This Could Only Go So Well
After a rather lengthy and trialed journey through the Everfree Forest, Twilight Sparkle and her ‘accomplices’ as she would rather put it for now who consisted of Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Fluttershy breathed a sigh of relief when they saw the Castle of the Two Sisters come into view.
“There it is! The ruin that contains the Elements of Harmony. We made it!” Twilight exclaimed as a wave of excitement washed over her. After overcoming the obstacles of loose cliffs, cranky manticores, and distressed sea-serpents, she was ecstatic to know the only way to stop Nightmare Moon was so close now.
Without a second thought, she began galloping as fast as she could towards the ruin.
“Twilight! Wait for us!” Applejack called out before she, along with the others began pursuit.
“We’re almost there!” Twilight said before she saw a strange, yet short statured, slightly hunched-over bipedal creature come into view. It wore a long grey wooly robe that covered up its feet, and held some kind of necklace in its two fleshy, five-fingered appendages which kind of looked like claws. Since it had a long and straggly greyed-out beard that connected with its mane, Twilight identified it as male. The other noticeable feature that she spotted was that he had cataracts in his left eye which indicated blindness.
The creature suddenly held up his right hand before calling out in a scratchy, gruff voice. “Stop!”
Sure enough, Twilight immediately ceased her galloping, causing all four of her hooves to skid along the ground before coming to a complete halt. Unfortunately though this action caused the others to crash into her from behind into a mass pile-up.
“Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ‘ere the other side she see,” the creature uttered in a manner of delivering a riddle.
“Huh?!” Twilight gasped in utter disbelief: mainly on the fact that in all the books she’s read about the castle; there was no record of anypony or anything guarding its bridge, along with giving it an unsettling title.
“Uh Twilight. How come you never mentioned a pop quiz trial?” Rainbow asked looking at her a bit perturbed. “I’ll have you know I’m not into egghead stuff.”
“And why does it have to sound so scary?” Fluttershy whimpered as she shrouded her face into her long mane.
“Because it wasn’t supposed to happen at all!” Twilight cried. The girls noticed that Twilight’s mane had suddenly become messy as the pupils in her eyes shrunk to pinpricks.
“How could I have not known about this? Was there possibly a recent and updated version of a volume I missed on the castle’s history? No that can’t be possible, I always stay up to date on new revisions and releases! How did I suddenly lose track? Why…”
Before Twilight could go on a full freakout rant, Applejack clamped a forehoof over the frazzled mare’s mouth which instantly silenced her.
“Whoa easy there, hon. There’s no need to make a fuss over somethin’ so small. Surely all of us would be caught off guard if we were in your hooves, but we wouldn’t go think too hard about it. If y'all want my input: Nightmare Moon obviously had somethin’ to do with this feller as a final attempt to stop, or delay us from findin’ the elements before she can.”
That seemed to calm Twilight’s nerves since her eyes and mane seemed to return to a normal state.
“You’re right, Applejack. Nightmare Moon possesses ancient and powerful enough magic to make the unexpected happen to scare off or slow her enemies.”
Twilight then turned her head to look at the creature who was wearing a smug grin on his face. His unclean spaced out teeth visibly showing.
“This has to be the last test. So who wishes to answer the five questions--”
“Three questions.” Applejack corrected.
“Three questions that this being has first?”
All of the mares; except for Pinkie, exchanged nervous glances at one another. This situation seemed way more difficult than any of the other previous encounters that they’ve had. There surely had to be another and obvious way around this, but nopony… not even a clever mare like Twilight, could figure it out.
“Ohh! Pick me, pick me!” Pinkie said while waving a hoof frantically as if to get a teacher’s attention in class.
“Okay, Pinkie. Just be careful,” Twilight advised. Since this mare was the first to make her laugh with joy in a long time, Twilight sure hated the thought of something bad happening to her.
Pinkie just nodded and bounded up to the keeper as he should be officially titled as.
“Alright, mister I’ll answer your questions. Bring it on!”
“What is your name?”
“My name’s Pinkamena Diane Pie of Ponyville.”
“What is your quest?”
“To find the Elements of Harmony to stop that meanie Nightmare Moon.”
“What is your favorite color?”
“Pink!”
“Right. Off you go,” the bridgekeeper said no longer sounding all that creepy, and more pleasant.
“Yippee!” Pinkie cheered before bouncing on the bridge as she made her way across. Since the appearance of the bridge was quite rickety, it was shocking that the structure didn't collapse from the punishment it was receiving from Pinkie’s hooves.
Twilight and the rest of the girls didn’t pay that much mind though but instead had their heads elsewhere: and Rainbow was the one who said the thought aloud in her own way.
“Pfft. This will be easier than I thought,” she said before taking her leave of the group to take her self-appointed turn to answer the questions.
