Ch.18 Run Fox! Run! "Wait, WHAT?!"
Turns out it was a pretty good idea to ask for paid leave. Thanks to the abominable hentai monster, most of my boss' house got totaled. Apparently, magical eyesore crystal takes a while to fix so I had a few days to kill. That wasn't so bad at first, but after about two days of wandering around I found something out real fucking quick; there was almost nothing to do here! Sure, there were shops and stuff like that, but that didn't do me any good when there wasn't anything I really wanted to buy! I also found out that the technological advancements in this world were all over the place! They didn't have things like computers or internet, but they had arcade cabinets and turn tables. They didn't have cars here, but they had trains, cranes, and fricking helicopters! I mean, sure, when you have magic some tech doesn't need to exist, but what the hell?
It all wouldn't've been all that bad if I could spend some of my free time with Autumn, but she needed to sort a few thing out at the theater. So, while she was doing that, I was killing time the best way I knew how; chilling at one of the bars I found a few days ago.
The Tipped Barrel wasn't that bad a place to get away from the world. The dim lighting set up a pretty mellow atmosphere while a jukebox in a far corner of the room played some smooth jazz. The smell of cheep tobacco and sawdust brought me back to the good old days when my friends and I would shoot the shit over a few cold ones after work. If I closed my eyes I could almost see Sid sitting next to me at the bar, the scrawny dork wearing some wanna be goth outfit from Hot Topic with a cigarette sticking out the corner of his mouth and a mop of messy silver covering his eyes. He'd probably be laughing and telling me about this one girl from his job he was flirting with or some shit like that. Dahlia would be sitting on my other side probably telling him to get a clue before taking a long pull from a mug. Like Sid, she had long silver hair and a pair of sharp blue eyes. She never wore anything fancier than a white tank top and blue jeans and refused to wear any make up. Not that she really needed to. She was just the right mix of pretty and tough, something I think made it easier for her to keep her gym job back home.
For a few minutes I let the whole thing play out in my head. Yeah, I know it wasn't real, but I didn't care. I fucking missed those knuckleheads. We were a team, a total unit that could stand up against any kind of shit the world decided to throw at us. If one of us got hurt or needed help, the rest of us delivered. We were practically family! It... really tore me up when they disappeared.
I sighed and opened my eyes, a Ninetales staring back at me from inside my mug. I took a long pull, the two empty bar seats at my sides making me feel even lonelier than they really should've. Some movement and an aggravated groan to my left caught my attention. Turning my head, I saw Rarity take the stool looking like total hell. Her mane was a total mess and she looked like she hadn't slept in a few days. She also looked like she was a step away from ripping someone's head off as she floated a couple bits out of her right bag and slammed them onto the bar with her Force powers.
"The hardest cider you have," she growled. "And leave the bottle."
The bartender just nodded, took the money, and walked off to get what he needed. While he did that, I took a swig of my drink and decided to gamble a bit. Wouldn't be the first girl I talked to that looked like she wanted to strangle someone.
"Long day?" I asked, still staring at my mug.
I saw Rarity give me a glare out the corner of my eye only for it to shift into a tired smile a second later.
"Oh! Alex. I am so sorry, darling. I didn't see you there."
I turned my head towards her and raised a brow.
"Rarity. I'm the size of a sofa and bright gold."
"Oh...right," she said giving me a sheepish smile.
"Whatever," I sighed. "So what's eating at ya'?"
She let out an annoyed sigh at that before glaring at the bar.
"I believe you are familiar with my line of work, yes?"
"You make clothes, right?" I asked.
"A rather blunt description, but yes," she muttered. "Over the years, I have managed to expand my brand to two major cities across Equestria. While my Canterlot manager has been an absolute delight to work with, the manager of my Manehattan branch has been... difficult as of late."
"Are they giving you shit?" I asked, swirling my mug.
She grimaced at me and said, "Not...exactly the kind of words I would use, but something to that effect."
"What are they doing?" I asked, shrugging off her looks.
