them. And Pinkie was hosting Sweetie Belle and her friends at her home last night for a sleepover, so they will probably be running late. Dash said Fluttershy was on her way, but…”

“What do you mean Used to!?”

Sunset, finally registering reality again, shouted at the former Draconequus, “How can you have magic!?

Discord finally turned back to Sunset, letting Dash watch the dancing puppet with almost childlike wonder. “You don’t have to shout.”

Sunset took a deep breath, “I’m sorry, but you just summoned a mirror, and a dancing doll. There shouldn’t be that much Equestrian magic here, so how are you doing that without something to channel your magic?”

“Ah!” he snapped his fingers, though nothing apparently happened, “That’s what I was going to say. Also, you!” He pointed an accusatory finger right in her face, “How dare you lie to me!”

Everyone’s attention was focused on those two now. “What?” Sunset blinked rapidly.

“You said this universe had almost no magic in it,” Discord reached one long, long arm up and dragged it through the air, somehow producing the exact sound of someone running their finger along a glass window, as well as some sort of sparkly white glitter on his finger, “Yet this place is practically dripping with pure, undiluted Chaos Magic.” He licked the resulting white sparks from his finger like they were a tasty treat.

“So, Sunny,” he continued, now behind Sunset, who turned to face him, “how does it feel having your pants on fire?”

Sunset initially kept her face as one deeply, deeply confused and blank-eyed. She shook her head, and with an expression of pure surprise said, “Wait! Chaos magic? This world has Chaos Magic!?”

“Has? It’s saturated!” Understanding seemed to light up behind Discord’s yellow eyes, “Oh, you can’t sense magic that way, right? I keep forgetting if humans or ponies can do that.” He grinned sheepishly.

Sunset gave him an annoyed stare, “No, Discord. We don’t. Hm…” she held her chin and pondered, “I hope this doesn’t do anything to the spell we brought back.”

That got Rainbow Dash to check back into the conversation. “Spell? You eggheads found something?”

“Oh yes!” Twilight’s eye brightened seemingly with stars, “Starswirl the Bearded himself made it! It combines a flow-regulator incantation with a…”

Her voice slowed to a stop. She turned her eyes down, away from the others.

Rarity walked to her, and rested a hand on her shoulder. “Darling? Is something the matter?”

Twilight didn’t look up. “I… I just learned I shouldn’t let this magic stuff get me too excited.”

“Oh, my dear,” Rarity leaned in, “I can tell something is getting you down. Won’t you tell us what it is?”

She finally looked up. Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Sunset, her dog Spike, and even Discord were looking on with sincere concern etched onto their faces. She knew she couldn’t hide this from any of them. And she didn’t want to, for that matter.

Twilight sighed, “I’ll tell everyone later. But… for right now, let’s focus on the spell.”

Rainbow took that as a cue to return to her normal, upbeat self, “Alright, cool. What’s this spell do?”

Sunset took that as her cue as well. From her backpack (once a saddlebag), she drew out a scroll of paper, still sealed by the hoof of Starswirl himself. “You won’t believe it! This spell… hey,” she looked around her, “Anyone see Trixie?”

It took only a second for her to catch sight of the blue magician… racing away towards another blue magician in school colors.

Oh, no…


Trixie Lulamoon was actually humming as she came to school. She’d made decent enough money over the weekend doing one of her shows. It had been some kids’ fifth birthday party, but the show was still successful, she was still paid, and no one got cake in her hair this time. Good times!

More than that, her folks had decided to take her along with them on the next tour once she graduated! This was it! The big leagues! Soon, Trixie would be the greatest and most powerful…

“Imposter!!!” a voice ripped through Trixie’s good mood like a booing audience. It wasn’t just loud, though. It was familiar… and she could tell it was coming straight for her.

She turned around, already snapping at whoever dared, “Who said that!? Show…”

Someone had placed a mirror in front of her. A funhouse mirror, presumably, as it somehow added a hat and… very nice magician’s outfit to her reflection. Huh… she needed that mirror for her act.

And then the mirror grabbed her backpack strap. “I do! The Great and Powerful Trixie!”

Trixie swatted this Other Trixie’s hand aside. “Who are you to call yourself Great and Powerful, much less Trixie!”

“Trixie Lulamoon!” she cried. “That’s who!”

The two stared at one another, a smoldering anger burning right alongside a strange sort of curiosity.

“So…” the human Trixie said slowly, “Are you some sort of magical clone? Or just one of Trixie’s fans dressed up? Because while the makeup is good, the costume’s overdoing it.”

“Pffa!” the pony-now-human Trixie scoffed, “I am no fan! I am the one and only Trixie Lulamoon of Equestria! The Greatest and Most Powerful Showpony in the world!”

“… Showpony?”

Pony Trixie sniffed smugly, “Indeed. And I am come on an errand of great importance.” She ran a critical eye over her human duplicate, “Since you could not have known you were stealing my act and besmirching my good name, I have decided not to punish you for doing so. Instead! I demand that you, Other Trixie! Show me your magic show, that I may inspect it, and judge its professional standards!”

With that, pony Trixie snapped her fingers and instantly produced a large Equestrian Bit, a coin the size of her now-human eye. While human Trixie spared this a quick glance of approval, she also noted how mystified the… pony Trixie was at having hands, and having hands that could apparently pull off the trick within minutes of existing for the first time.

“Are you sure you wish to contest the arcane prowess of Trixie?” human Trixie smirked as she put her hands together… and apparently began to remove one of her thumbs when they slid apart.

Pony Trixie was astounded. Her eyes flashed at the sight of new magic, new tricks! Could this Trixie be worthy of her mantle? Her legacy? Her… dare she say it, franchise?

“How about this?” she said, hoping the eagerness wasn’t too apparent in her tone, “I’ll teach you one of my tricks, and you teach me one of yours?”

