Grasshopper Pie

by brokenimage321

Chapter 2

Pinkie Pie--no, Grasshopper --opened her eyes.

The transition between the two parts of her was always a little jarring; some days, it felt like she was so good as Pinkie it was hard to be Hops sometime. Sometimes, coming off-shift felt like she was peeling off her own skin.

But, at the same time, being Pinkie was exhausting. Grasshopper liked the singing, of course--that was her job, after all--but being so cheerful all the time took a lot out of you. Not to mention, all the bouncing…

But she did what she had to. They all did.

Grasshopper turned and walked towards the tunnel that led deeper into the cave. As she did, she glanced at the mirror hanging off a protruding crystal. For just a second, she expected to see Pinkie staring back at her--but no, it was just her again. Glistening black chitin plates, ragged wings, and a dark pink mane that hung straight around her shoulders.

Grasshopper the changeling stopped, turned around once, admiring herself in the mirror, then turned again and headed deeper into the cave. Down towards the rest of the hive.

It was a small hive, by changeling standards; no more than fifty or so individuals at a time. But, then again, they didn’t need armies to survive, unlike some of the other hives. Mama was smarter than that.

Grasshopper passed a small side-cavern and peeked inside. There, a dozen Pinkie Pies stood nervously, staring straight ahead. Even from here, Grasshopper could tell they were new; some were too tall, a few were too short, a couple had mismatched eyes, and one even had an actual pie as her cutie mark. But, stalking through their ranks, eyeing each of them critically, was Mama.

Mama was very tall, and very pretty--black, with a rose-colored shell on her back. She was the Queen of their little hive, but had insisted that everyone call her by the lesser title; “Queen makes me sound old,” she had said. This whole crazy scheme had been her idea, in fact: when she’d found these caves under Ponyville as a little baby Queen, about ten years ago, she knew immediately they would make a good spot for a hive--but it had taken her a long while to figure out how to use them. See, Ponyville wasn’t a big town, by any measure, and, though the residents could be a little oblivious at times, they would definitely notice fifty new ponies moving in all at once. But, Mama had realized, though they would notice fifty newcomers, they wouldn’t bat an eye at one. So, Mama and the few drones she’d brought with her had put their heads together, and, over the course of a couple weeks, come up with the perfect plan.

Instead of each of them impersonating different ponies, they would all work in shifts to impersonate the same one. And, since they wouldn’t be able to absorb as much love from their surroundings as they otherwise might, they couldn’t just do a regular pony off the street--they had to make their imaginary pony as loveable as possible. So, they’d made her a girl--generally, a little easier to get along with. And they made her pink, the least threatening color. They made her a baker, who loved to give out treats and plan parties for others, so people would want to spend time with her. They made her constantly happy, so ponies would smile when they saw her. And they made her an earth pony, which would be a little easier to imitate. And, of course, she had to be just a little eccentric, to help cover up any seams between different changelings.

Finally, they’d capped her off with the most ridiculously “aww”-inspiring name they could think of: Pinkamena Diane Pie, known to her friends as Pinkie.

Back in the cavern, Mama stopped in front of the Pinkie with the pie on her flank. Mama said something, and, in a flash of pink flame, the Pinkie changed; now, she had the balloons on her flank, but she was a few inches too tall. Mama shook her head slowly.

As more and more changelings had been hatched, Mama trained each of them in how to be Pinkie. Of course, each changeling was good at different things: Grasshopper was good at singing, so she was the one who started most of Pinkie’s musical numbers. Danaus--everyone called her “Danni”--had a real head for organization, so she was the one who planned the parties, and who kept all Pinkie’s files in order. And Poppy--Popillia--was the baker. In fact, she was almost certainly the one who was on-shift right now.

Mama had even figured out stuff for the younger changelings to do, until they got really good at impersonating Pinkie. Those who had got Pinkie’s look down, though maybe not her voice or talents, would do small, mundane tasks like sleeping in Pinkie’s bed, or taking her shopping, or manning the counter at Sugarcube Corner. Little things that were hard to mess up, but would give them practice in how to be Pinkie, not to mention the chance to absorb a little love of their own.

And Mama--Mama had her role, too. She didn’t go out too much anymore, but it was Mama who bore the Element of Laughter. It was a good fit, too--she was the one who came up with most of Pinkie’s practical jokes and pranks, though she was pretty good at all the other things, too. She could have run Pinkie all by herself, probably--but she rarely went out any more, preferring to let the younger Changelings take over. And she had a talent for knowing when there would be trouble, and for finding places to stash her Element someplace nearby. She hardly ever needed it, but it didn’t hurt to be prepared.