She sighed, then said, "The pony running that particular branch is named Plaid Stripes. She's a sweet young mare with lots of energy and passion, but her fashion sense is... lacking to say the least."
"How bad are we talking?" I asked taking a swig.
"Her name suits her perfectly," she said flatly.
I nearly choked on my drink at that. Don't get me wrong, I'm no fashion guru. If you put two dresses in front of me, I couldn't tell you anything more than what color they were, but even I know that stripes and plaid do not go well together.
"Th-That bad?" I coughed.
She nodded.
"She's come a long way from how she was in the beginning," she continued. "But every now and then she will send me a large stack of designs she thinks will sell for approval."
"How many of them make the cut?"
"Out of a hundred? Two or three," she sighed, a tired smile forming on her face when the bartender put a shot glass and bottle in front of her.
"Yikes," I cringed. "Must not've been a lot of fashion ponies in Manehattan."
"Oh, no, there are plenty, darling," she grumbled. "Plaid was sort of... forced on me."
"Huh?" I blinked.
"Her father owns the building that particular branch occupies. In order to keep that from changing, I let her become the manager."
I tried to respond to that, but all I could do was sputter random gibberish. I didn't.... of all the....WHERE THE FUCK DO I EVEN START?! From what I've heard, this pony was a national hero. Why the hell is someone pulling this kind of crap on her? Hell, why is she letting him?! Is this kind of thing legal? What the nine circles of hell?
"Has she done anything fire worthy?" I finally asked.
She shook her head.
"No dear," she groaned, floating her glass to her muzzle. "Aside from making me come here every other week, she hasn't done anything bad. As I said, she is improving. It is just a slow process."
I nodded at that and took a swig of my beer. It wasn't my business what she decided to do with her business. Sure, the way Plaid got the job was total bullshit, but if Rarity wants to put up with it, that's on her. I just hoped she didn't become too much of a regular to this place. That's my job damn it!
"Now then," she said giving me a smile that kind of gave me the creeps. "What brings you to this dark corner of town?"
"Boredom mostly," I shrugged, doing my best to ignore the look she was giving me. "Starlight Glimmer's place is getting patched up and Autumn's busy with things at the theater. Not too many things to do around here, so here I am."
She nodded, but that damn smile of hers seemed to grow a little as she leaned towards me.
"That reminds me. Just how serious are you and Autumn?"
I frowned at her and said,"Excuse me?"
"How many dates have the two of you been on?" she asked, a clarifying inflection in her tone.
I relaxed slightly, turned back towards my drink, and muttered, "None of your damn business," as I drained my mug.
"I see," she said in a contemplative tone. "Perhaps I could be of some assistance?"
"What do you mean?" I asked, again turing to face her.
"Oh, nothing much," she smiled. "A few reservation tips, some local picnic area recommendations, perhaps a suit that will make her swoon more than usual. Nothing too strenuous.
I mulled that over for a minute.
Not gonna lie, I had no idea what the hell I was doing here. Sure, I've been on a few dates back home, but this wasn't earth. I noticed a few similarities, but the people....ponies....fuck it....people here are a completely different ball of wax. On top of being approachable, the people here were so used to freaky shit that a Pokémon can walk down the block and no one bats an eye. I had no idea what kind of places would work here or where someone could go to set the mood. In short; I'm fucked.
"Sure," I shrugged.
She giggled and said, "Excellent! Oh I promise you won't regret this."
"If you say so," I sighed, raising a paw to get the bartender's attention.
"None of that darling," she smirked. "Trust me. When I am done with you, not even Discord will be able to get Autumn off of you."
I blinked at that as my empty mug got replaced with a fresh one.
Wait. This world has social media? Fuck. I wonder how long I have before this place falls into the shitter.
