They're Doomed
“We’re doomed.”
Twilight was pacing back and forth in the castle’s entrance hall, muttering under her breath and looking especially frazzled. Nearby, Chrysalis sat against the wall, watching her curiously and every so often glaring across the hall at Starlight.
“We’re not doomed,” Chrysalis said.
“We are so doomed,” Twilight repeated. “We’re gonna be banished. She’s gonna lock you up in Tartarus and then take away my crown and my wings and put me there too because I’m compromised.”
Starlight rolled her eyes. “I don’t think she even can take your wings away.”
“You don’t know that!” Twilight shouted, pointing a frantic hoof at Starlight. “She’s Celestia, she could do anything. She could take my horn and my cutie mark and my- my… My tail!”
“Well that would just be cruel,” Chrysalis said. “I like your tail.”
“Me too!” Twilight hugged her tail close and groaned. “How could I let this happen? She gave us a week, how did we waste a whole week and not think of anything!”
“Well, if I recall,” Starlight said, “you spent the first day at Pinkie’s evil vacation party, the second day you went to a movie, on day three I think you just cuddled in the library-”
“Not helping!” Twilight snapped. “Come on, brain, work with me here. We need to… Um… Oh!” She wheeled around and pointed at Chrysalis. “Turn into a pony! We can pretend it was all just a misunderstanding.”
“Wonderful idea,” Chrysalis said, and in a flash of green light she vanished. In her place sat a smug purple alicorn. “How’s this?”
Across the room, Starlight snickered before quickly stifling it with a cough.
“Augh!” Twilight threw back her head in frustration and collapsed on the floor. “We’re doomed.”
“Well, I didn’t think my impression was that bad,” Chrysalis said as she transformed back into herself. “Twilight,” she said, “there’s nothing we can do. You just have to accept that.”
“But that sucks!” Twilight put her head in her hooves. “I hate not being able to—”
She was cut off by the sound of the castle’s doors being pushed open. Instantly Twilight shot to her hooves, standing as straight as possible and smiling as wide as she could make herself. As light filtered in through the doors, it glinted off the polished crystal floors, then off the polished golden armor of the ponies pushing the doors open. The brilliance of it all was nearly blinding.
Then a massive, regal shadow blocked out the light. She stood there a moment, unflinching, before finally walking forward and coming into view. Twilight struggled to keep her teeth from chattering as she watched Celestia’s stern face coming ever closer. The light from the doors, still being held open, seemed to follow her inside, and when she stopped, just close enough that Twilight had to crane her neck to meet her eyes, the light stopped too, as if it was only willing to illuminate her.
Celestia stared emotionlessly down at Twilight.
Twilight swallowed hard. “Um, w-welcome to my castle, Princess Celestalis. I mean Celestia! Ha ha ha, what a funny mistake, it was almost like I called you… Oh, but I would never do that of course, that would just be ridiculous, and even I’m not that ridiculous, I mean, unless you think I am, in which case—”
A firm nudge on her shoulder caught Twilight’s attention, and she looked to her side to see Chrysalis, looking down at her with her usual steely gaze.
“You’re rambling,” Chrysalis said. Then she looked up and locked eyes with Celestia, putting on a wicked smirk. “It’s been a while.”
Celestia stared at her for a bit. She narrowed her eyes, taking her in, and took a deep, contemplative breath. Then, much to the surprise of everyone in the room, she smiled. A soft smile, very polite, but still a smile, and with it she stuck a hoof out. “Welcome to Equestria, Chrysalis. It’s good to finally meet you under peaceful circumstances.”
Twilight, and Starlight behind her, were both staring in awe. Chrysalis, meanwhile, pondered Celestia’s hoof for a moment before reaching out her own and shaking it. “I suppose it is.”
“I hope you’ve found Ponyville to be inviting so far,” Celestia told her.
“Oh, it’s just scrumptious,” Chrysalis replied. “I could simply eat this place up.”
“Yes, I’m sure,” Celestia said. “You must be very taken with Twilight to be so distracted from your usual pursuits.”
Chrysalis laughed. “Well, she is quite the distraction.”
