• Published 24th Sep 2019
  • 2,424 Views, 42 Comments

Just Another Day in Equestria - Majin Syeekoh



A snapshot of a perfectly normal moment of a perfectly normal day in perfectly normal Equestria.

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No Day Like Today

Twilight ate a book.

Starlight, after mind-washing Diamond Tiara, said, "why did you eat the book?"

Twilight shrugged as she slouched in her throne. "It was made of pandas."

"Ah, I see," Starlight said as she pat Diamond Tiara on the head. "Pandas are an excellent source of phosphorus." She looked at Diamond. "Isn't that right?"

Diamond nodded. "Just because you mind-washed me doesn't mean I'll do your bidding."

"Starlight." Twilight rubbed her face. "What did we say about mind-washing ponies."

"Legally, she isn't a pony." She patted Diamond's back. "And after Spoiled rented her out to me for a few hours, she's also legally my property."

Twilight groaned and levitated another book over. "If you knew anything about Equestrian law, you'd know that you can't own ponies."

"Diamond, make me a sandwich." Diamond nodded and walks towards the bookshelf. "Anyway, seeing as how I do own Diamond Tiara, that makes you wrong." She pulled out a slip of paper. "See? It's all in this contract!"

Twilight put down her half-finished book—threads of saliva sticking to the table—grasped the contract in her glow, and perused it. "Nothing in here is remotely legal." She looked up at Starlight. "If I'm being extremely generous, you just paid Spoiled to babysit Diamond."

Both mares looked over at where a book landed.

"Could you stand on that book?" Diamond asked from the top of the library ladder.

"Absolutely," Starlight said as she did what Diamond requested. "I'm going to choose to believe that this is going to help you make the best sandwich."

"Mhm."

"Anyway," Twilight said as she gave the contract to Starlight and continued with her book, "you should probably hold onto that for evidence."

"Evidence for what?" Starlight asked as a book landed next to her followed by what she confused for a filly swearing, which was patently ridiculous. Fillies don't swear.

Twilight took a big meaty crunch out of the book. "I've been drawing up a case to have Spoiled arrested for generally being an awful pony, but she keeps slipping out of charges by abusing obscure centuries-old laws that frankly don't apply in today's society."

Another book landed, followed by that weird filly-swearing sound. "Like what?"

Twilight shook her head. "It's too much to get into, and frankly irrelevant? Past failures are only useful in securing tomorrow's success." Another crunch. "I read that off of one of Spike's motivational posters and decided to co-opt it for my personal use."

"That's a pretty badass line." Starlight smirked.

"I know, right?" Spike said as he flitted in and dropped a stack of papers in front of Twilight. "Here's today's royal… uh… things you need to sign."

Twilight put the book down as another book flew by Starlight. "Not now, Spike. I'm trying to get Spoiled Rich arrested."

Spike looked at Starlight, then Diamond, still fiddling up on the ladder, then at Twilight. "It looks like you should be arresting Starlight."

"Is it that obvious?" Starlight asked, a nervous chuckle peppering her speech.

Twilight pointed at Spike. "I'm not arresting Starlight. The only reason she mind-washed Diamond was because she was under the false pretense that Diamond Tiara was her property due to a rental agreement drawn up by one Spoiled Rich."

Spike cradled his chin as he hovered. "... which is illegal because ownership of ponies is explicitly prohibited, and drawing up that contract implied that Spoiled Rich owns Diamond Tiara."

"Exactly." Twilight picked up her book and took a bite out of it.

"Why are you eating that book, Twi?" Spiked asked, eyebrow raised.

"It's made of pandas."

Spike looked at Starlight.

"Pandas are high in phosphorus!" She said as another book flew by her head.

Spike looked at Diamond, who definitely swore as she poked around the bookshelf. "Why is she up there?"

Starlight pointed at Diamond. "She's making me a sandwich!"

"How exactly is she making you a sandwich all the way up there?"

"I don't know." Starlight shook her head. "But she's rich so she must be way smarter than I am, so I'm not going to question it."

"Technically, her parents are rich," Twilight said, now having put the book down and getting to the difficult task of reading and signing things. "Knowing her family, though, she has a trust fund somewhere, but I doubt that would tie into the net worth/intelligence factor because it's inaccessible."

Starlight pursed her lips and blinked. "But… but Spoiled told me that Diamond was smart because she was rich." Starlight took a breath. "That was the whole reason I rented her and not Snails!"

Twilight looked up, a glint in her eye. "Wait, she's renting out other foals?" she asked as a smile crept upon her face. "This smells like equine trafficking!" Twilight shot out of her seat and did a little dance interspersed with hoof pumps. "Spoiled is dead to rights!"

