Chapter One
The Beast Within
By Lil Bear Sinclair
ROAR
The siren-like roar bellowed loudly. Almost waking up the sleepy town of Ponyville. Every half hour there was a loud roar which echoed throughout the walls of the buildings. It was a miracle how no one was woken from their slumber. The time edged closer to midnight, even for winter the night was unpleasantly cold. The whole village managed to settle down for the night and the streets were silent baring the soft humming of the wind as it whipped throughout the centre. Everything was meant to be peaceful but the deafening roar shattered the peace. It was almost certain that the roar was heard in the next town over.
The roar was traced back to a very grumpy Manticore. He was taking up residence with Ponyville's best animal caretaker; Fluttershy. The Manticore had come to Fluttershy as he had a horrendous toothache and the pain became too much for him to handle on his own.
Flu season had approached fast, meaning that the young mare's cottage had been transformed into a temporary makeshift hospital; this wasn't anything new to her however as it was a yearly tradition. Fluttershy was currently flying around the small cottage frantically. Making sure that each and every animal had what they needed for the night as the pegasus wanted to call it a night soon, she needed some rest. But as each hour passed, it seemed like the animals required more and more of her attention and it was running the poor pony dry and tired.
Fluttershy was determined to keep going with her job even if her energy was being drained. She didn't want to disappoint her friends. The animal that she was currently helping was Manny Roar; who was still roaring in pain. He rested his head upon the window frame as Fluttershy cleaned his teeth. The creature had to sleep outside due to his humongous size. He glanced at the pony tending to him which made the shy pony give him a weak smile in return.
"Almost done Manny..." Fluttershy began as she flossed his teeth. "Your toothache should subside soon, you had a lot stuck between your teeth." She said softly towards the creature; who only responded by licking her face slowly, giving her appreciation for attending to him so quickly.
Fluttershy would then take flight to head towards a family of birds who had arrived just the other night, but as soon as she arrived there a pair of otters began to cry for help. Quickly changing her flight path, she made her way towards them only for the beavers to require her attention and soon enough Fluttershy was flying frantically back and forth to attend to every creature.
During all the commotion and the frantic flying around the cottage, it had raised the attention of her personal pet; Angel Bunny. He should have taken notice of this sooner as she hadn't even taken the time to come and check up on him. Angel decided that he should check on his owner and began to jump towards her.
Hopping along towards the mare, he quickly noticed that she was looking sluggish. Angel grabbed as much of her tail as he could and tugged against it hard to get her attention away from the beavers. This, in turn, startled the shy pony, causing a small yelp to escape her lips. "Oh!" She turned around in fright to see what had just tugged on her tail. "Oh, Angel... I'm sorry I didn't see you there... Whatever is the matter?" She asked with concern in her voice.
All Angel could do was cross his arms at the mare and began to pound his foot against the floor. Fluttershy was about to speak up when she heard a low growl calling her from the couch. "I'm sorry Angel, I'll be with you in just a minute. It seems like Harry needs my attention."
Fluttershy took flight, gently hovering above the ground she made her way towards the bear. Out of frustration, Angel followed along, he still wanted her attention as he began to grow jealous that he wasn't getting any from her. Fluttershy landed next to the bear and began the last check-up for the night. This was just checking on his fever to see if it had maintained or even to see if it had gone down, unfortunately, it hadn't and actually increased slightly. "Awe Harry." She said to him as he growled softly. "Don't worry about it. All you need is some rest and you'll be in tip-top shape in no time." She said to him with a small smile on her face, this was to reassure him that everything was going to be okay.
Harry let her know that she was appreciated for all her hard work by letting off a low growl and smiling at her. Fluttershy then pondered her mind, the day was almost complete and she was just about ready to call it day, she had one last animal to check up on and that animal was Rainbow Dash's pet; Tank the Tortoise. She turned around to face the kitchen door where Tank was resting and took flight.