“Now.” Celestia nodded and turned to Twilight, smiling kindly at her. “Princess Twilight Sparkle.”
“Y-Yes?” Twilight murmured.
“You really should know by now that I trust you to make your own decisions,” Celestia said. “However, next time, I would appreciate a heads up about a notorious supervillain moving into town, yes?”
Twilight nodded nervously. “S-So you’re not angry? I’m not banished? You’re not gonna take my tail?”
Celestia chuckled. “Oh, heavens no. I only came to meet my favorite student’s new girlfriend.”
Twilight sighed and slumped down onto the ground, the weight of the world falling off her shoulders. “Oh, thank goodness… But,” she looked up at Celestia, “if you’re not angry, then why the- the…”
“Theatrics,” Chrysalis finished.
Celestia laughed quietly to herself, covering her mouth with a hoof. “Oh, I just wanted to see how you would react. What’s the point of being princess if I can’t have some fun with it?”
Chrysalis chuckled. Then she looked down at Twilight, still sitting on the floor, and offered her a hoof to help her up. “Come on, Twilight,” she said, “let’s go somewhere more comfortable.”
A minute later they were in the dining room, spread out around the massive crystal table, Celestia across from the couple and Starlight between them, leaning on the table with a sour look on her face.
“So,” Celestia began once they were all comfortable, “Twilight, how have you been? I’m always grateful for an excuse to catch up.”
“Oh, I’ve been good,” Twilight said. “You know, with the uh, vacation and all. It’s more relaxing than I expected.”
“Vacation?” Celestia asked.
“Oh.” Twilight winced. “Right, we haven’t told you. Well, don’t worry, I’m still doing all my princess duties. I’ve just, um… Taken a break from being a good guy?”
“I wasn’t aware that was something that allowed breaks,” Celestia said.
Twilight laughed nervously. “Yeah, me neither, but you know how it is. Things are weird.”
“For the record,” Chrysalis said, “I’m on break too. She didn’t just randomly decide to give up on heroics.”
“I see.” Celestia pondered that for a moment. “Well, if it works, it works. Besides,” she grinned, “if worst comes to worst, we could always have Chrysalis fill in for you. After all, she isn’t on break from heroics.”
Starlight scoffed. “Yeah, right.”
“Well, I may consider it,” Chrysalis said. “Although I would expect Twilight to fill in for me in return.”
“What a delightful change of pace that would be,” Celestia said. “We’ll have to keep the idea in mind. How else have things been, though? Chrysalis, have you had any luck making friends other than Twilight?”
Chrysalis looked almost disgusted. “Is that something I’m expected to do?”
“Chrysalis,” Twilight said, “I’m the Princess of Friendship. You can’t date me without getting friends.”
Chrysalis rolled her eyes. “If you say so. I mean, your friends have been… Fine. The ones that don’t hate me, at least.”
Twilight smiled at Celestia. “We’re working on it.”
“Hmm…” Celestia tapped her hooves together contemplatively.
“Something to say, Celestia?” Chrysalis asked.
Celestia nodded. “I’m not going to beat around the bush. Chrysalis, I trust Twilight completely, but I need to know how much I can trust you.”
“Sure,” Chrysalis said. “Good luck with that.”
“Well you could help her,” Twilight suggested.
“Indeed,” Celestia agreed. “Chrysalis, I’d like this to be simple, so tell me; what is your plan here? I know this must be some manner of scheme.”
“Of course it is,” Chrysalis said. “Twilight and I are going to fall in love, and then nature will take its course and either she’ll ‘redeem’ me or I will tempt her into becoming evil and helping me overthrow you. Either way, I get to rule Equestria.”
“I despise how reasonable that sounds,” Starlight groaned.
Celestia turned to Twilight. “How certain are you that she’s being genuine with this plan?”
“One hundred percent,” Twilight assured her.
“Then I’ve no doubt you’re correct,” Celestia said. “However…” She put a hoof to her chin and thought for a moment. “I am still somewhat worried.”
“It doesn’t sound like you have no doubt, then,” Chrysalis said.