Grasshopper smiled to herself. This wasn’t the only non-standard hive in the world--after all, Seaddle had that all-changeling theater troupe, and Las Pegasus supposedly had a pretty good cabaret--but she liked this hive the best. It just felt more honest, living life without having to trick ponies too badly. And, with all the planning and practice they had done, using the Pinkie persona to draw love from the townsfolk was a cinch. Grasshopper had been on shift for only about four hours, and was full enough to last several days.

Oh, to be sure, it wasn’t the best life--it was hard to coordinate all of Pinkie’ silliness, and sometimes there wasn’t quite enough love for everyone to get their fill--but, all things considered, they had a pretty sweet gig going here.

Grasshopper turned and ducked into a small tunnel, so small she almost had to crawl. A few short steps later, and the tunnel opened up again--this time, into a small, round chamber. Close-packed pink crystals jutted out of nearly every surface, packed so tight that the entire chamber glowed pink. Grasshopper shivered; the magic of this place was so powerful, it made her exoskeleton tingle.

Several changelings sat quietly in a line on the floor, each of their horns glowing pink as well; at the end, a tall, thin changeling worker gave Grasshopper a little wave. Grasshopper walked over and sat beside her, took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. She closed her eyes, and lit her horn.

Instantly, the kitchen of Sugarcube Corner swam into focus behind her eyelids. The image was watery, and slightly distorted, but it was the kitchen, sure enough. Two pink hooves--not her hooves, not any longer--were carefully measuring out cocoa powder into a bowl.

Grasshopper watched for a moment, then bit her lip. She cleared her throat, then spoke. “Isn’t that a little too much cocoa?” she said aloud.

She thought she saw the hooves flinch, for just a moment. But soon, they were back to measuring. A voice spoke in her mind--Pinkie’s voice, but with the faintest echo:

“It’s not called a Seven-Layer Quadruple Chocolate Deathcano for nothing, silly,” Poppy-Pinkie said. “If you want a murder by chocolate, you gotta be willing to crack a few cans of cocoa.”

Grasshopper felt the changeling next to her--Danni--shift uncomfortably. “Do you actually know what you’re doing?” she asked. “Or are you just going to experiment again?”

“Chocolate cakes are like escalators,” Pinkie responded cheerfully. “They’re never ruined. They just become brownies.”

Danni snorted, and Grasshopper cracked a smile. She doused her horn, then leaned over to Danni.

“If she’s just baking, do you think I need to stick around?” she asked. “I mean, she’ll be here for a while…”

Danni opened her eyes, then doused her horn as well. “I… don’t think so,” she said uncertainty. “I mean… usually we like everyone to stick around for a while after their shift, in case she needs your help… but, if she’s just in the kitchen…”

Grasshopper nodded. “I know. It’s, just…”

Danni raised an eyebrow. “Luke?” she asked.

Grasshopper nodded. “Luke,” she repeated.

Danni rolled her eyes and waved a dismissive hoof. Grasshopper grinned, then ducked out of the crystal cavern just as Danni lit her horn.

“Hey, Poppy,” Danni said, “Hops just ducked out. If you need something from her, let us know.” She paused. “I know she’s not supposed to, but she—now, Poppy, that’s no way to talk about your sister--”

Grasshopper shook her head fondly, then went to go find her little brother.

Comments

[FanOfMostEverything]

Fascinating concept. And given Pinkie, it almost works. Looking forward to seeing what you do with this.

[Starcat5]

Not the first "Pinkie is multiple Changelings" story I've come across, but that was only 8 rogues, while this is a hive of 50, one presumably being the queen. I'm a bit busy right now, but I should be starting on this fic later today.

[Imperator Chiashi Zane]

9943296
What do you mean 'Almost'. There's 50 of them, it explains everything from the teleporting, to being in a dozen places at once, to being able to hide absurd amounts of stuff in her hair/head.

[Crack-Fic Casey]

You misspelled my name, but I like that version better and I might change it when I get off mobile.
9943390
While it's not implausible by any means, the fact that there's fifty extra people that need to hide in town and wield the Element do present logistical problems. There's more than enough grace to cover any problems even without suspension of disbelief, though.

[Sir Budginton]

This is brilliant, I love it!

