Strings of the Narrative

by Grey Vicar

Things Set In Motion

The Sun was high in the sky, and my patience was wearing thin. After shoving down some toasts down my throat, I went straight to the school’s deserted football field to wait for Applejack and Flash. What a stupid name that was, “football”. At least, back in Equestria, our equivalent, hoofball, actually did use hooves. Here… what was the point of calling it football? The players only used their feet once to punt the ball at the start of the game, and then to run I guessed?

The low roar of a gas-powered bike sounded near me. At least humans had bikes. Those things were something else, and I doubted I’d find something similar back at home.

“Heya, Sunset.”

I started and rose to meet Applejack and Flash sentry walking toward me. Both of them were clad in bike protection. My “boyfriend” looked sullen. Good. I needed him to be as down as he could be. Applejack looked reluctant. She was a smart girl, and she didn’t like her friends getting hurt, especially not by other friends.

What a shame.

“Applejack!” I grinned at her. “I’m so glad to see you!”

“Sunset?” Flash took a step toward me and my blood boiled. “Are you—”

“Flash Sentry!” I was surprised at the strength of my own bellow. “I have something to tell you. I— I—”

My throat contracted, the words unable to leave it. I’d half expected that, but it didn’t stop it from hurting. It didn’t stop it from feeling like an invisible puppeteer’s hands were wrapped around my throat, choking me out with every gasping attempt at getting a word out.

“Sunny—”

Contrast is a hell of a thing. As my knuckles met Flash Sentry’s nose, a surge of fiery, adrenaline-boosted satisfaction shot up my spine at the same moment my heart broke from punching a good friend in the face, resulting in me stumbling and leaning against a stunned Applejack to regain my spirits. I took a deep breath and straightened.

I hadn’t exactly planned for this. But my soul had gone ablaze when he’d spoken that name. And so a plan B had formed in a fraction of a second. If I couldn’t break up with him, he could break up with me.

And a broken nose would prove to be enough. He fell backward with a yell, Applejack barely fast enough to stop him from hitting the ground. I felt a grim satisfaction feeling my knuckles wet with blood, and seeing the red on his jacket.

Then, the adrenaline died down, and my stomach fell into a pit. I’d punched him. I’d punched a friend, even though he was the main problem with my life at the moment.

That was wrong. That was so, so wrong.

Luckily, there was no one else to witness this. Except AJ, and she would keep her trap shut as long as she believed magic had something to do with this. This was between me and Flash Sentry, and my guilty conscience.

“Did she just punch him?!”

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Apple Bloom stood a few metres away from us, agape. They all were wearing biker gear, and I spotted a smaller bike next to Flash Sentry’s. Since when— Wait, did Applejack bring them here?

And they all had their phones out and recording.

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

I hadn’t even noticed Flash Sentry picking himself back up and walking resolutely toward me, only realizing when he was a pace away from me. His nose was crooked and bleeding, and tears were watering his eyes. Applejack didn’t seem to know whether to intervene or not. I took a step back, readying myself for retaliation for assaulting him.

“Sunset…” He took a deep breath, and his nose made an ugly noise as he winced. “Ouch. Ah, Sunset, I don’t know what’s happening to you recently, but whatever it is, we’ll get through it together.”

“OH, FOR FUCK’S SAKE!”

“Sunset!” Applejack hissed. “Don’t swear in front of mah sister!”

That was what got her ruffled right now?!

“You don’t get it, do you?” I turned back to Flash, stomping a foot. “I—”

“Enough of that, Sunset.”

I felt a seething despair as Applejack pulled me away from him. “Applejack, I’m—”

“I don’t care what your plan was, but Flash is hurt and we need to get him to a clinic” Her tone was final, and her grip made of iron. “When you asked me to bring him to you, you didn’t tell me you were going to punch him!”

“I just said I was going to take care of it,” I said dismissively, trying to wrench myself free of her grip. What else could I say really?

“Don’t try twisting things by pretending you were being honest. You know I would never have agreed to help if I knew he was going to be hurt.”

“But I needed to do it! Who knew what could happen if we let this situation get out of control?”