“Stop!” the keeper commanded, reverting back to his imposing attitude. “Who approaches the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ‘ere the other side she see.”
“Yeah, yeah; just ask me the questions, dude. We haven’t got all night.”
The irony though is that the night was now eternal thanks to Nightmare Moon’s return. Rainbow just forgot that fact, or was just getting quickly annoyed with this creature’s theatrics to even care.
“What is your name?”
“Rainbow Dash… of Cloudsdale.”
Rainbow felt strange answering in such a manner, but it seemed to be necessary if it worked for Pinkie.
“What is your quest?”
“To find the Elements of Harmony.”
“What… is the capital of Assyria?”
This caught Rainbow completely off guard since she was expecting the final question to be what her favorite color was, and it annoyed her even more.
“Huh! How the hay am I supposed to know tha--”
Her tirade was cut off when she was suddenly tossed into the air by an unseen force before it threw her into the foggy gorge, screaming all the way down.
“Rainbow!” Fluttershy screamed with tears in her eyes as she helplessly watched her filly-hood friend disappear from sight.
Now it dawned on everypony why the bridge was given such a name, and what would happen if any of them gave a wrong answer to a question, or just couldn’t give an answer in general. No matter though, they’ve gotten this far already and knew they couldn’t turn back now; even if it meant losing a few hooves.
Applejack decided to go next despite knowing she was taking a great risk, but she hoped that it would be worth it in the end; and that it would avenge Rainbow’s sacrifice.
“Stop! What is your name?”
“Applejack of Sweet Apple Acres.”
“What is your quest?”
“To seek the Elements of Harmony.”
“What is your favorite color?”
“Pink.”
Applejack then realized that she accidently copied Pinkie’s answer to that question out of suppressed nervousness.
“No wait, re--”
It was already too late though as the same force picked up the farmpony before dumping her into the gorge.
“WHOA NELLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYY!!!”
The keeper gave a malicious chuckle at the event of two travelers failing in a row.
It was at this moment that Twilight felt a wave of anger wash over her that gave a sense of courage. She wasn’t going to let Nightmare Moon get away with making her lose a couple of the mares that could possibly become her best and truest friends. She then marched up to the bridge keeper to take her turn. As far as she knew, she was one of the smartest ponies in Equestria so she knew she could handle this challenge.
“Stop! What is your name?”
“It is Twilight Sparkle of Canterlot.”
“What is your quest?”
“To obtain the Elements of Harmony and stop Nightmare Moon’s eternal night.”
“What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?”
Thankfully Twilight could provide an answer to this; but in order to give a precise answer, she needed a specific category.
“Which one? An Equestrian or Zebrican swallow?”
Now it was the bridge keeper’s turn to wear an expression of uncertainty.
“What? I don’t know that!”
Twilight, Fluttershy, and Rarity only watched as the keeper was picked up by his own supposed magic before he himself was thrown into the gorge, rendering the pathway clear without any more interference.
When the screams of the keeper faded, Twilight and the remaining mares began to carefully cross the bridge, watching every step they took.
“How do you know so much about swallows, darling?” Rarity asked out of the blue.
“Well you have to know these things when you’re a protege student you know,” Twilight replied casually.
“Um… I could’ve answered that question about swallows to,” Fluttershy said. When Twilight and Rarity gave her a look of what the timid mare perceived as annoyance, Fluttershy just emitted a slight whimper before shrinking back into her mane.
When the trio reached the other side of the gorge, they spotted Pinkie eagerly waiting for them.
“Hey, girls! What took you?” she then looked behind them. “ And where’s Rainbow Dash and Applejack?”
Twilight, Rarity, and Fluttershy all gave a solemn look.
“Pinkie… there’s no easy way to say this,” Twilight began. “They didn’t--”
“Oh wait, there they are!” Pinkie interupted while pointing a hoof behind the three.
They all turned in the direction see much to their surprise and delight both Rainbow and Applejack emerging from the side of the cliff holding on to one another, looking a bit bruised up. There just happened to be a conveniently placed set of carved stairs nearby leading into and out of the gorge the entire time.
“Rainbow! You’re alive!” Fluttershy cheered with overjoyed tears in her eyes before bringing her friend into a tight hug.
“Ow, ow, ow,” Rainbow winced, immediately making Fluttershy let go.
“Oh I’m so sorry!”
“Heh. It’s fine, Flutters,” Rainbow assured while forcing a smirk. “It’s just a few scratches is all.”
“But how is this possible?” Twilight asked.
“I’m a pegasus, duh,” Rainbow replied while giving her wings a slight flap while flinching a bit from the pain in doing so. “Before I hit the bottom, I engaged my wings to slow my fall and lessen the impact. It wasn’t too bad until AJ then fell on top of me.”
The latter gave a nervous chuckle as she rubbed the back of her neck.