“Sorry, Trixie. No can do.” human Trixie found it truly bizarre to have this conversation with herself, especially as more than a few fellow students were now walking past, staring at the confrontation.

Still, she closed her eyes and gave the best smugly Trixie face she could manage. Had to sell it. No telling what sort of new tricks she could glean from a magical pony her. “I have to take it up with my parents. The Lulamoon Magicians do not trade family secrets over a handshake, or hoofshake as the case may be for you.”

Nothing. No rejoinder or begging. No pleading, no harassment. That wasn’t very… Trixie.

She opened her eyes. “Um… Trixie?”

The pony Trixie stood stock still. Her eyes glistened, and her breathing was suddenly shallow and rapid.

“Is everything alright? Trixie?”

She managed a whisper. “Mom’s… Mom’s alive?”


“Aaaand now they’re hugging,” Discord sighed. Watching the two Trixies scream incoherently at one another had looked to be an interesting show. Watching them fight would have been better. Since no one could hear exactly what they were talking about, watching them hold each other up while sobbing incoherently was simply boring.

He turned to Sunset, who watched the whole process with a mixture of confusion and irritation. “Well, I’m out.”

Sunset looked back to him. “What?”

“This dimension’s a bust. If I wanted to see ponies… humans, whatever, cry, then I would have stayed home. Au revoir!” Discord was about to step right back into the portal, when a soft voice called over to the group.

“Oh! Hello everyone! Sorry I’m late!”

The girls turned, as did Discord, to see the approaching Fluttershy. A thin girl, with long, flowing pink hair and the deepest, kindest, most gentle eyes anyone knew. She ran up dressed in a soft green dress and hiking boots. Biodegradable ones, too.

She stopped just a bit away from them, panting lightly. “I was having trouble wrangling some of the birds this morning. You know how they can be when they… haven’t…” She slowed down her speech, her large, green-blue eyes slowly drifting to the odd newcomer with the yellow eyes.

Yellow eyes staring right back into hers.

The two slowly approached one another in silent contemplation. As they did, Rainbow, Rarity, and Twilight looked over at their dear friend Sunset…

Who was trying to hold in a giggle fit, and failing valiantly.

“Uh,” Rainbow quirked an eyebrow, “Sunset? You okay?”

Sunset nodded, not trusting her voice for a moment. “I’m… I’m fine. I just… these two have a history back home, at least according to the Princess.”

“Pfft! Ack!” Rarity balked, “Those two? They couldn’t be more dissimilar! What does the other Fluttershy see in… that?”

Oblivious to all else, Discord and Fluttershy stood barely a foot apart. Their height difference was far, far less than it was back in Equestria, Discord himself would note. Despite his new body having a good half-decade on the rest of the girls, and being fairly tall in general, he only had a head or so’s height on this… delicate recreation of his Fluttershy.

Discord held out one hand, and took hers in it. “You look… radiant this morning, Fluttershy.” He kissed her hand.

She blushed, but did not remove his hand. “Do… have we met?”

“In another world, yes,” he smiled, revealing a gold tooth where his fang once sat, “There, you are my dearest, and closest friend.”

Her blush deepened. She noted the portal behind him with a quick glance before returning to his eyes. “Oh… well, um. She’s very...” She took a little breath, and a gulp of nervous energy. “You…”

He nodded. “I know. I’m not really one to look at.” He closed his eyes, and began to turn away.

Her hand touched his cheek. Their eyes met again.

“You’re beautiful,” she whispered. “You’re everything I ever…”

A tear appeared in the corner of his eye, “You know I’m sworn…”

“I know,” tears formed in her own, “We can never be together.”

“The other Fluttershy…”

“She has you forever. Let me have this!”

Fluttershy pulled the tall former-Draconequus into a tight embrace, their lips pressed firmly together into a passionate kiss. Tiny fireworks began to burst above their heads, and birdsong started to ring out. One of Discord’s legs bent at the knee, and Fluttershy leaned him back almost to the ground, like they were in a tango.

As their kiss ended, Fluttershy brought Discord back up with a whirl. He swooned, and she made to turn back towards her other friends.

“Good morning Twilight!” she smiled in earnest, “How was your study vacation? Did you bring back any pictures of the cute ponies?”

It wasn’t just shock or horror that played out on the faces of the four girls. Their slack-jawed, wide-eyed looks gave the impression that each of them was working through one of the stages of grief in rapid succession. Twilight was stunned. Rarity was possibly begging an unseen agent to remove the memory of what she just witnessed. Rainbow Dash flipped between anger and a desire to crawl back into bed and forget the whole day.

Sunset Shimmer, on the other hand, had no reaction whatsoever. She simply gripped the spell scroll tightly in one hand, and then said, without an ounce of emotion, “This… this is the weirdest day. I had to literally fight my personal demon just three days ago, and this is still worse.”

She turned around, faced the portal, and opened the spell scroll. There was nothing, nothing at all that could be done at this point to scar Sunset further. She’d just watched her foalhood nightmare and possibly stalker make-out with one of her best friends. Literally, factually, nothing could now happen that could in any way surprise her in the slightest.

She began to read the spell:

From mirror to mirror and across time and space.

Had she been in any way a right state of mind, she would have stopped there, before continuing with:

Hey Bacon, can't wait to see the look on your face…?”

As the spell radiated raw, red lightning from the page and her hands, Sunset suddenly realized two things. One was that she’d just tempted fate, and it had taken no time at all to get back to her on that account.

Two…

Discord! You son of a!”


It was like standing next to one of those giant drums the band sometimes brought out for the big concerts. Or like being too close when Pinkie Pie set off one of her party cannons. The shockwave made it feel like Twilight’s heart had stopped in her chest. The blinding light didn’t help matters much either, but at least the brick wall had shielded Twilight from the… worst of…

Brick wall?