***
You ever had one of those days where everything started out okay then by noon you wondered why you even got out of bed? Yeah. Welcome to my life right now. After we threw back a few drinks (probably the only way she talked me into this. You'll see what I mean in a minute.) we "walked" back to the second gaudiest building I've ever seen. Seriously, the thing looked like a wedding cake got drunk one night and hooked up with a merry-go-round to make a three story building. The inside was set up like some sort of fancy clothing store. I know. Shocking, right? The pony that talked my ear off for what felt like hours about fashion runs a clothing store. Ten mugs of beer made me a lot more surprised by that than I had any right to be. Then again, I'm pretty sure most clothing stores don't have runways, but I digress. Though, I could've been black-out drunk and still known what a locked door hidden in a far corner with a big eighteen plus painted on it with black paint had behind it.
After spending god knows how long getting measuring tape put in places I didn't even know existed, Rarity sat me down to start talking strategy. I'll give her credit, for a mare that downed a whole bottle of hard liquor, she was holding herself up pretty well. That became more apparent to me when I started coming out of my buzz. That, and she was a bigger drama queen than Vermillion. Aside from a few tips on were to go based on how many bits I had, she spent who knows how long acting like a drunken theater performer. It was....yeah. Why the hell did I get out of bed again?
"And then," she slurred, hooves up in the air in a dizzy/dramatic fashion. "You bring her to an open field to watch the stars."
"Uh-hu," I nodded, way too sober for this shit as I stared down at a town map on the table. "Where should we do that?"
She giggled and swayed on her hunches for a few seconds, stared at the map, then jabbed a hoof into a spot on the north-east part outside of town.
"R-Right *hic* there!"
"I see," I nodded, floating a quill over to mark the spot.
Rarity giggled and...the fuck? Why was she floating a bottle of wine over?
"Trust me darling," she slurred, pulling the cork out of the bottle. "When this is all over, it will be a small miracle if she doesn't start looking for a wedding dress."
"Right," I chuckled, leaning back from her.
That sure as hell is not gonna happen anytime soon. Maybe way later down the line if things go well. Unless Autumn figures out how shit I really am. Just dating is.... no, I'll see how this plays out. One day at a time. I just need to take things one day at a time. When it happens.... I'll deal with it. It's not the first time someone close to me left, right?
"You know, darling," Rarity purred, snapping me out of my thoughts with a look that said, take me right now. "If Autumn is fine with it, I am more than willing to spice up both of your nighttime experiences."
Great. She's a flirty drunk.
"I'll, uh, bring that up with her later," I coughed with an awkward smile.
"Oh please do," she sighed, floating a wine glass towards the table and filling it. "Things have been *hic* lonely around here. I hate to use such crude language, but *hic* a mare has needs, you know."
I nodded.
Okay. Mental note. NEVER go to a bar with Rarity.
"I, uh, can't see how you could have a problem there," I chuckled stiffly, giving the room a quick scan with my eyes for an exit. "You're a national hero, famous fashion designer, and pretty easy on the eyes. Getting a guy's attention should be pretty easy for you."
"I've tried!" she whined, resting her forehead on the table. "But every single solitary stallion I try to attract either has eyes for another or are complete toads!"
"That's, uh...um....that sucks," I floundered.
"Yes," she growled, her head raising off of the table. "Yes it does."
You know that crazy smile the Cheshire Cat has from the old Alice in Wonderland cartoon? Turns out Rarity can give that glorious bastard a run for his money. My fur stood on end as she stared at me with hungry eyes. At the same time, I wracked my brain trying to think of some way out of this that didn't involve blowing things up.
Any ideas Brain?
We have the data. Abort mission and return to base for further instructions.
I spotted a window just big enough for me to hop through.
Understood. Agent Alex, signing out!
I gave the window a quick glance, stared at the absolutely smashed and super thirsty Unicorn mare, and said the greatest five words ever spoken.
"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!!"
The last ten seconds was a blur. I think I at least opened the window before booking it down the block as fast as my legs could take me. I noticed a folded piece of paper floating next to me and I hoped that was the town map that was on the table.
Fuck the suit. I'll take Autumn on a date in the buff like a REAL Ninetales.