The look of disgust on Applejack’s face was unlike any I’d ever seen before. She roughly let me go and considered me coldly. “You needed to punch him in the face? This… I didn’t expect this from you, Sunset. I thought you had changed for good. But this… this is not what I thought a good friend of mine would do to another.”

I didn’t answer, and after a few seconds, she let me go to go see Flash. I just stood there, annoyed, and disappointed. Partly because my plan had failed, mostly because I had disappointed myself. She was right. In my desperation, I hadn’t acted like a friend would act. I had acted like a selfish little pony afraid of a situation she didn’t control.

My hands shook. Control, that was the root of all of this. I’d tried to force an easy entry into alicornhood to have more power and control. I stayed in this human world because it was so easy to sway the school to my whims. And then, I’d let it slip from my fingers, trusting in my friends to make me feel good even if I had to surrender that control to others.

And now that control had completely slipped away from me, fear had seized my heart and made me act foolishly.

“Applejack!”

I stood, fists shaking. Applejack and Flash turned to me in surprise, the latter, still holding his nose in pain. I walked resolutely toward them, and Applejack shifted in front of Flash to protect him. I ignored her, forced myself to step closer, and extended a hand.

“Flash, what I did was stupid. I can’t explain why I did what I did—”

“You mean punch me in the face?” He raised an eyebrow and gestured to the hand holding his nose.

I closed my eyes and forced myself to take in a deep breath. “Yes. As I was saying, punching you in the face was stupid, and I’d like to take you to the hospital myself. And… I am very sorry I had to do it.”

“Had to?”

My heart was beating faster, my composure slipping as my stress increased. “I’ll try explaining it on the way. But, please, let me help you.”

He took my hand, and my heart lurched in disgust, but I forced myself to stand still. “And Applejack, I’m truly sorry I roped you into all this.”

“It’s, uh, alright?” She was looking at me strangely. “I’ll call you later Sunset, alright?”

I nodded, and she nodded back, straightening her ever-present Stetson before walking back to her bike with her sister and her friends, and taking off with an engine roar.

“So,” Flash said. I’d almost forgotten he was there. “Does that mean…”

“It doesn’t mean anything.” I plopped my helmet over his head and helped him onto my bike before kicking off the stand and taking off opposite of where Applejack had gone.

I tried explaining things on the way, but of course the bike and road made way too much noise to hear anything. I tried explaining in the hospital waiting room, but a baby would always start wailing at the right moment, or an emergency would happen which would cut me off, and I decided not to risk accidentally causing someone a heart attack just so the world could interrupt me yet again.

Why couldn’t this loveable idiot just take a clue and piss off?

Once we were out of the hospital with a splint for Flash’s nose, I’d resigned myself that I would never be able to tell anyone I wanted to break up with him. I’d tried writing it on a piece of paper, but the ink always ran dry before I could write the words, and even regular graphite pencils just broke or otherwise disintegrated before I could do anything useful with them. Showing the phenomenon to Flash made him look at me curiously, but nothing more.

What a bloody idiot.

The rest of the day went by in a blur. I stopped to get a bite, got some ice cream to drown my stress into, stopped at the mall for a while to stare blankly at windows. So many useless things I desperately wanted. How did Rarity handle being there for hours at a time?

While I was staring at the mall’s bookstore, the window’s reflection showed me Twilight approaching gingerly from behind.

“Twilight?”

She started, swallowed, and came closer. “Hey, Sunset.”

“Look, I’m sorry for what happened yesterday. I hadn’t been a very good friend.” I looked at her, hoping for reassurance, for anything that would make this day somewhat better.

But it didn’t come. Twilight just squirmed and looked at my right hand.

It clicked.

“MyStable?”

She nodded with a blush. Great, Applejack’s sister posted the video online, and now everyone knew I had acted like a violent bitch. Again.

Sudden spikes of anxiety stabbed my spine. After all this time, trying to build myself a new reputation…

Twilight poking my arm with a phone shook me out of my thoughts. I took it almost by reflex. “Is that my phone?”

She nodded and readjusted her glasses. “I repaired it. Well, kinda. It was plugged with a bit of magic so I removed it. I have no idea how it got there. I have to go.”

