Ground Rules
“I don’t think—”
“I know.”
“But she’s—”
“I know.”
“She’s just gonna—”
“I know!” Twilight groaned and put her head in her hooves.
Twilight was, at this point, nearing the end of a very long and exhausting conversation. She sat alongside Applejack and Pinkie Pie at the largest table in Sugarcube Corner as they awaited their fourth guest. The bakery always tended to be the place to host Princess Celestia during her visits, so it was a natural choice of venue. Not an easy choice, as Twilight put up quite a fuss about treating somepony else like Celestia, but it was a natural one.
Their guest was, as expected, running late, and tensions had begun to rise while they waited. It had gotten to the point where Pinkie was anxiously bouncing her leg under the table, hoping for anything to end the argument she was stuck in the middle of.
“You aint listenin to me!” Applejack slapped her hat down onto the table in frustration. “She’s using you! Surely you can see that there’s no way she would actually let herself fall for you.”
“You weren’t there,” Twilight said. “You have no way of knowing if she seemed invested or not.”
“Your brother thought she was invested,” Applejack told her, “and look where that landed him.”
“My brother was under a spell! Do you really think I’m so impulsive that I wouldn’t take precautions for things like that?”
“Honestly? Yeah, I kinda do,” Applejack said. “You jumped into this without consulting any of us! You can’t just assume none of us would have any issues with it.”
“I do not need your permission to get a girlfriend!” Twilight stamped a hoof on the table for emphasis.
“No, but you’re smart enough that you should consider getting our input before jumpin into league with the queen of evil!”
“Really, Applejack,” Twilight said, “I’ve thought of every single thing that could go wrong already. I know the risks.”
“That ain’t how it looks from where I’m sittin,” Applejack argued. “It looks to me like somepony is ignoring her common sense cuz she got caught up in the idea of datin some bug woman she thinks is pretty.”
Twilight recoiled in shock. “I- Wh-” she shook her head and growled in frustration. “I am not the kind of pony to let my judgement get clouded just because I am actually capable of setting aside my preconceptions.”
“Now you listen he—”
“Girls!” Pinkie stuck a hoof in each of their mouths and sighed. When it seemed like they were going to be quiet, she slowly leaned back again. “Thank you. If you two wanna lob insults at each other, go do it somewhere else, cuz I will not have that meanness in my party palace!”
Applejack leaned back and put her hat back on before crossing her legs in front of her chest and grumbling under her breath. Twilight, meanwhile, just sighed and laid her head on the table. “I’m sorry, Pinkie,” she said.
Pinkie rolled her eyes and puffed a strand of hair out of her face. “Don’t say sorry to me. I’m not the one tearing my friendship apart over Chrysalis.”
“Yeah…” Twilight thought for a moment before pushing herself up off the table. “Sorry, Applejack. I really am listening to you, I promise.”
Applejack grumbled something again and turned her head away, but a kick from Pinkie prompted her to speak up. “Yeah, alright. I’m sorry. I just… I’m worried for ya.”
“I know you are,” Twilight told her, “and I’m glad you care about me enough to bring it up. I need to do this, though. Can you please try to just trust that I’m listening to you even if I don’t take action?”
Applejack hummed in thought. “Yeah,” she finally said, “I figure I can do that much.”
“Hooray!” Pinkie pulled both of them into an uncomfortable hug. “Friendship saved.”
Twilight laughed and pulled herself out of the vice grip. “Pinkie, our friendship wasn’t going to end over one argument.”
Pinkie let go of Applejack and plopped back into her seat. Before she could say anything more, the bell over the door rang, announcing the arrival of their final guest.
“I will never understand your strange fascination with doors,” Chrysalis said as she made her way over to the group. “Ah, but you do have excellent taste in seating.” With a wicked grin, she made herself comfortable in Celestia’s seat and let out a sigh of comfort. “I could get used to this.”
“Nice of you to finally join us,” Twilight said sarcastically.
Chrysalis waved her hoof dismissively. “Oh, what’s an hour or so between friends?”
“Do you not realize who you’re datin?” Applejack asked her.
“Oh, is it official?” Chrysalis smiled excitedly. “Thank you so much for the excellent news, um…” She narrowed her eyes at Applejack. “Rarity, right?” Applejack growled and glared at her.
“It’s not official if you keep acting like this,” Twilight told her. “Do you not remember anything we talked about last time?”
“Yes, yes, I have to be ‘friendly.’” Chrysalis leaned her head back and gave an exaggerated sigh. “Really, Princess, can’t you just give me some sort of list of rules to follow?”
Twilight grinned. “That’s exactly why we’re here today,” she said, eliciting a skeptical look from Chrysalis. “We need to set some ground rules.”
“Really?” Chrysalis leaned forward and rested her chin on her hooves. “Wow, Twilight, what a thrilling second date you’ve planned. Why, you even brought backup.”
“We’re ‘mediators,’” Pinkie told her with a grin.
“Right,” Chrysalis groaned.
