The End of Time

by Leondude

Chapter 7 - Space Trip

Since finding the Seal of Beauty turned out to be a complete bust, Kronos decided the next best thing would be to wait for Twilight, her allies, and Laeyoon Oude to make their way to his ship so he could get them to surrender in exchange for Sunset's life. But then he remembered he still had that mercenary on the payroll, so he decided to give him a call while leaving the negotiations as a perfectly serviceable Plan B.

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Meanwhile, on Equestria, Whooves hads finally completed the spaceship. While it would normally have taken months or even years to make a spaceship as sophisticated as this one, Whooves had some help from Princess Luna, who had a surprising amount of knowledge about how space travel works. Then again, I suppose one tends to know those things when one has spent a millennium on the moon. Twilight helped out too, of course, since she knew a lot about science as well. But before they could go on their travels, they were going to need all the help they can get. And so, they brought Derpy, Starlight Glimmer, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and Captain Goodking with them so they would be well prepared for Kronos' forces.

However, unbeknownst to them, the mercenary Kronos hired had been keeping an eye on them. He would have busted Laeyoon out but the problem was he was too busy spending his blood money on chimichangas. As he observed them, he noticed his holocommunicator going off, blaring with the volume of an air horn. Since such a loud noise would easily blow his cover, he ran for it and hid away in the woods to take Kronos' call.

"Yo, whazzup, Kro-bro?"

"I'm not entirely sure if I like that nickname. Anyways, you know those ponies I told you to follow? I would like you to stow away upon that ship of theirs ship and take them out by surprise."

"Kronos, my stallion. Taking people out is my speciality."

"But can you do it by surprise?"

"I think I can. Why not give it a shot?"

"Good to hear. Now get to work." Kronos switched off the transmission.

The mercenary ran as quickly as he could into the ship and hid in a closet, hoping nopony would question his sexuality. From there, he noticed everypony else galloping on board through a little gap in the closet doors he made. He also noticed that the princesses were also levitating Laeyoon and Jaesa's cage into the ship as well. He then silently closed the closet doors and thought of what would be the best one-liner once he decides to reveal himself and turn everypony on the ship into a kebab. As they shot off into space, with Whooves shouting "Allons-y!" excitedly, he thought up what to say and immediately burst out of the closet, with a pair of katanas in both of his hooves screaming what he thought was witty but was instead random:

"SPACE KEBABS, BITCHES!"

Naturally, the mercenary's random attack has made piloting the ship more difficult than it needed to be. Thankfully, nopony got seriously injured since they all immediately whaled on him and threw him and his katanas, which upon further inspection were as dull as butter knives, own in the same cage as Laeyoon and Jaesa.

"Now hang on a minute!" the mercenary said while taking note of his new surroundings, "How did this happen? I'm smarter than this!"

"Apparently not," Laeyoon said dryly.

“Eh, whatever.” Having nothing better to do, the mercenary began to sharpen his katanas on the metal bars of his cage so next time he’d actually be prepared to fight.

Everyone who was caged up decided to look at the inside of the ship. It looked exactly as one would expect from a rocket, but sleeker and made of a bronze-coloured alloy and had more of a "timey-wimey" feel to it, for lack of better words. Naturally, this made the mercenary even more bored so he decided to kill time by taking advantage of his unnatural regenerative abilities.

"One," he said while cutting one of his hooves off with his katana, an act that did not go unnoticed by everyone on board.

"Uh, what are you doing?" Laeyoon asked.

"I'm bored and I thought why not make some money by cutting my hooves off and selling them to a glue factory as soon as I am out of this cage."

"That sounds painfully moronic." Laeyoon then noticed the mercenary's hoof grow back, along with the clothing that was once on it for some reason.

"You were saying? Two."

He then cut off another hoof while Laeyoon looked on in morbid amazement. Did this mercenary know the secret to immortality that most Sith could only dream of? Or better yet, was this mercenary extremely powerful in the dark side but keeping his power a secret so no one would try to kill him? So many questions, so little time. However, just because Laeyoon wais enjoying the show doesn't mean everyone else was, as Twilight, her friends, Luna, Starlight Glimmer, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and Captain Goodking looked on with disgust. The Crusaders, in particular, looked like they were about to vomit. An hour has passed and the sound of a sword meeting flesh and bone and the stench of blood and rotting hooves was really starting to make everyone on the ship both annoyed and grossed out.

"For the love of my sister!" Luna said in an annoyed tone. "Would you please stop mutilating yourself like that?!"

"Got any better ways to pass the time, princess?" the mercenary said in a snide tone before cutting off one of his hooves again, "One hundred and forty-seven.". Unfortunately, everypony had run out of doggy bags at this point so Captain Goodking, in a desperate need to hurl his guts out, opened one of the ship doors. That proved to be an almost fatal mistake since it sucked nearly everyone out into space. Luckily, Twilight and Luna cast a few spells and managed to save everyone from getting sucked out into space.

"My glue money!" the mercenary cried out, distraught that he couldn't make an extra bit of money as soon as he was done killing everypony on the ship because all of his dismembered hooves got thrown out into space. And to make matters worse for the mercenary, his katanas got sucked out into space as well. On the bright side, at least no one had to deal with the smell anymore. However, the mercenary's stomach began to grumble. And it wasn't because he was hungry, it was because he's having a really bad case of Montezuma's Revenge. And if everyone didn't want to put up with a different smell to replace the still lingering smell of blood and rotting flesh, they would need to give him some bathroom privileges.

"Hey, can I quickly use the bathroom in here? I think my chimichangas are duking it out my three-day-old Taco Tuesday taco!"

The mercenary's stomach grumbled louder, with him wishing he didn't say "duke".

"Nice try, buddy!" Captain Goodking said, "We ain't letting you out of there so you can throw us out into space again."

"That was you, you idiot!" the mercenary yelled.

"Yeah, but I wouldn't have done that if you weren't grossing everyone out!"

"What, so you want me to gross them out some more?"

Captain Goodking sighed in exasperation and immediately pulled out the key to the cage and lifted the mercenary by the back of his neck. Rather than trust the mercenary, however, he decided to "accidentally" open the door again by making it look he was tripping over and grabbing onto the door handle by "mistake". This resulted in everyone backing away from the door and the mercenary getting sucked out into space as he let out a familiar yelp.

"Goodking!" the princesses yelled in an annoyed tone.

"What? It was an accident!"

Author's Note:

Well, this stopped being family-friendly really fast.

Comments

[DmitriTheWriter]

Why do I imagine this ship's engine to be just Pinkie Pie bouncing around an empty chamber while singing "Don't Stop Me Now"?

[Leondude]

9953499
Now I wish I added that in.