The Little Monster

A monster with non-magical shapeshifting properties winds up in Equestria. Even younger than the CMC, the creature soon learns to transform into a filly reflecting its age and tries to learn the language of the land. Follow it as it learns to conquer its fears, make friends, discovers the nefarious reasons for its creation, and most importantly just be adorable.

Critique and comments are encouraged!

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 10 )

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link4

link4 #1 · Sep 25th, 2019 · · · The Little Monster ·

good start i think

Razor Flake

Razor Flake #2 · Sep 25th, 2019 · 1 · · The Little Monster ·

9850595
Thanks!

Toriandthehorse

Toriandthehorse #3 · Oct 18th, 2019 · · · The Little Monster ·

Spike belched out a scroll in a gout of fire. Instantly the filly jumped up, crying and hiding behind Fluttershy. It was clearly terrified of the fire, shaking and inconsolable. It began to calm down as the two ponies consoled it, still hiccuping and breathing hard. Fluttershy attempts to pick it up but is unable. It is immensely heavy for some reason. It sniffles, realizing no one is in danger. It slowly saunters out back to the cottage with Fluttershy.

This is a real nice story. Cute, with the appropriate amounts of seriousness when needed. It's a good read, one I'll definitely read again soon.
I did notice a few sections where the passages were a bit... off. Like up in the quote, it says the creature was 'shaking and inconsolable.' But then, right after, it says, 'as the two ponies consoled it.' If you could replace one of the 'consoles,' it would flow much better, and would make more sense.
Overall, though, great story you have here! Nice work