Before I could place a single word, she was gone.

I dragged my feet to my apartment, through the corridor perpetually stinking of cigarettes, and locked the door behind me before slumping against it, sighing.

What was I going to do? I couldn’t even say I wanted to break up with Flash, the world wouldn’t let me. Even punching him in the face did nothing…

Worse, as soon as I opened my newly-repaired phone, hundreds of notifications let me know exactly how badly things were. Apparently, the video of me punching Flash had spread like wildfire, and half the school had sent me concerned messages and questions, and threats of death and violence. Mostly the latter.

I shut off my phone and stashed it inside a drawer, having mysteriously lost any desire to open the thing ever again. Cursing Applejack’s dumb little sister and her dumb little friends, I threw open my pantry doors and started on dinner.

I ate in silence. Boxed mac n’ cheese filled with yummy artificial flavours and plastic cheese. Just to make things better, I put sliced hot dog sausages in it for a five-star gourmet meal. My stomach protested, but it really could go fuck itself. Cola and sugar-filled cookies to take the edge off got added to my miserable Saturday night meal.

I’d have probably downed a good bottle of ale if humans weren’t stupid and didn’t forbid those under 18 from actually getting their hands on it. That was one of the things I missed most about Equestria. Back there, you could hand a filly a cup of cider and no one would bat an eye. At worst, you’d get a gentle chiding.

I wasn’t an alcoholic. But in times like these, I would have gladly taken a sip of Copper Pot’s finest spirits to ease off the pain.

A buzz from my bag snapped me out of my musings, and I rushed to take out Twilight’s journal. A new entry had appeared! I flipped it open with a beating heart.

Dear Sunset,

I have tried analyzing the human world to see what was going on, and I found that there was a strange magic focused on you. I don’t know what it is, and it doesn’t seem to be dangerous… for now.

I would recommend you come back to Equestria. The human world is too unstable, too unprepared to be the epicentre of magical events. I won’t lie, I think your presence might have something to do with the sudden surge of magical happenings.

Yours truly,

Twilight Sparkle

My fingers were tight against the journal’s pages. Of course, Twilight was right. If there was a spell targeting me, there was no other way I could be sure to be safe than going back to Equestria while she worked on a solution.

But fuck that.

I wasn’t someone who just ran away. I was someone who got things done no matter what. Maybe the solution wouldn’t be obvious, but I would find one without resorting to running away with my tail tucked between my legs like a coward.

I felt hot. Too hot. Anger was blazing in my heart, the smoke of its flames almost choking me. For years I had fought, and fought, and known nothing but fighting, manipulating, and outsmarting, both in Equestria, and in the human world. I was not going to let some stupid two-bit spell get the better of me! I would not let some stupid magic wrench control away from me again and—

Three sharp knocks at my door took me out of my musings. I stood up straight in surprise. A visitor? This late? A glance at the wall clock told me it was almost 11 PM, and most people would have deserted the streets by now.

I approached the door with practiced care, seizing a baseball bat I always kept nearby. In my first few months in the human world, I’d quickly learnt that people weren’t as trustworthy here than in Equestria, and without my powerful magic to keep me safe, a hardy metal bat was about the strictest minimum I needed to feel safe. Dust crunched under my fingers — I hadn’t used the bat in a while, but for some reason, I had a burning feeling that I needed it now.

Three more knocks. I gripped my bat harder and reached for the doorknob.

“Sunset, it’s me!”

My shoulders loosened instantly at Applejack’s voice. I put the bat aside and opened the door wide. Before I could go and give her a big hug, however, her stern look stopped me in my tracks.

“Since your phone is broken and all, I decided to come here myself.” By the way she was speaking, she knew it was something weird to do. “So… I’ve maybe come up with something that could help you with your Flash situation.”

“Oh, you did?” I was taken aback by how sudden it all was, but I guess I could always count on Applejack to come up with quick no-nonsense solutions. “Honestly, I didn’t think you’d even want to help me after what I did.”

“You were stupid, yeah, and I was disappointed in you.” She sighed. “But you’re my friend, and I know that deep down, you didn’t mean to hurt anyone.”

