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"Only the most subtle of references." -No fanfiction writer ever


If bureaucracy is the wheels of a nation, then proper scheduling is the grease and oil.
When it is ignored, things either grind to a halt... or someone gets chewed up in the gears.
Tirek never thought it would happen to him.

Winner of the 8th GapJaxie's "Quills and Sofas" Speedwriting competition (19/9/19)!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 48 )

Once again the day is saved thanks to Bureaucracy.

LOL!!!!!! I can't stop laughing!!!!!!!!!:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

this is bloody amazing.

Lol gotta be honest i want more this was really entertaining. I honestly hope you plan on doing more!


Im sorry sir. May I distract you for just a moment? :derpytongue2:

Damn that was brutal & I loved every minute of it, thanks for posting such a hilarious story! :rainbowlaugh:

Not just that, but her majesty’s majordomo. I live, breathe, and die by my Princess’s command. And nowhere in today’s orders was I commanded to have my magic stolen.

This was the moment where I burst out laughing.

I love how both Raven and Kibitz are in this, working together. Why did they get rid of Chrysalis though? It sounded like she was willing to wait for her appointment...

This is amazing!

Also, the cover art is perfect.

"That would make you a- a-”
“A civil servant.”

As an ex-civil servant myself, HA! :rainbowlaugh:

Who knows when Celestia will wake...


They're lucky Dotted Line and his crew weren't around.

I can't help but wonder, is Kibitz a John Cleese-like Stuffy Brit or more of an alter kocker as his name might suggest?

Woe be unto those who would interfere with Second Napping Time. (After First Lunch, then First Brief Nap Merely Closing Ones Eyes While Digesting, the Second Lunch With Cake On Tuesday, the Brief Attempt At Tax Abatement Procedures, followed by Second Napping Time, of course, then Mid-Afternoon Snack (which is really Third Lunch officially, but is marked on the schedule as such in order to reduce newspaper reporters from making snide comments and thus having to be fished out of the moat.))

because No Loitering In Royal Halls After Rejecting Offered Appointment? just a wild guess

The Crown apologizes, Miss Chrysalis, but the Princess is completely booked today, even for murder.

That's when I fell out of my chair because I couldn't stop laughing my ass off. Nicely done

I like. Silly.

Sending Chrysalis flying was unnecessary, she was just waiting to be told how to make the appointment...

That's what I said. :V

As a civil servant AND former customerservice worker i agree to this. That line of work really drains emotions and sends you to despair humanity

Those additions meshes with what they had done with the Castle of the Two Sisters, I'm surprised that Canterlot hadn't already been built with those traps.

This was amazing

And once again Luna doesnt get arched. The Guild will be displeased.

9844262 Because they could or it wasn't her appointment time so she had no business in the castle take your pick


Okay, that was amazing. Kibitz and Raven in one fic, I love it.

Comedy gold! And if this was the EIGHTH place winner, I can't imagine which won 1st place.

Ah, a slight clarification there. This was the 1st place winner, but of the eighth contest held by the group.

Raven Inkwell: Taking over Equestria takes more paperwork than your imagination can encompass. You just remenber that.

I want more... I will there be more Bureaucratic Palace Adventures, or this is it?

Ah, I see. Well deserved, then!

tvtropes.org has everything.

“A civil servant.” Raven finished, still completely unfazed even as sickly green magic washed over her. “And as such, I have had all my emotions, both positive and negative, ground out of me by the bureaucracy many years ago. So unless you have an appetite for apathy, I suggest you cease this foolishness.”

Ah, they must come from New Jersey. :trollestia:

I’m afraid the Princess’s schedule is completely booked today. Not even a free minute for a quick death.

"And believe me, she's asked."

“That’s Lord Tirek,” said Mr. Tirek

I do love a good narration gag.

Brilliant work, especially the source of the expedited dismissal. Thank you for it.

this kinda makes me want to see our heroes deal with a bureaucratic villain


There's no such thing as a bureaucratic villain. That would imply they actually have a soul. Every villain has a soul, even if it's black as night.

Tirek paused, his rage momentarily supplanted by confusion.

I may borrow this. It's just one of those sentences I love to stumble upon and be like "Oh that was the PERFECT way to say that!"

Hilarious all around. Gotta love the trapdoor hijinks and the power of civil servant apathy. XD Thanks for a fun read!

if I remember correctly, the Official Comics touched on the slow moving gears of Bureaucracy in the City of Ponyville in Friends Forever Issue 15. i can't even imagine the amount of forms, office backtracking, and extremely odd hours of Canterlot Bureaucracy.

In the red corner, a thousand-year-old nigh-immortal monstrosity.

In the blue corner, Lord Tirek.

I bet 3-1 odds on bureaucracy.

You cannot have no emotional energy that would make you a civil servant

Best Dialogue in the story. I’m reading this at work and I miss them pleasantly surprised thank you for giving me a great start to the day!

How do you write such great comedy and dialogue like that?

Those two are hilarious!

Ah, I needed a good laugh, and this story provided!

If not a bureaucratic villain, then how about a bureaucracy set up by a villain? The perfect tactic! The heroes have to make an appointment to be issued a visitor's pass to the villain's lair in order to enter to thwart the villain, and then there's all manner of red tape about clearance and security checkpoints. Their attempt to stop the villain is thwarted before they even reach the villain because he stays in his center of power and lets the power of legalism stop the heroes from reaching him or his wmd due to lacking proper clearance.

Oh that was a fun fic to read XD
I love wacky silly quick fics like this.

Celestia must have ungodly soundproofing set up.

Ironically enough Chrysalis was ejected even though she DIDNT try to force her way through.

“A civil servant”

Ouuufff. Truth bomb

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