She blinked away the blindness, and realized that, yes, a brick wall, of the exact height and width to grant her cover, currently blocked direct line of sight with the portal to Equestria. Spike lay coiled at her feet, only just lifting up an ear from covering his eyes, and peering out at the madness that lay around them.

The grass, with the exception of a shadow of normalcy flowing from Twilight and the wall away from the portal, had been turned into a quilted mashup of patterns. Crosshatched here, plaid there, polka-dotted elsewhere. The school was unharmed, thankfully, and most of the students had been beyond the range of whatever that had been. In fact, they were all kneeling down, with heads covered.

Guess those ‘Magical Hazard’ safety videos the ATV club whipped up were good for something.

Twilight ventured out past the brick wall that had suddenly appeared before her, and peeked out to see what had happened. The Wondercolt statue had become a Draconequus… which was the least-surprising thing possible. There hadn’t been a doubt in her mind before, but now Twilight was beyond questioning Discord’s role in this.

Still, had he something to do with the wall? Further inquiry was required.

Discord was currently in his true form once more, curled up into a ball, suffering from what one might call a fit of belly laughs. Besides him, a thoroughly ponified Fluttershy blinked the light from her own eyes, and then faltered as she tried to stand up. Falling back onto her haunches, Fluttershy seemed to finally notice her hooves, her wings, and her transformation in general.

Twilight wasn’t sure if she’d ever seen Fluttershy so happy. Nor could she recall if she’d ever seen somepony hug themselves so warmly.

“My hands!” Rarity’s sobbingly most dramatic voice drew Twilight back towards the statue, which the fashionista was currently leaning against in vain hope of continuing to hold herself up on two legs. Not used to the balance or… grip of hooves, she was sliding around quite a bit more than she probably would have liked.

She howled, “How will I ever sew again without my fingers!” As she sobbed, her new horn lit up, summoning a handkerchief… hoofkerchief now, Twilight supposed, to dry her tears. Rarity took a break from her weeping to marvel at that, probably contemplating a new, inspired design, or how to use this new ability to better shovel ice cream once she’d found a tub of it and a proper fainting couch.

The pegasus Rainbow Dash stood atop all four legs, glaring daggers at Discord and trying to breathe deeply enough to calm down and perhaps not leap right at his throat. Her wings were awkwardly splayed and fretting about, as she’d not had enough time with wings, even with her previous, short-lived trip to Equestria, to learn how to settle them comfortably.

When she finally did throw herself at the Lord of Chaos, she went about five feet up, zero forward, and five feet back down, hard onto her torso, effectively winding herself.

Twilight looked to be the only one that wasn’t suddenly a pony. The wall seemed to have blocked whatever had happened to the others. But where did the wall come from? Was there another layer to Discord’s prank?

Probably. But why?

Finally, Sunset Shimmer, unicorn, sat on her haunches. Her head made mechanical trips between staring at the portal, and staring at the spell scroll laying on the ground besides her. Back to the portal. Back to the scroll. The portal. Scroll.

Her head snapped around so hard that Twilight actually ‘eeped’.

“Discord!” Sunset’s eyes were wide, but her irises were mere dots, “Why!?” a vein bloomed along her neck.

The Lord of Chaos wiped the tears from his eyes, but continued to cackle away, “The… the look on your face!”

Twilight wasn’t sure if grass could just catch fire spontaneously, but the way Sunset stalked towards Discord with that look in her eyes and that flare along her horn made her wonder very carefully about that.

“That… that…” Sunset was sputtering again, “That was our chance! I’ve been trying to fix this whole magic problem since we learned about it, and you go and do something like this!? I thought you were trying to be my friend!!!”

Discord, still chuckling, suddenly paused as he saw Sunset’s eyes. The anger was… whoof! That was a serious case of RAGE right there, like… bury the remains and swear the witnesses to secrecy sort of rage. But he also saw the tears of frustration bursting from his little Bacon-hair.

Oh… did he overdo it again? But he was sure that this time…

He rose back onto his feet, ignoring Fluttershy as she rolled merrily through the grass. His ears drooped slightly as he said, “I… I thought I was helping.”

Sunset took a single, stuttering step back in the anger department. She was down to quivering fury. “How do you think this is helping?” At least she wasn’t screaming anymore.

“Um, Sunset?” a voice from behind said, unsure of itself and of the strange situation that had suddenly made itself apparent.

Had to be Flash Sentry. Sunset whirled around to see her former boyfriend, a dumbfounded look all across his boyish good looks. She hardly noticed the two Trixies holding hands behind him, also watching with some mild concern.

“Magic stuff,” Sunset grumbled with a frown affixed to her face, “Get some breakfast Flash. I’ll fill you in later.”

He nodded, and then proceeded to stumble off toward the school building. The human Trixie smirked at Sunset.

“Huh. You weren’t kidding Trixie. Pony Us must be adorable.”

“I said Great and Powerful, Trixie,” pony Trixie corrected, “But adorable also works.”

Sunset didn’t have the time, nor the patience for two Trixies. Not today. Not on a Monday. And certainly not when she had to deal with a certain Draconequus.

She managed to say, through clenched teeth no less, “Discord, I don’t know how you thought you were helping, but you didn’t. You made everything worse.

“Just…” she took a deep breath, “Just tell me you can fix this. Please.”

The Lord of Chaos… looked very, very low, if Twilight’s eyes weren’t deceiving her. His eyes were downcast, his horns… could horns go limp like that? She supposed with Discord, anything was possible.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, “It seems like all I can do these days is cause trouble for my friends. Don’t worry, I’ve got this.” He reached out his claw, and snapped his fingers once.

Nothing happened. The echo faded as soon as it started.

His eyes screwed up, as though he smelled something rotten. Discord gave his claw a good, hard stare and said, “Huh… that’s unusual.”

