• Published 1st Sep 2019
  • 1,707 Views, 231 Comments

No Longer Living In A Van Down By The River - Peni Parker



Since The Dazzlings agreed to be motivational speakers at CHS they're no longer living in a van down by the river, but the job may make them wish they still were.

  • ...
2
 231
 1,707

Sonata and Maud Pie

“So help me God, if I started building walls today and didn’t stop for the next ten years, there still wouldn’t be enough of them to FUCKING PUT YOU THROUGH!”

“Ahahahahaha!” Sonata Dusk laughed.

Sonata was currently on her lunch break and watching an animated TV show on her phone about an angry guy who was always yelling at his family. She liked the show because it helped remind her that for as dysfunctional as her own family was, there were even more dysfunctional families out there. That, and it was just a really funny show.

“Oh, Frank, you and Adagio would get along like peas in a pod.” She randomly commented just as a she heard a knock on her door.

“Hello, is anyone in there?” A high-pitched, bubbly voice asked from the other side.

“Pinkie, is that you?” Sonata inquired as she put her phone away.

Of all the Rainbooms, Pinkie Pie had been one of the more forgiving ones towards the Dazzlings. Aside from her secret girlfriend Rainbow Dash, Sonata considered Pinkie to be her closest friend in the Rainbooms. Likewise, Pinkie considered Sonata to be her closest friend in the Dazzlings.

Without warning, the door to Sonata’s office swung open and Pinkie came barreling into the room.

“Sonata, thank goodness you’re here!” Pinkie exclaimed as she unexpectedly wrapped Sonata in a hug.

“Pinkie…I can’t…breathe.” Sonata struggled to say as she tried to break free of Pinkie’s surprisingly strong hug.

“Sorry, sorry.” Pinkie profusely apologized as she let go of Sonata. “I just really, really, really need your help.”

Sonata had never seen Pinkie this distressed before. She figured whatever it was that Pinkie needed help with must’ve been of the utmost importance.

“Okay, just calm down and have a seat, Pinkie.” Sonata gently instructed the hyper girl as she gestured to the chair in front of her desk.

Pinkie quickly did as instructed and took a seat on the other side of the desk. Sonata just as quickly regained her composure from the bone-crushing hug she’d just received and sat up straight in her chair, facing Pinkie.

“Now, what’s the problem?” The Dazzling placidly asked.

“It’s my sister, Maud.” Pinkie began to tensely explain. “She…She…She likes a guy and can’t confess to him!”

Sonata was at a loss for words. That was what Pinkie was so distressed about?

“Uh, Pinkie, that doesn’t seem like that big of a problem.” She confoundedly remarked.

“WHAT?!” Pinkie shouted as she jumped out of her seat. “Don’t you realize what it means if Maud doesn’t confess her feelings?!”

“Um…” Sonata started to say before being interrupted by Pinkie.

“It means that she’ll never get a boyfriend, which means she’ll never fall in love, which means she’ll never get married, which means she’ll never have children, which means she’ll end up growing old alone, which means she’ll eventually end up dying alone in a van down by the river!” Pinkie frantically rambled.

Once again, Sonata was at a loss for words. She knew Pinkie had an active imagination and sometimes let it run away with her, but she was starting to sound like she belonged in a sanitorium. All she could do was watch Pinkie try and catch her breath from her ramblings for a few seconds as she tried to think of a response to such bold exaggerations.

“Okay, well, how about I meet with your sister and see if I can help her then?” She suggested.

Almost immediately Pinkie stopped her hyperventilating after hearing Sonata’s words.

“Great idea!” She joyously shouted as she quickly moved around to the other side of the desk, grabbed Sonata by the hand, and started heading for the door. “Maud’s in the library, let’s go!”

“Wait, Pinkie, I didn’t mean right now.” Sonata futilely tried to explain as she was dragged off to the library.


Sure enough, Pinkie dragged Sonata all the way from her office to the library, much to her chagrin. Once inside, the Dazzling looked around the room, noticing a number of female students spread throughout. She tried to figure out which one was Pinkie’s sister.

“Okay, there’s Maud.” Pinkie quietly informed Sonata as pointed to a girl sitting at a table on the other end of the library.