“If you would allow me to finish,” Celestia continued, “I am worried that Chrysalis may not be prepared for this.”
“Of course I’m prepared,” Chrysalis argued. “I have plans in place for every possible outcome here. I spent months making sure every single one of my underlings was willing to follow me in the event I was redeemed, and they are all very aware of how cross I’ll be if they act up while I’m here.”
“Not like that,” Celestia said. “Chrysalis, my fears lie in not knowing how you view love at this point. Last we met, you saw love as merely a source of food. If your understanding of it hasn’t grown enough since then, well… I don’t want Twilight to get hurt.”
“Why do none of you ponies believe I have no intention of harming Twilight?” Chrysalis grumbled.
“She doesn’t mean it like that,” Twilight said. “She’s worried that, even if we both try our best, things will end badly.”
“That’s a risk in any relationship,” Chrysalis said. “Don’t you think that’s a little overprotective, Celestia? Twilight is not so weak as to crumble at the loss of a single relationship.” Twilight blushed a little and smiled at the unexpected compliment.
Celestia sighed. “You’re right, of course. You aren’t an average couple, though. Surely you can understand my desire for some assurance?”
“Well, I can’t exactly prove that I understand love,” Chrysalis said.
Twilight lit up with an idea. “Sure you can!” Without warning, her horn flashed and the entire group was warped outside, landing in the middle of Ponyville’s bustling town square. “Just point out a random couple you think is in love and explain to Celestia why you feel that way.”
Chrysalis cocked her head. “Twilight, changelings can sense love. Being able to point it out means nothing.”
“Oh.” Twilight looked around nervously. “Um, uhh… Oh!” She shot over to Starlight and put a hoof around her. “Friendship is a kind of love! Make up with Starlight, that’ll prove it!”
“...No.” Chrysalis glared at Starlight, and she glared right back.
Twilight groaned and teleported them all back so she could drop her head on the table dramatically. “We’re doomed.”
“It’s just not something provable,” Chrysalis said. “I don’t know what to say, Celestia. Watch us for a while or give me a test or something, but I can’t just conjure proof.”
“A test?” Celestia thought for a moment. “Okay. A few questions, then. In your own words, what is it that makes Cadence and Shining Armor love each other so strongly?”
“How the heck should I know?” Chrysalis asked. “I didn’t research them, I put one in a cave and the other under a spell. Maybe they bonded over their hatred of caves and spells.” She looked over and saw Twilight frowning. “Okay, sorry. I really don’t know, though.”
“Okay…” Celestia tapped a hoof on the table. “Well, what makes anypony fall in love?”
“I don’t know if that’s really quantifiable,” Chrysalis answered. “Common interests? Good personalities? Cute hats?” She shrugged.
“Well,” Celestia said, “how about this. Do you love Twilight?”
Chrysalis looked over at Twilight, whose blush had only worsened, and thought the question over. “Probably not?” was the answer she eventually gave. Twilight looked up at her with a look that was less shocked and more just curious. “I mean, it’s just so soon. We’re having fun, but you don’t fall in love just because you cuddled in a library. We haven’t even kissed yet.”
Twilight furrowed her brow. “She didn’t need to know that,” she whispered angrily.
“Well, she probably could have assumed as much anyway,” Chrysalis said. “Anyway, I don’t know. I can’t sense my own love. It’s not like there’s a light in my head that switches on if I fall in love. It’s not really a fair question.”
Suddenly, Celestia rose to her hooves. “I think I’ve made my decision.”
Chrysalis groaned and stood up to meet her eyes. “Come on, Celestia! This is totally unreasonable! You say you trust Twilight, but then you come in here and grill me with questions that don’t even have answers so that, what, you have an excuse to make her break up with me?”
Twilight stood up next to her. “Chrysalis, it’s okay, really.”
“Yes, Twilight, it is okay,” Chrysalis agreed, “because I don’t care about getting the blessing of some judgemental ruler. There is only one pony whose opinion carries enough weight to make me give this up, and she is far too smart to let anypony else manipulate her into changing that opinion.”