“I mean—”

“You know what I mean.”

I did, and I didn’t need to say it for her to understand. There was a strange genius-level intelligence about my farmer friend towards… understanding others, I guess? As much as sometimes she looked like she didn’t have a clue what was going on, other times she read people like open books.

“Thank you Applejack.” What else could I say, really?

“It’s my pleasure.” She tipped her hat to me and turned to leave.

“Wait!” I reached out to her, not daring to really touch her. “Don’t you want to stay a bit? I have some food left.”

“Old boxed mac n’ cheese, sliced hotdog, cookies, and cola?”

Damn, she was good. “Maybe.”

She considered me for a moment, then sighed and let herself get pulled in. “Alright, I’ll stay a bit, but promise me you’ll go with my plan tomorrow.”

“I promise!”

“Now I don’t want you to renege on that promise, ya hear?”

I put my hand over my heart. “You know I never take back my words.”

---

“Can I take back my words?”

Applejack only glared at me and continued making her final checks on Stardust’s harness. “I know you think you won’t like this, sugarcube, but trust me on this.”

I liked horses, in a way. They reminded me of home, but not really. Unlike Ponies, horses were… for a lack of a better term, stupid. But they were equines, and were a reminder of what I used to be, kinda. Point was that I liked horseback riding. However, it was a whole other thing when I was forced to do so in the company of my not-boyfriend.

Then again, I had been looking for an unusual solution to my problem… maybe this would prove to be it.

“Woah there!” Flash nearly had a heart attack when his horse — Fairbreeze — started walking a bit faster. I rolled my eyes. For such a tough rocker dude, he had as much guts as…

I groaned and let my forehead meet Stardust’s neck. I couldn’t even think of a snarky internal comment I was so frustrated.

So apparently I had overestimated Applejack a little bit. Instead of trying to come up with a way to break us up, she decided that this was a good a time as any to organize a romantic outing between Flash and I.

“Are you insane?” I hissed between my teeth.

She shrugged in answer. “You never know, maybe this whole ‘curse’ of yours isn’t really a curse after all. Maybe a blessing in disguise.”

What could I say or do? I just sat tight, fuming, and let her finish her checkup before moving away from her and closing in on Flash. She waved us off, and I couldn’t help but think she was mocking me.

But I knew better than to think that. I should have known better. So I thought it, and it made me curse and stab Stardust in the ribs, which earned me a snort of discontent.

I felt a spike of anger at the horse. What right did it have to give me attitude? If I still had my horn, I would have wrung his stupid head down and made it apologize with whatever few neurons it had in that dumb—

“Hey, thanks for going on a ride with me.”

I shook my head, disgusted at the sudden thoughts that had intruded inside my mind. Under me, Stardust was trotting happily. To my right, against a backdrop of placid farmland, Flash Sentry smiled at me.

“Don’t mention it.” I held the reins a bit tighter and forced myself to make Stardust slow down to Fairbreeze’s pace. My hands trembled. I wanted to make Stardust run, to get away from Flash, but also to feel the wind in my mane, the thundering of hooves against the ground…

“ — and it doesn’t even hurt anymore!”

I started. My thoughts had gotten the best of me again. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

He pointed at his nose and smirked. “Doesn’t even hurt anymore!”

In a flash, I saw myself reach out and take his nose between two fingers, breaking it anew and tearing it—

“Stop it!” I snapped at myself, and Stardust snorted in response.

“Sunset?”

I turned to Flash, more than ready to unleash my full rage on him, until the look of sheer terror on his face killed the flames of anger that had started to roar inside me without my notice. I massaged the bridge of my nose to calm myself — which only reminded me of the vision of myself tearing off Flash’s nose I just had.

“I’m fine.” I pressed Stardust to move a bit faster to get my mind off things. “Come on, I’ll show you a path Applejack and I like to take on our trips.”

I led the way through two rows of grains and into the forest near Applejack’s farm. Immediately, we were plunged in the cool shade of the woods, and nature seemed to bloom and unfurl around us. Birds chirped their happy songs, squirrels and other critters skittered along the ground, making way for our mounts. I breathed in, and out. Scents of earth and flowers filled my lungs, and the cicadas were a heavenly chorus to my ears.

