Applejack confesses her love to her best friend, who becomes confused over what to do next, and Rainbow Dash finally auditions for the Wonderbolts.
Chapters (5)
XnemesiswolfieX
Joined 14th Dec, 2011 ·
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D'awwwwww
This has been thoroughly enjoyed!
Not bad, definately got something good to work with here, though it feels a bit rushed, might want to try fleshing it out a bit, lengthen the conversations etc. Keep up the good work though
I'm sad that the chapters aren't longer....mainly cuz it's good!
can't wait to read more when its posted
All the elements of a really good ship fic are here:
1) You seem to have a at least a grasp on grammar and proper structure.
2) I can't really gauge your descriptive abilities, but being that this chapter is so short, I feel that they could use a bit of work. Really, I just have a hard time taking anything seriously that's under a thousand words at least. That's a shame because I can tell that you have the potential to go into some really awesome detail ("A trace of a blush danced on Applejack’s face" is a good example: very elegant yet simple).
3) I'm saying this for anything you write in the future: you DO NOT need to include descriptions about any canon characters. This is a fan fiction, as in it's for a fan community. If this were a normal story where you created you're own characters, of course vivid description would be needed. However, you can assume that anyone reading this already knows the appearance and general personality is of the mane cast. TD;DR -- You don't need to tell us what we already know.
4) Like I said, you have all the elements of a good ship fic here, now all that is required is for you to put in the time and dedication necessary to make it great.
I think I've heard the Skittles thing before. Most seem to go the NSFW way for skittle flavoured lips
Wow... That almost took 10 seconds to read.
70537 and that's the way the apple crumbled...
70565
Since I did most of this in school, i did get a bit rushed. Don't worry, i promise i'll make the chapters longer. i like the criticism, though.
70325
yeah. you see, i wrote this mainly for my friend who doesnt watch the shows much, but he enjoys the ideas and characters and stuff. btw, be sure to check my blog.
70797 I did most of my stories on the train ride before school... You have no excuse.
71082
well ill try not to rush next time.
71124 No no... It's ok to rush! I don't have anything against that... Just don't post it without going over it like 4 times. The train rides take an hour to and fro, and even with that I could only come up with... Jabbing Point *shudder* And we all know how bad that came out.
Just check and recheck man.
Essan out.
71167
.... OH I GET IT!!!! 
-repeats it to myself- check and recheck....check and recheck
oh yeah, thanks :3
:) niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice
ya'll would would simmer down..." did you mean to do the double words
71414
hmm? .....oh. i fix it.
good work! the chapter length is really my only complaint with this series and you said you'd take care of that issue in the next chapter so good work
hope to see more soon
70797 70800
Just a quick question before I attempt any constructive criticism: were these your primary considerations in bashing this out? Also, what approach did you take to writing the story? Did you just write out what came to mind? Or did you have an outline in mind first?
Still I can appreciate just posting it on FiM Fiction so an audience can see it if only I've fallen into the opposite habit of planning things and eventually doing nothing. Sometimes just getting it out there and being able to take people's criticism can be the most important step in moving forward with any artistic endeavour. (Plus I'm helping out a Brony who just got his own Apple Dash fic shot down by a reviewer. That and other things have left him feeling pretty down.)
70537
Oh that's a brilliant summary of these kinds of scenes. It should be a comic strip.
72503
i just wrote down what came to mind, really. i thought it felt like a natural progression, but then i read over it twice and realized....it wasnt what i hoped for.
good point to what kev said
new note to all readers:
im running out of ideas. go to my blog and comment on what you want to see in the story, and ill consider your ideas!
Okay, that just allows me to square away what to include in my eventual comments.
Lol liked the ending. but there are some mistakes that youll find if you read thru it urself but still good never the less
76309
oh yeah, i found plenty. i read over it at school today (on my psp) and noticed at least six. thanks, though!
-stomps my hoof- damnit! i can't find any other mistakes (i found 2 when i read it on the computer)!!!! can u tell me where there are mistakes so i can correct them? pwetty pweez?
76454yep yep i was to lazy to post the mistakes lol but glad you found them
could u tell me the ones u found? pweez?
Has not given up... I'm sure you'll find something soon! Good Luck!
Has not given up... I'm sure you'll find something soon! Good Luck!
145577
I appreciate it. Thanks
oh, and the pony who posted the thing about the dolls, i deleted your comment by accident. lolz i meant to hit the reply button instead of the delete button. my bad
but yes, i meant the dolls.
I haven't given up, mostly because it's in my tracking so I can read the updates when they come. (It's not like I don't have a backlog of fics to read anyways.)
we got yo back man!!!!!! lol sorry just felt like doen that but seriously we got ur back.
146323>>145941
thank you very much, everypony. it means a lot to me, really
And by the way, I would LOVE some ideas for what comes next. *reads note again* oh wait, I already said that...
150327 yeppers
UPDATE EVERYPONY!!!!
I'm writing Chapter 5, after this long hiatus! I'm hoping to put it up soon.
Everypony equal,
Bass Drops
I am murderously wanting more. It's short, sweet, it entertains, that's all that matters. Post more soon. 6 weeks ago, Chapter 5 was being written. tooooooooooooooooooooo long.