“Listen,” Twilight told her, “we both know this thing isn’t going to be easy. We’ll both be out of our comfort zones, and we need to know how far out we’re both willing to go.” A hint of mischief crept into her voice. “Of course, there is always the backup plan.”
“Which is?” Chrysalis asked.
“Well, I’m just the princess of friendship,” Twilight explained. “We could always go get help from the one who specializes in love.”
Chrysalis cringed at the thought of having to turn to Cadence for help. “Fine. The rules, then. My first one is that I’m not eating any pony food.”
“That’s something you can just say no to,” Twilight said. “I mean things more along the lines of ‘we have to be honest and not trick each other into doing things.’ So, no getting me to help some evil scheme without realizing it.”
“You realize that means that you can’t trick me into doing good things, right?” Chrysalis asked.
“Of course,” Twilight said. “You’re not a prisoner. We’re in this as equals.”
Chrysalis eyed Twilight for a moment as she thought. She narrowed her eyes and leaned forward, examining her, and Twilight smirked and mirrored the movement, leaning forward until their noses almost touched.
“Gah!” Applejack looked away and covered her eyes. “I do not wanna see you two kiss.”
“Ooh, I do!” Pinkie added.
Twilight and Chrysalis both shot back into their seats, a small blush forming on Twilight’s cheeks. “We weren’t going to!” Twilight said. “We were just…” She turned to Chrysalis. “What were you doing?”
“I just don’t know what to make of you,” Chrysalis explained. “I was thinking.”
“Real funny way of thinkin,” Applejack grumbled as she pulled her hat down to cover her red face.
Chrysalis grinned wickedly and turned to Applejack. “You know, if this works we are going to kiss eventually.”
Applejack buried her face in her hat. “I don’t wanna know about it!”
“I do!” Pinkie repeated. “Geez, AJ, since when are you such a prude?”
“Since our friend hooked up with a lady straight outta my nightmares!” Applejack gestured vaguely at Chrysalis, then caught her eye and winced. “Uh, no offense.”
Chrysalis chuckled. “Oh, none taken. I’m flattered that you have nightmares about me. Have I kissed Twilight in those?” Applejack’s face went red as she glared at Chrysalis.
“We’re getting off track,” Twilight asserted, trying to get everypony’s attention back. “Nopony’s kissing anypony.”
“I can’t make that promise,” Pinkie said.
“Focus! We only have one thing so far, at this rate we’re going to be here all night.”
“Well, how about this,” Chrysalis said. “As fun as it’s been to tease Applejack here, I can’t say I’m a fan of these surprise visits from your friends. I almost feel like I’m being interrogated.”
“So, make sure we mention if we’re planning to bring somepony along?” Twilight nodded. “That works.”
“I think we should go back to the kissing,” Pinkie said.
“Pinkie,” Twilight chided.
“No, listen!” Pinkie stuck out a hoof to get her to wait. “We were joking around, but you two don’t actually know what the other is expecting in the future, right? What if one of you is never gonna wanna kiss? That’s important to know!”
“I guess you’re right…” Twilight hesitated awkwardly. “Um, Chrysalis? What are your thoughts?”
“It’s hard to say,” Chrysalis replied. “I feel no repulsion at the thought, and… I didn’t dislike your shows of intimacy on our first date.” Twilight couldn’t help but smile at hearing that.
There was a thump as Applejack’s head hit the table, buried as deeply as possible into her hat. “Please,” came her muffled voice, “I can’t handle hearin any details.”
Twilight chuckled. “Well, it sounds like neither of us have any qualms at the moment. Let me know if that changes.”
“Anything else?” Chrysalis asked.
“Nothing off the top of my head,” Twilight said. “Really, a lot of this meeting was just to establish that we can set these boundaries. I don’t want you to feel trapped or like you can’t speak up.”
“I see…” Chrysalis gave Twilight a puzzled look. “Why are you going to such great lengths to make me comfortable?”
Twilight pursed her lips in thought. “I guess I’m just worried,” she finally decided. “I mean, we both came into this with ulterior motives. That doesn’t feel very… Healthy.”
“Well, it’s not like we can actually act on those motives,” Chrysalis said. “You certainly won’t turn to darkness until you’re well and truly in love with me.”
“Sure,” Twilight agreed, “but we’ll still be spending every date trying to find ways to tempt each other or show how good our side is.”
“Sounds to me like you need to forget about your motives,” Applejack offered.
“Oh, no,” Twilight said. “No memory spells. That is a terrible idea.”
“I’m not going to let any of you tamper with my state of mind,” Chrysalis added.
“What about a vacation?” Pinkie asked. All the others turned to look at her curiously. “You know, like… A break? If you’re not doing the stuff in the first place, you can’t really tempt each other with it, right?”
“I can’t just stop being a princess,” Twilight said.
“Pfft.” Pinkie waved her hoof. “As if Chrysalis is gonna get redeemed cuz she saw you signing autographs. Nah, I mean take a break from, like, being good. Just be a normal princess who doesn’t protect the world from impending doom.”
“But Equestria needs—”
Pinkie cut Twilight off. “We can handle it. I mean, Chrysalis will have to take a break too. Both sides will be down one.”
