• Published 30th Aug 2019
  • 2,936 Views, 93 Comments

Night Guard - Admiral Biscuit



Darknight Moonwing is the night watchman at a tool and die factory

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Miller's Tool and Die

Night Guard
Admiral Biscuit


As buildings go, there’s not much to it. Four walls and a roof, all of them simple corrugated iron.

Inside, a single desk lamp glows, only sixty watts. There’s a table, laminated pressboard with chips on the edges and stains of the surface. The chair is similarly industrial chic; duct tape has been used to repair the torn spots on the armrests.

Upon the table is half a cup of coffee in a Styrofoam cup, one sugar, two creams. It’s cold.

There is also an open can, edges jagged from a cheap can opener. Del Monte diced mangoes.

Several black and white CRTs glow nearly as brightly as the single overhead lamp. Blurry images of the yard, everything ghosted in infrared.

A telephone completes the picture, an old Western Electric model. Obsolete, but fitting given the overall appearance of the shack. Money that could have been used to improve it was not, and yet it serves its function well enough.

In a movie, there would have been a heavyset guard as well, for this is beyond any doubt a guard shack.

There is not.

The chair is empty.

If the telephone were to ring it would go unanswered; it would be a call into the void.

•••

It is said that criminals do not appreciate the finer details. Criminal acts are rarely subtle. They are bold and brazen.

In any Hollywood movie, the antagonists would case the joint, they would be watching from a distance with binoculars. They would have, over the course of days or perhaps weeks, gotten to know the routine of the guards.

This was not a Hollywood movie. The antagonists, such as they were, looked no further than the apparently abandoned guard shack. They did not give consideration to the fact that that guard might have simply stepped out for a moment to use the restroom, and that said guard might return and witness the crime in progress in any one of the Panasonic CRTs. They simply saw that the guard shack was empty and to them that was proof positive that there was no guard, and therefore the soon to be crime scene was ripe for picking.

Much like the mangoes which remained in the can.

They seized the moment. There was an attempt at subtlety; they drove into the back alley with only the running lights turned on, and they’d long since removed the bulb from the dome light. They were wearing black clothes and did not make the mistake of illuminating their way with flashlights.

They had not actually checked the guard shack beyond what they could see while driving by. In any Hollywood movie, they would have, but they instead went over the fence in the back, where everything was cast in shadows by the distant harsh light of arc sodium fixtures.

Their voices are naught but whispers, practically unhearable above the noise of a nearby factory which works three shifts.

Up above them, the all-seeing eye of a camera records their every movement, and although there were currently no eyes to watch in the guard shack, it did not occur to the intrepid criminals that various recording mediums do exist, and that after a robbery, it would be a simple matter to rewind the tape and watch it.

In the heat of the moment, that does not come into play. The guard is on patrol. The guard does not trust the flattened ghostly images displayed on obsolete Panasonic monitors. They lie about depth and they blur things which should be clear.

•••

Darknight Moonwing wears no uniform. White button-down shirts look quite official, and stand out in the darkness, whereas her shadow-colored fur does not. Her authority and her duty are not summed up by a neat white shirt nor a shiny badge, not in her opinion. She’d been hired to guard, a duty she would fulfill to the best of her abilities. Everything else was secondary to that, even her lunch.

The guard shack had an antique telephone and ancient CRTs and blurry cameras and a prime location right near the front gate which was fine during ordinary business hours, but she knew full well that in the night, criminals would not come calling at the front gate.

The day guard was a glorified receptionist, mostly directing traffic and inquiries as required.

She is the night guard. She is Gandalf facing the Balrog, and none shall pass.

Her ears move; the breaching of the outer fence was not as silent as the criminals had imagined. As they climb, it makes a distinct rhythmic rattle, different than the ambient noise.

Against the still night air, her wings are practically silent. If anyone had looked up, her shadow might have briefly covered the moon.

The previous night guard had been content to perform his duties in the comfort of the guard shack, knowing only what he could see on the fuzzy televisions. She was not. She knows the storage lot like the back of her hoof; she knows how it changes on a rainy night. She knows the smells and sounds of it, and she knows the criminals as soon as they crossed the boundary fence, the outer border of her fiefdom.

