Chapter 19
“Good evening, Willow. How are you today?”
“I’m doing alright. Knee’s bothering me something fierce today, but otherwise okay. I might need to breakdown and go see that orthopedist about getting it replaced. Can’t put it off forever I suppose.”
“How is she today?”
“I see…”
“Well, I know the way of course, so I’ll show myself up. See you in a bit.”
“Oh! Um, hello.”
“Yes, I’m Sunset Shimmer.”
“Bluebonnet? Well, nice to meet you too.”
“Uh, no, I don’t work here. Never have. I’m Twilight Sparkle’s wife. She’s a resident here.”
“No no, it’s okay. I’m not offended. Just confused. Why did you think I worked here? People my age are more likely to be residents here than staffers, you know.”
“Wha– Oh. Okay. Well then.”
“Sorry, just wasn’t expecting, well, that. But yes, I’m the ‘redhead who tells stories’ you keep hearing about. Well, my hair used to be a lot redder, anyway. Heh. And they’re stories I guess, but really it’s just me rambling on about a past vacation, or anniversary, or party, or something. Whatever jogs her memory on that day, really.”
“Ah. Well, if you’ve only been here a week, you haven’t seen me much anyway. But yes, I come by nearly every day to see her. Been doing so for over five years now.”
“No, it’s not bad at all. Well, the drive used to be a bit hectic in traffic, but I sold the car a while back. Too much for me to keep up with these days, and there’s a bus line that stops right at the corner here anyway. Besides, the money saved goes towards Twi’s care, so it’s worth it.
“Anyway, nice to meet you, Bluebonnet. Oh! One more thing. Did she ask for me by name? Or, talk about her wife in general?”
“I-It’s nothing. Forget I asked.”
“Heya, sweetie. It’s me again! May I come in?”
“Good to see you, Twilight. Feeling good today?
“Yes, I’ll make sure to tell them to keep the radishes out of your salads from now on. So… Bluebonnet tells me you were asking about me? The girl with the stories, remember?”
“Yes, her. Well, I’m back again with more stories–”
“Yes, Twilight, I’m her. You remember, right? I come by nearly every day, and each time I tell you a story.”
“Well, yes, my hair’s more gray than red these days, but it’s still me! You know, Sunset. Your friend, your wife?
“You do remember… right?”
“Okay then…”
“Tell you what, let me open these blinds a little, let some more sunlight in. There we go. A nice clear evening.”
“Beautiful sunset out there too.”
“...”
“Twilight?”
“...”
“...”
“Okay, if that’s what you want, Twilight. I’ll close the blinds.”
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Rose Quill · 26k words · 635 20 · 14k views
- ScisetShimmerEvan · 8.9k words · 59 4 · 3.1k views
- Rose Quill · 1.4k words · 97 5 · 3.4k views
- ScisetShimmerEvan · 2.8k words · 26 2 · 2.1k views
- Albi · 213k words · 3,595 86 · 55k views
- Space Jazz · 1.3k words · 726 22 · 14k views
- Bookish Delight · 2.5k words · 347 9 · 5k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.091 seconds
Total duration
950 users online
409,182 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Bugger, I was hoping to have the most chapters of any entry, but it looks like you've snatched that away from me.
This was a gripping read, though. The formatting of it... felt a little hit-or-miss at times, early on--I think the more characters there were in one place at once, the easier it was for me to get a bit lost--but partway through when it started just being Sunset and one or two other people at a time, I thought it did a wonderful job of suggesting images through subtext. Especially towards the end, this got so effortlessly potent.
So when all was said and done, this brought me much closer to tears than any of the other entries I've read so far. Nice work, good luck with the judges
9834483
Thanks for the feedback! I very much appreciate it. :)
And good luck to you as well!
Why did you make the chapters so short?
9834570
When I drafted this it was all one long google document with a ton of scene break lines. I was tempted to post it as one big chunk, but I thought 1)it'd be a slog to mentally denote one section from the others, and 2)I thought breaking it up into smaller chunks would let the reader focus more on 1-2 specific points in time, thus giving them a better opportunity to fill in what the other side of that scene might be.
absolutely monstrous, well done ;_;
9882960
Thank you for the fave. It means a lot! :)
Beautiful and devastating. Thank you for this story and showing Sunset Shimmer's kindness so well with this format. It's one I'd like to see more of.
9897690
Thank you for the kind words! (and for the follow too!)
9897912
No problem! Thanks for writing this story.
9897914
You're most welcome! Feel free to peruse my other stories as well. I hope you find some of them enjoyable also. :)
9937665
I read the story backwards, as is my usual preference, so I was just taking advantage of the opportunity to make a deliberately tactless and cruel joke.
Friendly reminder that lesbians don't exist
You can has review!
...you magnificent bastard.
I'm not terribly fond of the format - it feels like overhearing the local half of a phone conversation, which tends to give me a headache; that happened here as well, so, in a way, good job on replicating that effect so well? (too well?)
That being said, it did still work once I got used to it, as I could guesswork the "in between" aspects fairly well as was intended. The parts that were letters in the journal also helped by giving a place to ease the negative effects of the style for me.
And beyond the formatting, it was a very good story that invoked all the feels - from the good ones early on to being nervous midway thinking it was going a different direction... to the very deep sad ones as I realized what was developing in the later parts.
So, I'm going to go cry against my big pink teddy bear now. Well done <3
Howdy, hi!
Okay, this was *very* interesting as a writing concept. I think for the most part you pulled it off but this is definitely not something I would seek out, and I don't think most authors could pull this off well. The subject and theme of the fic were also super heavy and well-executed. This brings me to the personal bit.
Oh my gosh, this was *sad*. Like you had such a realistic kind of depiction of their relationship and all the good parts then the absolute soul-crushing ending. It hurt seeing Sunset push to be there for her wife, but still ultimately lose her to disease. The build-up and pacing of everything was fantastic and the vignette-type style of the story (short bursts as it were) really worked here.
All in all, excellent fic. Thanks for the read!
oof, that last line. ooooof. i mean all this was priming me to expect some sort of emotional blow at the end like that, but knowing how this story would end didn't lessen the impact. i really appreciated the understatedness, and it's also a line that just wouldn't work with anyone else as the protagonist.
the format was something i've never seen before, but i got used to it fairly quickly enough, and it made the shorter chapters more effective with their brevity. as somepony who is for experimental formats in general, it's always nice to see a fic trying something new. well done!
11013322
Hi! I apologize for the delayed reply here, but thank you for giving this a try, and especially for adding so many comments! I truly appreciate that. :)
As you alluded to, this was definitely a style experiment on my part. I'd be lying if I said it turned out 100% perfect, but after some polishing help from a few friends, it landed in a pretty darn good place, I think. If nothing else, it encourages me to try out other styles and genres I've typically avoided over the years.
Thanks again!
11013303
Apologies for the delayed reply here. But thank you for the read and the comment. I appreciate it!
Totally understand that the style was a bit of a hurdle to get over. It was definitely an experiment on my part, but I'm glad that it didn't prove to be a total barrier for you. Thanks for sticking with it. :)
Sadly, a lot of this I drew from experience with members of my own family, so the sadness and the feeling of being unable to do anything to help is very real too. I suppose the slight upshot there is that it wasn't that hard to convey those feelings into Sunset and Twi as I wrote. But yeah, heavy stuff indeed.
Thanks again, and feel free to peruse my other stories if you wish!