“Chrysalis…” Twilight was staring up at her in awe. Down at the table, Starlight was frozen in shock.
Celestia was more shocked than any of them. Hey eyes were wide, and her mouth fell open. Then she caught herself and coughed as she regained her composure. “I was just going to say you seemed fine.”
“Oh.” Tension flowed out of Chrysalis as she relaxed. “Well… It was still unreasonable.”
“Perhaps it was,” Celestia admitted. “I’ll consider your words carefully. In the meantime, I believe my free time has run short.” She walked to the doorway, then paused and turned back. “I wish you two the best. Oh, and Twilight, remember to talk to your brother before somepony else does.”
They all gave awkward goodbyes as Celestia left, her heavy hoofsteps ringing through the halls all the way back outside.
It was only after the castle was completely silent that Twilight finally let out a long held breath and slumped back into her chair. “Well that was… Something.”
“It certainly was,” Chrysalis agreed. She reached out and rubbed Twilight’s back for a moment before returning to her own seat. Then she turned to Starlight, who was still shellshocked. “Did you have fun?”
“Wh- no,” she said as she snapped back to normal. “That was abysmal, I can’t believe she trusted you so easily!”
“Frankly, neither can I,” Chrysalis said. “I was expecting this to be the end of our little experiment.”
“Please,” Twilight said. She sounded utterly exhausted, but she smiled through it. “As if we would’ve let her stop us.”
Chrysalis grinned. “There she is. I was almost starting to think you might have turned back into a meek little student.”
“You’re not getting off that easy,” Twilight told her. Then she reached out and laid her hoof comfortably over Chrysalis’.
“Blech.” Starlight got up and started walking away. “I was going to commend you for standing up to Celestia, but now I think I need to go take a bath.” She turned back and flashed the couple a grin as she reached the door. “I’ll see you guys later.”
“You know,” Twilight said once they were alone, “the day’s not quite over. We could go finish that book.”
“You do realize I had absolutely no interest in learning the history of pegasus cloud forming techniques, right?”
“Oh, hush, you.” Twilight got up and gave her a playful boop on the nose. “Just come hold me while I read.”
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Alright, Celly asks Best Bug what love is (dang it, I worded that to avoid that stupid song from the SNL sketch, and I tripped and fell backwards into Foreigner.) and she gives a perfectly reasonable answer. Huzzah! Let the snuggles recommence. And get over it, Glim-glam. I love you to pieces, honey, but if you wreck the buggy snuggles I will be quite cross with you.
Yup. Still in love with this story.
That is the best assurance she could have given Celestia, and to her double credit, she didn't even notice.
They are doomed alright. An entirely different doom than they think.
i love this one so much
Something tells me Shiny isn’t going to take this nearly as well as Sunbutt.
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I'm sure Twinkle Sprinkle can keep her lovebug safe, at least until one of the other Princesses steps in to help clear things up.
As a bookworm myself, I find this to be absolutely adorable.
Waiting for meteoric entrance of Cadance instead of Shining tbh, lol.
That was a suprising exchange. I mean... it's a philosophical thing and i's quite weirdly cool.
This
This is fluff of the greatest quality, and I love it
I don’t think anypony present expected Chrysi to pull out something so profound.
Huh, well, that went pretty well.
Wow this story is cute. Every chapter leaves me smiling.
9862639
Love is vampires. Emotional vampires in the case of this story. If you don't trust me, just ask Haddaway.
And thus, the reason we have this:
And thus we once again prove that you really don't need to troll up Celestia for her to be a total troll.
Also, I can't be the only one who kinda thought starlight was going to have a moment right at the end. A moment of, "holy #@$-&+*, you two are falling in love aren't you?"
Now I'm upset I haven't ever seen a story like that. A villain and Twilight willingly swapping places for a spell. That would be a lark.
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That would be chaos.
Discord would enjoy.
Although an evil Twilight? If Twilight was to be evil she would probably be the most powerful villain than any other villain she faced, except discord. Maybe.
She would definitely be more powerful and more unstoppable than Sombra, that's for sure. She could probably successfully conquer the entire planet in a year.