• Published 26th Jan 2020
  • 845 Views, 52 Comments

The Apples On The Hill - redandready45



Arlen's top propane salesman ends up in Equestria. He does not approve.

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This Librarian Ain't Right

"You know where to find me, right?" Applejack asked, trotting away from the library.

"Yep I'll see ya' later," Hank said. The human-turned-stallion trotted to the door and entered the building. He looked around and saw tons of books lying around.

"Excuse me," a small male voice said. Hank looked down and saw some small purple reptile approaching him.

"Are you, Hank?" the purple creature asked.

"Yeah," Hank said uneasily. "Who are you?"

"I'm Spike," the purple male creature said. "Twilight Sparkle's number one assistant." The...lizard thing said that with an incredible amount of pride.

"What are you?" Hank asked uneasily. Spike frowned slightly.

"Man, you must live in the sticks," Spike said with a small amount of annoyance. "I'm a dragon." Hank felt a twinge of regret, seeing the hurt on the creature's face.

"I'm sorry," Hank said earnestly. "I've never a dragon before in my life."

"Don't worry about it," Spike said with a wave of his claws. "Anyways, Twilight said she'll help you find your family."

"Sure," Hank said uneasily. Hank followed the small dragon into some kind of lab. Hank observed that it looked like some kind of school science lab, with beakers, tubes, equipment that looked electronic. In it, she saw some lavender-skinned unicorn slaving over some beakers. This one had purple hair with a lighter purple highlights running through it, and some red-purple star on her flank, surrounded by several smaller white ones.

"Let's see," the unicorn muttered. Suddenly one of the beakers was lifted into the air with some purple energy. Hank noticed that the unicorn's horn was being lit up the same way.

"How is she doing that?" Hank said with surprise.

"Doing what?" Spike asked.

"Doing that...lifting thang with her horn," Hank said. To his frustration, Spike starting chuckling like crazy.

"Oh man, you must really live under a rock," Spike said, trying to control her laughter. "She's doing basic levitation, and your treating it like she's lifting the whole ocean with her magic."

"Uh, I'm being a little silly," Hank said sheepishly. "Of course I've seen magic before." Spike stopped laughing.

"Oh I'm sorry," Twilight Sparkle said, turning away from her table. "I was so busy, I didn't notice you. You must be Hank Hill. I'm Twilight Sparkle," she said graciously.

"Nice to meet ya'. So you're some kind of scientist?" Hank asked.

"Scientist, mage, and apprentice to Princess Celestia herself," Spike said happily.

"Really?" Hank said with a small amount of admiration.

"Spike you don't need to brag," Twilight said with a coy smile. "I'm just the same as anypony else."

"She treats compliments like they were poison ivy," Spike said with the roll of his eyes. Hank gave a small smile at the pony.

"You sound like a humble little g-, I mean filly," Hank drawled. "Ah admire those who 'do' more than they 'talk'".

"Anyways, you said that you were missing your family," Twilight said in a serious tone, her face saying she wanted to get down to business.

"Oh yeah," Hank drawled.

"Can you tell me exactly what happened?" Twilight said, pulling out some paper to right on.

"Sure," Hank said. "Uh well...I was taking my...colt mountain climbing. And, well, he nearly fell down. But ah saved him. But...I fell down and hit mah head. Next thing ah knew, I was in the hospital."

"Where specifically?" Twilight said.

"Where?"

"Yes, where were you climbing?" Twilight said with slight annoyance.

"Uh," Hank said, rubbing the back of his head with his hoof.

"Man this leg is so flexible, it is like a second arm", Hank thought to himself.

"Maybe if I had a map, I could show it to you," Hank offered.

"Of course, how silly of me," Twilight said with a small smile. "Follow me," she said, gesturing with her hoof to some room. Hank followed the pony.


Hank looked at the map room. He felt like he was in the home of an old scholar. Charts, maps, scrolls, old school navigation, and globes made this place feel quaint.

"I have oceanic maps, topographic maps, scholarly maps, globes, sextants," Twilight rambled.

This Twilight character, like all the ponies here, seemed to get excited about the things they loved. This pony loved to gush about her knowledge.

"I bet Kahn wished Connie was like this", Hank thought. The pony seemed lost in her ramblings.

"Ms. Twilight, we don't have all day," Hank said firmly. Twilight looked at Hank and gave him a sheepish smile.

"Sorry," Twilight said uneasily. "I tend to go off into...some tangents. Anyways, lets get you a map," Twilight said. Without missing a beat, she grabbed a rolled up map with her telekinesis.

"Wait, how do you know that is the right one?" Hank said, astonished at the speed in which Twilight selected the scroll.

"The power of organization," Twilight said proudly. "I ensure that this place stays organized by working five sweet hours a night."

"You don't...get out much do you?" Hank asked with some exasperation. To Hank, this pony seemed to think organization was as fun as Bobby found video games to be.

"Alright Mr. Hill," Twilight said, opening the map and placing it on the table. The map was a topographic map of the area near the town.

"Tell me where you were climbing with your son," Twilight said. Hank, at random, picked some random place called "Foal Mountain."

"Foal Mountain?" Twilight said with confusion. "That's kind of far from here."

"Uh, I suppose," Hank said nervously.

"How could you fall down a mountain 50 miles away and suddenly end up on Applejack's farm?" Twilight said with disbelief.

"I have no idea," Hank said, gritting his teeth.

"Hm, perhaps what we're seeing is some kind of dislocation anomaly," Twilight said aloud while scribbling in her notes.

"Sure, let's go with that," Hank said nervously.

"It could explain why you woke up there," Twilight said. "Can you tell me what village you live in."

"Uh sure," Hank said. He gestured to some random town called "Tree Bark".

"Can you describe what your family looks like," Twilight said. Hank gave her vague descriptions of Bobby, Peggy, and Luanne.

"Alright, I'm gonna send a letter to the authorities in your town and at Foal Mountain," Twilight said. "Alerting them about a missing foal and that we found you. We should be hearing back from them in the next few days."

"Great," Hank said. "Is there anything you...need."

"No," Twilight said. "You probably need to tell your wife where you are right?"

"Sure," Hank said. The lavender unicorn gave Hank some ink and parchment.

"Thanks," Hank said with suppressed unhappiness. He trotted out the door, giving Twilight a small but polite good bye, as he headed for the orange pony's farm.

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