Sonata tried to get a good look at Maud. From where she was standing, it looked like she had straight, grayish blue violet hair and was wearing a plain bluish gray dress./She couldn’t make out Maud’s face much, but she thought the girl looked a little sad.

“Hey, Maud!” Pinkie shouted as she began walking over to her sister, earning her some unhappy looks from a number of the library patrons.

"Shhhhhh!" Some of them even uttered.

“Oops, sorry.” Pinkie more quietly apologized.

Sonata followed Pinkie to the other end of the library. Once she was closer to Maud, she noticed that she didn’t seem sad at all. In fact, Maud didn’t seem to be expressing any emotions as she stared at her sister.

“Maud, this is Sonata.” Pinkie introduced the Dazzling once she was close enough. “She’s here to help you.”

“Hello, Sonata.” Maud stolidly stated as she looked over to Sonata before returning her attention to Pinkie. “What is she here to help me with?”

“That guy you’ve been crushing on.” Pinkie slyly replied with a small grin and half-lidded eyes.

Maud once again returned her gaze to Sonata for a moment. She still didn’t show any discernable emotion, but Sonata couldn’t help but feel that Maud was a little peeved at the moment.

“You told her about that?” Maud asked Pinkie.

“Well yeah, Sonata’s a motivational speaker.” Pinkie cheerfully explained. “She can help motivate you into following your heart. Not to mention she’s pretty good with the guys, they flirt with her all the time.”

Sonata blushed at Pinkie’s praise of her ability to entrance guys. While she didn’t swing that way, she did like the attention they gave her and she had learned a thing or two about dealing with them in an amative way.

“Okayyoutwohavefunbye!” Pinkie rapidly said as she seeming disappeared into thin air, leaving Sonata alone with Maud.

The two girls silently stared at each other for only a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity to Sonata. She found Maud’s stoic demeanor to be a bit…unsettling.

“So, um, you like rocks?” She apprehensively asked in an attempt to break the awkward silence, noticing that Maud had a geology book on her lap.

“Yes.” Maud answered. “I want to be a geologist so I can help with my family’s rock farm.”

Rock farms are a real thing? Sonata thought to herself.

“Would you like to sit down?” Maud asked her.

“Sure!” Sonata cheerfully replied as she took a seat, happy that Maud was inviting her to join her.

“I’m sorry about Pinkie,” Maud apologized. “She tends to get carried away with things.”

“Yeah, she does take things to the extreme sometimes.” Sonata agreed. “But on the plus side, it must be nice having a sister who’s so concerned about you.”

Sonata suddenly lost her cheerful attitude and broke eye contact with Maud as she thought about her own sisters. In particular, she thought about all the times Adagio and Aria were either mean or completely apathetic towards her, and there were many such times.

“Neither of my sisters ever give a damn about me.” She dejected.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Maud sympathized.

“Oh it’s fine,” Sonata stated as she resumed eye contact with Maud. “I know that deep down my sisters care about me, they just don’t show it often.”

There was an awkward silence for about twenty seconds before Maud spoke up.

“So how much did Pinkie tell you about the guy I like?” She asked.

“Not much really,” Sonata replied. “She just said there was a guy you liked and that you’d end up dying alone if you didn’t confess to him.”

“I see.” Maud remarked. “I know you were dragged here by Pinkie, but I could use some help telling him how I feel, if you’re willing.”

“Of course I am!” Sonata exclaimed a bit too loudly as she stood up from her seat.

“Shhhhhh!” Many of the library patrons directed towards her.

“Hehe, I mean, I’d be happy to help you.” Sonata more quietly stated, embarrassed by her sudden outburst. “But maybe we should talk in my office.”

“Okay.” Maud agreed as she gathered her things, got up from her seat, and followed Sonata out of the library.


“So, tell me about this guy.” Sonata said to Maud, once they were in the privacy of her office.

Maud pulled out her phone and scrolled through it before handing it to Sonata.

“This is him, his name is Mudbriar.” She explained.

Sonata stared at the picture of Mudbriar on Maud’s phone. He appeared to be a tall, thin guy with green eyes and grayish gamboge hair, and he had the same stoic expression as Maud. While she herself didn’t see much in the guy, she figured there was something she didn’t know about him that made him the object of Maud’s affection.

