• Member Since 18th Nov, 2018
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Night Quill


T
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Hey everyone! Im Tyrone... me, my sister Sapphire, and my brother Noah are now in Equestria... i don't know how to feel about that now... let's start with this then, if you were to come up to me sixteen hundred and eighteen years ago, and told me that one day, both FATE and the MULTIVERSE were going to set their eyes on me while going to my first gaming convention, i would've laughed before asking if you were high, then continue laughing at the notion... now though, after so many years... i think my approach to that would be different, but now i'm in Equestria... now if only i didn't land a thousand years in the past, before Nightmare Moon... also, where in Iomedia's name are my siblings!?

Chapters (16)
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Comments ( 65 )

Love your story! They need a Craftsman soon!

You might wanna include a status on if or if not you'll be crossing over with other Displaced. By including said status, people won't bother you about it if you're not readdy or don't plan to cross-over.

Love this story man! Keep up the good work!

9828403
Thanks for the heads up DisplacedWriter, ill think about it

Oh boi, next chapter could be the chapter that includes either noah or sapphire. I look forward to it :pinkiehappy:

9829817
youll just have to wait my little terror... youll just have to wait...😈

Cadence was a pegasus before her ascension, not a unicorn. Also, Cadence doesn't become Celestia and Luna's neice until after she ascends.

This chapter just makes the very beginning of the story all the more sad :fluttercry:

Celestia is doing a terrible job at gaining flare's trust

i don't know where it is

but i can tell you this, the element is in plain sight

These two contradict each other, how does Discord know it's in plain sight if he doesn't know where it is?

9830034
I know, but i wanted to have something good for my first chapter, so i went with that instead.

I'm really liking the history so far, Good Work!
I dont mind some discrepancy in the MLP world, like Cadence being a unicorn (a twist a love more than I should) or Ember being already Dragon Lord before Spike give her the staff(?), if that make you do a better history or give you more creativity, go for it.
Pd: I don't write in English very often, sorry for the grammar and if I misspelled something.

“Well don't blame me Nighty, this is what I do in every fanfic i'm in, it's kind of becoming a theme.” he replied looking into the blackness to his right, a defeated groan comes from that direction.

...No you don't.

“Ah, I see, another F.P.E.?” she asks, getting me to nod, she stayed quiet as we neared the entrance of the forest.

https://m.

The word I is always capitalized. Please respond to this comment.

OP Twilight Sparkle anyone?

“Yes, it's time, for now at least, we’ll be released when the time is right, for the world isn't ready for our magic just quite yet.” I say using a variation of the teleport spell. “We’ll see ya in the dream realm Lulu!” I call back before she nods and teleports back to Canterlot, leaving us to the elements.

Wasnt he supposed to be teaching scootaloo magic?

9874798
Wait for it! it'll all come together soon.

Comment posted by Jhtmar deleted Oct 20th, 2019

Great Story
WANT MORE

Hey my little night terrors, this story is going to be on Hiatus for a bit, im currently moving to another state and need a while to set up, but hopefully ill be ready to bring you all more chapters soon.
Your unicorn of the dark - Night Quill

Eh can’t wait to see more and hope ya get settled in soon Night Quill to bring us more of this lovely story! And I don’t want to be rude but the way you put your words when ya said your moving...I can’t tell if your a stallion or mare. Don’t need to answer that if ya don’t want to just curious is all.

i would've laughed before asking if you were high, then continue laughing at the notion

9903768
Your answer is in chapter 11 my good King Sparkle, that is all I'll say.

Hey my night terrors, this story will be back soon, as well as a brand new story, that will be coming soon, called Magic Mishap, and I believe that it's going to be an original idea for the story, so y'all are just hav'ta wait a little longer before the status changes back.
So until then, I hope you'll stay terrifying!

Why is ember dragon lord, the gauntlet doesn't happen till after tirek so it should be torch at this time

“These are six of your emotions, Love,” she says holding out the pink one before switching it with a green one. “Willpower,” she then swapped to a yellow one. “Fear,” she then swapped it with a purple one. “Compassion,” she then held out a blue one. “Hope, and finally, Magic. She says holding out a pure lavender crystal”

Lantern Corp reference (except the last color)

9980411
Im glad somepony caught on to that, well done Mush!

Suspicious, Sun Summoning, Pearlescent, Pony Princess is Suspicious!