I chuckled at that, only for my smile to drop off of my face as the sound of pounding hooves came from behind me. I looked over my shoulder and a wave of terror ran through me. About twenty feet behind me and gaining was a royally pissed off drunk Rarity. I let out a yipe then fired off a Flame Charge as I looked forward.
FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK!
I think that's what she has in mind.
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Just saying.
A cart pulled up in front of me about fifty feet, but that was very quickly decreasing by the second. Thinking fast, I jumped and holy shit can I get some air! Not only did I clear the cart, but I got an extra fifty feet past it before I came back to earth. I didn't stop running though, good call considering Rarity decided to use her Force powers to hurl the cart out of her way. I swear I heard someone say "My cabbages!" in the background somewhere, but I was too busy saving my own ass to check.
"Trouble in paradise?" a familiar smug female voice at my left asked.
I let out a sigh of relief when I turned my head towards the voice. Flying next to me was a dark purple dragon about the same size as me with orange spines and eyes. If it wasn't for her smile and colors, I probably wouldn't've recognized her, but good god was I glad to see her.
"Help!" I gasped.
"Already ahead of you my dear," she winked then put a claw up to the side of her head. "I've found the target. Get ready for things on your end. Over."
***
Several blocks away from the fleeing Ninetales, two creatures stood. One was a male dark green Changeling with yellow eyes and matching neck fin and tail. The other was a jet black Earth Pony with a spiky red and orange mane. A round cartoon bomb with a lit fuse decorated his flanks. The Changeling put a hoof up to his ear and nodded.
"Understood. See you later Vermillion," he said then gave the Earth Pony a nod.
"Bout time I get to do something fun," the Earth Pony chuckled, pulling a small, round, blue object out of his mane. "Right Zeal?"
The Changeling, Zeal, gave him an impassive look before he shifted it down the street.
"So long as you do your job, I could care less what you do in your free time Flash Bang. You know that."
"And that's why everyone calls you a stick in the mud," Flash Bang sighed, rolling his eyes.
Zeal rolled his eyes at that, the Changeling numb to his coworker's eccentricities as he watched Alex and Vermillion run towards them.
"Be ready," he intoned.
"Just say the word," Flash Bang chuckled, a wide smile plastered across his muzzle.
After about twenty seconds, Zeal nodded and the Earth Pony threw his ball at the path ahead of them.
***
I was just about to run around a corner when a loud bang made me freeze. A second later, a dense cloud of purple smoke surrounded Vermillion and I.
"Th-The fuck?" I coughed.
"This way," Vermillion whispered, grabbing my shoulder and practically dragging me out of the smoke cloud. When we got out she brought me over to an Earth Pony that looked like he belonged to a Punk band and a lime flavored Changeling. Before I could ask, the Changeling turned into a copy of me and ran back into the cloud while Vermillion and Punk dragged me further down the street.
"Operation Fox Trot: success!" Punk cheered, the guy pumping a foreleg as he laughed.
"Indeed," Vermillion nodded. "Hopefully Zeal can keep her busy long enough for us to get to the theater."
"Not that I'm not grateful for the save back there, but who the hell are you guys?" I frowned.
Punk chuckled at that and said, "Right, you haven't met all of us. Name's Flash Bang. I'm Autumn's Special Effects Artist."
"More like Arsonist," Vermillion muttered.
"Hey! I was not responsible for that!" he snapped, pointing a hoof at Vermillion. "That mare the boss hired to watch things is a natural klutz! She breaks things just walking past them!"
"Excuses, excuses," Vermillion frowned waving Flash Bang's comments aside before turning her head towards me and adding, "As for the Changeling that switched places with you earlier, that was my mate Zeal. He's an actor just like me, only, he covers the male roles of course."
"Right," I sighed. "Guess I owe him a few drinks later."
"Perhaps," she chuckled. "Though he isn't really a fan of alcohol."
"Damn," I grimaced. "I'll figure something out later, I guess."