“He seems…nice.” She commented before handing the phone back to Maud.

“We have science together and he’s really smart when it comes to the natural sciences.” Maud remarked.

“Uh-huh.” Sonata uttered as she started to see why Mudbriar was attractive to Maud. “So how long have you liked him?”

“I’ve wanted to ask him out for about a week now,” Maud answered as she looked down at the floor in a disheartened manner, showing the first discernable sign of emotion Sonata saw from the girl. “But I haven’t had the courage to even introduce myself to him.”

“Wait, so he doesn’t even know who you are?” Sonata strikingly asked.

Maud brought her head back up before answering.

“No.” She said. “At best he probably just knows me as a girl in his science class.”

Sonata placed her elbows on her desk and began to rub her temples as she realized just how difficult helping Maud was going to be.

“Oh boy, this is going to be tricky,” She said as she ceased rubbing her temples and dramatically stood up. “But we can do this, Maud! We just need to come up with a plan.”

“What kind of plan?” Maud inquired.

That was the million dollar question that Sonata wasn’t sure how to answer. The Dazzling put a hand to her chin as she began to formulate a plan in her head.

“Okay, he doesn’t know who you are so you can’t just go up to him and ask him out.” She started to say as she paced back and forth behind her desk. “What you need is someone to talk you up to him first so you get on his radar.”

“Talk me up?” Maud asked, not understand what Sonata meant by that.

“Yeah, you know, mention how cool you are and stuff.” Sonata explained.

“Oh, okay.” Maud replied.

“I can be the one who talks you up to him,” Sonata continued. “But it’s going to take some time for him to really take notice of you. I hate to say this, but it’s probably going to be another few weeks before you can actually ask him out, Maud.”

“That’s fine,” Maud accepted. “So long as we get to that point eventually.”

A small smile formed on Sonata’s face as Maud agreed to her plan.

“Alright, let’s go find Mudbriar and get Operation: Hookup underway!” She excitedly proclaimed.

“Operation: Hookup?” Maud once again inquired.

“Yeah, the name of the plan.” Sonata clarified as she made her way around to the front of her desk. “All great plans have a name that starts with ‘Operation’. Now come on, love awaits!”

As Maud got up from her seat and followed Sonata out into the hallway, she began to have doubts if the Dazzling actually knew what she was doing.


Sonata and Maud wondered around the school for about ten minutes looking for Mudbriar until they eventually found him in the second floor hallway talking to Micro Chips.

“Okay, once Micro Chips leaves I’ll go over to Mudbriar and start talking you up.” Sonata whispered to Maud as the two of them spied on Mudbriar from around a nearby corner.

“Sonata, I’m starting to have seconds thoughts about this.” Maud concernedly expressed.

“Don’t worry, Maud.” Sonata chipperly assured Maud as she placed both her hands on the girl’s shoulders. “I know love can seem scary at times, but I just know that you and Mudbriar are meant for each other.”

“No, I mean I’m having second thoughts about Operation…” Maud tried to explain before Sonata cut her off.

“Micro Chips is leaving, now’s my chance!” She declared as she made her way down the hall towards Mudbriar.

As Sonata made her way towards Mudbriar, Maud could only watch and hope that her anxieties were misplaced.

“Hello there!” Sonata joyfully shouted once she was within earshot of Mudbriar. “You’re Mudbriar, right?”

“I am.” Mudbriar confirmed in a stoic manner similar to Maud’s.

“I’m Sonata Dusk, one of the new motivational speakers the school hired. Pleased to meet you!” Sonata happily vociferated as she extended her arm for a handshake.

“Technically, we’ve already met.” Mudbriar stated as he reciprocated the handshake.

“We…have?” Sonata confusedly replied, trying to remember when she might have met Mudbriar before.

“It was during the Battle of the Bands,” Mudbriar explained as he broke the handshake. “You and you’re sisters bumped into me in the hallway and you told me, ‘Watch where you’re going, slim.’”

Sonata felt a mix of embarrassment and regret at hearing Mudbriar’s words. She still didn’t remember the incident, but it did sound like something she’d have said back then.

