• Member Since 4th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen 11 hours ago

Ekhidna


Hobby writer and potentially a complete future one aswell!

Comments ( 18 )

Long have I awaited this.

Edit: well I read it after getting myself excited upon seeing this and commenting. Yeah that was disappointing. Oh well.

It's okay...but very short, and not very detailed. I know there are more "breeding parties", but honestly, you could've spent a chapter on each mare here, rather than just a paragraph (or in some cases, just a sentence). Hard to build up tension or get engaged in the story when you just move from one pairing to the next so rapidly and with so little detail that there's hardly any visualization. And no dialogue.

That being said, the "breeding party" series of pictures have long deserved to have an accompanying background fic to go along with them, so thanks for the general outline.

Good job bud

9845043
Glad you like them!


9845080
"A collection of short stories"
It is in the description. I initially thought about doing a proper fic, detailed and with plot just the way I like it, but... the word count on the first draft I wrote on just the first installment of the series went beyond 15K. I decided to stick to the short stories instead due to immense time restrictions.


9845086
To each their own!


9845092
Thanks, glad you like em!

9845127
ahh that's too bad you had to shorten it like that. Definitely lessens the experience immensely. Oh well sadly.

If hell exists and I’m sent there, it will consist solely of this story.

Business Mares next?
Cherry Jubilee, Lotus, Aloe, Mrs Cake, and so on?

Was wondering when these would show up here considering their popularity in DB.

<.< >.> any chance the CMC could get in on this? :3

My advice for you when it comes to this kind of story is more explicit sex scene cuz they're so short and it basically just tone what happens at the end of it

Sorry, but I downvote. While the concept is a great idea - as are the pictures the story is based on - your execution leaves much to be desired. Which sucks, because most of your stuff is good. Add more details than just who is in the picture, and the chapters will vastly improve.

I have to agree with the consensus-- we are pleased that the images of fame have their respective chapter--but still wish it was more of a story than a copy-and-paste from DB--maybe not to extent of Turnabout Storm, but a bit more detail is desirable. I know you have commitments and priorities though.

EDIT: Stil looking forward to more groups from you, Quello, and Hooves-Art; the three of you together make a pretty good trio! Especially looking forward to the penultimate when Spike gets the Royals (even genderbend King Thorax and Prince Rutherford if needed to get right among others; Rain Shine definitely needs to be there as well--she's a Kirin after all)

Speaking of Kirins.....

I really love the concept of this. However it doesn't really feel like there is 1 scene. Just Spike going from one mare to the next. When he's busy with one mare it's like the others don't even exist. I would have liked if they encouraged him, or maybe fought each other or something like that. Right now it more feels like they are all restrained in gloryholes than that they are all free in a single room.

I really love the idea and your descriptions are pretty good.
However it's also kind of repetitive since it's just the same thing over and over. Try to get more variety out of it. Like maybe Velvet would be first since she knows Spike best and is efficient and to the point. Doing it in an objective ideal way for maximum enjoyment without taking too long and letting the others wait. That Velvet spends a lot of time instructing Spike on how to best fuck mares. Then Posey Shy wants him to be gentle but also somewhat firm. After that Cup Cake is more wild and wants Spike to really fuck her hard as she knows her body can take it.
Maybe add some scene's that don't directly involve sex like maybe in the beginning everyone is kind of tense but then Velvet reveals some kind of cute embarrassing thing about Spike which get's all the milfs to giggle and Spike to blush hard.

Just try to add more to it to make them feel more like actual characters and try to have each fucking be different. Velvet's being highly efficient, Cup Cake's being mutually wild, Spoiled maybe acts haughty so Spike 'rapes' her and spanks her which she ends up loving. Windy Whistles might be a major shatterbox which Spike shuts up by having her clean his cock between every change of mare and saves her for last. Cloudy quartz might be very primal and so wants Spike to first spank her and make her submit to him but unlike Spoiled she wants the submission to be her own.

I'm just throwing out ideas but I feel like in an orgy like this you should try to make every character be different and have sex in a slightly different way.

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