It flickered. White lightning snapped between his fingers, and the Lord of Chaos gave a pained yelp.

Fluttershy was at his side instantly, “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“It’s nothing, nothing at all to worry about,” Discord was clearly lying and more clearly, worrying.

“Discord?” Sunset’s anger had faded, replaced by the same sort of concern one might have for a lunatic lab partner, the kind who like explosions. “What’s going on?”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” he said, nonchalantly as another crackle of lightning traveled up his arm and snapped between both horns, “It’s just that… remember what I said about this world being saturated in Chaos Magic?”

Everypony took a breath. Sunset responded slowly, “Yeah?”

Discord’s whole body lit up for a second, his spine twisting and crackling as he contorted into different shapes, yowling and crying as he went. When he finally stopped, his whole body began to glow softly white, with crackles of lightning now jumping about him. Even his eyes turned completely white and radiated undiluted chaos.

“Well… I might have underestimated just how saturated.”

The Lord of Chaos began to float straight up into the air. His friends cried out his name in surprise, and the local student body began looking for the nearest exit or standing structure to flee into. This had all the hallmarks of another magical catastrophe. Why no one had built a bunker for these situations by now was a mystery.

Discord, to no one but himself and perhaps an unseen audience to these events, said, “Folks, please take any small children with you out of the theater at this point in the show. Things are about to become… obscene…”

And then he exploded.


It was a sad fact of life that hating Mondays did not stop them from coming, and another that one never learned how to deal with them, even as an adult. No one, in the history of Mondays, had ever enjoyed one even on a purely theoretical level. Not once. Not ever.

That was Vice Principal Luna’s story, and she was sticking to it. It wasn’t enough that she was the one stuck pouring over the school’s dire financial records over the weekend, Wondercolt statues being prohibitively expensive and her sister Celestia being a dirty, filthy Liberal Arts major instead of an enlightened Bachelor of Science like her good self. It was also not enough that she was wearing one of those vile pink blouses her sister kept buying her, and that she must wear on occasion as a sacrifice to the gods of good sisterly decorum.

No. This Monday was ruined by the fact that her coffee machine, as well as her backup coffee machine, had finally given up the ghost. Traitorous machines. The day was only slightly turned back around because Luna knew Pinkie Pie. And Pinkie Pie, still perky even before dawn, had been kind enough to loan Luna a hot thermos full of her proprietary coffee, a blend she only sold at cost to a few people at school with a real caffeine addiction.

Luna did not dwell on how embarrassing that entire episode was, nor her guilty description of herself during its events. Desperate times. Desperate times indeed.

The Vice Principal was hurrying down the halls of the school, waiting to reach her office before cracking open the canister and drinking down the hot, life-saving draught within.

Draught, she laughed to herself. Such an old turn of phrase. She should really read more than the occasional fantasy novel.

Once safely ensconced in her office, Luna poured herself a cup. She smiled as the sweet, sweet aroma… how much sugar was in here? Oh, it didn’t matter. She was desperate.

Raising the cup of heavenly joe to her lips, Luna closed her eyes and prepared for the divine sensation… only to feel a strange ripple of air pass through the room. Had the air-conditioning kicked on already? There must be a glitch in the electrical system. That thought sent a shiver down Luna’s spine, recalling the last financial report she’d read, and all the red ink circling the electric bill figures.

She glanced down to look at her coffee. The heft was suddenly different. Luna turned the cup upside down, and watched as a mug-shaped marshmallow slopped down onto her desk.

How much sugar was in The Good Stuff? Luna set the mug down onto her desk, and then watched as it flapped its wings and scampered up into the AC vent, where she supposed it would use as a nest hereafter.

She decided that she needed to see Tia. Especially as the thermos had begun to tango with her desk’s little water-dippy bird.

Celestia’s office was close to her own, so it was in no time that she reached the door and flung it aside.

“Celestia, I think the caffeine’s getting to me. I need an immediate… vacation…?”

Luna was briefly reminded of an old senior prank back in her day, where the students had managed to sneak a horse, an entire horse, into the principal’s office. If it weren’t for the fact that this horse was a white, winged unicorn with her sister’s mane, she’d have thought the prank had been repeated.

Seeing… winged unicorn Celestia panickily smashing her desk and keyboard to splinters with her hooves, and then break down into a sobbing wreck as her chair completely failed to hold up her new… Luna would be polite and say heavier form, somewhat dispelled that thought. As did the pens and pencils, held in a golden aura, sailing through the air.

Luna sighed. “I will just go get Sunset then, shall I?”

Well… at least it hadn’t been Pinkie’s coffee. Luna didn’t actually care for vacations.


At that very moment, Pinkie Pie was skipping merrily down the street. The bouncing pink bundle of sugary energy and laughter simply could not contain her sheer exuberance and love of life and joy. Plus, she’d had six coffees, two croissants, eight breakfast muffins, and an entire bag of sugar. She probably didn’t know she was skipping.

She even hummed a little song while she skipped. “Smile! Smile! Smile!” Granted, she may have forgotten the other parts of the song.

Behind the pink and prancing premiere party planner of prodigious potential, running at a dead sprint and still not keeping up, were the Cutie Mark Crusaders themselves. Had Scootaloo’s scooter not given out half a mile back, perhaps she’d be within catching distance, but her and Applebloom and Sweetie Belle were certainly losing ground now.

Which might have been because the Pinkie Pie Breakfast they’d had was all sugar as well, which meant their energy had peaked already, and now the crash was coming with the growls of upset stomachs.

“I feel like I’m dying,” Sweetie Belle moaned in between gasps for air.

“I think I’m already dead,” Scootaloo nearly lost her breakfast in a nearby gutter.

“If’n I was a horse back on the farm,” Applebloom felt an eyelid droop in pure exhaustion, “they’d probably put me out of my misery by now!”