“I can’t exactly get much work done around here anyway,” Chrysalis admitted. “I would be willing to try.”
“I don’t like this,” Applejack said, "but it does sound like it would help."
Twilight put a hoof to her chin and thought for a moment before nodding decisively. “Alright. I’ll stop being good, and Chrysalis will stop being evil. At least until we’re in love. So… Until we’re married?” She stuck a hoof out towards Chrysalis to seal the deal.
“That works for me.” Chrysalis clapped her own hoof against Twilight’s. Just as she did, Twilight’s horn flashed with a light that then drifted down to surround their hooves. Then the light bent and warped, molding itself into two matching ornate bracelets that tightened around their legs.
Chrysalis pulled her hoof away and stared at the bracelet. “Care to explain, Princess?”
“Promise spell,” Twilight said proudly. “If either of us breaks our end of the deal, both bracelets will shatter. That way, there’s no hiding it.”
“Do you not trust me?” Chrysalis put on her best mock-hurt voice.
“Hey, I’m wearing it too,” Twilight told her. “I don’t trust either of us.”
Chrysalis laughed. “Fair enough. Are there stakes for this promise?”
“If one of us breaks it,” Twilight decided, “then it’s on to Plan B. We go to see Cadence.”
Chrysalis grimaced. “Perhaps I should have asked that before making the deal.”
“Too late now,” Twilight said, and she flashed Chrysalis a toothy grin. “So, anything else? From anypony?” None of them spoke up, so Twilight hopped out of her seat. “Alright, meeting adjourned. Chrissy, you’re on for our next date. Pick me up tomorrow evening.”
Before Chrysalis could respond, Twilight gave her a playful nuzzle, then lit up her horn and disappeared in a puff of purple smoke.
“Well, really,” Chrysalis said after a moment, “that was rude. What kind of pony just disappears in the middle of a conversation for the sake of theatrics?”
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What a nebulous promise. What constitutes 'good' in this case? Obviously Twilight can't act against an enemy of Equestria without breaking the promise, but don't her royal duties qualify as 'good'? Isn't following laws 'good'? 'Evil' is a better defined term; Chrysalis can't act as an enemy of Equestria (or probably anyone else) without breaking the promise, nor can she do smaller scale things like steal candy from babies or break laws in general. And then there's obvious things where Twilight wouldn't hesitate to value acting over keeping the promise, like if she's the only one able to stop a baby carriage rolling towards a cliff or something. Chrysalis's end of the bargain seems a lot easier to keep than Twilight's, from a technical perspective (definition of terms) and from a character perspective. Like, I could totally see Chrysalis taking advantage of said ill-definition to argue that by paying for her lunch, Twilight is committing a good deed. This promise is not going to last until marriage — which, by the way, is a crazy milestone to set as the goal for this promise. This is possibly not even a full 24 hours after Chrysalis's proposal (what time of day is this conversation taking place?), and they're already making promises involving marriage.
It continues! WooHoo!
9847667
Dude, they're cartoon horses. It aint that deep. A promise isn't a legal contract, it's a statement of intent. Good means good.
9847714
I was actually looking forward to seeing how those things resolved, but I guess if nobody's ever going to question anything...
So... you have no intention of using the obvious problems for story purposes?
This story is going to have some sort of conflict, right? It's a traditional good-guy dating a traditional bad-guy, things can't go perfectly. Eventually, something's got to come up that isn't quickly resolved with a level-headed conversation. That would just be boring.
9847733
Of course there's gonna be conflict, it's just not gonna come from pedantic squabbling over the definition of "good." I have no desire to write a relationship wherein the conflict is driven by one party being disinterested in making the relationship actually work, and nitpicking things for loopholes and semantic missteps is emblematic of someone who hasn't put forth the basic level of trust and respect needed for a relationship to work.
9847773
Right. I'm sorry that my comment got on your nerves.
i.gyazo.com/4de3fce2d498a8327d0892ab376be16f.png
Calling it right now: in some future chapter these two will in fact have to resort to Plan B and hilarity will of course ensue.
In the meantime, I look forward to seeing an unrepentantly snarky and still-kinda-villainous Chrysalis steadfastly refuse to take the easy route of just turning all glittery and colorful (complete with obligatory friendship song) the way we know she always could because changeling, while at the same time genuinely trying to win over a Twilight Sparkle who for all the inevitable embarrassment and facehoofing can still give as good as she gets. <grabs popcorn> I have a feeling this is gonna be good.
I know this story is as unlikely as Pinkie turning into Sombra, but it's one of the most fun reading a story I've had I a while.
I'm glad this will continue! Many antics will sure be had.
I want to hear what Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy think of all this.
Love Pinkie in this.
Well she is taking that break from being good
That can only end well.
Pot, meet kettle.
You literally have NO grounds to stand on when you say that, AJ. You were willing to run away just to avoid people knowing about you getting second place in a rodeo.
This story is very silly, but I love the dialogue! Especially Pinkie. I two would want to see my friend kiss the milf queen.
Haha Applejack the hypocrite.