thornix
Joined 10th Jun, 2016 ·
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I liked this story! Although, there a few certain changes needed to be made because you mixed up Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash in certain areas.
Nice, you deserve a follow.
9801424
please, keep in mind that it was written by a friend of mine. Go and show some love to them, it's pointed out in desc ^^
Nice story,
But you need to work over a few passages again.
In some places you get fluttershy and Dash mixed up.
In one scene you say shy is blue and dash is purple.
And when the waiter takes the order he's holding a notebook with magic and then you describe his wings. I don't think he's supposed to be an alicorn.
Also, fluttershy is a Pegasus, why does she have to climb up everywhere when she can just fly?
(see's cover art) "oooo"!
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