• Member Since 21st Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Saturday

defender2222


aka Mr. Chaos of the "Harry Potter: Pokemon Master Series", "Authors of Our Own Fate", and "A Man of Iron"

E

It is a tale well known to all: Twilight Sparkle, immortal alicorn, forced to face the world without her friends. Time having separated them, never to meet again, leaving only one Princess all alone, the last to remember those happy times. Alone in her castle, mourning all she has lost.

...too bad certain ponies have no sense of the dramatic and are too inconsiderate to actually be dead.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 127 )

XD THIS WAS AMAZING AND JUST DAMN PERFECT!

9805433

Glad you enjoyed! This one came about because I saw another 'Twilight sad everyone is dead' fic being featured and while I understand why some people like sad fics I prefer happy stories and I decided inbetween working on my non-MLP stuff and my next 'Lost Episode' story to do a one-shot parodying them and all the ways Equestria could find to avoid killing off a character.

...I do find it funny that the only characters to die and stay dead are Applejack's parents and Sombra.

*gasp!* What if the only way to die in Equestria is for Twilight to murder you and little Twiley offed Buttercup and Bright Mac!?!?!

9805456
No see what happened is that she TIME TRAVELED and scared them so much they died of heart attacks.

I have to say this is a really good one-shot parody of the "immortal Twilight" stories. The exchanges and characterizations are all wonderfully done. I loved the explanations for how literally all the Mane Six [plus many others] are still alive and the "selective memory" potion was a downright humorous detail.

They got us in the first half not going to lie

9805471

So at one point this story was going to focus on Spike as the one mourning. he would wake up after thousands of years, a huge dragon, and realize his friends were gone... then Twilight shows up, And the rest of the girls. And every pony he cared about. But after seeing another Twilight sad fic I realized it would be better to make it Twilight focused. That led to needing something to get her to forget about her friends being alive and thus the potion.

I also worked hard, for the main cast at least, to fit how they are alive with their characters and histories. Rainbow from an adventure where she uses her quick wit to take advantage of a loophole. AJ is just down to earth. Pinkie is insane and shocking. Fluttershy through no action of her own but through a friend. Rarity through smug determination. Spike his dragon heritage.

Then when we got to the rest of the world? I made a list of ponies, a list of ways for them to be immortal, and picked the funniest mashups.

9805484

My approach to humor is what I call the rolling boulder method. You start off setting your scenario, in fact you go rather straight forward. Dramatic, sad, whatever. Then you 'rock the boulder', where you introduce one are to comedic elements to get things almost ready to go... then give it the push (here I'd say it was Rarity's method being just "I have a good spa"). That gets the boulder rolling and it just begins to go faster. You'll notice the story switches from long paragraphs to quick jokes, coming at you faster and faster... that is the boulder rolling even quicker till it finally its the bottom of the hill and your last joke.

9805490
Huh the more you I guess

9805496

Another approach (and this is more just me rambling because I love to talk shop) I used here is something I call (and I'm sure it has a true name) Dueling Sanity. Basically Twilight is sane. She is sane and she is hearing these insane reasons ponies are now immortal. Yet her friends are sane. They lived this life and for them it is perfectly normal. So Twilight is the insane one. And that is where the humor comes it... you have two groups, both feeling their viewpoints are sane, unable to mesh the other's viewpoint because it is so wildly mad to them.

It's a variant of the Airplane! method. The humor isn't the characters winking at the camera. It is that this world is sane for them so they just live in it but for us it is insane and makes no sense. But while we are laughing there is also an undercurrent of maybe WE are crazy since we are the only ones shaking our heads.

9805533

I think that might be the video I was listening to at the very end as I was writing this. If I could have figured out a way to organically include the song (snippet I mean) I would ahve but I already did the Power of Love and Freddie Mercury jokes.

Oddly enough while editting the story I was listening to 'You Get What You Give' for some reason. No idea why.

Hilarious! I may have to adopt some of these as headcanons. :fluttercry:

"Nah, Scootaloo's a cyborg."