As they move across the concrete, her training manual suggested that she should hunker down and call the police. She does not; she glides to a rooftop perch where she can watch them, where she can understand their motive.

They have a rough idea of what they’re looking for, and eventually stumble upon the aluminum ingots. Stacks of them, waiting to be worked, and valuable in their current form to a scrapyard that doesn’t ask too many questions.

Her training manual advised hunkering down and calling the police, but she does not. Her cat-like eyes glow softly in the reflected arc sodium light as she observed.

They lacked the foresight to bring bolt cutters or even a pair of dykes, instead tossing the ingots over the border fence. This is theft; this is actionable.

She glides through the dark night, practically invisible. Her forehooves are stretched out, elbows locked. She is not entirely conversant in human anatomy, but she knows full well that a strike to the head is often incapacitating.

The first man falls, still cradling his ill-gotten goods.

She swoops up, trading speed for altitude, and returns to her perch on top of the non-ferrous metals storeroom. Watching and waiting, wondering if there is honor among criminals.

•••

There is not.

The second man chucks the ingot he’s carrying over the fence, his mind only focused on the task at hand.

She watches. The cameras also blindly watch, dutifully recording to an overused videotape.

One, two, three, four ingots sail over the fence and she stays in her position, unmoving, unseen, a flesh-and-blood gargoyle on the roof. Suspect number two has no awareness or care for his fellow man, lying unconscious mere feet from where he casually tosses his stolen aluminum ingots.

He’s regular enough she could set a watch to him, if she cared to. Five, six, seven, eight ingots go over the fence.

•••

The ingots are heavy and he moves in a weird crouched run. He’s aware of the need for speed, but hampered by the blocks. It’s not fair at all as she silently swoops down from a rooftop, not fair as she strikes.

Maybe at the very last second he noticed her, a shadow-shape in the near darkness.

Or maybe he didn’t; maybe his mind was on the reward.

Either way, it made no difference. Her hooves struck home and he crumpled to the ground.

There was no celebration, no counting coup. Darknight glided most of the way back up to the roof, only flapping a few times to make up for the momentum she’d lost with a hoof-strike.

It was not her duty to pick up the lost ingots, but she did, carrying them back to the pile from whence they’d come.

She also checked on her two victims, who were both out cold.

As far as she was concerned, her duty was not what the employee handbook said, but instead what she understood. Keep the tool and die works safe through the night, and she had done it once again.

Now that the criminals were out of it, she flew back to the guard shack. Progress, if any, could be observed on the black and white televisions. If they were smart, they would have learned their lesson, they would climb back over the fence and drive away empty-handed.

If they were not, she was ready.

•••

She could have picked up the telephone; she could have easily dialed the number for the police. Even if there was no provable case for theft—and there likely was; the cameras saw all—they were both on the wrong side of the fence, and that was trespassing.

Instead, she took her plastic fork in her mouth and stabbed it into the can, spearing a defenseless mango chunk.

Author's Note:

Blog post!

Comments ( 93 )

Proper blog post coming Monday!

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Am feeling so called out right now.

A lot of effort for only $1000 or so a TON.

Then again, most criminals are opportunitists and dont have to be genii?

Here in the USA, she’s likely to get her ass sued off

The day guard was a glorified receptionist, mostly directing traffic and inquiries as required.

She is the night guard. She is Gandalf facing the Balrog, and none shall pass.

That line sold me on this. Well done.

I think I'm in love!:heart:

That was the way a bat pony ought to be written! And the picture really does saw so much.
Well done!:raritywink:

All of the stories in the Similar box are also by Admiral Biscuit.

Methinks someone writes a few too many Human/Slice of Life fics.

nemryn #8 · Aug 30th, 2019 · · 1 ·

Meanwhile, the plant manager sleeps easily after a hard day's work of embezzling from the company and violating environmental regulations. Criminals come in many forms, after all.

Sounds like this strikes close to home - looking forward to the blog post.

9809267
Sued for what? That VHS tape is old and has been recorded on over and over again in lousy black and white. It was all a bad dream. It never happened at all. She is the Night.