Both of them laughed at that with Flash Bang giving me a playful nudge in the shoulder. I let out a snort and smiled at that. Looked like I'm not the only oddball in Autumn's life. Damn. I wonder what I'm gonna have to do to stand out?
Sleep with the director?
Shut up.
"Now," Vermillion smirked. "Care to explain why we had to save your flank?"
"I was asking Rarity for dating tips."
"That doesn't sound all that bad," Flash Bang shrugged.
"This was after a few dozen shots of hard cider," I said flatly
He cringed and said, "Yeah. Bad move bro."
"I hope it was all worth it in the end," Vermillion frowned.
"Yep," I smirked, floating the folded paper up to them. "Autumn's gonna love it."
Flash Bang laughed at that while Vermillion gave me an approving smile and nod.
Get ready Autumn. I'm gonna give you a night to remember!
***
Dahlia was not a happy Ninetales. Two days at sea and three days out in the wilderness had done nothing to improve her already strained patience. Sid's mood wasn't much better, the feeling that something ominous sat in the distant future sitting at the back of his mind like a bad itch. As such, neither of them were really in much of a talking mood when they got to the Diamond Dog town, the local tavern practically screaming their names the second they entered Ore Town's borders. They stared dully at their mugs of cheep beer as they tried to decompress from their long journey, but the stares they got kept them from making a lot of progress in that venture.
A deep growl grew in Dahlia's throat as she felt all of the eyes in the room on her back before she looked over her shoulder and roared, "WHAT?! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU ALL WANT?!"
All of the Diamond Dogs in the room quickly looked away from her, most of them looking sheepish as they tried to avoid the Ninetale's ire. Dahlia let out a frustrated growl as she went back to glowering into her drink before she took a long pull. Sid just sighed and did the same. At the same time, he tried to think of a way to gather the information he needed. Naturally, they were going to need to rest a least a day before they could make any notable progress on that front.
"Boy, are all Kitsune this snippy?" a minotaur grumbled taking a seat next to Sid. "Iron Will hopes the first one that came through here is in a better mood with his mate."
Sid blinked at that, then gave the Minotaur a passing glance. Surely things couldn't be that perfect, right? He gave his brooding sister a quick glance before turning his head towards the Minotaur. It wouldn't be the first time he put his hopes on a gamble.
"Sorry about that," he said behind a tired smile. "My sister and I have been traveling for a while and she's a little snippy. Did you say another Kitsune came through here?"
Iron Will eyed Sid critically for a second then said, "Yeah. A few days ago, a Kitsune came in here with a Kirin Doe."
Sid nodded, that much already reported to him from the rumors Harpoon heard before they left.
"I see," he nodded. "Did this Kitsune say what his name was or where they were going?"
"Depends," Iron Will frowned. "What do you plan to do to him?"
"Just confirm a few things," he shrugged, taking a swig from his mug. "We have been hunting someone for a long time now and we think that this Kitsune might know something. All we want to do is ask him a few questions and then take it from there."
Iron Will locked eyes with the Absol sitting next to him, the intensity of said stare barely leaving a dent in Sid's unreadable pokerface. It wasn't a lie, not entirely anyway. He did want to ask this Kitsune questions, especially if they would help him and Dahlia close in on Sandra. If it turned out that this Kitsune was in fact their target, then this Minotaur would've just managed to save them months of shadow-chasing. It was all a win as far as he was concerned, but that all depended on whether or not Iron Will played ball. That, and if the lead they had wasn't a waste of time to begin with.
Iron Will sighed, then turned back to his mug and said, "Iron Will's friend took them to Ponyville."
Sid blinked at that, shocked by how easily the Minotaur relinquished his knowledge.
"Thank you," Sid nodded. "I promise not to abuse your trust in us."
Iron Will burst out laughing at that.
"Trust you? HA! Iron Will just met you. Iron Will knows that if you tried to hurt Alex, his friend would destroy you."
Sid's eyes widened, Dahlia freezing just short of floating her mug to her lips as they both let what Iron Will just said set in. It wasn't possible. There was no way the universe could be that cruel.