Just as she began making her way towards the kitchen, she was about to reach about halfway when suddenly she felt excruciating pain hit her out of nowhere, striking her shoulder blades. Fluttershy let out a pained grunt as this happened. The abrupt attack against her had caused her to lose stability with her flying and she crashed into a nearby wall with full force.
BANG!
It sounded as though a tree had just collied into the small cottage, Fluttershy fell to the ground in a heap, leaving a dent in the wall. The pictures which accompanied the wall were knocked down to the ground and some even shattered against Shy's head. The glass that was protecting the photos burst upon impact, coating her in tiny fragments of glass and most of it had embedded itself into her mane. In quick response, Angel hurried over towards her. "Celestia dammit..." Fluttershy mumbled to herself as she groaned softly. The pain hit her again like a sack of bricks, this time, however, it spread across her wingspan.
The last few weeks have been very painful for her, the stabbing pain was constant and didn't seem to subside. She originally brushed it off due to the fact that she's been very stressed about all her furry and not so furry friends falling ill during this year's Flu Season, "That hurt... Like that hurt a lot..." She said as she shook herself down like a dog.
As she did this, she could hear Harry trying to talk some sense into the shy pony, begging her to relax and take a break as none of the animals would mind. They'd understand since they are the ones running her dry, "Harry... There is no time for a simple break, you all need my help and I'll be damned if I stop just cause I had a small accident," She said softly as she tried to pick herself up off the floor, however, the pain strikes back only this time it shot up her spine and along her wings. This resulted in her having to stretch her wings out to try to ease the pain, "Celestia... This is... Very painful..."
Angel watched as she did this and proceeded to tug against her mane, he wanted her to just take a break. Fluttershy rolled her eyes at the small bunny and turned to him, "Angel, please... Just stop. I know you're trying to help but you're really getting on my last nerve about it," Fluttershy then began to get herself up off the floor, her hooves began to shake violently and she fell back down.
Her body felt weak, unholy weak to be in fact. It was as almost if something had drained the energy out of her. With a huff, she lifted herself back up again, her hooves continued to shake but with little energy, she had left, she was able to pick herself up off the floor. Gently, she shook herself down to try to remove the glass that was in her mane, "I've got so many jobs to... But I've got so little time," Fluttershy said to Angel as she began walking towards the kitchen. It was in her best interest that she should avoid using her wings for the meantime.
As Fluttershy passed the bottom of her stairs she had an unusual feeling that something was watching her every move. She slowly turned her head to glance up the stairs which only had answered her suspicion. Standing above her at the very top of the stairs was a very tired looking Marshmallow, they were wrapped up in a pink robe which was supported by matching slippers and their mane was an unkempt mess, "Fluttershy..." They yawned, "Are you coming to bed at some point tonight?"
The pony in question sounded like they had just been woken up. Fluttershy kicked the floor slightly at the question as she was the possible suspect in that. "Oh yeah... I will be, I'll be up soon Rarity..." She looked away from her. "Just doing the checkups on all the animals before I do... You know how it is this time of year..." She began to hear the hoofsteps of Rarity as she began her descent down the stairs, this, in turn, panicked Fluttershy slightly. "Yo-You know how it is during Flu season..." She repeated. "I do have a job to keep maintained..." Her sentence was suddenly cut short due to the same sudden pain striking back again, allowing a quiet groan to escape her lips. To try to manage the pain she slowly flapped her wings softly in a vain effort to ease the pain.
"Can you tell me what that loud bang was then, darling?" Rarity asked as she reached the bottom of the stairs, now standing beside Fluttershy. She knew something was off with the shy pony, just by the way she was standing, seemingly facing away from her. "Are you okay? You seem slightly." She coughed. "Out of it." She had raised concern.
Fluttershy would simply nod at her as she couldn't find the right words to say, she was clearly lying to her and that would be the main reason why she couldn't say anything to her. Fluttershy hated lying and would always try to avoid it, but on this occasion. It was needed.