Did a spit-take on that one. :rainbowlaugh: Quite the amusing story. Have a thumbs up! :pinkiesmile:

9805456

...I do find it funny that the only characters to die and stay dead are Applejack's parents and Sombra.

And the show has yet to even explicitly say AJ's parents are dead, doing everything they can to avoid it to the point that they're practically bending over backwards just to pull it off at this point.

And Sombra didn't stay "dead," seeing he came back in season nine, then was "destroyed" again, then came back again, and then was "destroyed" yet again...so it's anybody's guess if he'll actually stay destroyed this time, because the record seems to suggest against ruling it out just yet. :rainbowlaugh:

9805612

I'm kinda scared which ones you might adopt (warily looks at Blueblood)


9805626

Yeah, I liked the joke with that. Originally the CMC were going to burst in too and Scootaloo's face would fall off after that line but then I changed it when I added the Shining call as I'd already done enough ponies popping in.

9805651

Still, there is no proof that anypony dies in Equestria unless Twilight murders them herself.

EDIT: Also FEATURED BABY! WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Nice! I kinda look at those fanfics like "Seriously you guys it's a kid's fairytale show. Maybe you are taking it a wee bit far with these wangst fics and depressing fan theories?" But hey they love to feel miserable I guess.

Great fanfic honestly. Utterly hilarious.

:duck: I said spa, If I said the other way I really stay so young she'd die...
:twilightsmile: Yes!
:flutterrage: DRAGON BATTER!
:twilightoops: no no no no no no no
:moustache: oops
:rainbowlaugh: !
:facehoof:

I was not expecting to like this that much, and now I am truly curious about the ONE person who rated this as a thumbs down.

9805914

Fun Fact! In the first notes I had for this story, back when it was actually Spike waking up instead of twilight, it was going to be revealed that Rarity had entered into a relationship with Spike and she was going to crawl out of a cave as a dragoness, with the reveal being their, ahem, connection caused her to transform to be like him.

This, I like. Also, Corporate says that she doesn't outlive her friends so it's strictly according to contract too.........

9805932

It was Twilight herself. She didn't like that I spoiled the Daring Do book for her.

Also I am a Jedi Force Ghost so I'm technically immortal too.

This parody was a TREASURE

9805959

Honestly that's part of the reason I wrote this. That quote and the fact that in Equestria there are so many outs for death that even if the girls do die they would come back in some way.

One thing I didn't include as a way to cheat death was reincarnation but that ruined the joke with Sombra. But honestly, with the way the show and the series reuses things, it's probably the most likely answer.

I watched the finale and I can totally say without spoilers: I can this as the epilogue epilogue. The epilogue to the epilogue

9805985

I didn't want to say anything but yes, I've seen the leaked finale too and I made this follow those events. Obviously I don't speak dutch so I don't know what was said but there were enough hints at things that I wanted to wink at them. Not spoil, as this doesn't really reveal anything that fans haven't already done, but definitely wink at them

9806036

I love the fact that Twilight even did it to herself because she clearly began to read the book and then fell asleep. If she'd waited till morning she might have been able to have time to read it but Book Horse couldn't stand being spoiled for a second.

Perfect just Perfect i laughed multiple times during the story

i just thought of something what happened to rainbows parents

9806054

The glue they used to make their Scootaloo hats reacted with their homemade shampoo and made them immortal.

9805533
I GOTTA HAVE MORE COWBELL! I got a fever, and the only prescription is MORE COWBELL!

9805542
So whose life was extended by a cowbell in some manner? :moustache:

"“I did always tell you that a good trip to the spa could take years off your face but you never did believe me. A peel, a massage, a steam, the right shampoo, and just a dab of facial cream before bed and well… here I am. Aloe and Lotus swear by it; it’s how they were able to grow up with Princess Celestia and still run their salon and spa.”