“Oh, um, sorry about that.” She meekly apologized.

“It’s fine.” Mudbriar assured her. “I’ve actually been meaning to come see you.”

“You…have?” Sonata once again confusedly replied.

“Yes, I was hoping you might be able to help motivate me.” Mudbriar began to explain. “You see, there’s a girl in one of my classes named Maud Pie that I’ve been wanting to ask out for some time now, but I’ve been unable to work up the courage to do so.”

Sonata was completely and utterly dumbfounded. All she could do was stand perfectly still and stare at Mudbriar in total disbelief. The most perplexing thing though was that she couldn’t figure out what confused her more; the fact that Mudbriar liked Maud or the fact that he’d just told her so.

"You want to ask me out?” Maud said as she walked down the hallway towards Sonata and Mudbriar, having heard everything.

“Yes.” Mudbriar affirmed. “I think you’re very smart and very attractive, and I’d like to get to know you better.”

“I’ve been wanting to ask you out.” Maud explained.

“How whimsical.” Mudbriar remarked. “If that’s the case, then would you like to have lunch with me?”

“Yes, I would.” Maud replied.

And with that, Maud and Mudbriar walked down the hallway together, leaving Sonata all alone. The pony-tailed Dazzling simply watched as the new couple departed, trying to figure out the scene that had just unfolded in front of her.

“Um, what?” She confoundedly stated.


It was the end of another day and Sonata was gathering her things to head on home. She had just gotten done turning her computer off when she heard a knock on her door.

“Sonata, are you in there?” A monotoned voice said from the other side.

“Maud, is that you?” Sonata inquired.

The door opened to reveal that it was Maud.

“I wanted to thank you for your help today. Mudbriar and I decided to give dating a try.” The stoic girl said as she entered the room.

“That’s great, Maud, really.” Sonata less-than-enthusiastically stated as she despondently took a seat. “But I didn’t really help you. If anything, I almost ruined your shot with Mudbriar.”

“That’s not true.” Maud assured the distraught Dazzling. “Operation: Hookup might not have gone as planned, but it’s still thanks to you that I learned about Mudbriar’s feelings for me. You helped more than you thought.”

Sonata took a moment to consider what Maud had just said. True, her initial plan hadn’t worked, but in the end Maud and Mudbriar wound up together and that was the important thing.

“I guess so.” She happily conceded as she stared at Maud with a small smile.

“And as thanks, I wanted to invite you to Pie Sisters’ Surprise Swap Day.” Maud added.

“Pie Sisters’ what day?” Sonata asked.

“Pie Sisters’ Surprise Swap Day, it’s a holiday Pinkie and I made up.” Maud explained. “We spend the day together doing all sorts of sister things and at the end we swap gifts. Since you helped me, and since you said your own sisters don’t give a damn about you, I asked Pinkie if you could join us as an honorary Pie sister this year. She said it was okay.”

Sonata could barely contain the feeling of joy building up inside her. She was so touched by Maud’s offer that she sprung up from her seat and wrapped Maud in a hug, crying tears of delight.

“Oh, Maud, I’d be honored to join you for Pie Sisters’ Surprise Swap Day!” She blithely replied.

“I’m glad.” Maud stoically expressed, a small smile forming on her own face that Sonata couldn’t see because of the hug. “It’s this Saturday, we’ll meet you in front of the school at 9:00. And don’t feel like you have to bring a gift to swap, we’ll just be happy that you’re joining us.”

“Oh, I’ll bring a gift!” Sonata exclaimed as she broke the hug. “I can’t wait until Saturday!”

“Neither can I.” Maud agreed as she noticed the time on a nearby clock. “I have to go now, Mudbriar’s taking me to the natural history museum to look at mineral samples.”

“Okay, you two have fun,” Sonata remarked. “But not too much fun.”

“No promises.” Maud joked, or at least Sonata thought she joked, as she exited the office.

Sonata finished gathering her things and also exited the office as visions of how wonderful Saturday was going to be filled her head.

Author's Note:

If you have a suggestion for a future chapter let me know in the comments.

The next chapter will feature Aria and Derpy Hooves.