Rarity's eyes then drifted to the floor where she spotted the broken picture frames. A loud gasp followed in suit. "Oh, darling!" Her horn lit up which made Fluttershy turn her attention towards her. She spotted one of the picture frames that was scattered across the floor and the picture that was inside it. It began to levitate into the air and floated passed her head as it made its way towards Rarity. "What happened? This was your favourite picture! The only reason why it was up was that you loved it so much..." Rarity looked at the mare which caused Fluttershy's ears to flatten at the gaze.
The image in question was a capture of true love between the two mares, they were seated by the pond just off the edge of Ponyville as the image had the tower and town in the distance. Rarity had her hooves wrapped around Fluttershy with her lips pressed against her cheek. Fluttershy on the other hoof had her face covered up slightly as she was staring directly at the camera.
The pegasus sighed heavily as she remembered that day, a small smile appeared on her face. "Yeah... I know..." Her eyes drifted to Rarity's. "It really is a lovely photo of us..." Her gaze went back to the photo. "What happened was... I had a small incident while flying towards the kitchen... I lost my bearings and hit the wall with full force." Her eyes began watering, she felt terrible about the accident. "I'm... I'm really sorry Rarity." Her voice cracked. "I didn't mean to break it..."
At the sound of her voice cracking, Rarity's ears flattened. The thing she hated the most was seeing her marefriend so upset and distraught. She placed the picture down on the ground and pulled her into a hug. "I-I..." Fluttershy choked on her words as she started to cry, she burried her muzzle into Rarity's robe.
"Hey." Rarity spoke in a soft tone. "It's okay Fluttershy..." She gently began to stroke her mane, trying to calm the upset mare in her embrace. Rarity wanted to make sure that the pegasus knew that everything was okay.
"I've just been so stressed about my animals..." Fluttershy managed to get out, pulling away from the embrace to look Rarity in the eyes. "Each day more and more animals come to my cottage really sick and looking for somepony to nurse them back to health..." She told her half of the truth, neglecting to mention the pain that caused the accident. "I... I think it's getting too much for me to handle on my own..."
Rarity nodded at her, taking in what she was saying. "You know I'm here for you Fluttershy and you should know that by now." She placed a hoof on her shoulder. "You've never been this stressed before, you've always powered through." Rarity then planted a reasuring kiss on her forehead, making Fluttershy look up at her. Every single time Rarity kissed her on the forehead she has always felt safe. Rarity levitated a tissue over and helped wipe away the tears from her eyes,
"How about," Rarity started her sentence which made Fluttershy's ears perk up, "How about tomorrow you and I go and do something together, just me and you. Things like a much-needed spa visit or a lovely stroll through Canterlot!" Rarity suggested to her, "This would give you at least a day off from all these animals,"
"Oh no... I can't do that Rarity... These animals all need my help... I just can't get up and leave," Fluttershy said to her as she looked away from the unicorn as she couldn't face her, "I need to be on my hooves all season 24/7," Rarity mentally rolled her eyes, she is too nice for her own good.
She had to ponder her mind for a minute, thinking of something else to get Fluttershy out of the mindset that she's needed that much. Rarity tapped her hoof against her chin then came up with the perfect idea, "Okay then... Why don't you ask for help? I'm sure the girls would be delighted to help you, after all, you've done a lot for them I'm sure they'll return the favour,"
As soon as Rarity said this however, another idea bounced into her head which prompted her to gasp loudly, "Oh darling! How about this? You take the day off and the girls and I will take over all the animal caretaker duty things? So that's me, Pinkie, Twilight, Applejack and Rainbow Dash, we could get double the chores done," Rarity said smiling at her, she hoped that Fluttershy would take her suggestion, however, Fluttershy didn't like that idea.
"Oh... No, I don't really know about that... I think that's a really bad idea," She started, "I can't bear to be even a minute away from them let alone a day..."