Here, folks, we see the author realize they're writing a crackfic and have no need whatsoever to come up with convincing explanations. :rainbowlaugh:

9806090

As I explained in another post, it's actually a comedy method I dub the Boulder Method. You start off with a serious and stable plot point (twilight mourning for her friends). You then begin to slowly rock the boulder back and forth, because you'll never be able to make to go with one shove and you can't start a story with insanity (Spike, Rainbow Dash, Applejack's tales). The rockings get bigger and momentum is gained (Fluttershy and Pinkie) until the boulder begins going right down the hill on its own, things getting more and more exaggerated as it picks up steam.

It's the opposite of 'Right Hook Comedy'. That is where you hit someone with an insane idea right away, then pull back, give a few jabs, then go back to the right hooks. For example, let's say I wrote a fic that began with Fluttershy having adopted a T-Rex. I'd open with that line... the right hook. Then pull back, explain how we got here, before going for more right hooks and body blows.


9806089

That would be the owner Quills and Sofas. Turns out he had Grogar's bell the entire time...

9806099

Actually, I find the notion of Discord turning Fluttershy into another Draconeqqus rather more plausible than Zap Apples granting immortality. :ajbemused: And I've always suspected Pinkie Pie of being an Eldritch Abomination, although they have toned her down a bit in the last few seasons, perhaps because stuff like this was scaring small children.

(Speaking of Fluttershy, when you first describe her you mention a "beer" paw rather than a "bear" paw. Although the notion of DraconFluttershy having a small beer keg for a hoof somehow amuses me...)

9806121

See, Zap apples are such a magical little macguffin that is never explored I could see that in the right hooves they'd do more than just make jam

Oh dear. I have it on good authority that it was my Sic Transit that inspired the story I think this is a response to, and Sic Transit was already supposed to be a meme, a parody of how trite the 'all my friends are dead' stories can be.

That being said; This would have been four times as good at half the length. A good editor would help you a lot here, someone who does more than just pre-read and check for wonky lines and spelling errors.

There's too many asides, and a lot of-too long paragraphs - if a paragraph is longer than five lines, the audience is more likely to skim or outright skip it.

Writing comedy's like making stew. Once you get everything into the pot, you need to boil off as much of the liquid as you can. The more you can boil away, the more intense the flavour that stays behind is.

9805652
Oh, only the feasible ones, like RD’s curse and zap apples being the key to eternal life. Anything to keep these ponies alive!

9806134

Sorry never even heard of the story you wrote and not sure what story you say you inspired that inspired this. Nothing against your fic but never heard of it.

Second. that is your opinion, of course, but with how I've done it and the success I've found with previous comedy I will stick with my way. As I mentioned quick comedy bits are great (I like the one you posted today a ton)... but stories like this work just as well. Some of my absolute favorite stories are the british style comedies where a world is built up, there are ton of rapid fire asides, and the speed picks up as you begin to move along. Nothing wrong with either styles but I politely disagree that paragraphs are too long (especially as that is part of the point to set up the parody aspects) and that jokes should have been cut. Short and tight is how you write... and to be honest there are parts of your latest story, for example, where I felt it should have been longer as you missed wonderful opportunities for humor. But again, all manner of opinion.

So thank you for the advice, always appreciated, but I'll stick with how I've told stories for over 20 years.

Spoilers truely are evil....

Wait a minute. *re-reads the story*

How can you go the entire story and not mention if the GREATEST AND MOST POWERFUL TRIXIE is still alive!?

9806213
She's a perpetual. Like Vulkan. Speaking of which,

VULKAN LIVES!!! *STOMP STOMP*

9806134
How's it working out for ya, still trying to be THE authority on writing when you tossed most of your credibility out the window?

Amazing. Simply amazing. I loved all of it.

9806239
Pretty good, thanks for asking!

9806071
how about fluttershys parents

Huh? Don't see Trixie in here?

Ri2

Wait, so...Sunset and her friends have to relive the same year of high school forever?

9806421
The same year, yes. But actually going to high school each time, no.

I wish I had the Selective Memory Potion. It sound oh so very useful...

If you don't mess it up like Twilight did, that is. :moustache:


Anyway, I'd love to (attempt) to make a witty comment about this story, but I didn't make it that far before my mind reminded me to stay away from potential spoilers. Damn, I really should catch up with the least couple of episodes.

Login or register to comment