Pinkie Pie, who had dropped back just a little bit, began to itch. Specifically, she felt her middle left toe itch, followed by a gentle spasm in her right pinkie finger.

Heehee, Pinkie’s pinkie finger.

“Huh?” she wondered aloud, “That usually only happens when something ironic is about to happen to someone who said something they shouldn’t have. Weird.”

As she continued to skip merrily along, a wave of light rushed over Pinkie and the Crusaders. Pinkie herself hardly noticed a thing, and switched to a prance as soon as her arms became forelegs and her hands became hooves. She didn’t even miss a beat.

It was several yards later, after she’d absent-mindedly reached out to a former-mailbox and took a taste of the new-chocolate cake that she finally stopped moving, and started thinking.

“Mmmm! That’s a good… chocolate cake… Hang on a second! I know that chocolate flavor anywhere. What’s Discord up to now?”

She shook her sproingy, frizzy mane and marveled at how the more things changed, the more… well, lots of things were suddenly changing, and that was pretty okay in her book, now that she thought of it.

“Alright CMC,” she spun around on one hoof, “We’re gonna… oh.”

The Crusaders were a touch more than helpless at the moment. They lay on the sidewalk, sliding and grasping and making a real mess of being ponies. Literally, in Applebloom’s case. That girl could not hold down her cake batter.

“Ah was kiddin’!” Applebloom snarled at the universe in general for how she was now up on four legs and shakily tip-hoofing towards her friends. Owning horses at least gave her some idea of how to walk like this… even though the existential panic of owning horses was making her oddly formed knees quake a little.

Sweetie Belle was having a harder time walking, what with trying to hide behind her newly-grown tail. “Omigosh! We’re naked! That breaks Rarity’s Twelfth Rule of Fashion!”

Scootaloo just pouted, and made experimental buzzes with her wings. “I feel ripped off, somehow.”

Pinkie Pie came prancing back into view. “Come along kids, we don’t want to miss an adventure with Discord. Or school for that matter!”

Scootaloo marveled at the CMC’s sleepover host. “Pinkie… how are you doing that?”

“Doing what?”

Applebloom shuffled closer, “Walking so well as a… as a horse!”

“I’m naked!!!” Sweetie Belle was still recovering.

“Oh,” Pinkie laughed, “I’m used to this. I was born with hooves.”

Scootaloo, unsure of how to respond to this, simply didn’t. Within seconds of the awkward silence forming, Pinkie Pie decided to keep talking.

“I’m actually the Pinkie Pie from Equestria, where we’re all magical talking ponies. Me and your Pinkie switch off every week or so for funsies.”

Sweetie Belle finally asked something sensible, “Why?”

Pinkie scrunched up her nose, “Dunno. It’s simply the Way of the Ponk.” While waiting for the Crusaders to finally figure out this walking thing, she continued to bounce and spring around, saying, “Of course this does make me wonder about what other side characters might be dealing with now that Discord’s unleashed a wave of Chaos Magic onto the human world…”

She glanced around, expectantly.

“Huh,” she thought out loud, “I was sure my Pinkie Sense was picking up a transition… oh, there it is.”

And there it was.


For how urban it seemed at times, the outskirts of Canterlot City were remarkably rural. Go far enough in any direction and you might hit the beach, scale a mountain, pass by Sweet Apple Acres or one of the many rural farms out that way, or even get lost in the woods between the city at the (recently renovated) Camp Everfree.

Along that last way, there were any number of camping sites and truck-stops one might pitch a tent or park one’s vehicle in to wait out a night on the open road. And in one such stop in particular, a very well-traveled van sat in a parking lot alongside a grove of trees and a deep pond someone once mislabeled a lake.

Outside the garish-colored van, two teenage girls sat around a small campfire on the small stools they took along for such sitting purposes. They were still in their sleep-wear, with one keeping her voluminous orange poof up in a tight bun, the other letting her purple and turquoise-stripped hair hang loose for once. The small campfire they had going played host to a pan heating up a can of… something.

The third traveler, back in the van, had lost the label. She hoped it was taco sauce.

Orange poof sighed, “So, how’s it look, Aria?”

“Not ideal, Dagi” Aria Blaze informed her sister, bandmate, and lunatic-in-arms, “The tank is full, but our pantry’s completely empty. Except for those taco shells, some old condiments, and that can of beans.”

Adagio glanced at their still-warming can. “I thought it was corn?”

“Well, unlike you,” Aria chuckled without a hint of joy, “I still have dreams.”

Adagio barreled ahead of the conversation, “Still, the next gig is just north of here. We get in, do a show, and get out with enough cash to eat again.”

“In three days,” Aria growled, “and then we’ll run out of gas again on our way back through the city.”

“There aren’t any gigs in the city,” Adagio snarled back, hunger making up the bulk of her ire right now, “At least none for us.”

“Dagi…”

“No.”

Aria sighed, “If we just apologized, they’d probably help us get some more work…”

“Absolutely not,” Adagio kept staring at the can of bread, cheese, and turkey meat. She could dream too. She dreamed big.

“Come on Dagi!” Aria was tired of this argument, but rapid-onset starvation was a pretty sound motivator, “You’re being ridiculous. If it weren’t for your pride…”

Adagio snorted, “Oh yes, sister, let’s talk about pride. I seem to recall you weren’t too keen to take Starswirl’s offer to surrender either!”

Aria folded her arms across her chest, “I mean how you decided we suddenly needed to take over the world once Equestrian magic showed up here. We could have just kept going forever like we were… as miserable a life as that was… but now we have no magic, and singing voices we have to make with a computer!”

The can popped, a little hole in the lid signifying that its delicious meat and potato innards (or possibly mushroom soup and duck, neither were picky) were done. The argument forgotten, both teens fought viciously over the spatula before Aria scored the win and proceeded to pop the can’s lid clean off.