"Oh for Celestia sake Fluttershy!" Rarity snapped at the shy mare prompting her to flinch, "Please! For crying out loud! I don't want you to go another day feeling like this!" Rarity never felt the need to raise her voice at Fluttershy, but this time, this time it was much needed to yell. "You deserve relaxation! These animals wait on your fore and hind hoof! It's draining you so tomorrow you are taking the day off and I'm not taking no as an answer," Fluttershy shook slightly at the mare yelling at her, "I-I'm sorry," Rarity said quietly, lowering her head a bit, "I didn't mean to yell, but please Fluttershy... For your own health, let me help you," She then placed a hoof onto her shoulder, "Take a break tomorrow? For me and you,"
Fluttershy stopped shaking as Rarity calmed down, her ears flattened as she sighed heavily. She should take a break for her health, maybe she could take Angel out for a little walk. She did need to visit Dr Fauna for more medicine. "I... I mean for you Rarity, I'll take a break..." She smiled sheepishly.
Rarity's lightened up at the sentence, "Oh wonderful! Now, to help you with the stress, I think you could go for a nice bubble bath," Fluttershy's ears perked up at the words 'bubble bath' "I'll even sit with you and we can go over the things you could do tomorrow," She softly smiled at the mare, but something else came to mind which caused her ears to flatten.
Recently, since winter started, Rarity was seeing less and less of Fluttershy and she didn't really notice until now and in reality this little moment right here that they were having was the most time they've spent together since winter started, "You know something... This is the most time we've spent together in a long time, your animals have taken up all of your time and attention," She looked away from her which prompted Fluttershy to look at her, "It's starting to feel like I'm not enough for you anymore... and you've gotten bored of me..."
"Oh... I'm sorry Rarity... I'm really, really sorry," Her eyes began to water once again upon hearing that, "It was never my intention to ever make you feel like this... I promise I'll change... Change for the better," She then felt the stabbing pain again, she didn't want to make it obvious so she played it off by ruffling her wings.
"I don't want you to change darling, you are perfect just the way you are. All I want from you is for you to be happy but currently, these sick animals are dragging you down," She smiles at her and hugs her again. Her hooves ended up touching the spot that was causing Fluttershy pain.
The sudden touch caused the pain to become almost unbearable causing Shy's face to turn sour, "Shit..." Was the first word to slip out of her mouth, Rarity had unwrapped herself and looked at the mare with a raised eyebrow. She has never heard Fluttershy swear before, this was something new. The word slipped out accidentally as the shy pony didn't want to catch the attention of the unicorn, but that was a little too late. Fluttershy has never wanted to bring Rarity into any of her useless drama...
"I um... Fluttershy, darling, is everything alright? I don't think I've ever heard you curse before," Fluttershy looked back towards her wings, "Is something bothering you?" She then looked back at Rarity and takes a deep breath, she was going to take this on the chin and tell her everything that was happening to her.
"I'm going to be 100% honest with you right now..." Rarity nodded at her, "I'm in pain... Like a lot of pain Rarity... I'm having some sort of stabbing pain in my wings or my back I can't really tell... Its how I really crashed into the wall..." Rarity couldn't help but smile softly at the fact that Fluttershy told her the truth.
"In that case, you definitely could use that bubble bath that I may or may not have mentioned earlier," She smiles at her, "The pain might just be stress from this year's flu season," Rarity got up, "Would you like my lavender bubble bath? Or wanna use the joke bubble bath Pinkie sent over a month back that's supposed to make your coat smell like freshly cut grass," Fluttershy couldn't help but chuckle.
"I would like the lavender one... It smells like you," She said softly which made Rarity nod.
"Then I'll get that ready for you," Just as she was about to head up the stairs, Fluttershy lightly coughed to gain her attention. This made the mare stop in her tracks, "Yes Darling?" She turned to face her.
"Any chance... You could join me this time? If you want to, that is..." She lightly kicked the ground and looked up at her with wide eyes, this had Rarity give her a soft smile before nodding at her, "Yey," She said quietly which caused the unicorn to chuckle softly at her signature yet.
"I could use a bath actually so yeah, I'll join you in there," Rarity then began to climb the stairs again, "Now, you finish off what you were doing, avoid using those wings and I'll run the bath for us," Soon she vanished out of Fluttershy's sight.
