- Member Since 1st Jul, 2015
- offline last seen 2 hours ago
Omegathyst
Female Writer, Bisexual Writer, Smolder X Mare Crackship Connoisseur. Creator of the Smolderverse, and writer of many other kinds of clop and SFW stories (Commissions temporarily OPEN)
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Poor Discord đđ
But nice story đ
This is your official review from Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
Remember to vote in the contest's poll -- voting closes at midnight, June 6th.
And make sure to allow notifications from the contest group and/or follow Dirty Little Secret to get the full results and the awards show post on June 9th!
------ Review ------
Please keep in mind, I know I can be overly critical and negative at times. I can always find something to nitpick, even in the greatest works of literature ever written. Please don't take it personally!
-Itâs lovely seeing these two actually being romantic with each other.
-Lots of improper dialog tags in this story. Some examples:
âMaybe I should,â Fluttershy smirked,in my vase,â Fluttershy walked pastâHey Fluttershy,â Discordâs widened yellow eyes landed on the smirking pegasus-Seems odd that Fluttershy would be enamored with Discordâs âfigureâ. Discord is a lot of things, but âphysically attractiveâ isnât something that would occur to me.
-Lacks conflict and resolution.
-Does it really need to be split into chapters when one chapter is less than 700 words long?
-Pretty chaotic sex scene, which is fitting ... but it was very rushed.
-Does things all in order and then itâs over ... which overall makes it predictable and a bit dull.
-Descriptions, especially of their bodies, are sparse.
-A bit surprising that Fluttershy would be bold enough to demand polyamory on a first date ... but maybe Iâm missing character development from the prequel.
-Using all the holes -- even the ears! -- with only one partner is pretty interesting.
------ Scores ------
To clarify what these scores mean, check my judging rubric.
Cloppability: 50/100
Allure: 30/100
Enticement: 20/100
Immersion: 40/100
Prose Quality: 80/100
Total Score: 220/500
The more specialized scores for individual prizes, as well as the results of the community poll, will be published when the full results are announced. If this story wins any awards, there will be another post in the story comments sometime after June 9th announcing that this story has won.
Thank you for participating, and thank you for contributing to Fimfic's collection of clop!
10242741
Thanks for the thorough review on how I can improve in future fics!
10242741
To Fluttershy, specifically? Consider that he is a lot of animals in one.
Ear sex, you say? I like the way you think and I'm totally going to write that at some point.
Omg