One glance inside, however…

“Ari? What is it?”

A sour-faced former-Siren kicked the can over. “Well… it was olives.”

They sat back down, defeated, anger giving way to hunger and that curiously human sensation they’d begun to feel only after their other humiliating defeat during the Battle of the Bands. It felt like a lead weight in their guts that wanted them to think about all the horrible things in-store for them.

Quite inconsiderate, dread.

“That’s another thing to think about,” Aria sighed.

“Oh? What now?”

Aria just waved vaguely at the van, “Our music. How long do you think this synthetic-voice thing is going to last?”

Adagio scowled. She said nothing though.

“Dagi,” Aria said with worry, “Do you remember Rag-time? Back in the day?”

“Of course,” the orange-haired girl brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them.

“And disco?”

“You’ve made your point,” Adagio growled. She knew just as well as Aria that genres rose and fell like the tide. But with such weak voices, what could they do? The only alternative was that ‘Wub-wub’ noise, and she was certain that abomination was dying too.

She sighed, a long and wracking sigh. “I just want to go home…”

And then the forest shook with a sound like Celestia slamming a car door. Specifically, their van door. More specifically, the third Dazzling and former Siren, Sonata Dusk slammed their door open.

“Tacos!!!” she cried out to the heavens, holding up a lightly steaming pan of taco shells with fixings. Her pajamas were lightly sprinkled in condiments, her hair up in a sleeping-cap.

Aria’s head nearly tore itself from her body as she spun towards the call of foodstuff. Later, she’d wish she’d ended up in a universe populated by owls, if only to avoid the inevitable chiropractor bills.

“What!? You actually…” she gripped her nose, a wretched sound nearly escaping from her mouth, “oh Sonata… you didn’t?”

The blue-haired girl nodded her head like an infant shaking a rattle. “Oh, did I ever! We had all these ketchup packets, nacho cheese, mayo, hot sauce, and a bottle of something I lost the label to just lying around!”

Sonata sniffed the results of her brush with cooking. Her eyes began to water, most likely because despite not having any mustard in the horrid concoction, whatever she’d done had clearly constituted a war crime. Without changing facial expression, she tossed the evidence of her sin over her shoulder and into the woods. Where it remained a public hazard for decades.

“So,” she continued cheerily, “What were we talking about?”

Adagio, from deep within the confines of her knees, chortled, “About how Disco’s dead and we’re going to starve long before going grey becomes an issue.”

Sonata nodded, a little more sagely at this. “Yeah, that’s… not great. Anyone else notice how we’ve been aging normally since losing our magic? I feel like I’m the only one having a sort of existential crisis over this…”

Adagio leapt up with an abominable screech and hurled her plastic stool in a high arc across the parking lot, where it crashed into a park-issued firepit. She stood in a wide battle-stance, her whole body heaving with every fuming breath.

Sonata breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh good! I’m glad it wasn’t just me.”

“This is all that wretch Sunset Shimmer’s fault!” Adagio shrieked, “If she’d just let us take over the world with magic, then none of this would be happening!!”

“Yeah, that’s not exactly what you should be taking away from that, Dagi,” Aria managed a tiny smirk through all the irritation she felt watching Adagio throw a childish conniption fit.

It was her turn anyway.

Sonata joined her currently mostly sane sister on this one. “Yeah, Adagio. I thought we got past all this stuff a while ago. Why are you suddenly now getting so bent out of shape about it?”

Adagio was still getting it out of her system, however, “Maybe I just need to vent!! Or maybe my life sucks and there’s no hope of going home or fixing it!!! I just feel so mad I could…! I could…!!!!!”

And that was when the forest shook a second time. And unlike before when it sounded like Celestia, the sound accompanying this sudden blast was precisely the same as Discord slamming a door. You could tell because, under the cacophonous roar and frightful rumbling that swept over the treetops, you could hear a clown horn honking.

Ominous honking.

Adagio Dazzle’s orange mane of frizzy, poofy hair came loose with the initial wave of wind off that distant explosion of madness, her scrunchy lost forevermore. She looked up, over the trees, and saw the towering pillar of light rising into the sky. The sky began to ripple outward in every direction, shifting color from blue to green to pink to some sort of color they had no name for.

And it was all rising up from Canterlot City.

“Girls…” she breathed, “do you know what that is…?” a creeping thrill started working its way into her voice.

Aria was not having it. “Dagi, no!”

Dagi Yes!!!!” Adagio spun back around, revealing eyes that flashed in malevolent joy with a toothy grin to match. Aria and Sonata grimaced, taking several steps back.

Adagio roared in a very mad, possibly Twilight-like, way, “Don’t you see!? We can do it right this time! No more mistakes! We can have the magic!”

“You’re crazy!” Sonata shouted first, “Come on Dagi! I actually like a few of those Canterlot people. At least Pinkie sends me cupcakes…”

Aria joined her. “Yeah, this is stupid. You’re being stupid!”

“Fine!” Adagio began to glow with a crackling white light as the ripples in the sky reached them. “I don’t need you!!! I don’t need anyone!!!!!” *

There was a flash of light, and the sound of a gum-bubble popping. And there, drifting just a few feet above the parking lot, was the terrifying golden form of Adagio Dazzle, the Siren!

Which then promptly smashed directly and unceremoniously into the asphalt.

“Ow.”

Aria and Sonata, after a moment of shock, tiptoed towards their mad-but-still-sorta-family-in-a-twisted-sense sister. She looked just like they’d remembered her from before. Gold scales, webbed mane and a fish-tail back with a pony set of front legs. The only thing missing was her gemstone, the old source of their siren magic.

Aria smirked, “Still no magic, I see.” Sonata giggled.

