Unwell

by James Pwyll

Unwell

"Will that be all?" the secretary asked.

The stallion gave a nod, sighing. "Yes, thank you. That's the last of the paperwork."

Taking it, the mare on the other side of the desk gave him a nod, always speaking in as professional a tone as possible. "Thank you, Mr Shine. Your service to the Empire has been appreciated."

Nodding back, Shine took his bag of personal belongings and began heading out. The sun was bright in the Empire today, but he was a crystal pony, so brightness wasn't exactly an issue for him. He looked as mare and stallion alike passed him in the streets, never once looking in his direction. They were happy, even laughing together, and while he smiled to this, that smile disappeared almost as soon as it had come. He carried on, finally leaving the shadow of the great palace behind him, making his way towards the train station. Today, he was the only one waiting for a train, which was perfectly fine with him. He didn't want much of an audience right now. However, it seemed as though fate had a different idea in mind for him, as the sound of hoofsteps could be heard trotting closer to him from behind. But he didn't move, at least at first, for he knew who this was and why she was here. "Come to see me off, Princess?"

Finally, he turned, and Princess Cadance was indeed there, looking to him with some sadness. "I was sort of expecting you to call in with Shining before you left. When you didn't I decided to perhaps speak to you myself."

Shine sighed, putting on a smile for her benefit only. "I appreciate that, Princess. But you needn't have done that. I'm perfectly fine."

Cadance frowned. "Shine...we both know that's not true." She took a step forward. "Your fellow guards have been commenting on you in recent months. They say you were growing increasingly distant. Less happy than you used to be. Something has been troubling you, and now it's led you to leave the Guard entirely."

Shine chuckled, but it was an empty one. "I guess I should've known the Princess of Love could recognise when something was eating away at me."

Cadance again moved forward, placing her hoof gently on his shoulder. "Please...if there's something you want to say...I'm here to listen to it."

For a long time, Shine said nothing, instead choosing to glance to the side to see if the train was any closer than it had been. When he saw it wasn't even remotely in view, he took a deep breath. She was here to help, he knew that, and he appreciated it. But talking about this wasn't even something he was willing to speak to his closest of fellow guards. This wasn't just a guard though, this was a Princess. His Princess. And she was here because she wanted to help him. After a while, Cadance sighed, looking like she was about to turn away. But before she did so, Shine finally spoke. "Princess...do you know what it was like to live in this Empire before Sombra's curse ended? Before we were removed from time for a thousand years?"

Cadance grimaced somewhat. "Princess Celestia told me. From what I've heard...things were about as bad as they could get under Sombra's rule."

Shine nodded. "You were told right. So many of us were in chains, made to serve him. Me?" He winced. "I was one of the 'lucky' ones that just got turned into one of his mind-controlled servants." He frowned as he looked behind himself, to the castle. "I still remember it. All that dark magic swirling in my head, the whispers of hate that came straight from that monster's mind into mine. It was like...being plunged into a never-ending shadow. No light. No hope of escape." Another dry chuckle on his part. "Compared to that, being gone for a thousand years was practically a relief for me."

Cadance looked to him carefully, starting to feel what the issue was here. "But I'm guessing it wasn't simply that which caused your current decision?"

Shine shook his head. "No. It was the second time it happened. When we and Sombra returned to the world, it was terrifying, but I was able to handle it. But having him actually here? In the city? Controlling me once again?" Another shake of his head. "That was it for me. The straw that broke the camel's back." He walked away from her, but only by a few steps. "That second time as his servant, his slave...it finally did it for me. From that day, things just weren't the same for me. I'd twitch whenever some unexpected sound was heard. I'd look at a shadow in the corner and start to feel a cold sweat. My sleep has been plagued with nightmares of his return. My life...just has no joy in it anymore." Then, slowly, his eyes widened., and he turned back to face Cadance. "It was the nightmares, wasn't it?"

Cadance gave a slow nod. "Yes. Princess Luna informed me of them some time ago. Said they were some of the most difficult ones she'd seen for quite a while."

Shine looked away again. "They certainly were for me. Sombra...broke me, Princess. I've always served the Empire, first under Princess Amore, and now under you and Prince Shining. But the things I and my fellow guards have been through when Sombra came to this place? That was more than I could handle." A pause, and then he again looked to her. "I am no longer fit for duty. Leaving this place...this place where it all happened for me...it's what I want." He once more looked to the direction the train would be coming from. "I just want to go. To go and find someplace where I can rest for a bit." Silence was his answer, and as Cadance continued to think on all this, Shine winced. "You must think me pitiful. No other of the Guard have left like this, yet here's me, running away from my home because of what happened."

To his surprise, he felt her hoof on his shoulder again, and he turned to look at her as she smiled to him, speaking softly. "No, Shine, I don't think that of you. Nor should anycreature else." She smiled slightly wider. "And you know, let me tell you a secret. You're not the first guard who felt like walking away after an experience like this." When she saw the former guard look to her with curiosity, she began to explain further. "Did my husband ever tell you about the rather difficult times leading up to our wedding?"

Shine nodded. "Yes. Once. He wasn't happy to tell of it though."

Cadance frowned. "Nor am I, if we're being honest. He'd spent a good deal of time under the control of the Changeling Queen. And when he awoke from it, even though we won the day, he still wasn't right for a while afterwards. He felt he'd failed in his duties by allowing them entry, and the mind control gave him problems much like what you felt when you decided to leave." A moment of regret came to her. "No doubt you could see the impact that time had on him when we were all trying to find Thorax here."