9809388
Dude, this is the USA.
Somebody just sued Popeye’s for running out of chicken
Somebody sued Satan for “thwarting God’s will”
People brought a class action lawsuit against Macdonald’s for charging more for items sold in store

Dan

9809448
I would embed a certain Weird Al song here, but it would be too easy.

Georg #14 · Aug 31st, 2019 · · 1 ·

I really expected...

"Hey?" He looked around, which was foolish because you didn't have to look very hard to see it, if it had still been there. "Where's the car? Don't tell me while we were nicking the bars, some little bastard made off with our car!"

I’m sure it’s a great story because you are a great writer and batponies are intrinsically intrinsically great, but “Darknight Moonwing” is literally the most batpony OC-ish name possible. Unless you were purposely doing that for comedic effect. Or to annoy 9809252. Either reason is valid.

Any chance this got inspiration from the Harry Chapin song "A Better Place to Be"? The story doesn't follow the song at all, but the song is about a night watchman at Miller's Tool and Die.

I was expecting some like "she didn't call the police because here hooves can't operate a rotary file" what with the phone being a Western Electric model and all.

She is Batmare.

They lacked the foresight to bring bolt cutters or even a pair of dykes, instead tossing the ingots over the border fence. This is theft; this is actionable.

Unprepared idiots. You never know when a pair of dykes would be useful. It’s not like it’s hard to find some in Equestria.

9809448
My favorite bit of legal shenanigan was the the time a guy sued Satan for screwing with his life and the courts rejected it both because he wasn't a reasonable section of humanity and because he failed to tell them how a bailiff could contact Satan to serve summons.

Unrelatedly, this batpone amuses me. I hope they keep their job.

9809840
The case I’m thinking of was dismissed because “As Satan is not a legal resident of the USA, this court lacks jurisdiction”
He’d have to sue in federal court

9809263

A lot of effort for only $1000 or so a TON.

Yeah, but then metal yards are often not as well guarded as banks, so you’ve got a lower payoff but also lower risk.

Then again, most criminals are opportunitists and dont have to be genii?

This is also true.

9809267

Here in the USA, she’s likely to get her ass sued off

Maybe. Batponies might have good lawyers, you never know. I’ve heard good things about bird lawyers.

9809270

That line sold me on this. Well done.

Thank you! :heart:

9809276

think I'm in love!:heart:

:heart:

That was the way a bat pony ought to be written!
Well done!:raritywink:

Thank you!

And the picture really does so much.

I really liked that. I had a couple images in mind, and while that was the simplest, it spoke volumes. Krash42 actually has a really great art style.

9809291

All of the stories in the Similar box are also by Admiral Biscuit.

Yes, they are. And a couple of them are tightly thematically connected (Sunbeam and Peterbilt Glider).

Methinks someone writes a few too many Human/Slice of Life fics.

Methinks other authors don’t write enough. Imma try and fix that; stay tuned.

9809327

Meanwhile, the plant manager sleeps easily after a hard day's work of embezzling from the company and violating environmental regulations. Criminals come in many forms, after all.

Well, yeah, that is a possibility. Can’t deny it. However ... if Darknight Moonwing reads up on various laws, and if she catches the plant manager committing crimes which put the plant at risk--the plant is is her duty to protect--she might deal with the problem herself.

9809333

Sounds like this strikes close to home - looking forward to the blog post.

It does, although probably not for the reasons you’re thinking. The next one in the mini-series is going to be a lot more autobiographical.

9809342

She wasn't issued a taser or something?

Probably not; her training manual suggests she’s supposed to hide and call the police.

9809388

Sued for what? That VHS tape is old and has been recorded on over and over again in lousy black and white. It was all a bad dream. It never happened at all.

:rainbowlaugh:

She is the Night.

derpicdn.net/img/view/2018/4/24/1715951.png

9809448
To be fair, though, the legal system is supposed to be accessible to anyone (i.e., there’s not supposed to be a steep bar to entry), and many of those frivolous lawsuits get thrown out long before ever reaching court.

Obviously, it’s not a perfect system.