“Sorry ‘bout that, sugarcube.”
“What about that horrid creature? Did he survive as well?” Rarity asked while glancing at the spot Rainbow and AJ emerged from, expecting to see him limping up as well.
“Since he didn’t land on me like AJ did, or seem to have any power to stop or slow is fall; take a wild guess.”
“Oh,” was all Rarity managed to say while giving a slight cringing expression. The others followed suit.
“Well now that we’re all together again and still in one piece, let’s find the Elements and put an end to Nightmare Moon’s regime once and for all,” Twilight stated.
The others nodded before they followed Twilight the rest of the way to the entrance of the castle. It was there that they found themselves once again halted. This time by a large oak double-door that barricaded the entire front entrance to the castle. The strange thing was that the appearance of the door appeared new and fresh instead of severely worn down, or completely crumbled away as one would expect to find in a thousand year-old ruin.
Twilight raised a hoof and knocked three times on the door to see if anypony would answer.
“Hello!” she called. “Is anypony in there?”
Twilight and the others remained silent for a moment to see if they could hear a response. When one didn’t come, she tried again.
“Hello!” she called again a bit louder.
This time, Twilight and the girls spotted a figure emerging from the top of the castle wall, wielding a torch to light up its features in the dark. It wore a steel helmet that was in the shape of an olive, along with a piece of chainmail armor that covered its entire neck. From its facial features, the mares then knew that this was yet another one of those creatures. However this one appeared more neatly groomed since his facial hair was styled in an exaggerated moustache that curled up on the ends, along with a goatee on his chin.
“‘Allo! Who is zis?” the creature asked Twilight in a rather outrageous Prench accent.
Well how bad could this guy possibly be? Twilight thought to herself.
She would soon learn however that it would’ve been better if she didn’t ask such a thing. More so, it probably would’ve been even more smarter if all of them just stayed in bed and learn to accept Nightmare Moon as their new and rightful ruler.
And that's how Equestria and every other continent around it was doomed for all eternity
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Twilight: "We're looking for the Elements of Harmony!"
Frenchman: "Oh oui, we've got those!"
Rainbow Dash: "Wait, is that guy Pinkie Pie?"
Twilight: "You do?"
Frenchman: "Oh yes, they're verrrry nice."
Rarity: "It does look a bit like Pinkie."
Twilight: "...well...can we have a look?"
Frenchman: "No!"
9815570
Twilight: why not?
Frenchman: Because you’re English types?
Rainbow: English types? Well what are you then?
Frenchman: I'm French! Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you silly Ponè?!
SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL
We are the knight who say ni!
9815597
WE DEMAND A SHRUBBERY!!
You must cut down the largest tree in the Forest with … a HERRING!!!
9815630
First thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall sniff it. Amen.
Also is Spike sir not appearing in this film? Plz say yes.
WE GOT A WITCH! BURN THE WITCH!
9816000
She turned me into a newt, but I got better.
9815589
.
This is pretty much it right here
9816000
I believe I've found the suspected pony
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/vsdebating/images/0/04/The_Wizard_of_Oz_as_a_Pony.png/revision/latest?cb=20171216170500
9815739
. A story idea like this was just too good to pass up
.
Thanks
9816051
...yeah, i can see it
"Tell me, what do you do with witches?"
"Burn them!"
"And what do you burn, apart from witches?"
"More witches!"
Twilight: "You know on second thought let's not go to Canterlot. It is a silly place."
9816051
Not a true sequel.
You clever bastard. Anything involving Monty Python immediately gets my attention. xD
Also, just for fun... When Twilight actually encounters Nightmare Moon
Twilight- *hits Nightmare Mooon with a spell* I got you now!
Nightmare Moon- Tis but a scratch!
Twilight- Just a scratch? The fur on your left side is gone.
Nightmare Moon- No it isn't
Twilight- Then what's that over there? *Points at a pile of singed fur*
Nightmare Moon- ... I've had worse.
After this, Twilight sends a friendship report...
Shining (with an arrow in his chest): Message for you princess...
9816324
“Wood!”
Old guy: “Behold the Cave of Caerbannog!”
Twilight: “Alright, keep me covered.”
Pinkie Pie: “What with?”
Twilight: “Just keep me covered.”
Old guy: “TOO LATE!! There he is!”
Twilight: “Where?”
Old guy: “Right there!”
Twilight: “What? Behind the rabbit?”
Old guy: “It is the rabbit.”
9816820
Well, Flutters wouldn't have any problem with that rabbit. Angel is probably worse.
Twilight and friends then got so pissed offwith the french they forgot their quest and gatehred an army of ponies to fight the french and take the castle by force....but wre stopped when human police officers arrivedand started arrestin everyone
Not the first Pony fic I've seen to use this particular character and joke, but still fun. :D
9816846
Angel is probably that rabbit.