Adagio grunted, then tried to heave herself up on long, ungainly, and long-unused hooved forelegs. “A minor setback,” she panted. “When I get ahold of that Equestrian magic, I’m gonna… I’m gonna kick Sunset’s butt… all across the school parking lot… And I’m going to enjoy every second… of… is… is it getting hotter…?”

She collapsed.

Sonata snorted, “Well that was dramatic.”

“Well, that’s Dagi,” Aria smirked.

Silence. Only the rumble of the strange light receding into the distance, and the dulcet tones of one of the nearby bush’s new acapella group filled that silence. The firepit had already flown away.

“Um… Dagi?” Aria couldn’t hear breathing. She reached Adagio’s still form, and with some effort managed to turn her over.

She saw gills, flapping uselessly.

“Oh… crud,” Aria finally managed, “Without her magic, she can’t breathe!”

Sonata’s panic and shock flared right up, “But, what? Why!?”

“We’re Fish-Ponies!” Aria snapped, “Did you just forget about our gills!?”

“… kinda…”

Adagio gasped. Her gills may not be working, but Sirens could still live for a little while on air. A very little while. Vanishingly little.

“Ari?” she croaked, tears instantly streaming down her cheeks, “Ari? I’m… sorry…”

“Don’t talk!” Aria may have always let her… her older sister call the shots, but she was no slouch when it came to taking charge when action was needed. “It’s fine! It’s gonna be fine! We just need to haul you into the van, and then drive you over to the lake!”

“…pond.”

“Whatever! Sonata! Help me get her to…” as Aria turned around to scream at her idiot-sister, she caught sight of what Sonata had already seen.

Their van had no wheels. At least, not rubber ones. And with a sudden clang of metal, the van’s chassis collapsed on top of its cheese-wheels, smashing the dairy product into so many crumbly bits.

Aria, however, would not be stopped. This wasn’t something she could give up on, after all. This was family. Adagio was Sonata and her only family. And despite loathing the country-fried hick herself, Aria would have sworn by any one of Applejack’s sayings on family sticking together in this moment.

“Hang in there, Dagi! We’ll haul you down to the pond ourselves. Sonata, you get the tail, I’ll… Sonata! Do not eat the wheels!”

“Buh ahm ‘ungry!”


It felt like someone, most likely Rainbow Dash, had dropped a whole barrel of cider on Applejack’s head. In which case, she hoped her multi-hued speed-demon of a friend had found some other level of super speed. She’d need it once this farm girl got her head back in working order.

Everything was swimming in her vision, even her dog Winona, who was right now part fish, at about one hundred feet and climbing. Good on her? It was hard to focus much. Heck, it almost looked like the apples in the orchards were flashing different colors, like Hearth’s Warming lights.

But that’d be silly. T’weren’t the holidays for another half year or more.

Speaking about time, Applejack began trying to reconstruct just what had happened. She remembered getting up, helping Big Macintosh with the chores, and talking to Granny about gassing up the ole jalopy in the barn. Breakfast was apple-themed, naturally, and then she and Big Mac had decided to take the horses out for a light morning ride before school.

Ah shoot. School. That was probably coming up soon, and Applejack’d hate to miss out when there were so few days left before summer anyway. Can’t have fun and play games if’n ya didn’t get your work done first, she always said. So, with her head starting to calm down a touch, she stood up from the hard soil of the horse pens…

And fell right back down again. Huh. Odd. It was almost like her knees were on backwards, Applejack thought. She looked down at herself and chuckled. Nah, they were fine. At least, for pony knees.

Oh. She was a pony. That was new. Leaping high into the air, and crashing back down again, Applejack screamed.

She was a pony! “What in tarn-hay-loving-nation!?“ Holy smokes! It had all been real. She could now clearly see Winona performing some sort of acrobatic corkscrew through the nearby clouds… some nearby pink cotton candy clouds, and there was a distinctly tinny recording of a Heath’s Warming carol playing in her orchard in time with the blinking apples.

“Big Mac!” she cried out, “Somethin’s going screwy round here!”

But as she swiveled her head around, Applejack saw her brother immediately. He sat only a few yards away… completely normal. Human, for one thing. Just sitting up and receiving hugs from three colorful ponies.

Three colorful ponies. Applejack was thinking a lot of ‘huh’s today.

“Applejack?” Big Mac tilted his head in confusion. “Yer… a pony?”

“Seems that way, yup.”

The three ponies threw their eyes over at Applejack as she said this, and immediately broke off their group hug to rush over to her.

“Applejack!” they cried out happily as one.

She held out her hooves. “Now hold up! Jus’ a second!” All three paused. Applejack glanced around and, upon finding her Stetson lying beside her, picked it up and set it squarely on her head. Best not to think how hooves had done that, she thought. It was already going to be a Monday.

“Now just who in tha heck are ya…?” Applejack tried to ask as she stood up, and fell right back down.

A soft, orange glow seemed to come over Applejack, and she was soon hefted up into the air, only to settle back down stably on her four hooves. Within a moment, a pair of vanilla-colored wings set her hat back onto her head, and a black tail had brushed a bit of dust off her flank…

The three ponies stood silently in front of her, big bright eyes watching with some sort of eager anticipation.

Applejack began to think, but it was a slow and deliberate sort of think so she set to work in the meantime, looking over these strange magical ponies that’d somehow wound up out of Equestria and onto her farm. To the right, the unicorn mare. She almost looked like what Applejack understood Applebloom would’a looked like as a pony, save for the horn of course, and being fully grown. Bright red hair and a coat of light yellow. She had a mark on her rear-haunch, a Cutie Mark as Sunset once explained, that looked like a bundle of sticks, or perhaps cinnamon…

That was an odd thought. Odder still was the Cutie Mark of an oak tree on the brown and vanilla-dappled flank of the brown-maned pegasus stallion who stood in the middle of the three. Oak. Oak…

“Ooh! Ooh!” the light brown mare with a black mane and a chocolate-chip Cutie Mark hopped up and down like Pinkie Pie, “Are you trying to guess? Which one am I!? Which one!?”