The Ninetales set her mug down and in a voice as fragile as glass asked, "What was this Kitsune's name?"
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Awesome! My only problem is that now I have to wait for at least one more chapter to find out what is going on with those Ninetails :(
Ohhhh boi this is getting juicy.
Hehe, noice avatar reference
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Clearly friends of Alex from his old life... and who know allll about his stone-cold murderous ex, who is apparently also running around somewhere in Ponyworld...
Hex confirmed!
Well not yet, but I'm sure Discord would love the idea, the sheer chaos he could get out of founding a social media platform
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Not to mention They are in a dangerous mood to go remove said stone cold ex from Pony-world.
Seriously, that psychopath made the whole trio a right bundle for the psychiatrists.
Here's hoping she gets her due, and that doesn't include a fire fox and a disaster teller in court for bloody murder!
Nice. I've been fucking around with glitches and exploites on my steam games lately, and this chapter has me wondering if there are any useful ones in the pokemon games I own.
Will Dahlia and Sid get their own stat blocks as well?
When they have to break the news that she's in this world with him... oof.
Wasn't Sandra that psychotic person that ruined Alex lovelive?
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Yup
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Yes. That's why they're looking to hurt her.
There's something glorious about the concept of a "zen headbutt".
I CALLED IT! YESSSSSSSS!
Can see it now, Discord the social media [circus], hosted by Discord (literally!)
I am Brain in this scene
And another Cabbage Guy suffers their eternal fate
Probably
Ohhh yes it can
More of Vermillion pretending to be his friend, great. How arecwe supposed to believe this wasn't set up by her to fuck with Alex? Honestly, her introduction making her look like a huge bitch and then have her attach herself to Alex as his "friend" without ever undoing her status as a huge bitch makes it hard to believe she has any good intentions, instead of just being there to antagonize him and leech off him like q tick.
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Right. Because she was totally responsible for him going to a bar that Rarity frequents when Plaid Stripes gives her an aneurism. Now, if you want to accuse her of spying on him and being a troll, then sure. You have a case there.
Well. That happened.
Moments later:
images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/2ed369e4-54a7-4145-9942-3de017b6cad3/d5j1hoo-06127a39-f526-4d6d-af0d-d0d60e7f26d3.png/v1/fill/w_900,h_851,strp/drunk_rarity_by_tixolseyerk_d5j1hoo-fullview.png?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOiIsImlzcyI6InVybjphcHA6Iiwib2JqIjpbW3siaGVpZ2h0IjoiPD04NTEiLCJwYXRoIjoiXC9mXC8yZWQzNjllNC01NGE3LTQxNDUtOTk0Mi0zZGUwMTdiNmNhZDNcL2Q1ajFob28tMDYxMjdhMzktZjUyNi00ZDZkLWFmMGQtZDBkNjBlN2YyNmQzLnBuZyIsIndpZHRoIjoiPD05MDAifV1dLCJhdWQiOlsidXJuOnNlcnZpY2U6aW1hZ2Uub3BlcmF0aW9ucyJdfQ.InF_U3nb-mjuZusIzUwDEPwGWxPbkNk7TSsfSUxNVvA
Also:
media1.tenor.com/images/eed3843a227d88600225f82cf8315092/tenor.gif?itemid=13488740
I also spotted the Avatar "my cabbages" joke. Well done.
Keep it going bud good story
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Eventually.
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Hey who knows,maybe when she arrives she: is in midair, begins falling towards the ground, and breaks every bone in her. Body and dies for what she did to all 3. I doubt it tho.
Things are heating up? I feel like singing a song from Elvis Presley.
I feel my temperature rising! Higher higher! Buring through my soul!!
HA!!!!!
Is that... no... it can't be...!
A LAST AIRBENDER REFERENCE?!?!
DUDE! Awesome!
Ain't seen a lot of those.
Careful Alex saying something is "fire worthy" has implications for fire type pokemon.