SHE'S A WITCH! A WITCH!
9816759
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That would seem pretty legitimate since Luna spoke in such a style in her second appearance. Or just brainwash some random stallion to play a role similar to the Black Knight with invincibility, yet still susceptible to having his limbs severed from his body with sharp weaponry
9816735
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Even so; it'll play out just the same
9817044
. I even got partial insipration from this video:
You must be referring to this story. Yeah I'll admit this concept has been used before; but it's legendary if I do say so myself
9817100
Or conjure a sword with magic. That always does the trick
9817064
Indeed; he is the most foul, cruel and bad-tempered rodent anypony laid eyes on.
9815570
But Twilight was expecting them to have the elements - why would she be confused?
9817211
That the French, specifically, have the elements.
9817100
I was going to post that video if no one had already.
9817246
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Glad I saved you the trouble then
I'm a simple man.
I see Monty Python, I read, I upvote.
I mean even the summary has a Python joke!
9816051
It might have been funnier if you had swapped Applejack's and Pinkie's turns.
Applejack, being the Element of Honesty, would have (fittingly) passed the test first with simple and honest answers.
Then, as a twist-joke on Pinkie's turn, she answers "Pink!" for her favorite color, then follows with the Monty Python line of, "...no! Aaaaaa!"
See the twist...?
9817064
Ahh! So it's an Angel origin story!
SOME TIME LATER
Starlight Glimmer: "Well who are you, then?"
Twilight:"I am Princess Twilight Sparkle of Equestria."
Glimmer: "Who are the Equestrians?"
Twilight: "...We're all Equestrians. And I am your Princess."
Glimmer: "Well, I didn't vote for you."
Twilight: "You don't vote for Princesses."
Given the setting, I can honestly expect Twilight and the others to freak out once cows start getting pitched at them. :)
Maybe a bit too repetitive of the British source material, but overall a fun read. I especially liked how you put in the Frenchman at the end; definitely a smart comedic choice.
9817593
Lol. LONG LIVE THE COLLECTIVE!
This might have been funny if you'd actually made any jokes or deviated in any meaningful way, but you basically copied the movie verbatim.
(From a window in Canterlot Castle, Twilight and Princess Celestia feast upon a panoramic view of Equestria)
Celestia: One day, Princess Twilight, all this will be yours.
Twilight: The curtains?
It is a truest irony that the success of some of the greatest surreal humourists of the twentieth century has ensured that, rather than remixing and changing the jokes in order to catch others off guard, the most hip thing to do with Monty Python is to merely quote it, perhaps with different characters, perhaps with no context whatsoever, and allow the joke itself to be the memory one has of enjoying Monty Python.
The old man from scene 24... oh such meta metaness! Metalicious!
Well done! I certainly enjoyed reading this. There were some comma errors and such, but this was a very well done piece.
I particularly enjoyed the fact that Fluttershy could answer the swallow question.
The French. I would very much like to see how they handle them
Twilight: ”Are you sure she’s got them?”
Frenchman: ”Oh yez. They are very nice!” *Looks to the side* “I told her we already got them.” *Snickers*
Twilight: “Can we come up and have a look?”
Frenchman: ”Of course not! You are English types!”
Twilight: “.....Well what are you then?!”
Frenchman: ”I’m French! Why do you think I have this outrageous accent you silly pony?!”
Applejack: ”What in tarnation are ya doin’ in the Everfree Forest?!”
Frenchman: ”Mind yer own business!”
Twilight: ”Listen! We need those elements to defeat Nightmare Moon! If you will not show them to us! Then we’ll take your castle by force!”
Frenchman: ”You don’t frighten us you colorful donkeys! Go and boil your tattooed buttocks, you fillies of a silly person! I blow my nose at your, so-called Sunbutt Princess! You and your silly English k’niggets!” *Blows raspberry*
Rarity: ”What a strange and rude person.”
9819044
Dude by all means if you could put up a one shot it'd be golden.
Since this has not been put in the comments yet:
9818919
. I don't write very often enough to perfect my grammar because of work, lack of inspiration, or that I'm just not in the mood to write anything
.
Thanks
Well since Fluttershy is indeed an animal expert, you'd expect nothing less
. Of course this is the S1 Fluttershy so she wouldn't even have the nerve to take any chances
.
9819044
. You know you pretty much earned the right to write the sequel to this if you wish. You would probably be better at it than I could since I admit I did kind of rip off and copy the jokes from the film without coming up with my own
.
Haha! That's perfect
9819390
. Shame though that they left out the BOD bit
.
I saw this a couple of days ago
9819396
*Fatal heart attack*
Actually it's not ironic since the night is eternal... aaannnd they all are very mortal! Even twilight still is!
So no. they do not have ALL night... ;P