“Wow…” Flash looked around, starry-eyed. “This is beautiful.”

I smiled freely now, the anger that had seized me earlier all but melted from my consciousness. “It is. It actually looks like a forest that was near my fillyhood home back in—”

“Fillyhood?”

I could have ripped his questioning look off his face. But inside I knew I was the one who had fucked up.

“Childhood, sorry I was having a moment with Stardust.” I petted the horse’s neck. “Isn’t that right, boy?”

Stardust snorted. Stupid horse, couldn’t it do anything else?

At least that got Flash off my back, because after one last puzzled glance at me, he brought his attention back to the trail, giving me ample time to subtly trail behind out of sight.

It was only after letting out a shaky breath that I realized the reins were moist with sweat. I forced myself to unclench my hands from the leather and winced at the red marks on my palms. This was doing nothing good for me. If anything, it was just making me angrier the more time passed, even though I was doing something which should have been a perfectly enjoyable, relaxing activity.

My breathing was uneven. I tried getting it back under control with the breathing technique Twilight had shown me, and my ragged, hastened breaths evened out. I’d have to thank her for that… again.

The rest of the trip was mercifully short, interspaced with Flash’s attempts at small talk and my expert deflections. Deflections which usually took the form of a lazy “mhmm…” and a nod.

We reached a clearing with tree stump in the middle: the midpoint of the forest trail. Soon, we’d be out of there and—

“Sunset, I’d like for us to talk a bit about our relationship.”

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

“What relationship?” I glared at him with my best killer eyes, which seemed to work as he started to look way too invested in a tree somewhere to his right.

“Look,” he said finally, after tearing his eyes off the tree and back to me. “I don’t know what’s going on… I was going to say ‘with you’, but really I don’t understand what’s going on, period.”

“Tell me about it,” I grumbled.

“I mean, when I saw how you reacted yesterday, I thought this was all over, but…”

I could almost feel my ears perk up in curiosity — they would have if I still was a pony. “But?”

“Nah, forget it.” He did an awful fake laugh. “It’s just too weird.”

“Tell me.” I was on the edge of my saddle, teetering.

“Alright, alright! Just seat yourself back before you fall.”

I did just that and waited for him to gather his strength and tell me, holding back a desire to yell at him to just spit it out.

“I tried telling my friends about what happened and how I thought maybe it would be better if we got away from each other for a while, but every time I tried telling them that—”

“ — you were randomly interrupted.” I finished, heart beating so hard my chest felt numb.

He blinked and stared at me, agape. Bingo. “H-how did you know?”

“Same thing happened to me.” I nodded gravely. Now I knew he was on my side, affected too by a strange spell, and I only—

“Really? I guess that confirms it then.” He beamed at me, and suddenly my stomach felt heavy. “I took it as a sign that I should keep pushing to make this relationship work, and I guess I wasn’t wrong.”

“Actually, I do want to get away from you for a while!”

I stared at him wide-eyed. It had worked? It had finally worked! He looked at me sadly then, with a look that came to temper my ecstatic joy. “Oh. I thought maybe you’d given me a chance too. I thought maybe if I could get a week or so to show you how good we’d be together…”

I opened my mouth to protest, to insult him, to tell him he could shove his delusions where the Sun doesn’t shine. But as I was about to finally be done with this whole thing, I felt a chill numb my body. With panic, I tried struggling against the strings that were sinking into my very soul but to no avail. My scream died in my throat.

A bright, happy smile took the place of the scowl I wanted to offer. An embarrassed blush rose on my cheeks despite my heart pounding with horror.

“Listen, Flash,” I spoke despite myself, my voice perfectly even. “How about I give you until the end of the week to swoon me, and then we’ll see. Alright?”

An overjoyed grin lit up Flash’s face. “I promise you won’t regret it!”

The remainder of the trip was a spiral of horror where I tried desperately to pull and tug against the grasp of the strings that were pulling me. When at last we reached Applejack’s farm, my body calmly got off the horse and chatted amiably with my friend and Flash. The prison I was in didn’t even allow me to make a sign for her, and I had to endure a perfectly normal conversation between us three all the while I was filled with a terror that couldn’t come out.