"See," Starlight said, "she said Snails wasn't very smart but he had a strong back, so he'd be better for manual—ow!"

Starlight was cut off by a book getting stuck on her horn as Diamond slid down the ladder and trotted up to Starlight. "There," Diamond said, "I made you a sandwich."

Starlight tapped the book on her horn gingerly, looking around until she spotted the book she was standing on. She gave Diamond a dumb grin and waggled a hoof at her.

"Ah ha ha, we have a smartass here." She stepped off of the book and patted Diamond on the shoulder. "You know, you're the first pony to find that workaround." Starlight chuckled. "I think you have a future as a possible apprentice."

"Whatevs." Diamond said. "Now can you undo the mind-washing so I can go home? At least until Twilight exposes my mother's child trafficking ring?"

"Absolutely!" Starlight's horn glowed. "Now your mind is as dirty as it was before!"

"That's what she said."

Starlight and Diamond shared a giggle as Twilight was busy sending Celestia a pile an arrest warrant via Spike, the day having gone as well as anyone could have hoped for.

Comments ( 41 )
Majin Syeekoh
Moderator

9849121
Goddamn you

Not the strangest thing to ever be made of pandas.

Bizarre little tale, but I enjoyed it. Though somepony really needs to address how Pinkie's party cave is leaking psychedelics into the local water table.

Majin Syeekoh
Moderator

9849127
It's been going on for so long that this is the new normal.

Mind-washing Starlight is a pretty darn Best pone.

Twilight shrugged as she slouched in her throne. "It was made of pandas."

… I don't even know how I'd begin to contest that. Between that and the 'fillies can't swear' bit, I was half-expecting this to be a weird Syeekoh mega-crossover, but there weren't any beany phalli in sight, so I guess it was not meant to be.

Majin Syeekoh
Moderator

9849131
You know, I've had people bugging me to make a huge syeekohverse fic where all of my fics are canon, and I have entertained the thought, but that would require a lot of time to figure out how to fit it all into ~1k words.

9849136
Each character gets a single sentence and must make the best of it.

Majin Syeekoh
Moderator

9849168
That's why it's taking so long

<sigh>

Goddamnit Syeekoh:facehoof:

...Welp.
That happened.

What

why is there bleach in my eyes?

That was amazing

Majin Syeekoh
Moderator

9849226
Why is there bleach in your eyes

Huk

That was... I don't know.

Were you high when you wrote this?

Majin Syeekoh
Moderator

9849412
I was very high on boredom.

Why is it that the only thing i found weird in this story was the the books were made of pandas and not the act of physically consuming the book?

Majin Syeekoh
Moderator

9849590
See, the thing I found weird was that she was eating them and not that they were made of pandas.

9849597
Ok, what I found weird was that Twilight was eating them, not that the books were being eaten and made out of pandas.

Say it with me, everyone.

Goddammit Syeekoh.

Majin, if you have a moment, I need your help with something.
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/b6/Modern-captcha.jpg/220px-Modern-captcha.jpg
Could you please type the words in this image?

RB_

9849597
See, that's interesting, because what confused me the most was why Twilight would be so insistent on eating pandas in the first place. Pandas, according to historical sources, apparently taste terrible.

9849893
Because they're high in phosphorus. Duh.

Did you even READ the sfory?

This is an appropriate use of the Random tag.

Plus, you made me laugh with the resolution of the sandwich subplot. Which I now feel bad about laughing at, but well done.

RB_

9850101
Yes, but, well, clearly this 'phosphorus' is simply a metaphor for the plight of the repressed food service worker, and not any kind of actual dietary supplement. I mean it's quite obvious symbolism, really. Perhaps the one who didn't read, in fact, was you!

S-shut up...

Im actually impressed
10/10 pun
Was worth my 5 mins

~Reggie

This was very silly and amusing.
I aprove. :pinkiehappy:

Well, I read that, and I'll never get those 5 minutes of my life back

9849245
That's a good question.

The first few sentences gave me a headache.

Wait... what?!

...

This is brilliant!!! :pinkiecrazy:

Twilight, I'd like to remind you that Equestria is not a democracy. You don't have to faff about with courts when somecreature is clearly a horrible pony, you can just yell "WE ART THE LAW!" at the top of your lungs and then kick their teeth in. (The second part will be made rather difficult because taking a focused blast of the Royal Canterlot Voice means she probably no longer has teeth)

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Absolutely brilliant nonsense.

Majin Syeekoh
Moderator

9932842
I’m glad you approve.

I am confused

Whooooo weeee that was NUTS

Twilight knows that eating books gives you the knowledge in them

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