Fluttershy stayed at the bottom of the stairs for a little longer, she sighed heavily as she eventually got up off the ground and made her way towards the kitchen for her final check-up; Tank. Angel watched the whole conversation between the two mares and followed closely behind her.
Fluttershy walked through the doorway of the kitchen, there was no need for her to rush things. As she entered the kitchen she instantly spotted Tank slowly making his way towards the makeshift bed that Shy had fixed up for him earlier that day, she smiled at the little guy before trotting over to go help him into the bed, "You'll be back with Rainbow Dash very soon Tank," Fluttershy went behind him and gently guided him.
The tortoise smiled slowly at her, "Rarity will be the one to check up on you tomorrow, so be good for her you hear me," She chuckled softly as Tank nodded at her. Now that she was satisfied that each of her sick animal friends was comfortable for the night, she began making her way out of the kitchen only for a certain bunny to jump right in front of her, this made her come to a stop.
"Angel? What's the matter?" She said to him and the response she got was him thumping the ground with his foot hard, "Oh shoot yeah... I'm really sorry Angel, you'll just have to go without supper tonight I had to use the last of your food for some of the other animals..." He just scoffed at her before dashing away towards his bed, "I wish you would understand..." It wasn't long after that when the pain struck back. Her eyes began to water, "Oh fuck..." She said silently.
Fluttershy would always avoid swearing at all costs, it just wasn't in her nature, but sometimes when she's alone it would just slip out. The pain she was experiencing felt like somepony was peeling away her feathers one by one, ever so slowly so that the pain would linger and stick around, "This is just unfair... What did I ever do to deserve this? I should just try to fly, maybe it has calmed down now that I've spoken to Rarity," She mumbled to herself as she took flight and began to head towards the stairs.
She instantly regretted that decision as the pain did not subside, causing her to groan in pain, "Ow... Ow... Yeah okay, bad idea Fluttershy..." She gently landed and tucked her wings in to avoid any more pain, she took the stairs by hoof and started trotting towards the bottom of the stairwell. "I should go see Nurse Redheart in the morning," She said quietly to herself, however, the low growl and encouragement from Harry the bear made her chuckle, "Alright Harry, I'll go see her tomorrow," She then began to climb the stairs.
Nurse Redheart was taking in more hours by letting residents come in for the littlest problems, from a grazed knee to a runny nose she'd take it just so she could get some extra money. It wouldn't be the first time she would be in for her issue as just a few weeks back she was in there talking to her about her problem.
It didn't take her long until she reached the top of the stairs and the sound of the water running from within the bathroom had filled her ears and made them twitch slightly, as she made her way along the top floor of her cottage she couldn't help but smile at the thought of the two of them having a bath together it made her get small butterflies in her stomach. As she arrived at the bathroom door the water was switched off and the sound of Rarity humming.
Nudging the door open she poked her head inside, "Rares?" She said softly which made the unicorn stop humming and turn around to face her, "I've decided that I want to go see Nurse Redheart tomorrow morning,"
Rarity raised an eyebrow at her statement, "Nurse Redheart? Darling, she charges extra for early morning visits, we can't afford it. Couldn't you simply wait until the afternoon when she's free?" Rarity asked her as Shy walked in and closed the door. She sat down next to her and made her ears flatten and her eyes widen, it was the Fluttershy Puppy Dog Eyes, a look that Rarity could never resist that look.
"I mean... Fluttershy..." She sighed, "If you're having pains I'll see if I can ask my parents to lend a few bits and pay them back," Fluttershy nodded at her slowly, "Alright darling, I'll get you a few extra bits for that appointment," She smiled at her, "First things first, however, would you like me to have a look at your wings? I might be able to save you a trip to the hospital," Rarity asked her, she was concerned for her marefriend.
