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Speed demon in the apocalypse, Galloping Gale is exiled from their vault for minor defects, outside they find their destiny, traveling the road as the quickest courier this side of Rift. Will they find their Virtue? Or find out that's a bunch of malarkey? They're certainly all outta bobbleheads and statuettes on this one though.

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 1 )

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HiddenMaster

HiddenMaster #1 · Jan 27th, 2020 · · · Racing Memories ·

I think this story has potential. Gale seems like they could be a nice character with potential.

The problem here, I think, is you have an expository story.

I was reading it, and I never felt like I was in the moment with Gale. I was being told his story, and his dad, and so on, but it both moved so quickly, but it also wasn't grounded, either in a framework of memory or in some actions-say Gale reading in his room and thinking, then someone tells him his dad died, leading to thoughts and feelings and such.

There was also the background on Gale which...it's background. This reads a bit more like a character background sheet, rather than a story based in a moment or around a base conflict...

I hope what I'm saying makes sense?