Beard-O is right, she needs to chill.

"Don't worry Mi Amore, (...)"

Ahhh, I see the good old "speaking is a free action" rule is in play.

I mean, who the hell would wait that long before firing their weapon? ;]

My friend used to do "Sailor Moon" fics. She came up with this "Sailor M", and her opening line, more often than not, tended to be "I'm Sailor M and take this! *punch*". ;)

10044287

Decent, but could use a edit

"an edit" ;-)

Also, that sentence could've used a period at the end, there.


No, I'm not trying to be confrontational, but come on, man... I know you don't have to be a linguist to point out such issues, but it'd be good form (if nothing else) if your comment didn't suffer from the very same, you know?

Okay, so... yeah, I wholeheartedly agree - this could use an edit. Or two. Or ten.

Most notably, it needs some more direction. I get that what happened is what you would've probably done, Author, but this doesn't feel natural at all, at least for me. Even if I knew what world I was going to - to some extent, anyway... - I'd still need to do basic reconnaissance before I started meddling with anything, or speaking to any creatures at length.

Yes, I'm well aware that "getting in" with Cadence would probably be high on anyone's list of priorities, but you would still have no clue what this world is like, apart from it being anthro-omnivore Equestria. Is this Trollestia country? Flutterrape country? Dawnbreaker? High-tech? Stone-age? Fall of Equestria, as much as I'd hate that?

"Stealthy, yes, quiet, not so much."

Yeah, stealthy generally means "in a way that avoids detection", and that'd include being quiet. So she wasn't actually stealthy. A more apt phrase here would rather be "hard to see", I suppose.

Well, this definitely could be better.

For one, there's little to no foreshadowing of what's to come. How would Forest know any of this? Gods only know, because we sure as hell don't. Right now, it kinda looks like a wacko showed up, got himself petrified (and the emotional vote on that one is still out), held a trial for Twilight Sparkle out of the blue, and then got petrified again (despite it being clear that he's not a villain, and it being clear to Celestia and Luna - they should've called off the attack). I wonder what Cadence will have to say about it, too.

The writing is... wonky. It's good one moment, then takes a dive. The direction is all over the place (see previous paragraph), and the time-skips are just terrible ("and then we proceeded to fight for two hours, and she defeated me" is just absurd as a way to present an important fight).

There's a potentially interesting story buried under all of this, but it needs some serious work.

10064294
I was rushing. And I'm more use to spell check. Just a bad speller in general. And as I said. In a rush. A quick statement.

(...)so the Displaced crossovers can begin.”

I would highly recommend not doing ANY Displaced crossovers.
I highly enjoy Displaced/Isekai stories and every one that I've read here on FIMFICTION that started doing crossovers immediately went to crap. I've never seen it done even close to decent. It always ends up becoming a disjointed mess that derails the entire main story many times killing it.

If you are set on doing this for whatever reasons, my suggestion would be to publish all crossovers as part of a completely different release. Have the main story and then all the crossovers in "Nature and Ponies: Displaced Crossover Sidestories" or something.

I think you need to rework your use of acronyms a touch.

It's good practice to fully write out the first use of the term usually followed by the acronym in parentheses. When I see an acronym for the first time in a story and it hasn't been shown what it stands for, it's immersion breaking. I think "What does that mean?" and go searching to find out.

It is also good practice to not use acronyms for rare or single use terms. This can be very hard to manage when the story is released chapter by chapter instead of a completed whole. If it's only ever going to be mentioned once or so rarely that by the next use the reader forgets what it stands for, just write out the full term and avoid breaking the reader's immersion in the story.

MAGNIFICENT start! I like it already :pinkiehappy:

I guess Cadance shows Luna & Celestia non Equestria magic. They in turn follow her later and... Everything runs south until no light reaches anymore...

9830103
Indeed :raritycry:
/////
So hes known and raising/teaching Cadance for years now. Finaly he meets Luna AND on friendly terms! MAGNIFICENT indeed!!! :raritystarry:

PRICELESS end! Celestia disrespecting someone and expecting him to respect in return and teach... Yeah... No.

Great chapter.

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