Fluttershy gave her a small nod, "If you don't mind..." Rarity nodded at her which gave her the indication to turn around and face her back towards her, "So... I have a few ideas on what I can do tomorrow... Well, one... Angel and I could head to Dr Fauna and get some medicine for the animals," She mentioned as Rarity began looking at her back.
"That's going to be a no Darling, no work on your day off, I'll get the medicine," Rarity started, "Now, your morning will be taken up mainly by Nurse Redheart so that's sorted. For the afternoon..." Rarity pondered her mind before she had an idea, "Oh! You've been talking about seeing your parents lately, why don't you go see them?" She smiled to her as Shy lowered her head slightly.
"Yeah... I've been saying that for a month now... I wanted to go see them with you this time..." Her ears flattened, "My dad always compares me to Zephyr, saying how great he is and so on, while he completely ignores my achievements... If you came with me one time maybe he'll stop being so harsh with me..."
"Ah yeah... You mentioned that about your father," Rarity said as she heard the mare in front of her sigh, "Hearth's Warming is approaching, why not invite them over? I wouldn't mind cooking more food," Rarity suggested which made her ears perk up at the idea, "Can you spread your wings so I can have a proper look please?" Shy complies, spreading her wings so that Rarity could have a proper look to see if there is a problem.
"Rarity... You said that your parents are wanting you to go over this year... You've been going on about it since the Running Of The Leaves..."
"Oh shoot, yeah I have, haven't I?..." She stopped for a minute, "Then why don't we... Host them this year?! Both mine and your parents! It'll be so much fun darling! Then we can finally let them know about us," Rarity said with hints of joy in her voice, "Snap Shutter asked if I could take Scootaloo this year so Sweetie Belle will have a friend, why not let Zephyr invite a friend of his?"
"Oh... I don't know Rarity... It does sound like a really good idea, don't get me wrong... But I don't know about inviting Zephyr... I'd just rather have our parents with Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo," Shy said as she felt Rarity beginning to poke around her back, "We can invite them over... My cottage is big enough,"
Rarity chuckled to herself, "Surprisingly, considering when I first saw your cottage it looked tiny!" She heard Fluttershy laugh slightly which made her smile, she took her wing within her hoof "Now let's see..." She stopped talking as she stretched her wing outwards. What she saw caused a loud gasp to escape her lips, "Oh dear Celestia!" Her horn lit up as she used her magic to grip the ends of her wings so she could stretch them out further.
The skin on her wing was bright red and some of her feathers were missing, it was swelling slightly and boiling. She was showing symptoms of a second-degree burn, "Fluttershy darling, what happened?"
"What do you mean... Is it bad?"
"Is it bad? Yes, it is bad!" Rarity sighed heavily, "Your skin is red, boiling and swelling," She started, "Did somepony attack you?" She was now concerned for her safety. Fluttershy's ears flattened, her skin was burnt? That couldn't be possible... She wished she could see the damage for herself.
This was the pain that has been with her for weeks now... If it was as bad as Rarity was making it out to be, why hasn't she pointed it out earlier? She had been sitting in silence as she pondered her mind leaving Rarity hanging.
"Fluttershy? Please answer me, has somepony hurt you?" Rarity repeated her question. Fluttershy broke out of her thoughts and shook her head slowly. "I'm sure Nurse Redheart will have some burn cream for you," Rarity then lightly pokes her back.
The sudden touch prompted Fluttershy's body to jolt up and the mare to turn around and hiss at her. This provoked Rarity's eyes to widen and her facial expression to turn in to a frightened one. Fluttershy's natural calm blue eyes had turned into a piercing blood red. However, before Rarity could take in everything Fluttershy saw her expression and her eyes almost instantly turned back, she quickly turned away,
"Oh... I'm sorry Rarity, I don't know what just happened... What you did really hurt..." Rarity didn't answer her back, Fluttershy slowly turned around to see the blank stare that she was giving her, "Rarity?..."
"Get into the tub Fluttershy," She said to her, her tone was flat, which honestly scared Fluttershy.
