Chapter 18
“Are you sure this isn’t a cleaning fluid?” I asked and peered into the tiny little shot glass before me, “It smells like it.”
Swift grinned, his own glass floating in his magic before him, “It’s not ‘just’ a cleaning fluid.”
“Fair enough,” I said and picked it up, knocking it back before making a small choking sound, “T-tastes like one!”
Cloud just laughed, “Lightweight,” and downed his own shot.
I just stuck my tongue out, trying to get rid of the taste, “Oh Luna, it won’t go away!”
Swift laughed and poured another shot for each of us, “You, my friend, are way too used to drinking things that cost more than I make in a month. This is what us normal ponies get smashed on.”
“Buck this,” I said and got up, holding my wings tightly against my side beneath the illusion. I looked about like I usually did, just now with the silvery ring cutie mark I used on secret Luna date nights. I didn’t want to stand out this time.
“Barkeep,” I told Steel Bar, the barkeep, as I made my way across the half filled pub, “One bottle of your finest whiskey.”
“Sure thing, if you got the bits,” he said gruffly, not stopping the wiping of the thick oaken surface of the bar.
Reaching with my magic, I counted out a good amount from a money pouch in my satchel, “How’s this looking?”
“Like you’re about to have a good evening,” he agreed and put a bottle of amber liquid on the bar, “This’ll be more than worth it, promise you that.”
“Sounds good,” I said with a grin, taking the bottle and three glasses to the table we'd claimed at the back, “In the future, when we’re going out, I’m buying, you cheap fuckers. Like you planned.”
That got a laugh from Swift, “Damn it, Cloud, he figured it out!”
I just grinned at them and poured them each a glass, “You two are many things, but subtle, you are not.”
“Bright one he is, our Pagey,” Cloud agreed with a smile and picked up his glass, “To smart ponies and getting your princess in the end!”
Swift nodded, “Now that I’ll drink to,” and did the same, “To the mares in our lives.”
“Agreed,” I said and did the same, taking a sip, “Now this is better.”
“...Yeah, really no comparison is there between five bit and… how much was this?”
I frowned at the bottle and then looked at Swift, “Not sure. How much do you make in a day?”
He grinned and shook his head, “Forget I asked,” and sipped it again, “So, married soon. How’s that feeling?”
“Nervous,” I admitted and took another sip, “But worth it. What about you and Minuette?”
Swift shrugged a bit, “Thought about it. Might,” he said, “But there is so much going on right now for both of us.”
“Dude, if we can make the time, so can you,” I said with a snort.
“Got you there,” Cloud said with a grin and motioned towards him with his glass.
“What of you then?” Swift asked him in turn, “About time you find a mare willing to put up with you being… you.”
“Screw you, Swift,” Cloud said and took a drink, “I keep getting posted away from civilization.”
I frowned at him, “...Haven’t you been posted in Canterlot for the last year?”
He grumbled something into his glass before he was interrupted by a loud yell from the door of the pub, “Everyone hooves up! This is a robbery!”
What?
I looked over towards the door along with every other pony in the bar to see a grey unicorn mare standing there, a crossbow floating in her magic and a scarf covering her face from the eyes down, a second one around her head to cover her mane. Her cutie mark was covered by paper taped on thickely.
The Steel Bar leaned against the bar as he peered at her, “Really, miss? Do you know where you are?”
She looked around. The crossed spears and shield on the wall, the colours of the different regiments on the flags hanging from the ceiling.
She glanced around a bit and seemed to swallow as it clearly registered what she walked into.
Steel Bar grinned and reached beneath the bar to toss her a bundle of cloth which she awkwardly caught, “W-what…” she stuttered out.
“Well, I can only assume you’re the new barmaid I have an ad up for,” he told her, “Because the alternative is that you’re stupid enough to try to rob a royal guard pub because you are so desperate for bits. So? Which is it?”
She glanced around a bit as everyone watched with interest before her crossbow came down, “...Applying for the barmaid position...”
Steel Bar nodded, “That’s what I thought. Now, take that ridiculous getup off and put on that apron. Get in the back, we need a new keg pulled out!”
“Yes, sir.”
Grinning, I took a sip from my glass and looked at Cloud, “I didn’t know tonight would come with a show.”
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What was funny.
I vote to ship Cloud with the robber turned barmaid.
This hit the spot, I am now in a good mood. Thank you.
9862036
Seconded.
by any chance was that last scene inspired by discworld?