Shine considered that. "Yeah, I do remember him being a lot angrier than usual that day."

Cadance nodded. "It was a wound that took along time to heal for him. But, with help, it did heal. I was there for him. I stood by him through every difficult moment, just like he stood by me when I had times remembering my imprisonment by that same Queen. Together, we worked through it, just as lovers should."

Shine still wasn't happy, but he gave a respectful bow of his head all the same. "I thank you for trying to cheer me up, Princess. But I'm still not right with myself." He looked away, almost ashamed. "I'm a spent force. I'm no longer going to be able to serve as I used to, and if I am going to heal, as you and the Prince did, I don't think it'll be for some time."

In spite of the dour mood, Cadance still smiled, walking around to the other side of him to look him in the eye yet again. "I've no doubt this will take time for you, and if you still want to leave the Guard because of how you're feeling, I can respect and accept your decision." She saw him give another bow to her, silently appreciating her acceptance of this. But she raised a hoof, stopping him from speaking as she began to speak up herself. "However, I believe it is also my duty to do all I can to help those of my Empire, including you." She turned, looking to a nearby poster on the side of the train station, with a list of destinations. She pointed to one in particular before looking back to Shine. "Go to Canterlot. There is a place there that can help ponies who've been through difficult times as you have."

Shine seemed confused. "There is?"

Cadance smiled. "Yes. In the wake of the Storm King's invasion of Canterlot, it became increasingly clear to the Princesses that ponies in Equestria have been through far too many difficult times lately. The Storm King, the rampage of Tirek, the Changeling invasion, the list goes on. So many have been hurt or traumatised by those terrible days that we decided something needed to be done about it. So we began to arrange for places where help could be offered to those who were impacted. I believe, if you're willing, they can help you too."

Shine hesitated. The prospect of getting help for what he was going through was certainly appealing, but opening up was clearly a difficult thing for him. As such, he seemed uncertain about all his as he again regarded his Princess. "I thank you for the offer, but...I don't know if this is something they can help me with."

Cadance walked closer to him, again putting her hoof on his shoulder, and spoke gently. "I know getting help can be difficult. I know it can feel like admitting defeat. But if you're willing, both to open up to others about your problems and to listen to the advice they give, I think your life can take a turn for the better." When she saw him stay hesitant, she spoke again. "Go there, speak to them, and only for a day at first. If you feel it won't help, I'll respect your decision not to continue with it. But I want you to know...they're there to help. Just like I am."

Shine softened, perhaps for the first time in a very long time, and he smiled to her. Raising a hoof he gave his final salute to his Princess. "Thank you, Princess. I'll...try."

Cadance smiled back to him, nodding in acceptance of this, and it was here when both of them finally heard the unmistakeable sound of the train arriving. They turned, seeing it pull into the station, and Shine picked up his belongings and, after waiting for the doors of the thing to open, got inside. But he paused here, looking back to Cadance one last time, who gave him an encouraging smile. He smiled back, silently nodding to her before getting onto the train proper. The Princess of Love watched the doors close, the passengers having disembarked and been replaced, and then saw it leave. She watched it for as long as she could, until it was finally no longer in view. A sigh escaped her, and then her ears picked up the sound of somepony approaching. She turned, smiling to the loving face of her husband, who spoke as softly as she would in this situation. "So...think he'll get better?"

Cadance thought on that, looking back to the direction the train had just left in, and answered as honestly as she could. "I hope so, my love...I truly hope so."

Comments

[Scholarly-Cimmerian]

This was simple, but as always, quite nicely done. Thank you for writing this.

[Stolenalicorn]

Well done.
And it's a nice subtle way to bring up PTSD. And pointing out that there's those who will help and that people who care will notice.
Let me just give you a slow clap for this one.

[Great White Prime]

At first I thought the guard was leaving because he had feelings for Cadence. Still, I enjoyed the story.

[Comickook]

All I can say is really good job on the exchanges, characterizations and general wrap-up in this one-shot. Despite the briefness of the chapter, it was still a pretty-well executed addressing of the issue of PTSD.

[Rockstar_Raccoon]

I like the concepts in this one, especially since it's about PTSD and you managed to describe that effectively. The idea that Celestia would set up some sort of rehab place in Canterlot works well too: sometimes they do things with the ponies that make me wonder how they aren't all traumatized by the constant villain attacks...

[Ploish]

9924436
Children's show.

[Rockstar_Raccoon]

9925457
Kiiids' shooow...
Kiiids' shooow...
Holy fuck
It's a kiiids' shooow!

[Latecomer]

The crystal ponies have always been the prime examples of post-abuse trauma on this show - which is what makes Sombra being let loose on them again so unforgivable.

[Antiquarian]

There is no shame in needing help. In fact, it is courageous to ask. US Veteran Crisis line here, list of international crisis hotlines.

Thank you for drawing attention to this.

[Mythic Night]

Cadance nodded. "It was a wound that took along time to heal for him. But, with help, it did heal. I was there for him. I stood by him through every difficult moment, just like he stood by me when I had times remembering my imprisonment by that same Queen. Together, we worked through it, just as lovers should."

A long time

[Mossy Pages]

That hit in the feels.

[The Royal Cat]

This is a good fic. Exploring the effects of PTSD is something I haven't seen in MLP or its fandom, and I commend you for doing so.