[brokenimage321]

9943416
Oh jeez! Sorry about that! Would you like me to fix the typo?

[Crack-Fic Casey]

9943468
Homestly, I think I like 'Krack-fic Kai' more. It kinda suits me.

[Herald of Opera]

Yes, this AU makes no sense and doesn't stand up to scrutiny.

Pinkie Pie making no sense and not standing up to scrutiny was the plot of a Season 1 episode. Any attempt to explain her is likely to run into that problem.

(I personally prefer the Diane Lokisdottir Conjecture, but you marked it AU and all fanfiction is AU anyway)

[Starcat5]

So in this setting, Pinkie Pie was a pony as designed by committee, as to maximize loveability? Huh. Now the big question: is this before or after the Canterlot Wedding?

[Scyphi]

9943704
No, I agree, and I figured that was the case, I was just working at translating the word, seeing it was Latin and I'm familiar with the language. There was just more than one way to interpret it, so I wanted to make sure I was getting it right.

[brokenimage321]

9943674
Probably before, tgough the chronology is a little wibbly-wobbly.

9943569
Diane Lokisdotter? Never heard of that one. I'm guessing the idea is that Pinkie is secretly descended from Loki, Norse trickster god?

...I think someone wrote a fic once about how Celestia and Luna were daughters of Sleipnir, and thus granddaughters of Loki, but if so, it's buried deep in my "read laters"...

[Starcat5]

9943806
I am unfamiliar with -sdotter as a name suffix, but given the prevalence of -son in Minnesota, I have have to agree. Daughter of Loki seems to be the intended translation.

I also remember the fic you mentioned. It had "Grandma" Loki in pony form show up, and was closer to Marvel than actual Norse. I'll post a link once I manage to track it down.

[Starcat5]

9943806
Found it: Can't choose your family.
I also found a straight up Avengers sequel: Grandfather's Coming For A Visit

Everything else was just Loki in Equestria, rather him being related to anypony.

[Comickook]

Absolutely LOVED how these Changelings' queen discovered Ponyville in the first place AND got the inspiration to create the Pinkie Pie identity and personality.

All in all, splendid work on the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up in all the right places.

I'll most definitely be looking forward to more of this.

[Bojack H]

9943382
that does make it even sweeter, given all she is giving up so her children are fed. There is no 'pinkie prime' but given she is the one who uses the element she's the one who has to go on the adventures with the mane 6

its an interesting, better take on a hive mind

[ChakatRedstripe]

I'm interested, a good story so far

[Herald of Opera]

9943952
Honestly, yeah, I came up with it on my own and have no knowledge of actual Norse naming conventions, having seen the "-dottir" ending in places and basically bull****ing a direct port of "Loki's daughter". Well, the name of it at least; TvTropes has two slightly different WMGs amounting to the same thing.

[AdmiralTigerclaw]

Much like The Batman, Pinkie Pie is not a person, it's a Title.

A title passed down from day to day, hour to hour, showing all of pony kind the lovable ball of sugar and sprinkles that is- Oh dear GOD she's found the high-fructose-corn syrup! Contingency four, CONTINGENCY FOUR! All Pinkies on Deck! Commence Operations: 'Too Much of a Good Thing!'

[RuBoo]

9943674
Maximize loveability? Naw, if that were the criterion, she'd be Fluttershy, not Pinkie.

[…]they had to make their imaginary pony as loveable as possible.

...Oh. Well, that's ridiculous.

And they made her pink, the least threatening color.

...You know, I've heard that pink was once considered a manly color, being a watered-down red, the color of blood. Makes sense to me.

[FridayPie]

9944030
More curious about the Pie farm, Pinkie's family and Maud... Well-made cover story? Farm as a fall-back lovation? No wonder Maud knows all about magic cpntaining rocks, it's probably same rock Chryssie used.

[SIGAWESOME]

9943674

Now the big question: is this before or after the Canterlot Wedding?

I would also be worried when Thorax et al undergo their "moose-bug" transformation. What will happen to the Pinkie everypony knows and loves now that her gestalt personality is no longer needed for survival?

[Crack-Fic Casey]

9945025
Pink was a manly color, as recently as WWII, but it's entirely cultural so it still works here.

[Herald of Opera]

Now that I'm actually reading the story: cabaret my donkey, that's clearly a brothel-hive. Because Las Pegasus.

[Frustration in Excelsis]

Hmm, "What if X Was a Changeling" and secret non-Chrysalis changeling hives. Now these are old standbys you don't see much of anymore.