This reminded me of that one bar in Ankh-Morpork where the Watch went to have their drinks ... .
And were very unhappy with any robber that tried his luck there, as that ruined their drinks.
This chapter was awesome. Nuff said.
9862036
U have my vote too.
Wait, is that how tou get a job? And here I was worrying about resumes and college! Lemme just get some black spray paint and my ol' nerf...
...really... a robbery... in the Pathfinder... that is frequented by members of the royal guard... huh
I am Steel Bar in this scene
9862041
I'll hop on that train as well.
9862160
Here's to another one!
I like this guy. In one fell swoop he stopped the mare going to jail, prevented her from making a mistake (Successfully or unsuccessfully robbing a place, or something goes wrong and it ends up as murr durr), and gave her a job to help her.
dam that is some shitty luck.
9862036
you know as funny as it would be i like the idea.
you got my vote.
9862287
It is precisely how Page got his wings - he created a story and turned it into reality. I think Page should create a decoration or an accolade for this kind of achievement.
Reminds me of Feet of Clay from Terry Pratchett when a bunch of unlicensed thieves tried to rob the pub visited by all the guards, then took an officer werewolf as a hostage.
The end result was considered self inflicted abuse due to said werewolf.
9862310
What does this have to do with my comment?
The bit at the end was very cute.
Lol!
So it seems that in Equestria a Darwin Award is point in fact a job, huh?
9862059
Guys night out chapters are always good.
9862036
My vote too.
This world isnt a pastoral paradise because of competent governance or innate goodness, its because all the criminals are blaring idiots.
9862876
yep thats true
9862036
I counter with a ship him with Silver Leaf. ;p
This should probably say "Steel Bar leaned against the bar" instead of The Steel Bar.
9862033
Agree...was funny, muchly.
Damn... If your out of a job and are hungry you make some pour decisions... But that one was really worth two facepalm... Nice chapter
Flashbacks to ASDF.
“Your gettin’ mugged kid!”
“No, your getting mugged!”
Why try to rob the Royal Guard bar?
9906531
I somehow forgot thats what it was, then I remembered.
Oh...hahahahahahaha....that was wonderfull.
9864120
The Boulder does not agree with this assessment
9906531
That pony should have found 3 other thugs, got a mastermind back in hideout, or better yet, OUT of their own hideout, and train for a bit. Then they could take WAVES of punshment, even going to First Pony Bank right after robboing Guard Barraks of all the documents. X))
Sorry, the only thing I could think of. X)
9862055
Ah yes, Feet of Clay:
"They came into this bar and took a wer—Angua hostage."
"Right, self-inflicted.
9906531
The same reason villains keep trying to rob the 1st National Bank of Supermegatopia¹: Not thinking it through.
1: Quite possibly the most robbed bank in the multiverse, also quite possibly the one with the shortest average time to recover the money.
10323062
Ah yes, I've been in that bank when it was robbed once. I asked a manager why everyone was so calm about it and he said that they get robbed so often that they just lump it into the loan department.
10400774
Haha, made me remember when I was pulling a check from there. At that point it was customary for the staff to have their own beach towels or small foam beds ready because it gets tiring to lay down on cold hard floor every day for hours on end.
Heh. Heheh. Heheheheheh...
Mare down on luck finaly got lucky
This is like robbing a police station while police officers are there
11041823
I've seen security footage of that happening a LOT on America's Funniest Home Videos type shows, so there are people that stupid out there.
That last part reminded me of a story about a guy trying to rob a gun store. That didn't end as positively as this did.
Is it just me, or are these two sounding kinda like Fred and George? I can't help but make that connection, somehow...
As I'm rereading this I can't help but wonder was the ending of this chapter an old RoboCop reference? I'm pretty sure the same thing happened in one of the movies at a donut shop, minus the job offer.
Poor girl… Reminds of that robber who tied to rob Luna and Page, but at last that guy had the excuse of not knowing what he was dealing with.
PS: I hope she becomes a recurring background character so that we can find out more about that poor soul. Someone so stupid deserves a backstory.
11592830
Kind of reminds of the pony who tried to rob a bank in Ponyville
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/395066/this-is-a-stick-up
When bad luck gets you lucky, funny chapter indeed
Several chapters ago, if not in a previous story, Hiver asked readers what they'd think about one-shots between stories. This chapter definitely feels like one of those. I like it.
Have a Spikestache.