Flash took out his guitar and serenaded me. I wanted to tear the strings out of his guitar and bash him over the head with it, but my hands were gently folded over my knees, and I laughed and cheered him on.

We said goodbye to each other. I couldn’t even stop myself from hugging Flash and wishing him a good evening. I even gave him a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to die.

My legs took me to my apartment with a joyous gait. My heart followed with heavy dread. I closed the door to my apartment with a content sigh.

I made my way to the bathroom. I was fully numb at that point.

I closed the door behind me and let out a shaky breath before turning to the mirror, where a bright, grinning Sunset awaited me. My hand reached for the soap and I started washing my hands. Little by little, my fingers curled and my fists balled against one another, all the tension of the day flooding into me at once, and when the soap had cleared from my hands, my fingernails had dug deep into the skin, and bright red blood was mixing in with the water. The soap made the wounds sting.

I looked back in the mirror. A ragged, panicked, miserable girl had replaced the happy, sunny Sunset that was there only a few seconds ago.

I wanted to vomit. I wanted to cry. But most of all, I wanted to hurt something. Anything. Fear had torn the sutured wounds of my past wide open, and the only ointment that worked to soothe them was to get back in control.

But in control I was not. Not anymore. A few hours ago, I’d wanted to tell Flash Sentry to go fuck himself, but instead, my will had been wrenched away from me, and forced me to accept to date him again. Worse even, I had been trapped inside my body, forced to watch as I was compelled to talk and laugh with him, and enjoy his stupid immature jokes. Even Applejack hadn’t noticed. I hadn’t even controlled my own body as I walked back home, else I probably would have thrown myself off a bridge.

My hands shook on the counter. The heat of rage mixed with the chill of fear in my heart. My hand found the porcelain horse, and its face found the bathroom mirror. The sound of glass shattering made my heart swell. The broken glass were a testament of victory. I had done that, all by myself.

“I AM NOT A PUPPET!” I shook and knew it wasn't true. Invisible strings were firmly hooked into my flesh, dragging me along for the ride. I was safe, for now, but if I dared try not dancing the dance…

I had no idea why whatever force was holding me in its grasp thought it so important I date Flash Sentry. I had no idea why it thought it was so important he date me.

I didn’t care either. All I wanted was to get out of there. Find something, anything to distract me from this situation.

I felt the cold glass between my fingers before I’d even realized I had moved. The feeling of something sharp against my wrist pulled me out of my thoughts.

My hand shook. It would be easy, so easy, to just drag the broken piece of the mirror against my flesh, to let pain replace my panic, to forget I wasn’t in control anymore.

Control, that was what I needed.

Control over my life. Control over myself.

My fingers tightened around the glass, and the shard broke in two, falling harmlessly around my wrist and falling to the ground with a soft clink.

I breathed in, and I breathed out, and every breath felt like smoke as filling my lungs.

I proceeded to pick up all of the broken pieces and put them together in a box destined for the landfill. In the end, I’d nicked the tip of my index finger, and there were six nail marks on my hands, but other than that, I was fine.

I was fine.

I was…

I slammed my fists on the counter, and the shards protested with a crystalline jingle.

How long did I stay hunched over that white counter, teetering between crying and finishing the job and destroying the entire bathroom? Too long, as the Sun had already vanished from the sky when I came out.

I’d brushed my hair as best I could without a mirror, cleaned myself and put on my pajamas, like it was only another night to another day. The only difference was that there was a box full of shattered mirror bits on the table. Two days ago, I was a happy schoolgirl, a hero of Canterlot High. I had friends who cared about me, and good grades, and everyone had forgiven me for my past sins.

Now, I was a panicked, frightened mess on the verge of slipping. Violence might forever be part of me, I realized. I simply had calmed down enough for my brain to stop instantly jumping to force when confronted with a problem.

The mirror shards glistened in the dim light hanging over the table. My hands balled into fists.

There was one solution to this problem. Tomorrow, I would finish this.

And I would not flee.