9809459

"Hey?" He looked around, which was foolish because you didn't have to look very hard to see it, if it had still been there. "Where's the car? Don't tell me while we were nicking the bars, some little bastard made off with our car!"

I did consider her stealing their car (or relocating it, which technically isn’t theft), but I think she’d concern herself with what’s inside the fence and not worry about what’s outside.

Of course, that doesn’t mean some other opportunist couldn’t come along, see an apparently abandoned vehicle in the alleyway--possibly with the keys still in it--and take advantage of the circumstances. But that’s not Darknight’s concern.

9809496

but “Darknight Moonwing” is literally the most batpony OC-ish name possible. Unless you were purposely doing that for comedic effect. Or to annoy PresentPerfect. Either reason is valid.

According to Present Perfect, "All bat pony names include the words 'dark', 'moon', 'night' and/or 'wing'. [She] lucked out and got all four!"

9809607

I was expecting some like "she didn't call the police because here hooves can't operate a rotary dial" what with the phone being a Western Electric model and all.

I think a rotary phone would actually be easier to hoof-operate than some pushbutton phones; all you’ve got to do is turn the dial the right number of clicks and you’re good. You don’t have to put your fingers in the finger holes, after all.

Western Electric did make pusbutton phones; the model 1500 and model 2500 were produced from 1963-1984. I’ve got a beige model 2500 that ROBCakeran gave me recently.

9809603

Any chance this got inspiration from the Harry Chapin song "A Better Place to Be"? The story doesn't follow the song at all, but the song is about a night watchman at Miller's Tool and Die.

That’s a tough question to properly answer. :P Obviously, you know the song, and I know the song--I love the song. Thematically, Turnpike is far more inspired by “A Better Place to Be” (and I think you’d enjoy that story, if you haven’t read it). But the fact that she’s working as a night watchman at Miller’s Tool and Die is very much a reference to that song.

9809830

Unprepared idiots. You never know when a pair of dykes would be useful. It’s not like it’s hard to find some in Equestria.

I know, right?

9809840

Unrelatedly, this batpone amuses me. I hope they keep their job.

Of course she will. As 9809388 observed, the tape is old, and it never happened at all.

9809873 9809840
According to Wikipedia, in 1970 a lawyer filed suit against God and won by default, as God did not turn up in court.

A different suit, in 2008, was ultimately thrown out in part because God did not have a fixed address, and thus could not be served notice by the court.

9810198


It also turns out that the number of bad lawsuits is exaggerated:

https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2016/12/16/13971482/mcdonalds-coffee-lawsuit-stella-liebeck

https://priceonomics.com/how-a-lawsuit-over-hot-coffee-helped-erode-the-7th/

For example, the "hot coffee" lawsuit actually had a very valid reason behind it, but some corporations wanting to avoid liability for big mistakes they made used PR to spin it into "lawsuits gone wild!" to help push through laws making it harder for legitimate lawsuits to go through.

"“The last several decades, large corporations afraid of being sued for making unsafe products created front groups like Citizens Against Lawsuit Abuse to turn public opinion against lawsuits,” University of Washington professor Michael McCann told Conover. But “the best social science evidence shows that the number of personal injury lawsuits in recent decades has declined, and the median payout is only $55,000.”"

That doesn't mean some lawsuits aren't ridiculous- they are. But most of them get easily tossed out of court.

9810204
If Mr. Ed can dial a rotary phone, I surely don't see a problem for a bat pony. ;)

9810922
I watched that show when it was on Network TV in prime time. He used to use a mouth held pencil to call the operator & have them complete the call (told them that he was blind)

Very noir. I can picture this on grainy high-ISO film stock. Muted jazz sax played in minor keys for the soundtrack...

Very thrilling the fight scene. A predator catching its prey. Maybe she should work in Freddy Fazbears Pizzeria. There would be an epic fight for sure.

The Miller's Tool and Die is cast...

This is a charming little story.

So... Darknight Moonwing. :facehoof:
I'm sure there was an incidental background mare skillfully watching from a window to the lower left in an unpretentious building.

A batpony being present has a strong impact on the narrative voice. Being the night has it's burdens, and your every action being saturated with melodrama is one of them :p

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