"Did you... um, hear me?" Shy said, looking into her eyes, just as she said that Rarity's short lit up and Shy felt herself being lifted into the air. She began to fidget within her grasp, "Rarity... You know how much I don't like being held with magic..."
"Well if you just listened to me when I said get into the tub then we wouldn't be in this situation," Rarity then lowered the mare down into the water as Shy's ears flattened so did her coat as it quickly dampened. The water was like a warm fuzzy feeling, this made a small smile form of Fluttershy's face, "How are you feeling?"
"Um... Okay, I guess..." She slightly paddled in the water a bit, allowing the water to sway back and forth against the tub, "The I guess part is coming from the pains I've been having..." She added on as the water began to soothe her coat, "This water feels amazing," Fluttershy cooed as Rarity moved closer to the tub, "I'm sorry about earlier..." She brought up the incident again.
"You don't need to keep saying sorry Darling," Rarity started, "It was a shock, I've never seen you do that before and it was sort of scary, but I'm guessing it hurts real bad then?" She placed a hoof on Shy's cheek, prompting the other mare to rub her face into it. Rarity couldn't help but smile at her.
"Yeah... It does hurt... Like a lot..." She whimpered as she stopped nuzzling into her hoof and stared at her, "Are you getting in with me? Or are you going to sit there and watch me," Fluttershy smirked slightly which made the unicorn chuckle.
"As much as I could watch you for hours, darling, it would be more productive if I actually joined you," Rarity smiled at her, "Now I'll get in behind you so scooch forward," Fluttershy followed what she was asked and moved forward, allowing Rarity to climb into the tub.
Rarity took off her pink robe and slippers. Stripping down fully she got in behind Fluttershy and allowed the water to damp her coat. She sighed happily as she leaned back, "You were absolutely right about this water, it's simply divine. The best thing is, the bottle I used for the bubbles, is the bottle from home the one you love,"
"Oh! Wonderful!" Fluttershy smiled brightly, "If I start missing you when you're at your house I can just run myself another bubble bath just to feel close to you," She chuckled at what she said before shifting around, in hope she'd get comfy, "Sorry if I'm wiggling, I'm just trying to get comfortable but it's painful,"
"Don't worry about it Fluttershy, just relax and let the water soak into your coat, it might help ease some of the pain," She then uses her magic to bring over some of Shy's favourite shampoo, she squirts some out and began to help her wash her mane. This had Fluttershy let out a small sigh, "Now while you're away tomorrow taking a much-needed break, the girls and I will take care of everything so you can come home to a stress-free environment,"
This got Fluttershy thinking again, which wasn't a good idea as she usually spins out of control, "But... None of you will be able to understand them, how will you know what they'll need?" Fluttershy said to her which made Rarity huff, "I mean none of you can actually speak to them like I can, it'll be 10 times harder! Maybe I shouldn't go..."
Rarity rolled her eyes, thankfully Fluttershy couldn't see her, "Darling... You're taking a break and that's final. No ifs no buts," She sternly said to her, "Got it?"
"Yeah... I got it..."
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That was a great story
I might recommend breaking up the paragraphs a bit more, as a lot of the story seems to be in large walls of text. There's also some inconsistencies here and there with past and present tenses and some formatting errors. I do like the amount of detail, though.
9843383
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment! Much appreciated!
9846867
Thank you for the comment! I do have issues with my past and present tense that is the one thing I seem to struggle with! I'll take note to break up my paragraphs in chapter two and return to break up the ones in chapter one! Much appreciated that you took time in reading my story!
I'm looking forward to more my dear friend !
9847018
It's good to hear from you friend! I'm working on chapter two now! Should be finished in a few days!
The topic of the story interests me but I find the writing rather bumpy which kept me - for now at least - from reading further. It really needs some fixes and editing.
I tried with the first two of your paragraphs to give you suggestions. Sorry if it's quite heavily edited and I might offend you with it. Please try to consider it constructive criticism and examples for improvement instead of a more negative interpretation :)
I do want to say that from what I read so far - the story itself - appears quite interesting and worth reading :)