Cinnamon sticks. An oak tree. Cookies. Either she did have a concussion, or something screwy were going on, because that sounded like…

“Cinnamon?” Applejack looked at the unicorn, then back to the pegasus, “Oakley?” to the regular pony, “Cookie?”

Cinnamon clapped her hooves slowly, and sarcastically, “Wow! Great job AJ! And it only took you five minutes.” She kind of sounded like Applebloom give or take ten years and a lot of attitude.

Oakley flicked Cinnamon’s ear with his wing, “Hey now! Applejack weren’t ever one fer numbers,” his voice came out in a smooth country drawl, rich as the finest yodeling cowpoke, “That’s why Granny always has to do the apple-countin’.”

“This is so cool!” Cookie yipped, “I can finally talk and tell you how we all feel! And I can think about feeling about talking! And I’m suddenly aware of the past, present, and future! This is the best day ever! So far!”

“Yer…” there was a mildly annoying ticking going on in Applejack’s brain, “Yer my horses…”

Cookie nodded. “That’s right! We were Apple Family Horses!”

“Course,” Cinnamon snorted, “I wonder if ‘Pony’ is technically a downgrade from ‘Horse’.”

“Why would it be? Look at what I can do!” Oakley flapped his wings and sent himself into a backflip, twenty feet up. After two loops, he landed back down like he’d done it all his life. Cookie stamped her hooves approvingly.

“My horses are ponies,” Applejack whispered, “An’ these ponies are people… I don’t think it’s legal to own those…”

The former-horses had apparently waited long enough, as the three new-ponies rushed up to Applejack and enveloped her in a group hug.

“We love you Applejack!” they said as one.

“Whuh?”

“You raised us!” Cinnamon nuzzled affectionately.

“Ya’ll took care of us,” Oakley smiled warmly.

Cookie laughed, “You gave us sugar cubes! And made us feel like we were part of the Apple family too.”

Applejack took several long seconds to fully take all that in. There was still that odd ticking in her head, like something wasn’t fully clicking into place yet. But the hug was making it start to fade, at least a little. She probably could have stood to stop the hug by this point… but it felt kinda nice, now that she thought about it.

Oakley kept talking, “Sorry about dropping you, by the way. I’m usually pretty calm and steady, but when that magic light hit us, I sort of panicked as I became more intelligent.”

Magic light…?

“Not that much more,” Cinnamon teased.

Cookie leaned in, grinning, “Says the mare who rolls around in mud after every bath…”

“That’s it!” Applejack reluctantly broke out of the group hug, “This is all got to be Equestrian magic gone loco again!”

Cinnamon scrunched up her nose, “Wait, Equestria? That… magical ponyworld Sunset was talking about last time she rode us?” Her eyes went wide, “I guess that checks out…”

Oakley snorted, “Heh, horse riding a horse. Don’t that beat all!”

Applejack turned to look at the sky, and sure enough, once she’d followed the ripples of oddness back to their source, she saw a pillar of light hovering just above…

The school. Could have saved time and just set out right away.

“Right,” Applejack set to walking, now trying to repeat what she’d always seen her horses do, “I’ll handle this. Big Mac? Hold down the fort! Right-front, back-left, left-front, back-right…” she kept track as her speed steadily increased.

“Uh… eeyup?”

Applejack swatted at the latch on the gate with her nose. Then she rubbed her nose irritably while cursing mildly under her breath. “Guess that’s horse-proof proven, consarnit…”

The latch glowed with that orange light again, as Cinnamon said, “Here, lemme get that for you.” It opened right away.

Applejack tipped her hat, “Thank’ee.” And then she leapt forward into a gallop.

And then she hit the earth with her chin and slid to a halt. She lay there a moment, not sure if she was more embarrassed that her hors- ponies had seen that, or that her hat had somehow landed on her flank. Both were a mite upsetting.

There was another twinkling sound of magic as her Stetson landed back on her head, and then two larger presences pressed into her sides and hauled Applejack up to her fe- hooves.

“Don’t worry Applejack, we got’cha,” Oakley crooned.

Cinnamon walked ahead of them, pointing the way with her horn. “Last time you rode me over to the school was a while back, but I think I remember the way. Let’s go!”

Applejack took a second to realize that Oakley and Cookie were holding her up as they helped get her into a trot. “What? What’re ya’ll doing?”

“We’re coming to help, obviously!” Cinnamon called back.

“But, ye don’t hafta…”

Oakley laughed, “Course we do!”

Cookie leaned in a little to catch Applejack’s eye, and said, “We’re Apples, ain’t we? And family don’t never leave their own dangling!”

That ticking sound had finally stopped. Something clicked for Applejack.

“Guess your right,” she laughed quietly. Then, as she hit a full gallop, she let out a rebel yell and cried out, “Come on Apples! We got a world to save!”


Big Macintosh just watched as this all played out. He wasn’t one to act before taking the time to think, and this… would take a lot of thinking. A lot. Plus, more cider that they had in the fridge currently.

Which was a handy time for a distraction. The barn doors gently burst open, prompting Big Mac to turn around and look at the old jalopy itself sitting there. Someone had apparently gone and painted the truck when he wasn’t looking. It was now a bright green color. With a white roof no less.

And Granny Smith’s face in place of a grill and headlights.

“Big Mac?” the car asked.

“… Eeyup.”

“Ah still need ta git this ‘ere jalopy gassed up, and there’s a load of groceries ta git before dinner. An’ seein’ as how yer the only Apple with hands at the moment…”

“…” he sighed, “Eeyup.”

Author's Note:

* Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind. ~ Sir Terry Pratchett


Special thanks to Comma Typer for allowing the use of Oakley, Cinnamon, and Cookie for this story. Seriously, go read his stories!